Chapter 44
Haven
Kai stops when his father arrives.
I don’t mean he holds his breath or goes quiet. I mean, he stops. Like someone hit pause on a remote and forgot to press play again. His chest doesn’t move. His eyes don’t blink.
I’ve seen Kai cruel, violent, broken, desperate, ashamed.
I’ve never seen him terrified.
Every instinct I have is screaming at me to run.
It’s the same feeling I’d get back in Riverside when Bobby came home with that particular swagger.
Danger. Predator. Get out.
But I can’t run this time, because Kai looks carved of stone, and I’m sure as hell not abandoning him.
All of that because this man entered the room.
Richard Jordan is tall, silver-haired, and handsome in that distinguished older-gentleman way that gets you elected to country club boards and invited to charity galas. His briefcase is leather, monogrammed, the kind of thing you see in magazines about ‘men who mean business.’
He looks like the American Dream, not a monster. That’s the thing about men like him. They never do.
Unless you grew up around monsters. Then you can spot them a mile away.
“Happy Thanksgiving,” Richard says dryly as he studies the table of inedible food.
No one moves.
No one speaks.
Sharon’s frozen with her hand halfway to her wineglass. Ezra’s staring at his phone like he wishes he could disappear into it. And Kai…
Kai’s gone somewhere else entirely.
There’s a vacant, faraway look in his eyes that means the lights are on but nobody’s home. Jaw slack, shoulders hunched. He looks like he’s shrinking into himself.
Because he’s trying to be invisible.
Fuck.
“Sit down,” Richard barks at Kai. “Been years since you’ve bothered coming home.” He waves a hand at the food. “Might as well enjoy this fucking feast your mother put together.”
I’m definitely not imagining the contempt in his voice. I’ve heard it plenty from my own father and uncle.
“Sharon? I asked for a beer.” His voice is mild now, but there’s an edge that promises retaliation if she doesn’t obey.
Kai’s mother scrambles to her feet so fast that she nearly knocks over her wineglass. “Of course, darling, of course!”
She disappears into the kitchen, her heels clicking a frantic rhythm against the marble.
Richard surveys the table with an impassive face and bloodshot eyes. They pass over Ezra with a dismissive glance, then land on me.
I force myself not to look away or shrink. I refuse to become the small, scared girl I used to be, even for a monster like this.
“Where do I know you from, sweetheart?” Richard asks, frowning.
“I’m Haven,” I say, and I’m proud that my voice doesn’t shake, even while my entire body cringes at the way he says sweetheart. “Haven Lee.”
“Lee.” He rolls the name around in his mouth. “From the trailer park.”
“Yes.” I feel compelled to tack on a ‘sir’ at the end, but I stop myself.
This man doesn’t deserve respect.
He deserves a shallow grave.
Amusement—maybe even disgust—flickers across his face. “Kai always did have a soft spot for strays.”
I don’t flinch at the insult. I’ve been called worse by better…and I liked it.
“She’s the one Kai used to run away with all the time,” Ezra mutters…like he’s trying to score brownie points with his abusive fucking father.
Richard’s gaze slides to his eldest son. “Shut it.”
Ezra’s mouth goes into a line. He drops his head, staring down at his phone as he scrolls silently through whatever app he’s using to opt out of this family nightmare.
Holy shit.
I reach under the table, fumbling for Kai’s hand. His fingers are ice cold and limp, and he doesn’t squeeze back. Does he even register that I’m touching him?
“Kai?” I keep my voice low, leaning close as I shake his hand. “Kai, hey. Come back to me.”
Nothing.
His unfocused eyes stare into the distance, his chest barely moving. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was dead.
Sharon returns with a beer, setting it in front of Richard with trembling hands. “Here you go, darling.”
Richard doesn’t thank her. Doesn’t even look at her. Just pops the cap and takes a long pull, his eyes still fixed on his son.
“So,” he says, setting the bottle down with a decisive clink. “You gonna tell me what the hell you’re doing here, Kai?”
The silence stretches.
I hear myself say, “We were just leaving, actually.”
Richard’s eyebrows rise. “Soon as I get here? That’s fucking rude, sweetheart.”
“Kai’s not feeling well.” I stand, tugging on Kai’s arm.
For a moment—a beautiful, awesome moment—I think it’s going to work. Sharon’s nodding encouragingly, relief flooding her Botoxed face. Even Ezra seems willing to let us escape, not bothering to look up from his phone, with a twist on his scarred mouth that says good riddance.
