Chapter 54 #2
When he turns, his expression makes my blood run cold.
“But you’re right,” he says quietly. “I’ve seen your demons. It’s time you met mine.”
He plates the eggs—three portions, perfectly divided—and brings them to the counter. Then he leans against the opposite counter, arms crossed, watching us with dark, fervent eyes, his mouth in a stern line.
My nausea has settled, and the smell is making my mouth water, but I don’t trust myself to eat. Not with that frenzied light playing in Bastian’s eyes.
“I’m not a good man,” he says, spearing a lump of scrambled eggs and bringing it to his mouth. “I’ve never pretended to be.”
“We know that,” Kai says dryly.
Bastian holds up a hand. “You don’t. Not really.” He takes a breath, then another sip of coffee, setting his cup down with precision. “I wasn’t planning to let Melissa go.”
Kai’s fork clatters down onto his plate. I flinch, but my eyes stay glued to Bastian.
I knew he kidnapped her. We both knew that. But I’d convinced myself it was…
What? A game? A twisted teaching moment?
“You were going to kill her,” Kai mumbles weakly.
I find Kai’s hand under the table. He grips me back twice as hard as I hold him.
“Why?” I ask. “Did she have something on you? Did you…do something to her?”
“No. Not yet. But I was planning to.”
“Why?” I ask again, my voice trembling as tears press hot behind my eyes.
We have to know, but I wish more than anything Bastian would stop talking.
That he’d crack a smile and tell us he was just kidding.
That he was a bit of a narcissist, had a bit of a temper, but that was it.
A few minor red flags—nothing some therapy couldn’t fix—and we could still have whatever version of a happily ever after was available to us.
But this is starting to sound less like a confession and more like a Dateline episode.
“Why?” He tilts his head, chewing before he answers. “You two had up and left. I became…frustrated. I needed something to take my mind off you, and coke and booze weren’t doing it anymore.”
“But you didn’t kill her,” I say, grasping for the tiniest scrap of something positive. “You let her go.”
“Yes. To frame Kai.” Bastian points his fork at my boyfriend. “Because he rejected me, and I needed to be in control again.”
Our professor sounds…strange. I’ve never heard him this flippant before, like he’s just relaying facts and none of this actually matters.
“You’ve killed before,” I state, my voice a hell of a lot calmer than my mind.
Bastian sets down the piece of toast he’d just picked up, uneaten. “Yes.”
“More than once,” Kai adds.
“Yes.” Bastian doesn’t even hesitate.
I shouldn’t be this calm. Maybe I’m still in shock after yesterday. I mean, surely, I should be running to the door and plowing through the snow screaming bloody murder.
But, no. I’m just…sitting here, idly wondering if I’ll be able to stomach some food because I feel weak with hunger. I take a sip of coffee, and it’s as if my movement breaks Kai’s paralysis, because he jerks and grabs his cup too.
We both drink coffee and stare at Bastian, and he takes turns watching us back.
“Who?” I ask calmly.
“Did I kill?” Bastian tilts his head again, pushing his plate away, but grabbing a piece of bacon as a second-thought. He bites into it, chewing for a moment, then shrugs. “Your father.”
His eyes flick up to me as if he wants to catch my response.
“His overdose wasn’t an accident. I just made it look like one.”
My father—the junkie, the monster—is dead because the man I love killed him.
Surely I should be horrified. Terrified. Maybe even feel a little betrayed.
Instead, all I feel is a strange, hollow relief.
I give him a slow blink. “Yeah…” I murmur. “I had a feeling you had something to do with that.”
If he’s impressed by my detective skills, he doesn’t show it.
“Who else?” Kai asks.
Bastian’s gaze flicks over to him. “No one you know.”
“Who?” Kai presses.
“Does it matter?”
“Yes, it fucking matters!” Kai’s on his feet now, wincing as his leg protests. “You’re telling us you’ve killed multiple people, and you want us to just—what? Not ask questions?”
“I’m telling you because you deserve to know what you’re getting into.” Bastian’s voice is back to that eerie almost upbeat tone, but I can see the tension in his jaw. “If you want to leave, I won’t stop you. I’ll give you money, a car, whatever you need.”
“And if we stay?” I prompt.
Kai spins to me, and even in my peripheral vision I can see his mouth falling open. “Haven—”
“If. We. Stay?” I say again, enunciating every syllable.
“Why would you?” Bastian doesn’t sound glib anymore. There’s genuine curiosity in his narrowed brown eyes, incredulity in the frown between his brows.
“Did you think your demons would scare us off?” I push my plate away too, leaning in on my elbows. “Or were you hoping they would so you could go back to your uncomplicated life?”
