Chapter Twenty-Two Clearing the Air
RYLEE
I knew it! I knew he would do this. Yet I convinced myself that we could have fun and I wouldn’t care.
I’m such a fucking idiot.
My heart is aching. Stomach churning. I throw the blankets angrily aside and climb out of bed. Motherfucking asshole! Fucks me silly and abandons me before daylight even hits. Bastard!
Well, I’m not going to let him get away with it again.
Grabbing sweatpants and a hoodie, I quickly dress, deciding I need coffee before I tear him a new asshole. Coffee… and maybe Grace and Skyler to vent to. No point keeping my latest fuck-up a secret from them this time.
Throwing open my bedroom door, I storm out and down the hall toward the kitchen, fuming. I imagine I’ve got steam coming out of my ears like an old fucking cartoon. That’s how mad I am!
When I see that no good lying piece of shit…
I step out of the hall and freeze at the sight of a shirtless Zander standing at the stove. He’s making pancakes, and I smell coffee.
Blinking, I can’t seem to move or fully comprehend what’s going on right now.
He’s still here.
He didn’t leave.
Zander suddenly glances my way and his face lights up with a big smile.
“Good morning,” he exclaims.
I don’t respond right away because I’m so worked up, but I realize that it’s unfounded. Sucking in a deep breath, I force myself to calm down and break out of the rage tornado I was flying into the room with.
“Morning,” I murmur when I finally get my heart beating at a normal rate.
As he studies me, his smile slowly dies and his brow furrows as realization comes over him.
Sighing, he shakes his head. “Rylee, come and sit down.”
He motions toward a barstool by the island and I drag my feet to do as I’m told. The moment I plop down onto the stool, Zander places his hands on the island on either side of me. I gasp as he brings his face close to mine, my cheeks flushing.
“So,” he begins in a low, rumbling tone, “you thought I left, didn’t you?”
Flinching, I nibble my bottom lip before hesitantly nodding.
“Uh… yeah,” I confess. “I did.”
He groans and drops his head, shaking it. “Rylee, I wouldn’t do that.”
“But you already did,” I argue. “At the wedding, you slept with me and then left without a word… ”
He looks back up at me, his eyes flashing. “Look, I know you think I’m some asshole who took advantage of you, but you were drunk at the wedding and I was going to just take you into your room and let you sleep it off after Jensen’s brother bailed and asked me to look after you.”
I frown. What? I don’t remember… I mean, I remember hanging around Jensen’s brother most of the night, but he didn’t…
“We danced, had fun,” Zander continues. “When it came time to take you to your room, I was just going to leave you there, but you asked me to stay. Demanded I stay, actually. You wanted to have sex, but I just couldn’t, not with you being so drunk.
You said that if I couldn’t please you, you’d leave the room and find someone who would.
I couldn’t allow that, because from the beginning, something about you drew me in.
But we didn’t have sex, and I only left because after I made you come, you then proceeded to call me some other guy's name as you fell asleep. I felt like a fucking idiot.”
My jaw drops and I feel a wave of mortification wash over me.
We didn’t have sex? I just assumed that a guy wouldn’t give me such intense pleasure without getting something in return.
Guess that means I’ve really had some fucked-up relationships before now.
And I called him by another name? Oh, God…
please don’t let that be true. I would die of humiliation.
“What? There’s no way I called you by some other guy’s name!”
He holds my gaze and I can tell he’s not fucking around with me right now.
“Yes, you did. You called me Kodiak.”
His words hit me like a bitch slap to the face. At the same time, I want to burst out laughing at the craziness of this situation. I grab his shoulders and hold him in place as I choke out my response.
“Hold on! You… you don’t understand. You are Kodiak.”
He stares at me, dumbfounded. “Huh?”
“Oh, my God,” I groan, smacking a hand against my forehead.
“Look, I maybe didn’t know your name that night, okay?
Or, maybe I knew it and forgot it, or didn’t really recognize you…
whatever! I nicknamed you Kodiak because you’re as fucking big as a bear…
and because you make me feel the same kind of excitement I had when I got my first Kodak camera.
When I said Kodiak that night, I meant you.
I was drunk, yes, but I was totally focused on you. ”
He doesn’t say anything for several long moments, and we just stare at each other in tense, choking silence.
Then, his mouth curls into a wide smile.
“Wait, so I’m Kodiak?”
“Yes, you are.”
To my shock, he cups my face and brings me in for an eager, hungry kiss.
“I want you to be mine,” he declares when he pulls back from the kiss. “Will you be mine? Will you let us try being together?”
My eyes go wide, and my heart starts to hammer loudly in my chest. Like, I’m pretty sure he can hear it.
I’m still trying to catch up with everything he’s told me.
We didn’t have sex… he didn’t use me and then ghost me.
My image of him as a playboy asshole isn’t actually based in fact.
I’ve been so mean to him, and there was no reason for it.
Part of me wants to say yes, immediately, but I stop myself.
I have to think this through. I have to be rational and not let my desires get ahead of me.
He isn’t the guy I thought he was, which is good, but that doesn’t change all the other things that have happened between us.
Our fights, sharp words, and animosity. Will that just all go away now?
Plus, I’m not staying here. I’m going home soon, and then what?
“Zander,” I begin in a soft voice, “I don’t think it would work. I mean, I don’t even live in Denver… ”
He smiles, and it lights his face up so much, it steals my breath.
“I’m from Nashville,” he states. “I know that’s where you live.
I found that out the first night we met at the bar you threw up on me in.
We were there for a game, but I also stopped to visit my sister and her newborn.
Carson and Jensen mentioned the girls were going to hang out with you because you lived there. ”
Now my heart is really racing, and excitement rushes through me. He’s from Nashville? Then… then it could be possible. Maybe we could actually have a chance of making something between us work.
“You need to promise me something.”
“Anything,” he states. “What is it?”
“No more secrets,” I insist. “And no lies. You should’ve just asked me who Kodiak was instead of disappearing the next day. This all could have been figured out with a conversation. That’s a hard boundary for me, Zander. Got it?”
I have to be able to trust him, which is not an easy thing after what Miles put me through.
“I promise,” he replies. Then, when I don’t answer right away gently prompts, “So?” He’s looking at me so earnestly, I want to wrap my arms around him and never let him go again. “Will you give this a chance? Will you be mine?”
“Yes!” I exclaim. “Uh… I mean, yes, I’ll give this a try.” Dropping my gaze, I squeeze my eyes closed and murmur, “God, I hope those are the only times I’ve embarrassed myself in front of you.”
“Uhhhhhhh… ”
I jerk my gaze back up to him, my eyes wide and I feel the blood rush from my face. He’s cringing. Actually fucking cringing!
“What?” I demand. “What else did I do?”
“I mean… remember the airport in Miami? When you tried to take my bag, insisting it was yours?”
The memory slams through me and I drop my face in my hands with a moan.
“Nooooo, oh fuck, I forgot about that.”
He starts to chuckle and I glare up at him, but I can’t help my smile. The next moment, we’re both laughing our asses off.
When we’re finally able to calm back down, Zander gives me this look that makes my insides flutter. It’s soft and adoring.
Almost loving.
“What do you want to do today?” he asks me in a soft voice.
Slinging my arms around his neck, I tilt my head and give him a slow smile.
“You know? Being lazy and getting to know each other more sounds pretty good.”
He grins and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Sounds perfect.”