SYLVIE
When I reached the docks, I saw Aedan waiting for me outside the main gate.
His face was upturned to the rising sun, as if he was bathing in pure morning.
He hadn’t seen me, yet, and he had an expression of beatific joy on his face, as if he was doing something he loved, something he hadn’t done for a long time.
Which seemed weird. I mean, he was free and single. If he wanted to get up at this ungodly hour, he could, every morning. So why was he only doing it now?
Unless...he hadn’t had a reason to, before.
“Hey,” I said, to get his attention.
He looked around and, for just a second, I saw those big blue eyes shine as he looked at me. The way they lit up made my heart dance. A hot little thrill went through me, the sort I hadn’t felt in a hell of a long time.
And then he seemed to catch himself and look away. I could almost see his defenses slamming back up. His shoulders tightened, his brow furrowed. “You’re late,” he muttered.
It was 6:35. “There’s no way you can possibly call this late. It’s the middle of the night. We could go for a coffee and come back and it would still be too early.” I yawned and considered that. “Actually, could we just do that?”
He ignored me and nodded at the road. “C’mon.”
And he started to jog at an easy pace. Well, it was easy for the first hundred yards. Then I started to feel it.
“Okay,” he said, not out of breath at all, “Now start punching. Jab, jab, jab, cross, like I showed you.”
“While I’m running?”
“You think that girl you’re fighting is going to stand still while you hit her?”
I tried to punch and run at the same time. It wasn’t just doubly tiring, it was about ten times worse. Every punch threw off my stride. Every stagger threw off my punches.
“Come on,” he told me. “Women are meant to be able to multi-task.”
I huffed for air. “Traditionally,” I managed, “aren’t you meant to be riding a bike alongside me?”
“When you’re running fast enough that I need a bike, I’ll let you know.”
We ran, with me jab-jab-jab-crossing and him snapping orders at me. The sun slowly rose behind the cranes and moored ships, turning the water to glittering gold. I had to admit that I’d been missing out, never seeing sunrises.
We ran right down to the water, where there was an old, disused wooden pier. Some of it had collapsed and its stout wooden legs were all that were left on one side, stretching out into the water like stepping stones.
He veered off from me and jumped onto the first of the wooden legs, then jumped onto the next and the next, using them like stepping stones. When he reached the end, he turned on the spot and jumped back along them. He was as steady-footed as a mountain goat.
“I want you to try that, eventually,” he said. “To work on your balance...and get you out of your head.”
“Out of my head?”
“You’re too much in your head. Not enough in your body.” Was it just me, or had he hesitated before he’d said body? As if thinking of my body tripped him up. “You think too much. You need to feel it more.”
I was still jab-jab-jab-crossing, panting, now. “You’ve—lost—me,” I managed.
He thought about how to explain it. He still wasn’t out of breath. “Your body’s just a vehicle, to you. Something to carry your brain. You’ve got to start feeling it. Feel the road under your feet. Feel each punch. Be in your body, not in your head.”
It sounded like mystical boxer bullshit to me, but I nodded.
And, as we ran on, I tried to do what he said.
I tried to feel the air whistling past my fists as I punched.
I tried to focus on the feel of my legs flexing with each step.
I tried to stay out of my head and its thoughts of Aedan, jogging easily alongside me, his pecs stretching out his t-shirt, those wide shoulders rocking from side to side, his big blue eyes regarding me so solemnly… .
“You’re in your head again,” he told me.
I gritted my teeth and kept trying. And slowly, despite the distraction of Aedan and his damn eyes, I started to feel it. It still sounded like mystical bullshit, but my body did start to feel more like me and less just a thing I gave orders to. I felt less floaty and distant, more grounded.
By the time we reached the halfway point and turned back the way we’d come, it felt natural. By the time we reached the pier again, I was buzzing with the feeling. My muscles ached and my lungs burned, but I felt alive.
I veered off the street and ran for the pier.
It was still too early for traffic and it was so quiet that I could hear every scrape of my shoes on the asphalt, every rasp of the fabric of my sports top as I twisted and punched.
As I approached the stepping-stone pier legs, I quit punching and held my arms out for balance.
“Um—” said Aedan.
I ignored him. How hard could it be? I jumped to the first one.
..and landed, swaying a little. Shit. The legs weren’t as big as they’d looked, maybe a foot in diameter.
But I couldn’t stop now. I jumped again and landed on the next one, swaying a little more.
Another. Another. I was over the water, now, and it suddenly looked a long way down—eight or ten feet.
“Sylvie, I said you should try it eventually….” Aedan called from behind me.
In less than thirty days, I was going to be in The Pit. I couldn’t afford eventually.
I jumped again. One foot hit the pier leg...but right at the edge, and the other foot missed it completely. My stomach lurched as I felt myself tip to one side, arms windmilling...and then I was falling towards the water.