Chapter 10 #2
I’m frozen, watching the boy I love get pinned to the ground while he screams his innocence.
I can’t do anything.
My phone buzzes.
I look down at the screen through blurred vision.
@inherentvice
Nice day for an arrest, isn’t it, sweet girl? Drew quite the crowd.
My blood turns to ice.
No.
No, no, fuck no.
I pivot on my heel, my eyes immediately drawn to the shadows in the depths of the woods behind the library gardens. The woods where Kai chased me, then fucked me. Where I tried to choke him and failed.
In those woods lurks a fucking monster.
Watching me.
Watching us.
Bastian, leaning against a tree with his phone dangling from his hand as he rakes his fingers slowly through his hair.
Perfectly calm. Perfectly composed.
Thoroughly enjoying the fucking show.
My hand moves automatically, reaching for the person closest to me. I don’t even know who they are—their face just a blur from the corner of my eye.
Bastian raises a finger to his lips.
Shh.
Slowly shakes his head.
Don’t.
The threat couldn’t be clearer.
I don’t know what he’ll do if I point him out. But I know it’ll be worse than this. Somehow, it’ll be worse.
He beckons me with a curl of his finger.
Come here.
I shake my head, mouthing, “Fuck you,” with all the vehemence I can muster.
Turn back to Kai.
He’s still on the ground, yelling and struggling, putting up such a fight that the campus police haven’t been able to cuff him. A third cop dressed in a different uniform appears, and all the blood leaves my face.
Deputy Thatcher.
He glances down at Kai, and then immediately looks up toward the crowd where I’m standing. I’m not sure if he was purposefully looking for me, but he locks on me, regardless. His mouth moves as he speaks to one of the security guards trying to cuff Kai, but his eyes don’t move from mine.
My phone rings.
I don’t need to look to know who it is.
I answer while my eyes are still locked to Thatcher’s. He’s much too far away to hear, but the crawling sensation going up my spine makes me cup a hand over my mouth, anyway.
He can probably read lips, and I’m sure as fuck not taking a chance.
“What the fuck did you do?” I hiss into the phone as I take a slow step back.
Officer Martin reaches Thatcher, and the deputy breaks eye contact with me to speak to him.
Bastian chuckles into my ear. “Some of my best work. Now come here, sweet girl. I want to speak to you.”
“Fuck you. You went too far.” My voice is shaking. I’m shaking. Everything is shaking.
“I did exactly what needed to be done.” Bastian sounds amused.
“There’s no way this is going to stick. Kai was with me.”
“Come here, Haven.”
“Fuck you. I’m not going anywhere with you, you fucking psycho—“
“You want our boy to go to prison?”
I whip my head around to glare at Bastian. He’s still in the same spot, and the instant our eyes lock, a slow smile spreads across his mouth.
“Kidnapping. Assault. Attempted murder. That’s a couple of years. Is that what you want?”
My breath catches. “There’s no fucking way—“
“Oh, sweet girl, this isn’t my first rodeo. But it might be his last.”
I can’t answer. Can’t breathe.
My chest is too tight, my skull ready to crack from the pressure building inside.
Bastian sighs into the phone, rubbing his jaw as he watches me from the shadows.
“You’ve reached a fork in the road, Haven. Unlike Alice, it matters very much which path you choose.”
A memory surfaces, drawn from the dark recesses of my mind as if Bastian just spoke a magic word.
A worn-out copy of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland is nestled in my lap as I sit huddled in the corner of Dad’s single wide. I’m squeezed in beside the TV set and the thin wall, thumb in my mouth, a thick strand of my dirty hair wound around my fingers.
Thump—thump—thump.
I turn the page, staring at the black and white pictures inside, ignoring the words because I can’t read yet. I don’t even know what reading is. Just like I don’t know what fucking is.
Thump—thump—thump.
The crinkled page turns stiffly in my chubby fingers. Someone—probably me—spilled juice on the book, and ever since it’s been a chore to turn the pages. Several of them are still fused together, pictures forever sealed shut.
I get to one of them now, and huff out through my nose when I realize it’s one of my favorite pictures—the one of Alice no bigger than a thumb, holding a tiny twig for a puppy. I jam a finger between the pages and try to pry them apart, only for the top one to tear away like tissue paper.
Thump—thump—thump.
A harsh, guttural sound comes through the wall. Then the sound of flesh meeting flesh. The same sound daddy’s hand makes when he hits my bum because I’ve been naughty.
The TV set next to me turns on with a hiss of static and crackles. I cower a little deeper into my corner, trying to keep my toes and my legs and my book in the shadows.
The recliner just out of my view creaks as someone sits on it.
A can snaps open. Beer fizzes, then glugs. A belch, as recognizable as all the other sounds.
“Make us a sandwich, princess,” Daddy says.
