Chapter 24 #2
“NASA has this incredible Hubble telescope.” The words spill out of me.
Since college, I haven’t had anyone to share them with.
Even in college, nobody wanted to talk about the subject outside lectures.
Eden would let me talk at him, but he called me a geek.
Robyn accepts this part of me. “It’s named after Edwin Hubble.
He was this amazing bloke, who not only established that there were other galaxies outside the Milky Way, but also that the universe was expanding.
Can you imagine being someone who achieved something like that? One of the legends, you know?”
Robyn smiles, while we dance. “Who?”
“Meg Urry,” I rattle off, happily. “Annie Jump Cannon and Frank Drake. They’re bloody brilliant. Cecilia Payne-Gaposchkin discovered stars were composed of hydrogen and helium. They’re all inspirations to me.”
“You’re glowing.” Robyn’s gaze is gentle. “You do know that you inspire people too?”
I shake my head. “It’s not the same thing.”
“If you win the Stanley Cup, then you’ll have made history. You’ve already made history for the Bay Rebels.”
“It’s only sport.”
Robyn stops dancing, and I stumble. “Who said that to you, huh?”
I flush, looking away.
Robyn reaches up to cup my cheek. “Whoever it was fuck them. Do you think that D’Angelo isn’t an inspiration to people? Didn’t he inspire you when you watched him back in college? How much happiness did he bring you?”
Shocked, I stare at her. “I had posters of him on my wall. I followed every one of his games. I hoped that one day I could play as well as him. He’s a legend. But I’m not—”
“Also, do you have to discover…I don’t know…a new star, a black hole, or fucking relativity to be worth something? Your twin won’t be written into the history books, but that doesn’t mean any of us love him any less, right?”
I become ashen. “I didn’t mean…”
Maybe I did.
What if I have made my brother feel like that? As if he needs to shine as brightly as my stars — or study them — to be worth something?
I rub my neck, needing to explain.
To me, Eden is worth twice what I am.
A thousand times.
Robyn is watching me intently in the moonlit room.
The quiet starlight is allowing me to be more vulnerable than normal, as well as the feel of her kisses on my neck like I am already wearing her phantom collar.
“My twin has never felt seen, I know that,” I admit. “Except, Dee doesn’t understand that I never have either.”
Robyn instantly reaches up, resting her hand lightly on my neck. Her fingers caress over my pulse points.
I draw in a sharp breath.
She asks the question without needing to say a word at the same time as she holds me secure in her touch.
She sees me.
“I’m not as smart as Dee is,” I explain.
“My teachers made sure I knew that and felt it in my fucking bones. He’s into books and shit.
Yet once I reached college, I found my own niche.
Discovering that I understood science and astrophysics was like that story you tell little kids, The Ugly Duckling.
I was rejected and shamed for not fitting in, but all along, I was a swan and not a duck. Now, I could finally fly.”
Robyn tightens her hold on my neck, just enough for me to feel the pressure.
My cock twitches.
I wish that she would slam her hand over my mouth and control whether I can breathe.
I would give her that.
Everything.
My eyes are wide and open.
I have never exposed this much to anyone.
“You are smart.” Robyn clenches her hand around my throat, once and then twice. I clutch her shoulders, dragging her closer. I need to feel her breath against my skin and smell her sweet scent. “I love that about you.”
“But…” I haven’t told anyone this. No one.
Yet if I am trusting Robyn with my heart, mind, body, and soul 24/7, then I should trust her with this.
“I was not only the scholar and best in my year but…my professor spent my entire degree pressuring me to drop hockey. He offered me a PhD to work under him as his research apprentice. He’s this big name in the field, and it was a huge opportunity. I didn’t tell Dee.”
“Why?” Robyn demands, shocked. “Did you want to become a scientist? A professor? That was an amazing break.”
I wet my dry lips.
I still don’t know. I love playing hockey.
But it wasn’t like I’d been free to choose.
This is the tough part.
My brother would die for me. But I would sacrifice for him too.
I never wanted him to know what I gave up because I’ve been burdened my entire bloody life with the blood, bruises, and screams of my twin. I’ve been haunted by what Eden suffered for me. So, I never wanted to make him feel like he was indebted to me.
It fucks with your head.
“Hockey belongs to both of us,” I reply.
“Can you understand what we were like back then? We needed to sleep in the same room. We couldn’t be parted.
Jude and you have helped us both so bloody much.
We are our own people now in a way that we weren’t back then.
We clung to each other because it was the only way we knew to be safe and survive.
But hockey was my brother’s voice. His freedom.
It’s more than a sport. Dad told me when I was a kid to look out for Dee, and I always will.
I couldn’t ruin his chances selfishly or break us apart like that.
It would have wrecked him. Dee believes that he is my shadow but he’s not.
We’re each other’s. Finding Jude and you, however, has magicked a way for us to exist in the sun. ”
Robyn slides her hand up from my throat to stroke my cheek. “And you think that you’re not worthy…? You’re fucking good. I see both of you, Eden and Shay, your own people who should be proud of who you are. I’m sorry you lost that opportunity.”
I turn my head, kissing the palm of her hand. “I didn’t lose it. I gave it up for my brother. It was easy in the end because nothing is more important than family. Real family. Don’t tell Dee, yeah?”
She nods.
I start to slow dance with Robyn again, resting my cheek against her warm head.
I consider opening my jeans and letting out my cock, before edging Robyn’s dress up and fucking her, slow and deep, while we dance.
Yet holding her like this, dancing in silence under the stars, is better.
Romantic.
My cock may be hard and unsatisfied. Simply holding my lover in my arms, however, and knowing that she’s not on this date to use me as a fucktoy but because she wants to spend time with me…dance with me…whisper confessions under the stars…fills me with joy.
Nobody has treated me with this respect.
I feel like a proper lover.
My lips curve into a smile on top of Robyn’s head. I drop a kiss onto her soft hair.
I will do anything to earn the permanent collar and my place in Robyn and D’Angelo’s world — an eternity of moonlit dances.
First, I must win the game tomorrow.
Since I abandoned my chance of becoming a legend in those stars, then I must become a legendary star on the ice.