Chapter 38
I pace. It’s all I can fucking do. Again and again and again.
Reese’s bedroom isn’t small, but it’s starting to feel like a cage. Walls closing in, air too thick, my own thoughts louder than anything else in the room.
I’ve been in a slow spiral since leaving my apartment, but I’ve forced myself to hold it together. Barely. Felix sat on my lap the entire drive out here, and I really think that dude deserves the official title of emotional support animal. He’s an asshole sometimes, but he’s my asshole.
However, now that Reese and I are alone, I can’t stop the vortex sucking me in.
Reese is leaning against the dresser, watching me pace across the room, not interrupting, not trying to calm me down. Which is probably smart because I’m about two seconds away from biting someone’s head off.
“Seven years,” I snap as I continue pacing. “Seven fucking years, Reese.”
“I know.”
“No, I don’t think you do,” I fire back, gesturing wildly. “Because apparently my life has never even been mine. None of it has been real. The kidnapping, the fallout, me destroying your resistance.”
My voice cracks on that, and I hate it.
“Cason—”
“And now we find out it was all engineered?” I laugh, but it’s completely devoid of humor. “That he just…what? Set everything up like some long-term science experiment?”
Reese doesn’t answer, and I don’t blame him. What the fuck is he supposed to say to any of this?
“I haven’t been in control of a single fucking thing since that basement.” My chest feels too tight, like I can’t get a full breath. “Not one fucking thing. I got kidnapped and manipulated and used. Then I died—fucking died—and came back with powers he probably already knew I’d have.”
I finally stop, coming to stand in the middle of the room as I look at Reese. I hesitate, the anger catching on something even heavier.
“How many times?” I ask, my voice quiet because it’s at risk of breaking.
Reese doesn’t pretend not to understand. A beat passes, then, “Twice.”
Something sharp and aching settles under my ribs while pieces of me shatter for him. My own death wasn’t exactly a fucking picnic, but to be put through that twice? Against his will?
Damn Malcolm to the deepest, darkest pits of hell.
“Tell me one thing.” My voice is still soft, even more unsteady now. “One thing in my life that hasn’t been touched by him.”
Silence.
Reese’s jaw tightens. He can’t, and neither can I.
“Even this.” I gesture between us. “Even you. That started because of him.”
Something flickers in Reese’s expression at that. “Don’t,” he says quietly.
I shake my head, and when I blink, a tear tracks down my cheek. “No, I’m serious. What part of this is actually ours, Reese? What part of this isn’t just another move in whatever game he’s playing?”
“That’s not—”
“How do you know? How do you know this isn’t exactly what he wanted too? Us together, walking straight into his next setup?”
Reese pushes off the dresser and takes two slow steps toward me. “Because I’m here by choice. And so are you.”
I scoff. “Am I?”
“Yes.”
“You sure about that?” I challenge, stepping closer, heat rising under my skin. “Because it feels a lot like I’ve just been reacting to everything he set in motion. And I’m tired of it,” I admit, quiet and raw. “I’m so fucking tired of not having any control over my own goddamn life.”
He takes one more step, nearly closing the distance. “Then take it.”
I blink. “What?”
“Take control,” he repeats, like the meaning of what he’s saying should be obvious.
“That’s not how this works. I can’t just—”
“You can.”
There’s something different in his tone, something just beneath the surface that I’m not understanding, like I’m meant to dig for it.
“Reese—”
“Do you want to fuck me?”
Oh.
It takes at least a solid second for my brain to come back online.
“That’s your solution?” I ask, incredulous. “I’m having a fucking existential crisis, and you’re offering sex as a coping mechanism?”
“Seems pretty on brand for you.”
I laugh, and this time there’s actually a hint of true amusement in it.
“I’m offering you control,” he says.
That shuts me up because…yeah, I prefer to bottom, but I do like to top. And topping Reese? Fuck.
My dick is already hardening in my jeans.
“You want something that’s yours and only yours?” He moves even closer until there are barely inches in the space between us, his voice going lower. “Something that doesn’t belong to Malcolm, isn’t part of his plan, isn’t something he can touch?”
My pulse kicks, and when his eyes briefly glance at my throat, I swear he can see it.
Then his gaze meets mine again. “Then take it.”
Something inside me snaps.
All this time of being pushed and pulled and manipulated and broken, and suddenly there’s something in front of me that isn’t being taken. It’s being offered.
I swallow hard, then…
I shove him.
