Chapter Eighteen
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
MERE INCHES SEPARATED them in Pulse’s bed. Talia couldn’t stop staring at his relaxed face as he slept. He could make millions as a model for men’s cologne or underwear. Her lips quirked as she imagined his annoyance at a photographer trying to position him and snap hundreds of shots. He’d hate it. Pulse was born for a high-energy, high-stakes job. His ability to remain cool under pressure and not let his emotional side take over made him perfect for trauma nursing.
His hand rested on her bare hip, nearly cupping her ass as he slept. The small smattering of dark hair sprinkled on his chest tickled her as they drifted off to sleep, wrapped up in each other. Her fingers itched with the desire to stroke through it and trace his tattoos, but she wouldn’t risk waking him. He’d worked a twelve-hour shift and then had a distressing night. The man deserved as uninterrupted sleep as he could manage.
How long had it been since she’d slept the whole night with a man? Years, close to a decade. Early in college, she’d had a longish-term boyfriend who’d cheated with a close friend of hers. It had taken until law school for that wound to heal. Not because she’d loved the man or even missed him much, but because the betrayal made her mountain of trust issues grow taller.
After months of pressure from her friends during law school, she’d accepted a date from a nice guy who worked at a lounge they frequented. Their date went well, really well, so she went out with him a second time. Then a third and fourth, and so on, until he asked her to be exclusive after two months.
She’d wanted to say yes. At that time, it felt like the man had singlehandedly healed her wounded heart, given her hope, and swept her off her feet. But growing up with a prominent criminal attorney as a father taught her more than how corrupt the legal system could be. It taught her never to take anyone at face value. It taught her wolves often hid in the softest, fluffiest sheep’s clothing.
So she’d run a background check on the man she’d fallen hard and fast for. Not only was he married, but he sent his wife to the hospital on more than one occasion. He never found out she was the one to tell the cops where he’d be one night so they could serve his arrest warrant. That man was now serving time for aggravated domestic assault.
After that, she’d given up on anything more than the rare hookup and definitely no sleepovers.
Until tonight.
They’d gone straight to his bed when they got to his apartment. Pulse had stripped her down, kissing and touching everywhere before giving her another spectacular orgasm with his fingers this time. Then, he’d wrapped her in his arms, and they passed out, practically glued together. Unfortunately for her, sleep only lasted an hour or so, and now she was wide awake in the pre-dawn hours, watching a man sleep.
What was it about him that made her break all her rules for self-preservation?
Pulse’s eyelids fluttered, then opened, and she stared into the sleepy gaze of the man who twisted her up inside. He smiled, and foolish butterflies danced through her stomach. Didn’t they know it never ended well?
And yet she couldn’t help how her heart sped and hope flared to life.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered as she finally let her fingers reach for the warm chest they wanted to touch. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
His grin didn’t falter as he said, “Then you shouldn’t have been thinking so hard and loud.”
Talia grimaced. “Sorry.”
He kissed her. She sighed into his mouth as she melted into him—just a little bit. Not enough to lose her badass-woman card, but she did melt.
“I’m teasing you.” He tugged her in until their bodies were flush. It was then she realized their legs had been entangled all along. They’d slept as one instead of two separate bodies.
God, she was falling too hard and too fast.
“Can’t sleep?”
She shrugged. “It’s hard to turn my mind off after last night.”
“Does that mean I didn’t do a good enough job wearing you out?” he asked as he slid his hand down to her ass and squeezed.
Her smile came instantly. “No, you did a fabulous job. The best job ever. There’s just a lot going on, you know?”
“I know.” He opened his mouth as though to speak, then pressed his lips together.
“What?”
Pulse sighed. “You’re not going to like this.”
She drew her head back so she could see him better. “I’m not going to like what?”
He had a girlfriend.
A gaggle of kids.
He picked his nose.
Alarm bells blared between her ears.
“I think I need to tell the club about my past.”
What? “Oh.” She blinked as the words registered. “Pulse, you can’t. You told me yourself that they’d…” She shook her head. She refused to put those words into the universe. “You can’t. It’s not safe.”
He kissed her mouth, her forehead, and back to her lips.
Tears came to her eyes. He’d made his decision. There’d be no talking him out of it. Her gut told her it’d be a waste of breath trying to convince him otherwise.
“Why?”
“They deserve to know. What’s going to happen later today when the cartel comes looking for me disguised as the DEA?”
“We’ll hide. We won’t be here.”
“And where is the first place they’re going to turn when they can’t find me?”
Her heart sank. How could she not have thought of this herself? She was too close to think objectively.
“The club. They’ll go after your club.”
“I can’t do that to my brothers. To their women. I can’t put them in that kind of danger without at least a warning.”
Her heart needed to slow so it didn’t explode. His club was his family, his world, and he loved them. What would that be like? To have people in her life she’d sacrifice her safety and her own life for? To care for someone, to love someone that much?
Terrifying .
And yet, as she gazed at the handsome face on the pillow beside her, she realized she might know what it felt like.
And that was too frightening to deal with.
“When I patched, I took an oath. I made a promise to my brothers. We protect our own no matter what. No. Matter. What. None of us are good men by society’s conventional standards, but we all know the truth. Those men, my brothers, are the best goddamn men in this world. If I don’t come clean now, I’m robbing them of the opportunity to live up to their oath. And I’m breaking mine. I’ve already broken mine by keeping secrets, but they can’t deny I’ve been there for every one of them when they needed it. I’ve held their ol’ ladies’ hands. I’ve stitched their wounds. I’ve fought by their sides. Now, I need to warn them of the danger and ask them to return the favor, even if I don’t deserve it. I need to trust in the oath we took and trust in my knowledge that they are better men than I am.”
