Chapter 21 #2
I fold each hoodie with military precision. "This was stupid…for me, but you don’t have to stop being friends with him because of this."
"Of course, I do. You’re my sister."
"Do whatever you want. I’m tired of trying to help people."
Ace is standing there, watching me. "You can’t forgive him, Ken. Don’t do all of this and then change your mind later."
I ignore his big brother advice, carefully placing everything in a box.
"Just give him his things. Tell him..." My voice catches.
"Tell him nothing. Just give him the box. Please. It’s so stupid, I know.
" I hate how my voice shakes. "I need to focus on fixing our family image.
Dad's campaign team is in damage control mode after the bar photos.
This was all really out of character anyway, right? Not me."
"Screw Dad's campaign." Ace sits beside me. "What about what you want?" He grabs my wrist. "You’re shaking. Are you okay?"
What I need is to stop seeing Knox's face every time I close my eyes. Stop remembering how he looked at me in that parking lot, like I was trying to fix something that wanted to stay broken.
"I’m okay. I need to be smart." I close the box firmly. "No more rebellion. No more bad decisions. No more Knox." I hand him the box. "Now go. I have a campaign dinner to prepare for. I have to kiss dad’s ass because of this mess."
He takes the box but pauses at the door. "He's a mess, you know. Sleeping in his truck. Playing like shit at practice."
I grin. "Not my problem."
As soon as Ace cuts the corner, the bold and strong Kennedy is gone.
I look at the ceiling to prevent the tears from spilling because god, it hurts to hear he’s not doing good.
Hurts to picture Knox sleeping in his truck, hurts to imagine him ruining his future.
Hurts to know he's suffering and still too stubborn to let anyone help.
The campaign dinner that night is an exercise in control. I wear a modest blue dress, laugh at all the right jokes, play the perfect daughter role I was born for. My father beams with approval.
"Much better," he says during photos. "That unfortunate rebellion phase seems to be over."
I smile and nod and pretend my heart isn't screaming in my chest. Because, holy fuck, it is. But here I am, daddy’s perfect little girl. Still a virgin and all.
The next morning, I see Knox across the quad.
He looks terrible – unshaven, dark circles under his eyes. Our eyes meet for a moment and electricity crackles across the space between us.
Don't, I tell myself. Don't run to him. Don't try to fix him. Stop looking at him.
He keeps his eyes on me, takes a step in my direction, and I turn away. I walk quickly toward the library with my spine straight and my eyes forward, ignoring how every cell in my body screams to go back.
Sawyer glances at me when I find her. "You okay?"
"Perfect." But my hands shake as I pull out my books. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Maybe because the love of your life––"
"He's not the love of my life." The lie is obvious. "He's a mistake I'm not repeating."
She closes her book. "You're both miserable. Just talk to him."
"I did, Sawyer. He made his choice." Pride straightens my spine. "He decided I was too much pressure, too focused on making him perfect, too..." I clear my throat. "Too in love with him." The words hurt to say. "Like that's a bad thing. Like loving him is… was somehow wrong."
Sawyer's expression softens.
"I’m fine, Saw." I open my book. "I have a test to study for."
But the equations blur as I remember other study sessions – Knox's hands wandering under tables, his voice explaining derivatives, his mouth finding ways to distract me.
My phone buzzes with texts from Ace throughout the day.
Ace: I need to know you’re okay
Kennedy: I am fine
Ace: Are you fine though
Kennedy: Stop asking
Ace: You’re pretending to be okay
Ace: It’s okay if you’re not
Kennedy: I swear I’m fine
Ace: Coach benched him
Kennedy: Now you’re annoying me
Ace: Love you
That afternoon, I open the door to the campus coffee shop and his scent hits me first. I glance up at Knox.
"Kennedy..." His voice is rough, like he hasn't slept.
I step back quickly. "Excuse me."
"Please." He reaches for me but drops his hand when I flinch. "I tried calling."
"I blocked you. We have nothing to talk about." But my body betrays me, leaning toward his heat. "You made everything very clear."
"I didn't."
"You did." Steel enters my voice. "Now if you’ll excuse me."
"Unblock me."
"No."
"I was wrong."
"Something we can agree on then." I meet his eyes finally. "I’m not unblocking you."
Pain flashes across his face. "Princess—"
"Don't." The nickname feels like a knife. "Don't call me that. Don't look at me. Just don't."
I walk away before he can respond, heels clicking sharply on pavement. My reflection in store windows shows perfect posture, perfect hair, perfect control.
No one would guess I'm breaking inside.
"You've been quiet lately," my father comments over dinner that night. "More focused."
"Yes." I push food around my plate. "No more distractions."
He looks pleased. "Good. The combine is this weekend – we should see less of that Thompson boy in the papers after that."
My fork clatters against the china. "May I be excused? Can I return to my dorm for the night?"
My father nods.
I make it back to my dorm before the tears start. Sawyer finds me an hour later, curled around one of Knox's hoodies I couldn't bear to return.
"Oh, babe." She crawls into bed beside me. "Let it out."
"I hate him." The words catch on sobs. "I hate him so much. I hate that I still want to fix everything."
"I know."
"He's going to ruin his draft chances." I press my face into the hoodie that still smells like him. "Playing reckless, sleeping in his truck, pushing everyone away..."
My phone notification stops my train of thought. I wipe my eyes. "It’s Ace."
Ace: Come out with us. Just me and a few of the guys. No Knox. He’s not in good standing with the team right now.
"Big brother to the rescue," Sawyer says, stepping out of my bed.
"Do you want to come?" I ask. "Moral support?"
Sawyer shakes her head. "I should probably stay away from these hockey players."
That makes me laugh out loud as I text Ace back.
Kennedy: Who’s going to be there?
Ace: Me, Grey, Maddie, Matt, Harvey
I stare at his text and something clicks in my brain.
"Sawyer?" My voice sounds strange to my own ears. "Harvey."
"Knox's teammate?" She places her hand on her hip. "The nice one you almost hooked up with at that party?"
"Yeah." I wipe my eyes, an idea forming. "What if..."
"Kenny." Her voice carries a warning. "Don't."
But I'm already texting Ace.
Kennedy: I will be there
I smile because Harvey is safe. Normal. The opposite of everything that broke my heart.
It could be exactly what I need.