9. ZARA
ZARA
Marry the Nanny
The kiss, and the phone call right after, have rattled me.
After Jaxon took the call, clearly with his lawyer, he disappeared into his office and later left for whatever he has going on at the rink.
Luckily, the rest of the day blurs into activity, and I barely have time to think.
I pick Lily up from school, take her to the park, help her with homework, make dinner. Jaxon texts around six that he will be late—meetings running over—and I tell him not to worry, I have everything covered.
Which I do. This is what I am good at.
Lily is already in bed by the time Jaxon comes home. I have left a plate of pasta warming in the oven for him, along with a list I made of Lily's schedule for the week.
"You didn't have to do that," he says, finding me in the living room with a book.
"I wanted to." I tuck a bookmark between the pages. "She's a great kid. Makes my job easy."
He lowers himself onto the opposite end of the couch, and I watch him take a breath. Let it out slowly.
“As you know, my lawyer called today,” he says after another steady inhale. “It was about the custody battle.”
“I gathered.”
“She suggested…” He stops, then starts again. “She said it would help if I appeared more settled. Personally.”
I wait, not sure where this is going.
“My ex-wife’s lawyers are going to argue that Lily needs a maternal presence at home.” His hands are clasped between his knees, knuckles white. “They’re not entirely wrong. But saying she’d be better off with her mother is complete bullshit.”
“Anyone who spends five minutes with you two can see the connection you have.”
"The court doesn't spend five minutes with us. They look at schedules and depositions and whatever narrative my ex decides to spin."
His voice goes bitter. "She leaves me. She has an affair, she walks out, she barely wants visitation for the first two years. But now she's engaged to some investment banker, and suddenly she wants to play mother of the year."
My chest aches for him. For Lily. For this whole mess that has nothing to do with what is best for a six-year-old girl and everything to do with adult egos and legal maneuvering.
"What do you need?" I ask quietly.
Jaxon looks at me then. Really looks, the way he did that night at Mickey's bar—like he is trying to figure me out and not quite succeeding.
"I need—" He breaks off, shaking his head. "You’ll say it’s insane and you’ll be right. Forget I said anything."
"Jaxon."
He stands abruptly, pacing to the window. The city sprawls beneath us, all glittering lights and distant traffic. When he turns back, his expression has hardened into something like resolve.
"My lawyer thinks I need to get married."
The words land like stones in still water.
"I'm sorry," I say carefully. "Did you just say—"
"A marriage of convenience. Someone who can testify to my character, who has an established relationship with Lily, who the court would see as a stable maternal presence."
He laughs, the sound harsh. "It's insane. I know it's insane. But my lawyer ran the numbers, and cases with two-parent households get favorable outcomes nearly seventy percent more often than single parent cases, and I can't—" His voice cracks. "I can't lose her, Zara."
I sit there, frozen, my brain scrambling to process what he’s actually suggesting.
“What…” My voice shakes, and I force it steady. “What are you saying?”
“I want us to get married.”
My mouth falls open. This is ludicrous. This man—this picture of control—is suggesting marriage between us.
“Is this a joke?” I ask, because I don’t know what else to say.
He crosses the room in three strides, stopping just close enough that I have to tilt my head back to meet his eyes.
“I’m dead serious. I’d do anything for my daughter. I need to show the court there’s a maternal figure in my household. I’m not dating anyone, and I’m not about to bring some random woman into our lives right now. But you’re already here. Lily already loves you. It would be… ideal.”
I stare at him. “Ideal?”
I shake my head, disbelief washing over me. “What do you mean, ideal? Aren’t you forgetting something? Like the part where you’re supposed to love the person you marry? Till death do us part and all that?” I let out a sharp breath. “I’m not marrying you just because I happen to be here.”
Gee. I always imagined a proposal would be a little more romantic.
“Oh—and I would, of course, compensate you.”
I blink. “Wow. Thanks. I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse.”
His jaw tightens. “It’s not supposed to make it better.”
“Oh, good,” I say dryly. “Because it doesn’t.”
“I’m not talking about a real marriage,” he says, slipping back into that controlled, strategic tone. “It would be legal, yes, but temporary. Structured. There would be an agreement.”
