Chapter Twenty-Five Breathe #2
She nods, nuzzling into my hand a bit. I cup her cheek and brush away her tears with my thumb.
“It was… but it came with a cost. A few days later, Colson got sick. Really sick. It started as just a cough, but it was enough to worry my parents. They called his doctor in New York to get him meds, but it was too late. He had a coughing fit and collapsed. Mom and Dad rushed him to the hospital, but…there wasn’t anything they could do.
His valve had re-narrowed, cutting off his blood flow. He had a heart attack.”
Fuck.
That’s devastating. I can’t imagine going through something like that so young. She starts shuddering and I wrap my arms around her, picking her up and holding her against my chest.
“I should’ve stopped him. Should’ve said no.
He wouldn’t have gone outside alone. It was all my fault.
He was everything to my parents and me, and I’ve been trying to make it up to Mom and Dad ever since.
” she pauses and releases a long shudder.
“I know I can’t, but if I can keep everyone happy…
I can keep myself from wishing it was me instead.
They don’t really believe I can handle the company.
They’d never have doubted Colson, but they think I’m too delicate, too fragile.
When I was younger, they knew about my anxiety and panic attacks, but as I got older I learned to hide them…
from everyone really. They still worry… I know they do. ”
I don’t say anything, just listen and hold her, anchoring her against me.
When she falls silent, I wait a beat before murmuring, “You were five, Sut. You were the younger sibling, and you were just going along with what Colson wanted. It wasn’t your fault, and you shouldn’t shoulder that guilt.
” I know that’s easy for me to say, so I continue.
“I’m not going anywhere, I promise. If you need a longer engagement — fuck, if you want a real wedding to buy yourself some space — I’ll stand beside you through it all.
I’ll shoulder what you can’t until you can. ”
She doesn’t reply for several long moments, but she does snuggle closer into me.
Eventually, she looks up and meets my gaze. I can see the turmoil she’s struggling with and the hesitancy.
Finally, she whispers, “You can untie me now.”
I make quick work of the knots, releasing her.
I strip off her clothes and put her in one of my own t-shirts, then massage her arms and legs, working out any stiffness in her joints and tightness in her muscles.
Neither of us say a word as I care for her, and when I’m done, I pull her into my arms again and cover us with the bedding.
Her breathing is steady now and grows deep as she falls asleep, exhausted from the experience we just shared. I lay curled around her, unwilling to let her go.
My heart twists and I’m overwhelmed with the need to protect her. Care for her and soothe her pain. I can’t pretend she doesn’t mean something to me anymore. This is more than a friendship. More than a convenient arrangement.
I want to claim this woman as mine, and there’s no point in denying that.
Buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz.
Ugh, motherfucker. What is that?
Buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz.
What time is it? Forced out of sleep, I crack open my eyes and realization slowly settles over me.
My phone is going off. It’s resting on the end table next to the bed, right beside my alarm clock flashing 7:30AM in a soft green light.
Sutton is still fast asleep, so I’m careful not to disturb her as I reach over to grab my phone.
I freeze when I see my mom’s name flashing across the screen.
Oh, fuck. This can’t be good. She doesn’t call unless she or Dad need something, and never this early in the morning.
Slipping out of bed completely, I make my way out of the room, shutting the door behind me as I answer the call.
“Hi, Mom.” I keep my voice cool and even so that I don’t give away how unnerved I am.
“Jayce, I’m glad I caught you,” she says in a no-nonsense tone. “It’s past time you brought your fiance over so she can meet the family. We’re having dinner tonight and I expect you both to attend.”
Never one for small talk, my mother.
“I understand that you want to meet her,” I reply, “but I need to make sure my schedule is clear before we can make any plans, and I wasn’t even awake when you called just—”
“I’ve already checked your schedule,” she cuts in. “You have no games, and your practice today will be over in plenty of time for you to make dinner. There’s no point in trying to argue, dear. We’ll see you and Sutton tonight at seven o’clock. Don’t be late.”
“Mom, I need to check…”
But she’s already hung up on me. I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at it a moment before letting out a long, frustrated breath.
“Goddamn it,” I grumble, leaning against the wall next to the bedroom door. I glance at it, thinking of Sutton sleeping on the other side, and I feel a sinking in my gut at the thought of taking her to meet my family. I’d really been hoping to avoid this.
She thinks her parents are bad… she’s going to realize just how good she has it after an evening with mine.