Her throat constricted until she could barely swallow. Damn him, why did he have to make so much sense?
“Pulse… I’m terrified for you.” A tear slid down her cheek. Very rarely had she let a man see her cry, and she’d never thought it would happen again, but something about this man had all her shields crumbling.
He swiped the tear with a strong yet gentle thumb. “I know. And I need you to do something that’s gonna go against every ass-kicking instinct that you possess.”
Oh shit. She drew back. “What?”
“I need to ask you not to come with me when I talk to Curly.”
“ What?” She jerked her head back. “Are you out of your mind? Absolutely not. There is no way I’m letting you do this alone. What if they—”
He kissed her once, hard and fast. “Exactly. What if they… if this goes tits up? You can’t be there, Talia. I won’t put you in danger.”
“Pulse, no.” She shook her head so fast his face blurred. “ No .”
“Talia, I’m not asking.”
A hysterical laugh bubbled out of her. “Excuse me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
His face changed before her eyes. Gone was the warm, generous lover she’d spent the night with and, in its place, the federal agent who’d taken down a vicious cartel. “It means you’re not coming when I tell them,” he said in a hardened voice.
“You have met me, right?” she asked, unable to keep the distraught edge from her voice. “Because the way you’re talking makes it seem like you think I’m someone who takes orders. And most people figure out I’m not after spending about five seconds with me.” She sat up, yanking the sheet up to cover her nakedness.
How fucking dare he think he could tell her what to do.
Pulse also sat, scooted close, and wrapped his arms around her. “It will kill me if something happens to you,” he whispered in her ear. “I could be reading this all fucking wrong, and they might end me right there on the spot.”
And he thought she’d allow that? That she could live with herself if she sat on her thumbs while he ran into the firing squad?
“That’s why you need me there,” she said with a choked sob. The idea of his club coming after him made her sick. “I could—”
“No,” he said, kissing her shoulder. “Baby, we’re a fucking outlaw MC. There’s not a damn thing you could do. If it goes wrong, I don’t want you to see. I don’t want that to be your last memory of me. It’ll break me.”
“Pulse.” The tears flowed freely now. She no longer cared about her pride or how she looked in his eyes. The only thing that mattered was keeping him alive. “You’re playing dirty.”
His lips met the shell of her ear. “When it comes to keeping you safe, I’ll play as dirty as I fucking have to. I’ll cuff you to this goddamn bed to keep you here if I gotta.”
It wasn’t an idle threat. Pulse wasn’t the type of man to make them.
Her heart sank, and she sighed. “Fine,” she whispered as she turned to face him. “But I want you to promise me two things.”
“Anything.”
“Wait a few hours. You’re operating on an empty tank right now. Sleep a little more. You’ll need to be sharp and not fuzzy because we were up half the night screwing around.”
A lazy grin curled his lips and made him look damn near irresistible. “No better reason to be fuzzy,” he said as he leaned in and kissed her neck.
A shiver raced up her spine. She tilted her head to give him better access. What the hell was wrong with her? There he was, ordering her around, being an ass, and preparing to charge into danger, and she was ready to jump him.
“Pulse, this is serious,” she said, pushing him off.
He sobered at once. “I know.” His weary sigh had a twinge of guilt twisting in her stomach. “What’s the second thing?”
“Call me the second you get there and the second it’s over so I can tell you how stupid you are.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He chuckled. “I’d never deny you that opportunity.” He tugged her back down with him. “Come on. You wanted me to sleep. Only way that will happen is if you’re beside me.”
They wiggled around until her back was to his front, tucked into the crook of his body with his solid arm holding her close. Physically, she’d never been so comfortable. Emotionally? Well, that was a tangled mess she couldn’t begin to unravel.
Pulse’s breath on her neck evened out within a matter of minutes, which wasn’t surprising considering the night he’d had. Talia, on the other hand, stayed wide awake. She considered Pulse to have above-average intelligence, but maybe she needed to reconsider that with how easily he’d accepted her compliance. He wasn’t the only one who would play dirty to protect the ones he lo—cared about.
She stayed that way, thinking and plotting until the sun began to show itself through his window. Pulse still slept like the dead behind her. He hadn’t shifted once. His heavy arm still anchored her to him. Talia bit her lower lip and turned as slowly as possible to her back. Once she’d flattened, she worked her way to the edge of the bed one inch at a time, holding her breath to keep from moving his arm more than she had to.
When she’d made it about halfway free, he grunted.
Talia froze. Could he feel the pounding of her heart beneath his arm? Would that be what woke him?
He made a low snuffling noise and then rolled away from her to face the opposite wall. Talia remained as still as a statue, not daring to breathe for another five minutes before sliding out of the bed. Without a sound, she gathered her clothing and tiptoed from the room. Once she reached the foyer, she quickly threw her clothes on, slid her feet into her flip-flops, and slipped out the door like a shameful morning-after fleer.
When she got into her car, she pulled out her phone and texted Curly.
911. Need to speak to you and Spec ASAP.
She stared down at the phone. “Come on. Come on. Please be awake.”
The reply came before her screen went dark.
Clubhouse. Now.
Thank God.
On my way.
Her car started without a sound, a benefit of having an electric vehicle.
Pulse would be beyond furious when he found out what she’d done. He might never speak to her again, and she couldn’t say she’d blame him. As much as the thought of him dumping her felt like a knife to the heart, this was something she had to do.
If she had a fraction of a chance of keeping the club from viewing Pulse’s past as a betrayal, she had to take it. She’d never be able to live with herself if they cast him from the club—or worse—and she’d sat at home like the good little lady as he’d ordered.
Fuck that.
Talia had spent the majority of her life trusting her gut. She’d been kicking ass for this long, and she’d be damned if she stopped now.