34. Chapter 34
Chapter thirty-four
Aspen
T he last few weeks of fall pass in a whirlwind.
Every spare second I have, I spend at the rescue overseeing the work being done. The week after the charity event, Aiden gave me a quote for all the things that were beyond my ability to do.
My eyes lit up because, finally, I could afford to have it done. I didn’t have to scrimp and save anymore. They say money can’t buy you happiness, but in this case, I disagree. I’m in a permanent state of euphoria, seeing the speed at which things are being completed.
Working on it by myself, while satisfying, was extremely slow going. At the pace I was going, it would have taken me years to get it up and running. The way it’s looking now, I’m planning on opening on the first day of summer.
And all because of my friends.
But that’s not all. On top of all the amazing donations, the event secured me some sponsorships. I know that as the rescue grows, so will the running costs, but it’s a start, and it means everything to me.
I still haven’t used Ryan’s money. It’s safely tucked away in an account until we can agree on what to do with it.
As for me and Ryan, well, he wasn’t lying when he said we’d be taking it slow. A snail could beat him in a one-on-one race at the pace he’s setting.
The first few weeks were one date a week. Then we moved to two dates a week, which eventually became three a week. He’d be the perfect gentleman, walking me to my door and waiting till I locked the door behind me before leaving. Then the physical touches started. His hand against the small of my back when we entered a restaurant, holding my hand when walking me to my door. After that came the kiss on my cheek when saying goodnight.
It’s weird, to say the least. I mean, we’ve lived together. I’ve had him in me, over me, behind me—almost every position you can imagine. His hands and mouth have explored every inch of my body.
I understand now why people got married so quickly back in the day when premarital sex was frowned upon. The sexual tension is a constant simmer that’s slowly driving me insane. The upside, though, is that I’m not the only one that’s suffering. I get perverse satisfaction watching his jaw flex or his hands clench when I accidentally graze his groin with my ass, or his chest or arm with a boob.
It’s as frustrating as hell, but what it’s done though, is give us time to talk. And we have. I thought I knew everything there was to know about Ryan, and I did mostly, but now there’s nothing he holds back from me. Shame, embarrassment, hopes, dreams—he lays everything bare. And I do the same.
I wish I could say every date with him is perfect, but it’s not. Sometimes, we’d be out somewhere, and I’d remember something, or catch a glimpse of a woman with red hair, and all the feelings of anger and betrayal would come barreling back. It’s like a switch would flip in my brain and I’d be right back there, experiencing all those emotions, and I’d be filled with uncertainty over my decision to move forward with Ryan.
He’s so attuned to me, though, that he immediately notices when that happens. He lets me experience those emotions without trying to influence me, waiting for me to show him what I need from him.
I watch the darkened countryside as we drive. “You didn’t say where we’re going.”
He grins. “I didn’t.” He darts a glance at me, not bothering to hide the boyish excitement in his eyes. “It’s a surprise.”
“You know how I feel about surprises.”
“Tough. This is something I have wanted to do since the raffle. Had to wait for it to snow, though.”
Frowning, I look back out the passenger window of his car. If he doesn’t want to tell me, no amount of begging or coaxing on my part will convince him otherwise.
It’s been snowing on and off for the last two weeks, leaving the ground covered in a thick blanket. It’s beautiful and serene, and it won’t be long before the work on the rescue has to stop.
He turns down a dirt road, and I crane my neck, but all I can make out are snow-covered trees.
Finally, he turns into a driveway, pulling to a stop at what looks like a barn. I look around in confusion. It’s nighttime and we’re in the middle of nowhere. Rounding the car, he opens my door.
“Come, you’re going to love this.”
I’m still looking around when the barn door opens, and a woman, who looks to be in her sixties, steps out and greets us. She’s quickly followed by a man, leading a gorgeous black Percheron, pulling an open sleigh.
“You didn’t.” I grin, bouncing on the balls of my feet.
He nods, smiling at me, his eyes shining with emotion that wraps around my heart. “It was a prize in the raffle. I couldn’t enter because I was an organizer, but I’ve been biding my time.”
