Chapter 30
CHAPTER 30
A n elephant had taken up residence on my chest since the moment I woke up in the hospital after the accident. The weight of it was crushing me. Guilt and anxiety slowly chipping away day after day. It didn’t matter how many counselors, friends, and loved ones told me I wasn’t at fault for the accident, but I’d always feel responsible. Did I feel better about dad’s death? Not really. Being a member of the Dead Dad’s Club is a lifetime membership without a cancellation clause. People try to sympathize, but they don’t understand. Not really. For most, they lose their parents in their later adult years. They rationalized the loss and found comfort in the years they spent with them. My grief came during the most pivotal years of my life. It’s a struggle daily to overcome that insurmountable pit of despair. Eventually, I will find solace and even then, there will be times of grief. A song that reminds me of him or an urge to ask him a question, only to realize I can’t.
Hunter gave me something to look forward to again. I’m not out of the grief woods, but now it was as if there was a light leading me to the exit. The gossip and harassment hadn ’t stopped, but those two things paled to all that was Hunter St. James. From our constant banter via text, the date, and even the god awful workouts. Hunter impressed himself on my heart, time and time again.. If I wasn’t careful, he’d own me, mind, body, and soul.
Dating wasn’t on my college to-do list. I’ve been with guys in the past, but my longest relationship was a whopping three months. Between being the coach’s daughter and my hockey career; I was the ‘busy girl’. It was hard to be a supportive girlfriend when I barely had time to shave my legs. My lack of relationships didn’t bother me. Before the accident, I felt fulfilled with the direction of my life. I had been open to the idea of dating, but it didn’t define me. Now, the idea of a relationship excites me.
Leaving the campus art department, my shoulders sagged. My academic advisor requested a meeting to discuss my missing art piece. After volleying back and forth about the project, she gave me a second chance. Mrs. Morris, my young, cutting-edge advisor, said I had one week to get it done. It was time to be brave. The self-portrait under my bed needed to see the light of day. Hunter has been encouraging me to be bolder with my artwork; this is a manageable baby step.
After my meeting, I needed to head to my last class of the day. Math was a dreaded required course and shouldn’t be a part of a fine arts degree. My ability to find ‘x’ would do nothing for me in the future. By some miracle, I maintained a passing average. Suddenly, hands enveloped my waist, tugging me backwards. A sound that crossed between a squawk and a shriek passed through my lips.
The chest I pushed against vibrated, and Hunter’s voice whispered darkly in my ear, “Caught you, Sunshine.”
A delightful shudder raced up my spine, leaving goosebumps in its wake. “You’re ridiculous, you know that, right?”
Hunter released me, tugging me to walk alongside him. “So wha t? I would rather be ridiculous than boring.” He looped an arm around my waist, and we walked in tandem together towards the math building. Heat spread from his hand across my hip. I relished the feeling of it.
“Are you done with classes for the day?” I asked.
He nodded. “Yeah, I was heading back to Hockey House now. We have practice, and I thought maybe you could come by after. The guys said they’d scrimmage with you.”
I raised my eyebrows. “The entire team?” Unease churned in my stomach. I didn’t want to be laid out in front of everyone.
“Nah, just the Hockey House guys. I figure we could do some three-on-three. Cooper loves to get out of the goal and play sometimes. This would give him a chance too.”
Reluctantly, I agreed. A scrimmage with the Hockey House boys was doable. I was comfortable with them, having gotten to know them over the last few years. My apprehension came from nerves. I was dying to play again, but worried I’d fall short.
Hunter pulled me into an embrace. “You have nothing to worry about Sunshine, plus you’ll always be better than Coop. That kid is a goalie for a reason.”
I laughed, pulling away. “Oh, thanks for the vote of confidence.”
Hunter’s grin widened. “It’s my job. I am your boyfriend, after all.”
Schooling my features, I quipped, “Boyfriend, huh?”
Externally, I was cool as a cucumber, internally; I was screaming. Hunter St. James just called himself my boyfriend. Me, Maci Rae, fuck up extraordinaire, is his girlfriend.
“Yes, girlfriend,” He leaned closer to my ear and dropped his voice, “I believe someone agreed to be mine before their pretty little pussy came all over my fingers.”
A combination of his voice and the memory elicited a shiver down my spine. Heat stirred in my core and I flicked my eyes up to his. My throat bobbed and Hunter smirked, taking in my reaction. He kissed my cheek and tugged me along as my brain short-circuited from his touch.
“Come on Sunshine, let’s get you to cla ss.”