“An agreement,” I repeat, incredulous.
A short laugh escapes me, because it’s that or completely lose my mind.
“You want to marry me,” I say slowly, enunciating every word like maybe that will make it sound less insane, “for legal optics.”
“Yes.”
“Because your lawyer told you it would look good.”
“Yes.”
“And your solution was—what? Turn to your nanny and go, ‘Hey, you’ll do?’”
His eyes flash. “That’s not what I said.”
“It’s basically what you said.”
“No,” he counters, stepping closer again. “What I said was that you’re already part of this household. Lily trusts you. She feels safe with you. That matters.”
My chest tightens for a second at that. Annoying.
I ignore it.
“That does not mean I should marry you,” I shoot back.
“I’m not asking you to fall in love with me,” he says.
“Good, because that would be a hard no.” The audacity of this man. As if I’d just fall at his feet.
Something flickers in his expression, gone as quickly as it came.
“You once said you’d do anything for her,” he continues. “For Lily.”
“Jaxon,” I cut in, stepping back, needing space. “That’s unfair. Let’s just… pause for a second. I need to understand how your brain went from custody battle to marry the nanny in what feels like five minutes.”
“It wasn’t five minutes.”
“Feels like it.”
His mouth presses into a thin line.
“As I said, my lawyer raised the idea,” he says. “Not you specifically. Just… a partner. A stable household. Marriage carries weight.”
“And your brain went—perfect, I’ll just pick the closest available woman?”
“My brain went,” he says, sharper now, “that I’m running out of options.”
And now I see it—real fear, right there beneath the surface.
“I could lose her,” he adds, quieter. “Do you understand that?”
I do.
God help me, I do.
“But this is completely insane.”
“Maybe,” he admits.
I blink. “You… agree this is insane?”
“Yes.”
“…Okay, now I’m even more concerned.”
A ghost of something almost like amusement flickers in his eyes.
“I know how this sounds,” he says. “I do. But it’s not about us. It’s about creating the best possible situation for Lily. And like I said, it could mean complete financial security for you.”
My mind races through objections. This is crazy. Inappropriate. The kind of thing that happens in movies, not real life.
But it could also wipe out Danny’s student debt in one go.
When I left home at eighteen and left him behind in that mess, I promised he could be whatever he wanted. Study whatever he wanted. That he wouldn’t have to worry about money.
I couldn’t really go back on my word when all he wanted was to pursue his Bachelor of Architecture.
“I’m asking you to help me keep my daughter. In return, I’ll make sure you have everything you need to build the life you want.”
And then I think about Lily.
The way she looked at me when I made her happy pancakes. The way this job already feels like the best thing that’s happened to me in years—complications and all.
"I need to think about it," I hear myself say.
Jaxon nods slowly. "Take whatever time you need."
He steps back, giving me space to breathe. "I should let you get some sleep. We can talk more tomorrow."
He is halfway to the door when I speak.
"Jaxon?"
He turns.
"If I agree to this—and I'm not saying I am—there would need to be rules. Boundaries. We can't just..." I gesture vaguely at the air between us, hoping he understands what I can't say out loud.
"Boundaries," he repeats. "Right. Of course."
But his eyes drop to my mouth again, just for a second.
Fuck.
"Goodnight, Zara."
"Goodnight."
I stay seated. After staring into nothing for a while, I pull out my phone and text Danny.
Me:
What’s left on the student loans?
Danny:
I’ve told you before—this isn’t yours to handle.
Me:
Danny…
Danny:
160,000 $
I stare at the number. One hundred sixty thousand dollars. I’ve barely made a dent in it so far.
Danny:
You still there?
I don’t answer.
Danny:
Don’t do anything stupid, okay?
I sit in the dark living room for a long time after that, staring at the city lights, trying to figure out how my life turned into something this complicated.
A marriage of convenience. To my boss. To the man I’ve already slept with once and can’t seem to stop thinking about.
What could possibly go wrong?
***
I don’t think I slept.
Not really.
There were moments where I must’ve drifted off—because at some point the sky went from black to that pale gray-blue that signals morning—but my brain never actually shut down.
It just… looped. Over and over.
