32. Chapter 32
Chapter thirty-two
Aspen
“ S o,” I say, taking the mug from Bailey and curling up on the couch. “I quit the Silver Stiletto.”
It was the first thing I did when I woke up. With immediate effect. I hit send on the email and then did the happy dance to end all happy dances. It’s a good thing I was alone because a dancer I’m certainly not.
I guess I didn’t technically have to resign as I never even caught a whiff of an employment contract, but the place was good to me, so I couldn’t just not show up for my next shift. I’m certainly going to miss Alice. And Jordy.
The second thing I did was throw on some clothes before making my way to Kallan’s house, where an enthusiastic Tuk greeted me. He’s at that puppy stage where they’re all legs. So freaking cute.
“And just in time.” Bailey smiles. “The roads get tricky once the snow starts.” She looks at me quizzically. This is the first time since I moved in that I’ve been to the house. Just because I’m living on Kallan’s property doesn’t mean I’m entitled to encroach on their privacy. “What’s on your mind?”
“Ryan said he wants to date.”
Saying it feels silly because not long ago we were living together.
“I see. And how do you feel about that?”
We stare at each other and then chuckle. All I need to do to make this an authentic therapy session is lie down, fold my hands across my stomach, and stare at the ceiling. Well, according to the movies. I’ve never actually had a therapy session.
“I don’t know.” Grabbing a throw pillow, I clutch it against my stomach, biting my lip while I debate my answer. “Can I ask you something? About Quinn.” I give her an apologetic look.
“Sure.” She looks at me wearily. She’s happy with Kallan, but the pain Quinn’s actions caused her doesn’t just go away overnight.
“Did you ever consider forgiving him?”
“No. Not once.” Her answer is swift and decisive.
“But you loved him.”
“I did. But some things just can’t be forgiven.”
“Do you think Ryan can be forgiven?”
“I can’t tell you that,” she admonishes. Because yeah, that would be too easy. She and Julia should get together and compare notes. “But what I can tell you is that in all the years I’ve known Ryan—which is many, many, years—I have never seen him look at someone or act towards someone the way he does you. Besides that mess he made.”
“Not even Hadley?”
“Not even Hadley,” she confirms. We lapse into silence for a bit. “What are you scared of?”
“I don’t know,” I sigh. “At first I thought he was in love with Hadley. Then I thought that he didn’t love me enough, but now, I believe that he does. I’m just struggling with how to trust him. And the angry part of me feels everyone will think I’m weak if I take him back.”
“Nobody will think that,” she admonishes. “And even if they did, it’s your life, not theirs. Some people would say that Kallan and I got together too soon after Quinn, that I wasn’t ready and needed more time to process what happened. But I knew in my heart that Kallan was what I wanted, so why wait? That was my truth. What is your truth? Do you love him enough to forgive him? Do you think what he did was something that you can forgive? But most importantly, do you believe that he’ll never do it again?”
A part of me I’ve been struggling to acknowledge can, to an extent, understand his actions. Being loyal and sacrificing for people that he cares about is ingrained in his DNA, and Hadley, who’s known him for many years, knows that about him. She took advantage of it and he was too blind to see it. That makes her a bad person, not him.
But his stubbornness in not acknowledging my feelings? Hiding part of his history with her? Picking her side? That’s all on him.
I know he regrets it, and he’s doing all he can to show up for me. To show me how important I am to him.
I don’t want to keep holding on to my anger and hurt. It’s exhausting. Do I love him? Yes, I do. Am I scared of taking the plunge? Yes, again. Do I want to cry when I picture a future without him? Yes, and yes again.
“Thank you.” I blow out a breath, feeling a bit of the weight on my shoulders lifting.
“If you girls are done talking, there’s something I want to show you,” Kallan says, scratching his cheek while Tuk dances around his legs.
Bailey lifts a brow, beaming at Kallan. “What have you done?”
“You’ll see.” Grabbing her hand, he pulls her from the couch. “Come on,” he says to me with a hurry-up motion when I don’t move. “This is for you.”
“Me?” I squeak, jumping up.
I’m hot on his heels as we head outside and then towards his workshop. Once we get there, he doesn’t waste time, pointing at a desk standing proudly in the middle of his workshop.
“What do you think?”
“It’s beautiful,” I answer honestly. I’ve seen some things he’s made, and he’s ridiculously talented. This is no exception.
“It’s yours if you want it,” he carries on as if he hasn’t just rocked my world. “It’s still a work in progress,” he says, eying it critically, “but I think it’s turning out okay.”
My mouth falls open as I stare at him, not knowing what to say. “Ryan showed me the colors you picked for the reception, and I think this light wood will complement it perfectly.”
When I still say nothing, he darts an uncomfortable look at Bailey. “It’s not a problem if you don’t like it. I can sell it.”
Sell it? Fuck, no.
“Kallan,” I breathe, my eyes filling with tears. I step up to it and run my hand over the carvings of little dogs and cats running down the back of it. “This isn’t just okay. It’s stunning, and I don’t just like it. I love it. This is for me? For real?”
He nods, jamming his hands in his pockets, obviously uncomfortable with the emotion in my voice.
“It’s my first piece of furniture,” I mutter, dashing a tear from my cheek with the back of my hand. I’m completely overwhelmed by the love and generosity my friends have shown me over the last two days.
Leaning towards me, Bailey whispers, “Told you he’s a big softy. He did the same when he made my bench.”
Swiping at another tear, I turn to her. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to kiss your boyfriend now.”
Kallan steps back, a look of alarm on his face. “No need. A thank you will do.”
