25. Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Five
Molly
“I’m so close to finishing this,” I said to my empty room as I jotted down how many words I’d written for the hour and marveled at how much I’d gotten done.
I slipped on my shoes and headed outside to work out some tight muscles. It was a lot easier writing when I had the house to myself, and I had been sitting a little too long.
The trees lining the street were flaming red and mesmerizing.
A stunning backdrop as I sorted through my thoughts.
After I had Preston and Emmett kiss, I cried for like an hour, remembered that I could kiss them whenever I wanted, freshened myself up, and proposed a day of cuddles with a Bourne Identity marathon.
It was a tonic for my soul, and the action in the movie didn’t stop us from making out. We got a little handsy, but they had an early flight, so we kept it more innocent than my body needed and went to bed before ten.
I walked a little faster, planning on taking care of the ache that had been persistent since last night.
It was weird waking up without them, but I slipped into an easy routine of snacks, writing, snacks, a quick stroll around the block, and more writing.
I was on my second walk around the block when I saw Rebecca pull up to the house. Jogging to meet her, I gave her a big smile and put my arms out.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
I thought she’d hug me, but she reached in her car, procured Henry, and put him in my arms. “I need you to take him.”
“Sure, I can watch him for you.” I cradled him in my arms, smiling down at his chunky grin. “When will you be back?”
“That’s not what I mean.” Rebecca’s eyes narrowed, and she tilted her head.
The movement made my stomach sour, like I was looking at someone I thought I knew, but she was clearly not being herself.
“Is everything okay?”
Her eyes lit up. “Better than ever.”
“And you’re coming back when?” I asked cautiously.
“Never,” she said, reaching for his bag in her front seat.
“Is this postpartum depression, Becca? If so, I can help you. I can—”
“It’s not postpartum depression,” she cut in. “Don’t make this hard, Molly.”
My head was spinning, trying to make sense of what was going on. “I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay—”
“I’m more than okay.”
“Then why are you saying you’re leaving and making it sound permanent?”
“Because I didn’t want to be a mom and I’m done trying to be something I’m not.” Each of her words were punctuated and sharp as she unbuckled his car seat and carried it to my front porch.
“Hey,” I said, keeping my voice low and soothing. “You’re a great mom. Henry’s a happy baby. We can figure this out.”
“There’s nothing to figure out,” she insisted.
“Sure there is. Remember how happy you were when he was born?”
She narrowed her eyes again, looking at me like I was the one forgetting. It was the same look Preston and Emmett had shared when I talked about Lucas and Rebecca. “No. I never wanted him.”
“Don’t say that,” I whispered, covering his ear and pressing the other against my chest.
“He’s not old enough to understand.” She shook her head, rolling her eyes like I was the one being ridiculous.
“How can you say that, Rebecca?”
“He’s not my baby—”
“Sure he is.”
“He’s your brother’s baby. We had a one-night stand, and this is the result.” She swept her hand out, and I clutched Henry tighter to me, worried she’d snatch him back.
I knew Henry’s conception wasn’t planned, but I thought once they found out, Lucas and Rebecca had decided to be together and make it work.
Maybe I was an idiot because I thought they were doing just fine being parents to him.
Sure, Rebecca worked out of town a lot, but I helped when I could, and I thought we were crushing it as a team.
Their careers were both thriving.
Henry was happy.
Wasn’t that enough?
He squirmed in my arms, reaching for Rebecca, and I panicked, cooing in his ear to get his attention away from her. This was ridiculous, though. Right? She was his mother. I should have wanted her to take him back from me. She was supposed to love him.
Memories of being an unwanted burden to my own mother tore through carefully constructed barricades. I pushed them away, focusing on Rebecca.
My voice shook as I stepped away from her, my arms still tight around Henry. “I’ll take care of him.”
An innocent baby, discarded and alone.
No. Not alone. He had Lucas, and he had me.
The pain of neglect hit me again, piercing my thoughts, and I bounced Henry. My mother might not have abandoned me physically, but she had in every other sense of the word. I wouldn’t let that happen to Henry, though. He was in my care, and I could keep things normal for him until Lucas got home.
Rebecca hesitated, like maybe she was going to change her mind or kiss him goodbye. Finally, she pressed her fingers to her lips and shook her head. “Take good care of him.”
“Rebecca—” She hesitated again, and I stepped forward. “Just come in. The guys won’t be home until morning. We can order food, get Henry to sleep, and talk about this.”
“There’s nothing to talk about—”
“Mothers don’t just abandon their kids. I’m worried about you, Rebecca.”
“I thought there was something wrong with me at first, but your brother and I have gone through counseling. We’ve tried everything.”
That was news to me. I took a step back, holding tight to Henry. “You really don’t want to be a mom?”
She shook her head and backed up. “I’m not kidding, Molly. I never wanted him. Your brother convinced me we could make it work, but he’s just in my way. I wanted a career. I didn’t want to be a mom, but Lucas convinced me it would be okay. It’s not and I want to live my life.”
My stomach rolled, looping into knots as I clutched my nephew. “But you guys are so happy—”
She groaned and pressed her eyes shut. “I’m so tired of pretending, Molly. You’re great. I actually really like you, but all this stuff with Lucas wasn’t real. And it’s exhausting trying to keep up appearances.” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Just make sure Henry’s taken care of—”
“I will. You know I will. But if you care, Rebecca, we can work with that—”
“No, Molly. I’m not a monster. I want him to be safe and well cared for, but I’m not the person to do that. I never wanted this.”
“Wait—”
She sighed and turned on her heel, marching to the driver’s side of her car. Every footstep was hard and resolute.
No. This couldn’t be happening. I wanted to scream at her to stop walking away. I wanted her to take Henry’s car seat off the porch and put it back in her car. Mothers weren’t supposed to abandon their children. They were supposed to love them and protect them.
But she didn’t even turn around.
Everything she said rushed through my mind.
Lucas wouldn’t put Henry in a position that seemed even worse than our childhood.
It had to be a joke.
But who would joke about that?
They had been giving Henry a much better childhood than Lucas and I had ever had.
He and Rebecca never fought. In fact, they just kind of existed side by side, each building their life.
I had thought they were building a life together, but as I staggered inside with Henry clutched tight to me and Rebecca backing out of the driveway, it was clear they hadn’t been doing anything together.
Parallel, maybe. But on different planes.
Maybe even different universes.
Henry laughed and snaked his hand through my hair. I was faster than him and untangled his stubby little fingers before he could pull.
At least he had no idea what was going on.
I wasn’t sure if I even knew.
I glanced around at the living room and my stomach sank. For the last few weeks, I’d been so busy playing house, I hadn’t stopped to realize the ridiculousness of it all.
Preston and Emmett had been the first men to show interest in me and I fell for it. But they didn’t want me. Not long term. If what Lucas and Rebecca had was a sham, what I had wasn’t even close to real.
Preston had admitted his feelings for Emmett. There was no mention of his feelings for me. I sank onto the couch, cradling Henry close to me. He twisted his fingers through my hair again, but this time I didn’t have the energy to stop him.
I had been so stupid and so delusional. And maybe Preston and Emmett needed me as a way to connect so they could admit their feelings to each other. I should have felt used, but I didn’t even have the energy to be upset.
“I love them,” I whispered to Henry.
He looked at me, frowning for a second before bouncing and babbling what might have been a useful response if I’d been able to decipher what he was saying.
“Let’s get you home.” I got to my feet, constructing a plan for what I needed to do next.
I couldn’t call Lucas. He was just about to get on the ice.
And I couldn’t stay here another day. That much was obvious.