9. Tristan
TRISTAN
T he moment I realize Winter isn’t beside me, everything blurs around me.
I literally black out, and I know that whatever is about to happen could be very bad for everyone around me.
The costumed dancers, the screams from people dumb enough to trust the safety of these carnival rides, the flashing lights, I don’t notice any of it anymore.
I have tunnel vision, and the only thing I’m worried about is finding her.
One minute she was talking to Paris and the next she was swallowed up by a crowd of people migrating from the games and food side of the venue.
My chest locks tight as I try to check her tracker, but I have no service in here.
That’s all it takes to send me into a panic.
Benjamin appears at my side. His eyes are wide, frantic, the same as mine.
We don’t need words because he’s more like me than either of us would care to admit.
He’s just as hung up on Paris as I am on Winter, so neither of us will give each other shit when this is over.
We’ll either find them quickly and cling to them like our lives depend on it…
because they kind of do. Or, I’m setting this whole fucking place on fire.
Callum’s deep-fried, funky Oreos and all.
We drive into the crowd, shoving bodies out of the way.
People stumble, yell, try to push back. I don’t care.
Benjamin doesn’t either. His shoulder knocks a guy flat.
My elbow catches another in the ribs. We’re bigger.
Meaner. I do not give a single fuck who I’m bulldozing right now.
Why are they all just fucking congregating in the middle like this?
They all look stunned, confused and I’m fucking confused on why they’re confused.
“WALK, Goddamit!” Ben yells out, and I’m just pushing through people as fast as I can. This is a fucking fire hazard to have this many people in one area. Where did they all fucking come from? This is like being in a real life night terror, and I can feel my chest tightening and closing in on me.
Someone from St. Charles University waves a lanyard and shouts at us, pointing toward the exits, yelling about a fire. I barely hear him. Did I…? I was kidding about burning the place to the ground.
Kind of.
Two more guys in black jackets, swinging their badges like either of us give a fuck, try to block us, stepping in like they have any kind of authority here.
Wrong move. My fist cracks against the taller one’s jaw, dropping him hard.
Benjamin takes the second down without hesitation.
It’s brutal, but quick. I glance over and see the fucking fire they’re freaking out about.
It’s just smoke now billowing out of a tent that appears to be selling apothecary shit.
This is what they’re causing a fucking fuss over? They’re just in my way. And anyone in the way is going down with them. I’m not sure which way they pushed Winter and Paris, but I better find out immediately or they’re all getting their faces kicked in.
Around the corner, trying to push by someone in a black jacket, I finally see her.
Winter. She’s being dragged out of the crush, Paris clinging to her arm.
They’re trying to make her go the long way around the Ferris wheel.
But I can see in her wild eyes what’s going through her mind.
She’s trying to get back to me, and if my phone isn’t working in this fucking place, neither is hers.
My chest seizes, then I swear it feels like it splits wide open, a flood of relief so raw it makes my knees threaten to buckle.
She’s fine, but it’s not enough. I need to touch her.
“Dushen’ka!” I yell her name. In fact, I scream it, and instantly her eyes are locked on mine.
It’s still not enough.
I go for her, nothing else in my head but closing the distance, but a uniformed guard that must have been hired by the universities collectively, steps in front of me.
His taser is raised, and I suspect he doesn’t realize that I’d gladly let him use it just to get to her.
I’m all panic, and no cognition right now.
His voice is all bark, words I don’t process.
Just the weapon, the line he thinks he can draw between me and her.
I don’t stop. I quite literally can’t. My brain feels like it’s gone. My body is already moving through him, ready to take the hit.
Then she’s here with me, but she’s not hugging me or clinging to me like I’m anticipating.
Winter broke away from Paris and ran straight into the path of danger, right in front of me.
Her arms spread wide and lifted up as high as they’ll go.
Her small frame is doing its absolute best to block my much larger one.
She’s shielding me, afraid they’re going to hurt me because she knows that when I’m like this nothing matters.
Everything inside me goes silent.
Her hands stay raised high, her chin is tipped up like she’s daring the whole world to strike her instead of me. My heart cracks in my chest.
She’s protecting me, giving herself to save me, and I don’t even know what to fucking do with that information in this moment.
Winter shouts before I can get a word out. "He has panic attacks. He was just looking for me. I’m his sister!"
The word cuts. Sister. I hate it in her mouth, the way it makes everything between us feel sour and wrong. But she says it to keep me from being hurt, or at the very least getting in trouble for disobeying orders.
"He was just trying to protect me from the fire,” Winter says with a gasp of air. “Our phones aren’t working in here, and he thought I was hurt.”
The guard narrows his eyes, lowers the taser. "Take your sister and get out of here. Go to the other side. No one can be over here." He turns on his heel, and we’re nothing but an afterthought.
Relief must hit my girl hard because her arms fall, and she’s spinning to face me.
