Chapter Twenty-One
TOREN
I can see the surprise on his face.
He’s starting to understand now just how far this woman will go to reach her end goal. She doesn’t care about who she hurts or whose lives she ruins in the process, so long as she gets Alex at the end of it.
“Her brother attacked a sister of one of the foot soldiers of the De Santis family and Alex was sent after him. He wasn’t targeted because of who his sister was, he was taken out because he was a fucking monster and if you ask me, Alex did the world a favor and we’re all better off without him roaming the streets.
” My tone is cold but firm. I mean every word.
“Careful, Tink, I see some of the devil coming out in you.”
I want to say no, that’s just you rubbing off on me, but I bite my tongue and hold back the words from slipping free.
“It seems I might fit into this life better than I thought, huh?” I say instead.
He purses his lips and nods. I can see him thinking over everything I have just told him and a part of me worries that he’ll think I’m not telling the truth. I still have the USB, yet he doesn’t want it.
“Why haven’t you looked at the USB, and don’t tell me it’s because you want to hear the truth from me,” I press.
His gaze locks onto mine and I suddenly feel stripped bare, I feel like he can see right through to my soul and it’s unnerving.
“If I told you the truth, you wouldn’t believe me.”
“Try me.”
A ghost of a smirk touches the corner of his mouth and the sight has my heart fluttering.
This is the side of him I love. I know he thinks he’s damaged and unlovable but he’s wrong.
The pain he has suffered through changed him.
He has no family left. No one he can rely on.
The person he thinks he can trust above all else is the person who is betraying him.
I know Caspian is on borrowed time, Xaden will figure it out. He’s too clever for his own good. I can only hope that when he does it doesn’t destroy him.
“I don’t trust Kyle. All the intel on that drive could be bullshit.” His answer stumps me for a moment.
“But you trust me?” I ask quietly.
He looks away, his jaw locked and his body tense from being called out. “Something like that,” he mutters. I fight not to feel giddy at his declaration and keep my face impassive. “If Kyle had a file on that bitch, that means he had files on everyone.” I stiffen as his gaze focuses back on me.
“Xaden—”
“I want those files, Tink.”
I bite down on my lip and shake my head. “I can’t.”
His eyes darken and I brace for his cruelty. “Why not? Afraid I’ll find something on your lover boy out there?”
I scoff and shake my head. “You’re an asshole,” I hiss, then push off the bed to stand.
He mimics my move, not wanting to give me the higher ground.
We stand here staring at each other, so much needs to be said, yet no words can fix the divide between us.
It’s too wide. Too much water flows between us and if we try to bridge the gap, the current will tow us under.
“An asshole you admitted to loving.”
I grind my teeth so hard they begin to ache. “Will you always throw that in my face?”
“Only when it serves my purpose,” he snaps back. Not wanting to go another round with him, I move toward the door. He grips my wrist and pulls me back. I yank my arm free and glare at the handsy asshole.
“You lose your mind when I touch you—”
“You fucking love it when I touch you.”
I scoff. “Xaden, stop.” His features tighten. “I’m not playing this game with you. I came tonight to tell you the truth about Fiona. I did that. Now, I’m going home.”
“Where exactly is home, Tink?”
“Somewhere you’re not,” I fire back.
“We aren’t finished discussing the plan.”
“Yes, we are!”
“We’re done when I say we’re fucking done.” His tone is hard and unyielding. Weeks ago I would have cowered and obeyed, but I’m not that girl anymore.
“What the fuck do you want from me?” I scream, my outburst stunning him, causing him to rock back on his heels, but I’m not finished.
“You constantly fuck with my head, use me, say cruel things and when it suits you, you reel me back in. No more. I’m done with your games.
Love shouldn’t be this hard. Feeling the way I do about you is like a death sentence.
I’ll never know how long I have and I can’t live like that.
” I feel tears prick the backs of my eyes, but I won’t allow them to fall.
“Tomorrow, I’ll call you and we can formulate a plan but tonight, I’m leaving—”
He darts forward, grips my face between his hands and slams his mouth onto mine, silencing my protest.
Like the stupid little moth I am, I allow his fire to consume me.
His taste invades my senses, overriding my thoughts without effort.
The chill I felt moments ago vanishes and is replaced by his searing heat.
I feel his desperation in the kiss and surrender to him.
I grip his waist and hold him tight. In my stupid brain I think if I can hold him tight enough he’ll stay.
He turns us then urges me backward until my back is against the wall without breaking the kiss.
He’s a drug.
An addiction I can’t kick.
He’s inside me, running through my veins and I don’t have the capacity to flush him out.
His hands move from my face to grip the hem of the hoodie—his hoodie—and he lifts it up, but I don’t break the kiss.
I don’t want him to stop like he did at the beach.
I want to remain suspended in this moment.
When my mind isn’t reeling, I’m not thinking about what my next move is.
I just want to stay here, this exact moment with him, where everything feels like it’ll be okay.
Xaden breaks the kiss. I open my mouth to beg him not to stop but I don't have the chance. He yanks the hoodie over my head, then his mouth is back on mine. He grips the backs of my thighs and lifts me. I wrap my arms and legs around him, loving how good it feels to have him pressed against me.
He walks back over to the bed and unlike before, he doesn’t toss me onto the mattress.
He lays me down with care. It’s so strange to see this type of care from him.
He’s all rough edges and takes me as I am, yet here he is showing me a tenderness I’ve never seen before.
He pulls back and looks down at me with a devastating look in his eyes that has me stiffening beneath him.
“I’ll ruin you, Tink.” His honesty floors me. “I’ll break you and destroy every good part of you.”
Tears burn the backs of my eyes but I blink them away.
I’m done crying.
No more being a weak bitch.
I’m Toren–fucking-Kellar and it’s about time I started acting like the boss bitch I preach that I am.
“We were never meant to co-exist, we were rivals before we even knew who the other was. We are destined for destruction and ruin, but it still won’t stop me from wanting you, Xaden.”