25. Tristan
TRISTAN
W e just got to the arena for the first game I’ll be playing in since I killed my father.
I thought maybe murdering my own blood would sit heavier than this.
I thought that perhaps after a few days, the weight of what I’ve done would crush me down to the concrete.
I knew I wouldn’t regret it because it was all for Winter, but I thought maybe I’d have some kind of sadness that he’s gone.
But I don’t. He deserved what he got, and I’m glad I was the one who did it.
To be honest? All I can think about is Winter.
How much I love her. Our future together, and how it might play out. For the first time in a long time, I feel excited for what comes next, instead of dreading the day she realizes I don’t deserve her.
She’s still out of my league, everyone’s league for that matter, but I feel like I brought her some justice for what happened to her. Every threat has been eliminated, and she’s free and safe to do as she pleases.
And she chooses to be with me.
I let it slip last night that I want her to be my wife.
I meant it…I just left out the part where I mean effective immediately.
Not someday. Not after graduation. Now. I want her bound to me in every way possible until there’s no separating where I end and she begins.
We’ve been forced to wait in agony for too long, and I don’t have it in me to keep pretending patience is something I’m capable of.
I glance over at my girl. She’s giggling with Madi, both of them peeking down the side hallway where Hayden and Callum are getting their asses handed to them by Coach Kav.
Apparently during last practice, Callum punched Hayden in the face after Hayden whacked him on the ass with his stick hard enough to splinter it.
Of course he did. I missed the show, busy murdering my only living parent and all, and I’m glad I did because I know I would have been dragged into the whole thing.
The muffled ranting shifts into Coach Kav and Hayden screaming at each other in the same cadence.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear they share the same goddamn blood.
Lilac steps back from where she was watching the argument from a closer vantage point just inside the hallway. She lifts her hand to her face, like she can already predict what’s about to happen, because just then Callum bellows at Coach Kav, “IT’S OKAY, HE’S MY FRIEND!”
Our girls collapse into laughter, leaning on each other to stay upright. Whatever Kav fires back with must cut things short, because seconds later Hayden and Callum stomp out of the hallway, trying to act like they aren’t the whole, entire problem in this situation.
I tune out Hayden’s loud ass because Winter is walking toward me.
She’s in a Castlebrook jersey, and it doesn’t escape me that she’s wearing the last name of the man who only ever saw her as a pawn stretched across her back.
My number stamped just beneath it. It’s supposed to be a loving gesture, but the thought makes me sick.
She’s wearing it for me, though, and that cracks my chest open in a way I can’t stand.
I silently vow right now that I’ll fix it.
That name will be gone for her and for me.
Players file in and out of the locker room, voices bouncing off the walls, but I don’t care. Not when she’s walking straight into my arms without hesitation.
Winter’s hands grip the front of my hoodie, tugging me down to her height. Her mouth crashes into mine. It’s not shy, not quick. It’s a kiss that says she doesn’t give a damn who sees us.
“Have a great game,” she whispers against my lips, voice lilting with a tease that makes my chest flutter in a way I don’t think I’ll ever get used to. “Think you can block some pucks for me?”
I brush my lips across hers, slow, steady, and tell her the only truth that’s ever mattered.
“Everything I do is for you, baby.” She smiles against my lips, and I don’t want to let her go.
Coach Kav comes barreling out of his hallway of hell.
He’s got his clipboard, and Hayden’s already put him in a bad mood.
I kiss Winter one more time and then watch as she blows me a kiss, and then slides between Madi and Lilac.
She links arms with them, all three girls heading down the hallway that leads to the stands.
My chest stays warm where she pressed against me, and I hope her presence stays with me for as long as possible.
Inside the locker room, I barely get two steps before I’m confronted by Callum. He’s half-suited up, chest pads hanging loose, like he’s been sitting here just waiting to pester me.
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell us?” he blurts, wide-eyed, grinning. “You and Winter, man? You’re finally together? Kissing in public?”
I shrug, setting my gear in order, lining it up so I can put it on without thinking. “Sorry I didn’t call you to announce we kissed.”
The truth is, Hayden and Callum don’t share their personal shit, either.
They’re too possessive of their girls for that.
But with Winter…it’s different. Everything with her is sacred.
Ours. The kind of thing I’d set the world on fire to protect.
The idea of handing even a sliver of it over for someone else’s amusement? Fuck no.
Lucky for me, Hayden decides to make this about him.
His jaw ticks, sharp with irritation. “I know where this is heading, and if you so much as mention marriage to her near the fucking pond I’ll?—”
I smirk, cutting him off. “You’ll what? Throw a fit until Madi makes you a bottle of milk? No one’s stealing your wedding, Lockwood.”