The kitchen is silent except for the howl of the storm outside.
“Did they deserve it?” Kai asks quietly. “Like Bobby?”
Bastian hesitates. “Some of them.”
“And the ones who didn’t?” Kai asks. “Why them?”
“I…” He stops. Starts again. “This thing…I can’t control it.”
“The thing that makes you kill?” I ask.
Bastian nods, his eyes unfocused. “It’s like a craving that builds and builds until I’m forced to satiate it.”
“But you haven’t had that…urge…again, have you? Not since Melissa,” Kai says.
Bastian shakes his head slowly, frowning. “No.”
“Not since we came back to you,” I say.
He looks up, his frown growing deeper. “No.”
“Then maybe…” I slide off my stool, moving toward him on unsteady legs. “Maybe we’re good for you.” I cup his face in my hands, searching his dark eyes. Eyes I’ve seen so many emotions in lately—hunger, fear, anger.
Now, all I see is confusion.
“Maybe we help you control it,” Kai says behind me.
Bastian catches my wrist, pulling my hand away from his face. “Or maybe it’s just a matter of time until it comes back.” His laugh is bitter. “You should be running. Both of you. Instead you’re standing here trying to rationalize the fact that you’re fucking a serial killer.”
“You’re fucked in the head.” Kai shrugs. “But so are we. Haven just carved a guy’s stomach open. I stabbed my own mother. Like I said, we’re not exactly in a position to judge. And even if we were…I doubt we would.”
Bastian stares at him. “You’re insane,” he says. His eyes flicker back to me, the grip on my wrist tightening until I wince.
I step against him, my other hand going around his waist so he can’t move away. This close, my neck has to arch so I can look him in the eyes.
“You’re insane to want this,” he murmurs down to me, the confusion in his eyes crushing my heart like a garbage compactor. “To want me.”
“Makes sense,” I whisper. “Since I’m madly in love with you.”
The moment the words formed in my mind, I knew I wasn’t making them up.
This is right.
This is so fucking right.
And that feeling just grows stronger and stronger.
Bastian goes completely still. “What?” The word splutters out of him, his eyes wide, almost frightened.
I’ve never seen him look this unsure, this uneasy, this…off balance.
“I love you.” My voice is ten times steadier now. “I think I have for a long time.”
“Haven…” His voice cracks. He slides his hands around my waist, pulling me so hard against him I gasp in surprise. “You shouldn’t say shit like that to me. You don’t know—what you’re saying isn’t possible. You can’t love—“
His voice catches.
“I’m a fucking monster. You can’t love—“
“You’re my monster, Bastian.” I reach up to cup his face, glancing over my shoulder at Kai. “Our monster.”
Kai is watching us intently, his chin tipped down so his green eyes are the dark of shadowed moss. “She’s right,” he says in a thick voice, before clearing his throat. “We’re not going anywhere.”
When I turn back to Bastian, he’s staring at Kai. But the moment he feels my eyes on him, he gazes down at me instead.
“You don’t understand—“ he begins.
I push onto my toes and kiss him.
It’s soft and gentle. Nothing like the desperate, hungry kisses we shared in bed this morning.
It’s a poem of a promise I could never articulate in words.
But Bastian understands every verse. I can tell by the way he cups my face and holds me in place so I can’t escape. How he grinds his body against mine.
I taste salt in our kiss, and the jolt of love that goes through me is so overpowering I melt into his arms.
“I don’t understand,” he whispers, sniffing. “How can you—after everything I just told you—”
“Don’t question it.” I stroke my thumb across his cheekbone. “Just trust it.”
“I’ve never trusted anyone.”
“And then you met us.” Kai’s voice comes from behind me. I turn to find him standing a few feet away, his expression unreadable. “Trust us, Rooke.”
Bastian lets out a breath, blinking hard. “I don’t deserve this,” he says quietly. “Either of you.”
“How about you stop being a self-pitying asshole for one second, and help us figure out how to not go to prison?” Kai says.
“You’re ridiculous,” he says.
“Yeah, well.” Kai limps forward until he’s standing beside me. “You’re stuck with us now, so I guess you’d better get used to it, Professor.”
A startled laugh escapes Bastian. It transforms his face, making him look almost boyish.
I sense a lingering doubt, almost like a sixth sense.
He hasn’t told us everything.
He’s told us a lot…but not everything.
There’s one demon he’s keeping locked away in the dark recesses of his mind…but for now, I think that’s exactly where it should stay.
We spend the next hour planning…after meticulously destroying our cellphones. Kai looks miserable as he follows Bastian’s instructions to encrypt his phone’s data and reset it to factory settings, and I swear he even tears up when Bastian hands him a hammer to finish the job.