I carefully push my book under the gap beneath the TV set and crawl out of the shadows. Daddy doesn’t look at me as I hurry past, his eyes glued to the TV.
Thump—thump—thump—thump—thump—
I grab the bread and the jelly and the peanut butter and stand on the footstool that lets me reach the top of the kitchen counter.
I can only find one clean plate—well, it’s clean after I tip it over and send the roach scattering onto the linoleum floor—so I stack the sandwiches in there as I finish them.
One.
Thump—thump—thump—
Two.
Thump—thump—thump—thump—
Three.
Thump—thump—
Four.
Thump—thump—thump—thump—
I take the plate to the recliner, holding it with both hands and walking slowly so I don’t trip. Daddy’s busy with his special pipe, but his eyes are on me as I come into view with the food.
“You forgot to cut them again,” he says before putting his pipe in his mouth.
“Mommy says I mus’n touch th’ knife,” I whisper, watching fascinated as white smoke appears like magic inside the darkened bulb at the end of the pipe.
“Damn right. Prob’ly cut your fingers off.”
Thump—thump—thump—
I wait, arms trembling from the heavy plate, as Daddy finishes his pipe and takes a sandwich. I’m trying to put the plate down on the coffee table, pushing stuff away with the edge, when he says, “Your legs stop working, you lazy cunt?”
I quickly shake my head, picking up the plate again, my arms encircling the rim as I turn back to Daddy. He widens his bloodshot eyes at me, chin darting forward so quickly I nearly drop the plate in fright. “Then watchya waitin’ for?”
Tears blur my vision as I turn and head for the end of the hall. There are two bedrooms, but this is the only one that has a door. I have to set the plate down on the floor to open it, then pick up the plate and walk inside.
Thump—
I try not to look. I keep my head down and my eyes on the sandwiches, and I nearly trip over someone’s pants they left lying on the floor, but I try not to look—
“What’s the matter, little bitch? My big cock scare you?”
I keep my eyes on the ground as I shove the plate onto the nightstand and spin around, hurrying back to the door.
There’s a slap.
“Why you stopping, Lenny?” Mommy moans. “Leave ‘er alone and fuck me!”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Thump—thump—thump—
Daddy’s slumped in the recliner when I come back, mouth slack, a cigarette dangling loosely from his fingers. I watch it for a second before slowly going over and taking it out of his hand, then just as carefully positioning it on the overflowing ashtray on the recliner’s armrest.
His sandwich is there, untouched.
I take it because I know he won’t miss it after that pipe.
He never does.
Thump—thump—thump—
A tear races down my cheek, startling me back to the present. I swipe it away quickly, checking through my lashes if anyone saw. But everyone is focused on Melissa or Kai, completely ignoring me.
Even Thatcher—his back to me as he crouches beside Kai to speak to him.
“What the fuck do you want?” I whisper furiously.
“Come to me, and Kai will be fine.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, desperately trying to think. But the only thing going through my head is, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God—
“Come. To. Me.”
I open my eyes.
Kai is being hauled to his feet. His face is scraped from the concrete. There’s blood on his lip. And he’s staring at me with an expression that’s breaking me into pieces.
Betrayed. Again.
Abandoned. Again.
I start walking. Away from him, toward the woods. Toward Bastian. Students part for me. Probably think I’m in shock. Probably don’t care.
Abigail passes me with Melissa in tow, triumph in her eyes. Like she won a prize, but fucked if I know what game we were even playing.
I keep walking.
Past the tree line. Into the shadows.
To where Bastian is waiting.
I expect his smile to be more of a smirk than anything else. But he looks strangely…content. Guess that’s what happens when everything always works out for you.
Wonder what that’s like?
“There’s my good girl.”
He offers his hand.
I don’t take it.
I look back one last time.
Kai is still staring at me with that look I’ll see every time I close my eyes for the rest of my life.
Like I’m exactly who he feared I was.
The girl who leaves.
“You’ve already chosen,” Bastian says. “It’s too late now.”
“You’re wrong,” I murmur.
Something’s wrong. It feels like I’m watching this all happening through someone else’s eyes.
A bemused light gleams in Bastian’s dark eyes. He’s still holding out his hand, so fucking sure of himself. “How so?”
“I’m exactly like Alice.”
Something’s broken inside me.
I don’t know where the words are coming from, and I don’t know what they mean until I hear them out loud.
“I thought I knew where I wanted to go, but I guess I don’t. So it doesn’t matter which path I choose, does it?”
His smile grows so wide, he might as well be the fucking Cheshire Cat. The contrast between his neat, dark clothes and the fresh scratches on his neck makes the moment even more surreal.
“What does matter, is who you have at your side,” he says.
And what the fuck am I supposed to say to that?
I take the monster’s hand and let him lead me deeper into the woods, my heart breaking for the green-eyed boy I’m leaving behind.