I’ve got Kai halfway to his feet when Richard speaks again.
“Sit down.”
I freeze.
Richard’s voice hardens. “I said sit down.”
And fuck me, I do.
I sit back down like the good little girl I swore I’d never be again, because something in his voice goes straight to the part of me that learned very young what happens when you disobey men like this.
Kai sinks back into his chair like a puppet with cut strings.
“If only you were always so obedient.” Richard takes another sip of beer as he eyes Kai. “Now, since you made all this effort to leave whatever hole you’ve been hiding in, Kai, why don’t you tell me what the fuck you were thinking putting your brother in the goddamn hospital?”
“Aw, Richie, please.” Sharon whines in a high, reedy voice. “It’s Thanksgiving, darling. Can’t we just—“
“Quiet, woman.”
She flinches like he hit her.
I know he used to. Kai would mention some of her ‘accidents’ in passing when we were in the woods. His mom’s broken wrist from ‘slipping in the shower,’ the bruised jaw from ‘walking into a door.’
“I told you, it’s nothing.” Ezra’s voice is flat and bored. “Brothers fight all the time.”
“Was I speaking to you?”
Ezra’s jaw tightens, but he says nothing.
Richard’s gaze swings to Kai. “Son. Look at me.”
Kai doesn’t move.
“Kai!” Richard barks.
Slowly—so slowly it’s painful to watch—Kai raises his head. His eyes are glassy, unfocused. He looks like he’s sleepwalking through a nightmare.
“You think it’s nothing too, son?” Richard’s grim smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “I had a cop come to my office.” He stabs a finger into the tablecloth. “Right to my office!”
“I’m sorry, Dad,” Kai manages, but his voice is a whisper. A child’s voice.
“That’s it? You’re sorry?” Richard huffs as he takes another sip of his beer. “Everyone in that office saw me being questioned like a goddamn criminal. But, hey, I guess it’s okay now because you’re fucking sorry.”
Kai’s trembling so much, he stammers when he tries to speak. “Wh-what do y-you want me to—”
“Don’t.”
Kai’s mouth snaps shut.
“I don’t want your fucking apologies. What I want is for you to stop making a mockery of this family.
I’ve spent my entire life building us up from the ground.
We lived in a fucking trailer park and now we have this.
” He gestures at the massive house around us.
“Because of me. Because of what I’ve done.
And all you had to do was be grateful and keep your nose clean. ”
His voice goes deadly quiet. “You’d swear I taught you nothing.”
What the fuck?
A hot, ugly feeling rises in my chest.
Is Kai’s monster of a father honestly berating his son for beating the shit out of his abusive brother, because he brought shame on their family?
“Wanna know what you taught Kai?” I can barely hear myself speak past the rage buzzing in my ears. “You taught him that violence is the only option.”
Richard turns to look at me with utter shock, like a piece of furniture just spoke back to him.
“The hell did you just say to me?”
“You heard me.”
I’m standing, though I don’t remember getting up. My hands are shaking, but thank God my voice is steady because weak people don’t stand a chance around men like him.
“You taught him to hurt the people he loves before they can hurt him first. And Ezra?” I gesture at his scarred son. “Ezra turned into a monster, just like you. So don’t worry, Mr. Jordan. You taught them well.”
Richard doesn’t look away from me as he speaks to Kai. “You better control your bitch, son, or I will.”
And that—that is what brings Kai back.
Light returns to his eyes, his jaw clenches, his hands curl into fists on the table.
“Don’t fucking call her that,” he rasps.
Richard’s eyebrows rise. “Or what? You’ll put me in the hospital too?”
“Maybe I fucking will.”
“Kai.” Sharon’s voice is pleading. “Please, darling, just apologize so we can have a nice dinner—”
“A nice dinner?” Kai scoffs. “Are you fucking kidding me? There’s never been anything nice about this family.
” He points at his father. “You beat Ezra bloody for years, and you—” he swings to Sharon “—just fucking watched. And you?” He faces his brother with narrowed eyes.
“You turned around and did the same goddamn thing to me.”
“Jesus, playing the victim card again, bro?” Ezra rolls his eyes. “Classic Kai.”
“I’m stating facts,” he snaps back.
“What facts? That Dad disciplined us when we acted out? That’s called parenting, you pussy.”
“Discipline?” Kai’s voice cracks. “He broke your arm when you were six! I’ve lost count of the ribs he’s cracked!”
When Ezra just shrugs without looking up from his phone, Kai turns to his mother. “Mom! Tell him what Dad did to us wasn’t normal.”