“I’m probably going to. I bet I could get Mads to help me plan it just like yours,” Callum says, snickering until Hayden swings at him. He misses, but he’s still glaring at Callum.
That’s when something shiny catches my eye. A little bow charm, carved out of a bright, yet pastel pink stone, dangling from the chain around Hayden’s neck. I reach out and flick it with my finger. “What the fuck are you wearing?”
Hayden swings at me instantly, but I duck. His fist cracks straight into Callum’s face instead.
Chaos. Pure, ridiculous chaos. Hayden and Callum go at it, open-handed slaps echoing like fireworks in the locker room.
Callum’s cackling even as his cheek burns red, and Hayden’s snarling through every swing until they both just look at each other in a silent truce.
They back away from each other a few steps, acting like they weren’t just playing patty cake with each other’s faces.
“I like to keep something of Madi’s with me because I fucking miss her! Is that okay with you two assholes?” Hayden covers the charm with his big hand like we’re not worthy enough to look at it.
Callum doubles over laughing, a full handprint blooming across his face. Hayden slams his locker shut hard enough to rattle the metal frames. It’s not even a second later, a voice bellows through the whole room.
“Lockwood! I know that’s you. Knock it the fuck off and get your skates on. We’ve got a game to win!”
Coach Kav doesn’t even bother stepping into view.
He doesn’t have to, because the entire room goes silent.
Hayden mutters something murderous under his breath, glaring at every one of our teammates who dares look in his direction.
Then he turns, jabbing a finger in my direction.
“I mean it. I’ll fucking know if you propose there. ”
He stomps off without his skates on, probably headed straight for Coach for another fight.
Callum’s still laughing, rubbing at the cheek Hayden smacked. “Worth it.”
I roll my eyes and tug the rest of my pads on, but the word Hayden tossed out lingers like a curse.
Marriage. The pond. He said it like a joke, but all I can think is yes, and it needs to happen soon.
I want Winter to be mine in every possible way.
No waiting, no wasted time. I couldn’t give a fuck about parties or engagements or any of the noise that comes with it.
If I could drag her to the courthouse today, I would.
But I also want this to be everything she’s ever dreamed of, and I know just the spot.
Callum leans against the bench, finally sobering, “You told her you love her yet?”
I cut him a look. “None of your fucking business.”
“I’m just saying.” He shrugs, all casual, but there’s weight behind his words. “Speaking from experience, there’s no perfect time. Don’t make her guess, man.”
The words stick, whether I want them to or not. It’s absurd taking relationship advice from Callum Grey of all people. But as I lace my skates, the truth digs into my chest. I haven’t said it. She deserves to know every single thought I’ve ever had about her.
By the time I push out onto the ice, the noise of the stands swells so loud it vibrates in my ribs. The crowd roars, and the boards tremble from the stomping of shoes. I glide out further and settle into my crease, and it’s comfortable here.
I look for Winter in her usual seat and blow her a kiss just before the puck drops.
The first shift hits hard. I can hear the crack of sticks just before the puck slams into my pads hard. I drop, cover, shove bodies out of my crease so they know I own it. My space. My net.
At the other end, Hayden and Callum are playing their stupid game of taunting the defense, passing the puck back and forth like they’ve got all the time in the world.
Hayden dangles wide, drags two guys with him, then snaps it across the ice to Callum.
Callum doesn’t even look before sliding it back.
Tape-to-tape. Hayden fakes the shot, the goalie bites, and Callum buries it backdoor.
That’s one thing about Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb…they’re talented with a fucking hockey stick.
The crowd loses it. Callum slams into Hayden for a hug, both of them grinning like idiots, and I want to roll my eyes. They’re going to talk about this for the next two weeks, and I already want to be done with the conversation that hasn’t even started.
I reset. Tap my stick against the post. Because all of this, every save, every bruise, every second I’m on the ice…it’s for my girl who’s watching my every move.
I block two pucks, and when it’s up at the other end of the ice, I find Winter in the stands again.
She’s glowing, lit up like she’s proud of me.
My chest tightens. She looks so goddamn happy.
Like she doesn’t have a single worry in the world.
Like all the shit that’s haunted us doesn’t exist in this moment.
Another rush comes hard. Their winger cuts across the slot, rips one high glove. I snap it out of the air, squeeze the puck tight, hold it up just long enough for him to see what he didn’t get. The whistle blows.
I should be celebrating the stop, but all I can think about is my girl.
If I’m honest, I want to be in our room right now.
With the way Winter sleeps curled into me at night, the night terrors have all but left me.
I know I’ll never sleep soundly without her.
But I won’t have to find out what that would be like because she’ll always be there, clutching me in her sleep like she needs me just as much as I need her.
I’ll never breathe right without her. And she doesn’t even know the depth of it yet.