I want us to get married.
I groan into my pillow and drag it over my head like that might muffle the memory.
It doesn’t.
Because my brain, traitor that it is, replays everything in vivid detail.
I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling.
“This is insane,” I mutter.
Objectively insane.
So why am I even considering it?
I throw the covers back and sit up, because lying here clearly isn’t helping.
If I’m not going to sleep, I might as well do something productive.
I start the morning routine, getting everything ready for Lily. Jaxon has early practice today, so he’s already gone.
After Lily leaves for school, I spend the morning researching a dinosaur craft project I want to do with her and tackling a few chores around the house.
Keeping myself busy helps.
Still, I’m grateful when it’s finally time to pick her up from school.
Kids spill out of the school building in waves of noise and color, backpacks bouncing, voices overlapping.
“Zara!”
Lily spots me instantly and runs toward me like I’m the most important person here.
Something warm blooms in my chest before I can stop it.
I crouch down just in time to catch her as she throws her arms around my neck.
“Hey, dragon queen,” I say, hugging her tight.
“I was the best reader today,” she announces immediately.
“I believe it.”
“And I didn’t forget my math this time.”
“A truly impressive achievement.”
She beams at me, completely pleased with herself, and takes my hand as we start walking.
“Did you have a good day?” I ask.
“Mm-hmm.” She swings our joined hands between us. “Did you?”
I hesitate for half a second.
“Busy,” I say finally.
“That means yes or no?”
I smile slightly. “That means complicated.”
She considers that like it’s a serious concept.
“Daddy says complicated a lot,” she informs me.
Hmm.
We walk a little farther in comfortable silence before she glances up at me again.
“Are you gonna stay?” she asks suddenly.
The question hits me sideways.
“Stay?”
“Yeah. Here.” She gestures vaguely. “With us.”
My chest tightens.
“I… I work here, sweetheart,” I say carefully. “So yes, I’m staying.”
“But like… staying staying.”
Oh.
Oh.
I swallow.
“Why are you asking?” I say gently.
She shrugs, kicking a small stone along the sidewalk.
“I just like you,” she says simply. “And Daddy—”
She stops.
“What about Daddy?” I prompt.
She looks up at me, her expression unusually serious.
“He needs someone,” she says.
My breath catches.
“Someone?” I repeat.
“Yeah.” She nods like this is obvious. “He’s always working or thinking or doing serious face.” She scrunches her nose to demonstrate, and I almost laugh despite the way my chest feels like it’s caving in.
“He doesn’t laugh that much,” she continues. “But he did yesterday.”
My heart skips.
“And that’s good,” she adds firmly. “Because people should laugh.”
“They should,” I agree softly.
She nods, satisfied, then squeezes my hand.
“You should stay,” she says again. “So someone loves him.”
My steps falter.
Just for a second.
“Sweetheart,” I start, but I don’t know what I’m about to say.
Because what do you say to that?
She looks up at me, completely earnest.
“He loves me,” she says. “But he needs someone to love him too.”
Something inside me cracks open a little.
God.
Kids.
They don’t filter. They don’t overthink. They just… say things.
“I think your dad is doing okay,” I manage.
She gives me a look that is far too knowing for a six-year-old.
“He could be better.”
We walk the rest of the way home, her chatter shifting back to school and dragons and snacks and everything else that makes up her world.
But her words stay with me.
He needs someone.
You should stay.
So someone loves him.
By the time we reach the building, my chest feels tight in a completely different way than it did this morning.
Lily immediately drags me into the living room to show me something she apparently forgot to mention.
We talk, we laugh, we work on a puzzle together. We snack on apple slices with peanut butter.
And then, finally, I hear the sound I’ve been waiting for—heavy footsteps in the hallway.
Lily perks up instantly. “Daddy!”
She jumps off the couch and runs toward him. I follow more slowly, my heart suddenly beating a little too fast.
He steps into the apartment just as she launches herself at him.
He catches her easily, lifting her like it’s second nature.
“Hey, bug,” he murmurs.
His eyes meet mine over her shoulder.
Questioning. Waiting.
And this time I don’t look away.
Because I already know what I’m going to say.