Ryan
Aspen: So where are you taking me on Friday?
Is it possible to keep breathing after your heart has stopped? Yes, it is. Because I’m pretty sure that’s what my heart just did when I read Aspen’s message.
My fingers have never flown so fast typing out a message.
Ryan: Is it okay if I surprise you?
I took it as a positive when she said she needed some time to think. Never in my wildest dreams did I think she’d get back to me so soon.
That’s good, right?
The swiftness of her response means the decision couldn’t have been that hard, right?
Aspen: I’m not sure my heart can handle any more surprises right now
Ryan: I’ll make it worth it
The truth is, her swift response has caught me unprepared. I haven’t thought beyond getting her to agree to a date. Now I have no freaking clue what to do.
Aspen: Okay. It’s a date then
My heart soars at those five words, determination filling every part of me. This is my second chance and I can’t mess it up. I have to make it good. Show her that no man on earth has ever loved a woman more.
Trying to appear casual, I stroll into the kitchen where Mom’s preparing Sunday roast. Maybe she’ll have some ideas.
“What has you smiling like that?”
Obviously, I’m failing at being casual.
“I have a date on Friday.”
Instead of a happy, supportive smile, she frowns at me. “With who?”
“Aspen, who else?” I don’t care if my voice is a bit more cranky than it should be. She knows how I feel about Aspen, so how can she even consider I’d date someone else?
“And you sure you haven’t stalked her into going out with you?”
“No, Mom,” I sigh. She’s never going to let me live that down. Never mind, I’ll think of something myself. Making a U-turn, I march right back out of the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” she calls to my back.
“Things to do, plans to make,” I call out, throwing my hand into the air.
I’m as nervous as a singer doing his first solo performance when I knock on Aspen’s door.
I made a list of possible unforgettable dates, crossing each one out as I went along. Helicopter ride? No, she’s scared of heights. Skydiving. Once again, no. The point is to get to a second date, not scare her the hell away.
Until it dawned on me that I was approaching this all wrong. Aspen isn’t one who’s impressed by big, flashy things. So I decided to keep it simple. Simple enough that we would have enough time to talk. About good things, or bad things, whatever she feels she needs to talk about.
She opens the door, and it’s like a shot of adrenalin straight to the heart, my heartbeat a backup drum solo for the nervous singer.
I want to pull her into my arms, squeeze the shit out of her, and then kiss her until she can’t breathe. But I can’t because I’m courting her. And because, you know. She might stab me if I try that.
“You look…” I want to go all old school on her and say, ravishing, otherworldly, enchanting. Like the first glimpse of home, a soldier has after being away at war for years.
Because make no mistake, this is a war I’ve been engaged in. A war to win back her heart and her trust.
Realizing I’ve let the silence drag on too long, I clear my throat. “You look beautiful.” Such a lame word for what she is.
Her smile is uncertain. “You said to dress comfortably, so jeans it is.”
“It’s perfect. Maybe just get a thicker jacket. It’s quite nippy at night.” Nippy? Really? Seems like I’m vibing with the old-school feel.
The drive to the park is awkward, like we’re dancing around each other.
“Movie night?” she asks when I park, her eyes lighting up.
Grinning, I nod, jumping out and holding her door open before she unbuckles her seatbelt. “We’ve always said we wanted to go, but never got round to it.”
“Why is that?”
“I’m not sure,” I mutter, taking out the blanket and picnic basket from the backseat. “We always tend to end up at Frosty’s. Well, used to.”
“What’s the lineup?”
“10 Things I Hate About You and Grease.”
I paused a bit at the 10 Things I Hate About You because the last thing I need, is for Aspen to be coming up with more reasons to hate me, but then I read it had a good ending, so I decided to take my chances.
“May I?” I ask, holding out my hand, and when she reaches out to me, I grip her hand firmly and lead her into the park. That’s something a gentleman would do, right? Ensure her safety by making sure we don’t get separated.
Once we find the perfect spot, I lay out the blanket and we get settled.
“That basket is huge.”
“I hope you brought your appetite.”
“Are you feeding the entire park?” she says, frowning as I unpack it.
“I wasn’t sure what you’d be in the mood for, so I brought all your favorites.” And drove Mom mad in the process of preparing it. Moving back home is proving to be a bigger adjustment than I thought it would be. For all of us. I still don’t regret it, though.
Her smile tells me I did good.
The movie starts and I watch Aspen more than I watch the movie. Every smile has me smiling. Every frown has me wanting to wipe it away with a joke. But I keep quiet, just happy that we’re here, spending time together. My fingers ache to creep towards her and stroke that tiny sliver of skin that’s exposed between her jeans and t-shirt, but I keep my hand firmly at my side. I haven’t earned that right yet. We’re here, together, but there’s still a great big divide between us. A divide I’m determined to bridge, brick by brick, now that she’s given me the chance.
The movie ends, and chatter picks up around us, but I’m oblivious to it, my attention on Aspen. Sitting up, she reaches for a sour gummy and pops it into her mouth. My taste buds pucker in sympathy as I watch her suck it. I don’t know how she can stomach it.
“Tell me ten things you hate about me.”
It’s damn hard asking that question, but there’s so much that’s unsaid between us and there’s no way we can move forward before confronting the issues that caused our downfall.
She frowns, licking some sugar off her thumb. “You want to do this here? Now?”
I look around, taking in the people scattered around us. This is not a conversation I want people to overhear.
“Maybe not. How set are you on watching Grease?”
“I’ve seen it. It was one of Mom’s favorites.”
It’s all the permission I need to pack the basket and fold up the blanket before taking her hand and leading her back to my car.