Chapter 15 #2
Coach is on my Burn List. He would be at the top if my own biological parents hadn’t already taken that spot.
Should I tell Cody?
But then, I can’t even tell my twin after the devastating, idiotic hope in Shay’s eyes.
Why does he think that the Webbs could love us?
How dare they trick Shay? Make him hope?
The Webbs aren’t our parents. If I could carve their DNA out of my body, then I would.
How dare the Webbs talk to that journalist about our private childhood? Expose us like that to the world?
Our hidden pain?
They talked away their crimes like they were victims too.
They weren’t the ones who didn’t know, however, as they hugged their twin each night whether he would wake up the next morning.
They weren’t the ones who had their fingers broken because a sadistic couple they’d been sold to wanted to see whether they could do more than make me scream.
Talk, boy.
That’s two. Say thank you, that’s all. Then we won’t break three.
Talk.
I swallow.
Seeing everything in print like that the other night, followed by the flood of memories from The Room, stole my voice.
The words were locked inside my chest again.
I know my inability to talk scared Shay. I hated that. But it scared me more.
What if I hadn’t been able to find the words again?
In the past, when the words struggled to crawl from my throat, I would go skating. The ice was where I felt at home. It freed me.
But now, I couldn’t even do that.
Yet this time, it was Robyn, D’Angelo, and Shay who freed me.
I never thought that people could help me talk, rather than be the reason that I was silent.
Robyn and D’Angelo are special.
I understand why Shay would be destroyed if they abandoned us.
I would be wrecked too.
Seeing the article go up in flames helped.
I touch Cody’s arm. “Your baking creation is perfect. Can I have a box to take some them back to the others?”
Cody lifts his head, smiling. “Awesome. Hold on.”
He ducks to the other side, dragging open drawers with a clatter that makes me wince.
“Ah-ha, this’ll work.” Cody brings back a small, pretty cake box and drops it onto the counter. “They’ll never know about our disaster. I’ll keep a couple for Mike. He loves munching on my balls.”
He waggles his eyebrows.
Is this what friends do? Cover up each other’s fuck-ups?
With Cody, it usually also includes innuendos.
“Isn’t this lying?” I check.
Cody’s expression gentles, as he sits back on his stool. “More like being creative with the truth. I wouldn’t survive without that distinction. Don’t tell Mike that.”
“Do you want me to clean up the kitchen now?”
“Leave it. You worked hard enough for me in the physio session. You always do, fucking dedicated. You’re my star pupil.”
“Does that mean I can work out in the gym as well…?”
Cody huffs. “You wish. You’re already pushing too hard. I can turn into a strict professional here. Don’t test me. I have a phone and I’m not afraid to use it to call D’Angelo.”
“You wouldn’t.”
Cody shoots me a dangerous smile. “Break my rules on overexercising, as you have been for the last month, or keep lying about your pain levels, and just see what happens.”
I cross my arms.
“You’re my friend,” I grumble.
“I am. That’s why I’d make the call.”
I feel strange inside.
I don’t understand.
Cody studies me. “I want Mike to check you over soon. Also, the other consultants at the hospital are setting you up appointments in June.”
Startled, I pull back. “Why?”
Cody hesitates. “I told you that people take a different amount of time to recover from Post-Concussion Syndrome. It’s complex and chronic now. Plus, you…”
We both know what he’s not saying.
The injury wasn’t caused by concussions only from ice hockey, including the one that ended my career, but from the skull fractures that I suffered as a kid in The Room.
I was broken long before I was shattered on the ice.
“I have headaches,” I admit, the words burning my throat.
Cody said that it made me his friend because he wanted to know about them.
So, I struggle to tell him the truth that I’ve been hiding because my brother, Robyn, and D’Angelo have enough going on without dealing with my shit too.
“Most days. Light is too bright and hurts my eyes. Noise is hard to handle too. Sometimes, I’m dizzy, and my brain feels fogged.
My hands and feet are often cold and tingling. ”
Immediately, Cody stands and lowers the light in the kitchen. He draws the curtains.
I sigh in relief.
“Better?” He asks, quietly.
I nod.
He stands next to me, leaning against the counter. “I’ll make sure that you see a neurologist and a pain consultant too, okay? Thanks for trusting me with this.”
This is why I like being here with Cody. He understands me.
My chest feels warm.
I nod again.
Cody crosses his ankles. “I wish that Mike was here for this conversation, but he’s on shift.
He’s promised that he’ll be home in time for our Friday drinks at Merchant’s Inn tonight, but I know you don’t like coming to the bar.
I hope that Mike makes it. He tries his best not to break his weekly dates with me, and I have been able to find some time to start to teach him to swim.
You know, once I found out that he couldn’t, we talked about it, and it seemed something that we could do together.
But I wouldn’t blame him if he missed this week’s drinks.
He has been working harder than usual, which is saying something.
He’s had this critical patient at the hospital who he’s been focused on.
But it’s tough. Sometimes, it’s lonely here, and… ”
He looks away.
Concern spikes through me.
Unfortunately, I think I know what the problem is.
Who.
“Is your dad still bullying you?” I demand.
Cody looks up sharply, hugging his arms around me. “It’s that obvious, huh? Mike hasn’t asked about Dad. I don’t know if I hope that he will or won’t. I’ve been trying to hide the escalation of the harassment from Dad because I don’t want to worry my husband. It’s tearing me apart.”
“Didn’t you tell me that I shouldn’t do that with my health?”
Cody gives a short laugh. “Well, that’s me called out.
I thought that I could handle only seeing Dad at work.
But he calls and texts me out of work all the time.
If I don’t answer, then he gives me a rough time as soon as he sees me at the arena.
He uses that new scheduling app to fuck with shifts and demand constant meetings where he hands me my ass over the tiniest things.
” His gaze is anguished. “He can reduce me to that bad son again who he’s about to drag to his study and beat to a crying mess.
I feel like I’m still grounded on punishment chores in his huge house, while Ryn and Dad are out bonding on the lake.
But I’m never able to do more than look out longingly from the window at them.
I hate that he’s able to do that. I’m loved now, but Dad can still make me feel so fucking unlovable. ”
A tear trembles on Cody’s lashes and then chases down his cheek.
I stare at the tear in shock.
Cody shouldn’t cry.
No one should ever make my friend cry.
I don’t care what D’Angelo says, coach is dead.
I dive off the stool and pull Cody into a hug.
He appears startled, stiffening. Then he slowly relaxes, wrapping his arms around me.
“Thank you,” he whispers.
“I’ll protect you,” I reply, fiercely. “Redirect every message and call from your dad to me. I’ll take them for you. I will be your buddy at work. You won’t face anymore meetings with coach alone.”
“Thanks, Dee.” Cody hugs me tighter. “But you need to protect yourself too. Your parents—”
“They’re not my parents.” My eyes blaze. “The Webbs won’t hurt my brother and me again. If they try, then they’ll truly wish that they hadn’t chosen to give birth to me.”