But Sharon’s staring at her wine glass like it holds all the answers to the universe, if only she could read the dregs.
“Mom!”
She starts, glancing up at Kai with sincere confusion. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” she whispers. “Yes, your dad was strict with you boys, but—”
Kai cuts in with an incredulous, “Strict? Jesus, Mom, he threw Ezra down the fucking stairs the first night we moved into that dump on Hollow Way!”
I remember that crumbling rowhouse—it was a massive upgrade from the trailer park, despite the broken radiator and the fact we could hear the neighbors fighting through the walls. But we weren’t there a week before Richard started drinking.
“You boys needed a firm hand,” Richard says.
“A firm—” Kai’s face is white. “You broke Ezra’s jaw! It was wired shut for a month. He ate through a fucking straw!”
There’s a beat of silence that feels as clingy and charged as the static in a lightning storm.
No one speaks because no one wants to admit to the nightmare they were forced to live through.
“For fuck’s sake, Kai,” Ezra murmurs, glancing at his brother. “Just sit down. You’re not going to win this.”
“I’m not trying to win anything! I’m trying to—“
“What?” Ezra carefully sets his phone down on the table before sliding both hands into his pockets. “Get them to admit what they did?” He chuckles, and it’s the most awful sound I’ve ever heard. “Why the fuck are you trying to save a family you couldn’t wait to run away from?”
“What the hell does that mean?” Kai snaps.
“You left. Every fucking day, every chance you got, you fucking left. Running off into the woods with your little trailer trash girlfriend over there.”
Kai’s face crumples. “So what?” he rasps, glaring at his older brother. “I was just supposed to stay there and take it?”
“I did,” Ezra rasps as he rushes to his feet. “I spent my entire childhood getting fucked up while Mom looked the other way and you ran off to play in the fucking woods, and nobody—nobody—ever gave a shit!”
There’s something wild in Ezra’s eyes now.
I’ve never seen him this manic before.
Richard’s face has gone a deep, ugly red, jaw clenched so hard I can see it from across the table. He wants to shut this down—I can feel it—but Ezra is completely unhinged, and even Richard knows that stepping in front of a runaway train just gets you flattened.
Kai’s brother drags his hands through his hair, and we all just watch, waiting to see if he’s finished.
And from the way his mouth trembles, the way his eyes tear up, it’s obvious there’s more. But it takes Ezra a second to compose himself enough to get it out.
“You wanna know why I came at you sometimes?”
“Sometimes?” Kai chokes out, stabbing a finger in his father’s direction. “You started beating me as often as he beat you!”
“Because I was preparing you, you ungrateful cunt!” Ezra yells. “I knew—I fucking knew—Dad would get bored with me one day and go after you! I thought—”
Ezra cuts off, clearing his throat and swipe at the tears on his face like he’s wondering where they’re coming from. When he speaks, it’s in a quiet murmur.
“I thought if I got you used to it, you’d be able to survive it when—“ He stops. Puffs out a breath. “When I was gone.”
“That’s enough.” Richard’s deep voice is so carefully controlled, it’s obvious he’s seconds away from violence. “Sit down, Ezra.”
Ezra doesn’t even look at him.
“I said sit—”
“Or what? You’ll hit me?” Ezra turns to face his father, and the look on his ruined face makes my blood go cold.
There’s nothing left in his eyes.
No fear, no anger, no fight.
Nothing.
Ezra spreads his arms, messianic in his calm. “Go ahead, Dick. Take your best fucking shot.”
Richard stares at his eldest son with flat, bloodshot eyes, and for the first time since he walked through that door, I realize he has no power here anymore.
Ezra turns away from him like he’s already forgotten he exists.
His face softens as he gazes at Kai, and for a moment it almost looks like he wants to smile.
“Lucky for you, I was more than enough for Dad.”
Ezra might as well have ripped Kai’s heart out.
I’ve always hated him, but if what he’s saying is true…he was trying to protect Kai the only way he knew how.
“Jesus…” Kai mumbles, his face white. “Why didn’t you speak to me? All you did was—“
“You didn’t need me,” Ezra says bitterly as he wipes the back of his hand under his nose. “You never needed me. You had her.”
He swipes at another tear racing down his twisted face.
“You had your girl, and your woods, and your fucking fairy tale romance. You didn’t need me.”
My body shrivels up when Ezra turns his father’s dead-eyed stare on me.
“What the fuck made you so special?”