She presses into me hard, little fists digging into my shirt.
Usually, I'm the one holding on. Now she leans into me like she's begging me without words to keep it together. It does something to me. I can’t pinpoint exactly what, but it calms the edge just enough.
“They fucking called the fire department for this shit?” I hear someone say in a huff as they walk past us.
I can hear the sirens in the distance, but all I can focus on is the girl in front of me.
I wrap her in my arms, and she doesn’t squeal when I pick her up and start walking to the designated area where we won’t be berated.
She presses her face against my neck, and I lean down, breathing her in.
"I'm sorry we got separated," she whispers when I set her down, but I sure as shit don’t let her go. I know I can’t keep her locked up in a house with me and only me, but right now that seems like a grand fucking life. Just us, all day every day is my literal dream life.
"It wasn’t your fault. It happened so quickly because they were pushing everyone out of that area," I say, voice low.
"I'm not taking chances. I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. You’re sticking to me like fucking glue tonight, got it?
" I hate how panicked I still sound. I so badly want to be strong for her, the way I’m strong in every other aspect of my life.
She looks at me like she always does, like she believes me even when I'm too much. She wedges her arm up between us, sticking her pinky finger up toward me. “Like glue. Pinky promise?”
"Pinky promise," I rasp, hooking my finger with hers. My other arm goes to her lower back, pulling her flush into me. I don’t give a fuck if she knows in this moment what being close to her does to me.
Winter leans down, kissing our locked fingers, and that’s what prompts me to tip her chin up with my free hand. “You’re not the only one who panics, you know. I feel it. When we’re separated.”
I feel the need to tell her why the bond we share is different than any other. "Madi and Lilac don't know all the things Hayden and Callum have done for them. That's the difference. You know what I'm capable of. You know what I've done and what I'm willing to do."
She squeezes my hand hard enough that I feel it in my bones.
She doesn't flinch away when my hand lands on her cheek, my thumb catching the single tear that tracks down. Winter is so strong, so resilient. She’s definitely not a crier.
I don't think about it before I act. I lean in and take it with my tongue, quick and stupid and clumsy.
She stares at me for a beat, surprised, then her fingers come up and stroke my face slowly.
She’s so fucking careful and gentle with me.
When she doesn’t say anything, I tell her one more thing. “Never say you’re my sister again. You are everything but.”
I hear Winter’s gasp, soft and startled, and her eyes widen for a heartbeat, shock flashing there, but I can’t stop. I won’t.
I don’t want to anymore.
My mouth brushes her cheek again, catching another tear with my tongue, greedier this time.
The taste is salty, and something sweeter, and it makes me ache everywhere.
I press in harder, burying my face in her neck, breathing her in until my lungs burn.
She smells like vanilla tonight, and I want every inch of her on me.
“Don’t fucking leave my side for the rest of the night,” I rasp the sentiment again, voice breaking apart at the edges. I choke back the rest… or ever …before I do too much to take back once I’ve calmed down. Before I ruin her more than I already have.
Winter doesn’t fight me. Doesn’t push me away. She stays still, pliant, letting me hold her. Her hand slides up my chest, pressing against the frantic thrum of my heart like she’s the only thing keeping it from breaking out of my ribs.
It kills me, the way she lets me cling when I should be letting her go.
Her body shifts against mine, the press of her thighs brushing my legs, and I can feel myself harden instantly.
Just from this. Winter’s warmth, her trust, the way she looks at me.
My cock strains against my jeans, painful, needy, and I tuck her in to my side in hopes of hiding it from her.
I swear that it’s shame and hunger for this girl tearing through me at the same time.
I shouldn’t want this. I shouldn’t need it.
But my hips almost move of their own accord, a subtle rock into her softness that would surely undo me right now.
All it would take is one brush of her hand across my skin and I’d be a whimpering fucking mess for this girl.
I imagine sliding that old t-shirt of mine that she sleeps in some nights higher, finding her bare thighs under my hands, but I force myself still.
I know I’m just torturing myself with closeness, with everything I’ll never deserve.
“Thank you for coming to find me,” she whispers, voice breaking as it leaves her.
The words gut me because she really means that.
She thinks I’m doing something for her benefit, when the entire time I felt like I was dying because she wasn’t with me.
I grip her harder, caging her against me, my lips brushing her temple as I murmur, raw, “I’m never letting you out of my sight again. ”
Winter looks up at me like she wants to ask me for something.
The answer is always yes. Whatever she wants, whatever this girl needs.
Yes. I want her to have that and more. I drop my face closer to hers.
Too close. This is too much. My hand is in her hair, and I can feel her breath hit my mouth.
I dip my head again without thinking. Just a little.
Close enough that I think I know exactly what she will taste like.
My first kiss.
Her first kiss.
Ours. It’ll be ours and no one else's.