He knows I’ve always loved horses, but I’ve never had the opportunity to learn to ride. It’s always been a want, not a need, so it was low down on my list of priorities. A, one day , kind of thing.
And okay, I won’t be riding one tonight, but just being out here, being around one, is enough for me.
Ryan has to drag me away from Joe—seriously, who names their horse Joe?—and in no time, we’re bundled under a stack of blankets, clomping down a snow-cleared path winding through the trees.
Small trail lights dot the path, their soft glow not quite reaching the trees, casting the surrounding forest in mystery, while strategically placed lanterns hanging off trees cast intermittent tiny pools of light in the otherwise darkness surrounding us.
It’s so freaking magical, it feels as if I’ve been transported into a fairytale world.
We’re silent as we soak in the tranquility, Ryan’s arm around my shoulders, our bodies pressed together for warmth. It’s the closest we’ve been in months, and the heat of him, the scent of him, catapults me straight back to the time when we were happy.
My hand isn’t tentative as I put it on his leg, sliding it up so that my fingers rest against his groin.
Because tonight is the night he stops courting me and starts fucking me. Enough is enough.
I feel his body tense, and then his breath leaves him on a shaky exhale when I start stroking him over his jeans. I keep my eyes on the surrounding forest as I stroke. Cup. Squeeze. His hand covers mine, guiding me, adding pressure to where he needs it. Biting my lip to hide my smile, my fingers reach up to toy with his zipper, before retreating down to the song of his disappointed grunt.
Yeah, buddy. That frustration is what I’ve been feeling for the last month.
The sleigh ride ends, and with a hasty goodbye, Ryan drags me to the car. The ride home is a blur, and then we’re out of the car, a tangle of hands and lips, tongues and teeth, stumbling our way to my door. We’re barely through the door before I’m slammed against the wall, Ryan’s hard body pressed against me. His fingers slide into my hair, tugging my head back.
“You like teasing me, babe?” he murmurs, sweeping his thumb over my cheek, his eyes moving over my face, the heat of them touching me everywhere at once.
“Turnabout is fair play—”
He seals his mouth over mine, trapping the rest of my words in my throat. I shove my hands under his sweatshirt, my nails raking over his warm skin. His tongue wages war in my mouth, intent on conquering, but I battle him just as fiercely.
Ripping his mouth from mine, he gasps. “Bed, where’s your fucking bed?”
Grabbing his hand, I drag him to my room, my heart beating a mile a minute. It’s so fucking on.
“Babe, I’m warning you, it’s been too long since I’ve had you. Tonight I’m not going to be a gentleman. Tonight I’m going to fuck you.”
His voice is like gravel, giving Jordy a run for his money. I recognize the look in his burning eyes. It’s the look that has me shivering in anticipation, remembering all the times he had me screaming in ecstasy while I orgasmed.
“Good, I’m sick of this courting business.”
We don’t take our time undressing, each piece haphazardly flung in our desire to get as close as possible. To get to the skin that’s been denied to us for so long.
Pushing me onto the bed, he yanks me to the edge, dropping to his knees. The first touch of his lips, his tongue, has me jolting up, my toes curling.
He licks, he nips, he sucks, and I’m writhing with need, my calves cramping with how hard my toes are curling.
His free hand clamps down on my stomach, holding me down, tethering me to the here and now.
The lust that’s been simmering is a raging inferno, and when his fingers push inside me and his thumb presses down on my clit, I explode with a choked cry, every muscle in my body contracting.
His fingers slip out of me, but he continues stroking my stomach, watching as I ride out the waves until I’m a sagging boneless mess on the bed, my body shivering with aftershocks.
It’s only then that he moves, prowling up my body. A lion on the hunt. “I want to beat my chest knowing I am the one that made you come like that.”
He’s always been possessive of my pleasure.
Our eyes lock together, and he lowers himself over my body. I don’t have to think about it; instinct takes over and I wrap my legs around him.
The head of his cock pushes against me and my hips shift restlessly, eager for the feel of him, practically begging him to fill me.