Reese goes backward without resistance, the backs of his legs hitting the bed before he sits down onto the mattress with a soft thud.
And then I fucking pounce.
I dive onto his lap, straddling his waist and fusing my mouth to his as I start tearing through his clothes.
Our kiss is messy and reckless as buttons pop off his shirt and go flying across the room.
After I tug his shirt off his shoulders and toss it somewhere behind me, I remove my shirt next, the connection of our lips breaking for only a second as I get it up over my head.
Reese’s hands go to my waist, and he grips them tight as he grinds my body down on his, both of us groaning into each other’s mouths.
Reluctantly, I break the kiss, but my lips don’t leave his skin.
They travel over his jaw, then I kiss and lick my way down the column of his throat.
He brings one hand up to rake through my hair as I suck one nipple into my mouth, then the other before journeying lower.
He arches into my touch, making soft noises like he’s holding back.
“I want to taste every fucking inch of you,” I tell him without my lips breaking contact. “But I’m also really fucking impatient to find out how your ass feels around my cock.”
His cock gives a jerk hard enough for me to feel it through both of our clothes.
That’s worth taking my mouth away from his skin long enough to pop my head up and stare at him, raising a brow and not even attempting to hide my smirk.
“What?” he asks, smirking right back at me. “Am I supposed to keep it a secret that I’m curious? That I want to see how it feels for you to fuck me? Not to be fucked. But for it to be you.”
I forget how to breathe for about five seconds.
Then I shove him until his back hits the bed and then move further down his body.
“Good.” I hold his gaze as I get his belt and pants undone, trying to convey intimidation but pretty sure I’m failing. “Because there won’t ever fucking be anyone else.”
He smiles down at me like I might as well be purring. “No one but you, little menace.”
I don’t let those words settle as deep as the last and slow me down because I’m getting really fucking impatient. Moving quickly, I yank off his pants and underwear, then do the same with mine. I reach for my glasses to take them off, but Reese stops me.
“You could leave them on if you want.”
I smirk down at him again. “You want me to fuck you in my glasses?”
“They look good on you.”
“You’re about to look good on me.”
He groans softly as I push his legs apart and settle between them before leaning over and running my tongue up his length.
“Fuck, I love your cock,” I moan as I take him in my hand.
“Yeah?” He tilts his head and grins down at me. “Do you want to show it how much you love it?”
It doesn’t escape my notice that he asked me if that’s what I want.
“I’m going to show more than your cock.”
His brows dip, but before he can ask what I mean, I sweep my tongue up his balls.
He grunts, and his hips give a little thrust. I swirl my tongue around the head of his dick, then lick across his slit, playing with it until he finally starts getting louder.
Grinning with satisfaction, I move my mouth to his balls again and take one in my mouth, sucking on it.
His breaths get heavier, and it’s all even more satisfying than I thought it’d be.
“Holy shit,” Reese moans. “I love your mouth.”
And my mouth wants more.
Raising up on my knees, I stare down at him for a moment, appreciating the sight of his flushed chest rising and falling, a little of that pink creeping into his cheeks where his lashes flutter.
“Roll over.”
His eyes open and briefly narrow, but then they quickly relax as though it took him a second to remember that this is my fucking show.
He huffs but then does what I said.
And just like that, I forget how to fucking breathe again.
How does this man have the most perfect ass in the fucking universe?
That’s entirely unfair.
Actually, no. The universe knows exactly what it’s doing because at least I’m the one who gets to look at it.
“Cason?”
Apparently, I was looking a little too long.
I finally tear my eyes away from his ass to see Reese peering at me over his shoulder. I open my mouth, and nothing comes out. He grins when I clear my throat.
“Rest your head on your arms.”
He crosses his arms and lays his cheek on top of them.
“Knees up and under you a little. I want your ass in the fucking air.”
His breath hitches, and I can sense some hesitation starting to surface. Even so, he does it.
He’s actually letting me be a bossy brat, and, yeah, I’m kind of fucking here for it. It’s still not my preferred role in our dynamic, but I think it’s doing what it was meant to. Also, knowing Reese would only ever be like this for me and that he trusts me enough for it…
Before I can get too sentimental about it, I grab his ass in both my hands, kneading his cheeks.
“If there’s a golden ratio for asses, yours is it.”
Reese laughs, and that seems to help him relax.
I lean over his back so I can get my mouth close to his ear and whisper, “Remember when I offered to eat your ass all those years ago?”
A shiver runs through him. “How could I forget?”