Chapter Twenty-Nine Fight for Me
RYLEE
“Rylee? Rylee, come on sweetie. Time to wake up.”
Groaning, I crack open my eyes and look up to find Grace standing over me, her expression concerned.
“What… what are you doing here?” I murmur. God, I feel like shit. Am I in the bathroom?
Oh, fuck… I fell asleep with my head resting on the toilet seat. I suppose I should at least be grateful I didn’t puke anywhere else.
Did I? I honestly can’t remember…
“Come on.” Grace reaches down and grabs my hands, helping me to my feet. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
She closes the toilet lid and sits me down on top of it, then grabs a wash rag and gets it wet with warm water. Holding my chin, she gently wipes my face. I close my eyes, enjoying her soothing touch, but am immediately hit with dizziness and nausea so I open them again.
“Okay, brush your teeth,” she instructs, handing me my toothbrush and toothpaste.
I obediently do as I’m told, standing up and brushing the feeling of scum off my teeth and gargling mouthwash to get rid of the taste of puke.
Ugh, my head… it’s like someone is beating it with a hammer on the inside of my skull.
I just want to curl up on the cool bathroom floor and go back to sleep.
Once I’m done, Grace helps me change my clothes and brush my hair, and when I feel human again, we go out to the kitchen where she makes coffee and sets two Advil down in front of me.
I swallow them with some water and settle on a stool by the island, my mind clearing and the details from the night before coming back into focus.
When Grace hands me a cup of coffee, I look up at her and murmur, “Sooooo… ”
“I already know what happened,” she tells me, plopping down onto the stool next to me. “Jensen told me Zander stayed with Jayce last night and has been miserable all day. When you didn’t answer your phone, last night or this morning, I decided to come by and check on you.”
“Oh, so he still didn’t go back to his own apartment?” I snap. “What? Is he so afraid of being alone with his own shitty self that he has to latch onto the closest sucker he can find?”
Grace arches a brow at me. “That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?”
I snort. “I think it’s accurate.”
“Does it make you feel better to lash out like that?”
Sighing, I pinch the bridge of my nose and shake my head.
“That doesn’t make me feel better, even though I kind of want it to.
It makes me feel like an asshole. But, it doesn’t matter.
I think it’s time for me to go home. My work is basically done, I don’t really need to stay.
I can finish the rest back in Nashville. ”
“Hold on,” Grace replies, her tone startled. “You don’t need to leave yet… ”
“There’s no reason for me to say,” I murmur.
Grace sighs. “I know what Zander did wasn’t great, but he didn’t lead you on in the app after he found out who you were.”
“It doesn’t matter. He should’ve told me. End of story.”
She hesitates and I can see she’s struggling to hold back what she wants to say. In the end, she can’t help herself. “Can’t you think about forgiving him? You two are so good together, and so good to each other. I really believe you can get past this.”
She sounds so confident, but I’m not sure.
Here I was starting to think my mom might not be totally right when it came to relationships and making sure to never settle before finding a perfect guy, but in the end, Zander seems to have proven her right.
He lied. Even after I told him how much I hated liars, he went along and did it anyway.
“This is for the best,” I snap. “I need to get home. Get back to my actual life.”
Grace lets out a breath of frustration. “So you’re going to run to avoid your problems?”
“I’m not running.”
She gives me a soft look and murmurs, “But you’re going to numb yourself to your pain? Is that what you were doing last night?”
I look up at her with a surprised frown. “What are you talking about?”
“Rylee, sweety… I found you sleeping on the toilet seat this morning.” Her tone is gentle and hesitant, but her worry is obvious. “When things get hard or scary, you do this… you drink to avoid dealing with them, and it’s becoming a problem. I’m… I’m concerned about you.”
I feel immediately defensive. Is she calling me an alcoholic? I’m not an alcoholic.
“You’re reading too much into that,” I tell her with a shake of my head. “It’s fine. I have it under control.”
Grace looks far from convinced, however. Reaching out, she grabs my hand and squeezes it.
“I just want to be there for you,” she murmurs. “I’m here if you ever need help.”
“I know. I appreciate it, Grace. Really, I do.”
But even she can’t help me now. Not with my real problems - my broken heart and soul-crushing disappointment.
I don’t know if anyone can help me with those, so it’s for the best that I go home and leave this pain behind me.
As if she can read my mind, she murmurs, “You’re still going to leave, aren’t you?”
I nod. “Yeah… I’ve been planning on going home to see Mom for Thanksgiving anyway. I might as well just stay.” At her crestfallen expression, I quickly add, “Hey, don’t worry. I was always going home, right? This is just moving the timeline up a bit.”
She looks like she wants to argue about this further, but she shakes her head and replies, “All right… I suppose I can’t blame you. I’m going to miss you a ton, though.”
“I’ll miss you too.”
She lets the matter drop, finally, and we eat breakfast before she takes off.
Once I’m alone again, still feeling like hot dogshit, I go for the vodka thinking a little bit will help me not feel like death warmed over.
Unfortunately, when I find the bottle, it’s empty, so in addition to my broken heart and disappointment, I’m stuck feeling like my skull is going to split open and my stomach could rebel at any moment.
Fuck this. Fuck Zander.
It’s time to get the hell out of Denver.
A few days later, I am ready to head to the airport to fly home. It’s the week of Thanksgiving, and I’m looking forward to spending the holiday with my Mom… Aiden, shockingly, is unable to make it.
Just more men in my life disappointing me over and over again.
I’ve spent the last two days packing, making my travel arrangements, and pretty much avoiding everyone.
I haven’t even been in the mood for another girls’ night.
Mom’s been texting me, but I’ve only sent back one word replies, not wanting her to know anything that’s happened.