“Please, Ryan.” I’m not above begging. I crave the intimacy being connected to him will bring. I need it like I need air to breathe.
Taking mercy on me, he pushes in, inch by slow inch, until he’s seated as deep as he can go, our groans echoing each other.
My breath leaves me in a shudder, and I think he’s going to move, but he doesn’t. Instead, his eyes roam my face, his fingertips caressing down my cheeks.
“Do you remember the night we met?”
It takes me a beat to process his words, and then I’m frowning. He promised me a fucking and now he wants to talk?
I nod in reply because, frankly, coherent speech is not what I want right now. I’d much rather be screaming his name.
“I walked into Frosty’s and there you were, sitting next to Rose in our booth.”
“Why are we talking about your sister again while we’re having sex?”
“Shut up, brat. And we’re not having sex. We’re making love.” His grin is a quick thing before he turns serious again, and I refrain from rolling my eyes. Barely.
“She introduced us, and when you looked at me, my purpose in this world became clear. I didn’t question it. I just knew I was meant to love you.”
My physical lust for him recedes, replaced by a different type of lust. One that’s more visceral, one that I feel in the marrow of my bones. A lust for his words, his feelings, an affirmation of everything he feels for me.
I blow out a shaky breath, my eyes prickling with tears. It was the same for me. He captivated me from the moment I met him.
“And later,” he continues, unaware that he’s completely wrecking me in the best of ways, “when we left, I told Carter I was going to marry you. He didn’t question it either. He shrugged and told me if you know, you know.”
I don’t realize I’m crying until his fingertips brush my tears away.
“I thought I had lost this. Us.” My lips are shaky as I whisper the words, not afraid to bear my deepest fear to him.
“I’m so fucking sorry, baby. Hurting you…it’s the single biggest regret I have, and I’d rather die than hurt you ever again.”
His fingers tighten on my cheeks, and he drops his head, kissing me, tenderness in the slide of his lips, the stroke of his tongue, the whisper of his breath against my lips. We’re physically connected, but more than that, we’re connected on a level that transcends physicality.
He moves inside me and, contradicting his earlier promise, his movements are slow, unhurried, showing me with every slow twist of his hips, every breath he shares with me how much he loves me.
This time when I come, it’s not explosive, but no less intense, my inner muscles fluttering and squeezing him.
Breath ragged, he burrows his head between my neck and shoulder, his body stiffening before groaning as he jerks inside me.
I’m still holding him, coming down from the endorphins swarming my body, when he presses his face harder against my neck, his body jerking. My breath hitches in sympathy with his, and I clutch him tighter against me, burrowing my face in his hair, breathing in the scent of home.
Him.
He’s my home.
My ringing phone jerks me from a deep sleep. By the time I’m awake enough to realize it’s my phone, it stops. Cursing, I roll against a grumbling Ryan, my body craving his nearness and his heat. We made love again after that first time, although I can confidently say that we fucked, because that time he delivered on his promise to fuck me. As if he felt he had something to prove after breaking down in my arms.
Then we spent what felt like an eternity kissing, sharing breaths, and murmuring words of affirmation, and by the time we succumbed to exhaustion, we fell asleep wrapped up tightly together like a tangled DNA strand.
I’ve just closed my eyes when Ryan’s phone rings.
With a curse that would make a virgin blush, he grabs it, jerking it to his ear, and barking out his unhappiness without lifting his head from the pillow.
He listens for a few seconds, then jerks upright.
“Rose, Rose, calm down,” he barks, all traces of exhaustion gone from his voice.
Concerned, I sit up, clutching the comforter against my chest.
“Calm down and tell me what’s going on,” he demands.
I grab his arm, shaking it, mouthing that he needs to put it on speaker. He jabs at the screen and Rose’s hysterical voice fills the darkened room.
“She’s gone. Nobody knows where she is. Nobody can find her.”
My heart beats faster; dread an insidious snake slithering through my veins and pooling in my stomach.
“Who Rose? Take a breath and tell me who.”
“Maya,” she sobs. “Maya is missing.”