The last thing I need is her not-so-subtle I told you so about falling for another guy who fell short.
She doesn’t even know I’m planning on staying home after Thanksgiving.
My luggage is already in my rental car, so I quickly scoop up Gizmo and put him into his carrier. He struggles to get free, but I manage to wrestle him inside.
“Calm down, baby,” I tell him with a sigh. “It’ll be okay. You’ve done this before. Why are you fighting so much?”
He lets out a loud meow. It’s like he doesn’t want to leave.
“We’re going home, Gizmo. Don’t you want to go home?”
He meows angrily again, so I guess that’s a no.
“Well, tough,” I grumble. “We can’t stay here any longer, okay? I’ve said goodbye to the girls already and we’ve got no more reason to be here.”
He just gives me a glare through the mesh covering of the carrier.
Rolling my eyes, I pick it up and head out of the apartment, shutting the door and locking it behind me.
He growls softly as I make my way to the elevator and ride it down to the building’s garage. When the elevator doors slide open and I step out into the garage, I freeze at the sight of Zander standing near my car.
Heart hammering, I look around, instinctively trying to find an escape, but I catch myself and force my gaze back to his.
God, he looks good. Why does he have to look so fucking good? His beard is trimmed and neat and he’s wearing dark jeans and a black t-shirt… probably because he knows how much I love him in a tight shirt that shows off his biceps.
Sucking in a deep breath, I begrudgingly make my way toward him.
“What are you doing here?” I demand to know, setting Gizmo’s carrier on my car’s trunk.
Zander looks nervous as he clears his throat and hesitantly answers, “I’m sorry for ambushing you like this, but I had to talk to you before you left.”
I glare at him and snap, “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say to me. The one thing I told you I couldn’t stand is lying, and you still did it. How am I supposed to trust you now?”
He winces at my sharp tone and words. “I know, I know… I should’ve told you right away, but I was scared to.”
“Scared?” That surprises me. “You were scared?”
He gazes at me imploringly. “Please, just let me explain.”
I fold my arms and give him a narrowed-eyed glare.
Hesitating, I consider telling him to fuck off, but I can’t help my curiosity. “Fine. Say what you want to say and then get out of my way.”
He flinches again, and part of me hates speaking to him so harshly, but I’m still hurt. I’m still angry, and part of me wants to punish him for doing what he did.
“I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you that I was GlideControlZ,” he begins.
“I promise, I wasn’t trying to deceive you.
I was just… so afraid of losing you. When I found out the girl I was falling for online was the same girl I was falling for in-person, I knew you were it for me.
All we were doing at the time was going for each other’s throats, and I was afraid if I told you the truth, you wouldn’t even give me a chance.
I was scared of losing you before you were really mine…
so, I lied to you so that wouldn’t happen. ”
“Are you serious?” I scoff. “You lied to me, to win me over? What kind of logic is that?”
He holds up his hands. “I know, I know. It doesn’t make that much sense in hindsight, but I wanted us to get to know each other outside of the app. If I’m totally honest, I was afraid that you’d tell me to fuck off if you knew who I was before you actually liked me as… me.”
That… that kind of makes sense. Some of my anger toward him softens, but I don’t say a word, needing to hear what else he has to say.
“I want to show you how serious I am about you,” he continues in a soft voice.
“How genuine my feelings are. I’ve booked the same flight back to Nashville as you with Grace’s help, and I want you to come celebrate Thanksgiving with me and my family.
I’ve never been anything but my genuine self on and off the app.
I never lied about my feelings or pretended to be anything but crazy about you.
I want to prove that to you by letting you into my world completely.
If, after the long weekend, you still don’t want to even consider forgiving me, I’ll understand.
At the very least, you’ll have some more personal stuff about me for the magazine. What do you say?”
He sounds so genuine, and he’s gazing at me with so much hope… part of me wants to latch onto his explanation and forgive him right here and now.
I’m smarter than that, though. More cautious. I’m not going to take his word for it.
“No. I’m sorry, but… I can’t,” I snap, grabbing Gizmo’s carrier and shoving past him to get into my car.
I don’t look at Zander as I climb in behind the wheel, but I know he’s still there.
Sneaking a peek at him in my side mirror, he looks so sad and disappointed.
His shoulders slumped as he moves out of my way.
He’s going to let me leave without a fight.
I want to scream at him to fight harder! Fight for me! Don't let me leave!
And yet, at the same time, he's here. I haven't answered a single call of his or come to the door when he's come knocking, sometimes for hours on end. I've ignored it all, but he still showed up here. Isn't this fighting for me?
Fuck! Why do I feel so shitty right now! Why do I want to give him the chance to prove that he really cares? To see if there’s still a chance for us?
I desperately want that chance. No one has ever made me feel the way Zander does, and I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want our time together to have been a waste.
I still want him to be the perfect guy for me.
“Goddamn it,” I grumble, opening the car door again and getting out, slamming it shut behind me.
“Okay,” I growl. “I’ll come to Thanksgiving with your family, but I’m going to sleep at my place and go to my mom’s the next day. We always do Thanksgiving lunch instead of dinner, so we can probably make the timing work somehow. Deal?”
His face lights up with relief and he eagerly nods. “Deal! Of course. You can stay at your place. If you’ll come to dinner and meet my family, I’ll take you home and pick you back up for Thanksgiving. I swear, Rylee, you won’t regret this.”
“I’m already regretting it. But let’s get the hell going.”
He smiles at this. Goddammit, that almost makes me like him again.
This is a risk I’ve only taken once before - giving a guy a second chance. I just pray that Zander doesn’t break my heart like Miles did, because if he does… there won’t be a third chance.