Chapter 8 Gracie
GRACIE
Trembling, I crawl to my bedroom door and quietly crack it open. The sound of Chris’s voice from below does so much to me. The familiarity and safety is still there, and I’m instantly wrapped up in feelings of longing and desire. I want to rush downstairs and hurl myself into his arms.
But there’s something pernicious there now. Something that scares me.
Having Chris in our home has always been something I’ve looked forward to, ever since I was little. But now part of me just wants him gone.
Get out of my life, I sob, face in the carpet. You lied to me. You ruined me!
My body shakes as I cry. I bite down on my cheek, tasting blood. I’m bitten by a cruel dose of shame. Despite the feelings of betrayal running through me, and my hatred for Chris, I don’t want him to see me this way.
I stretch out my hand to close the door, and that’s when I hear it. Chris’s voice, stronger than I’ve ever heard it: “Tom, I want to marry Gracie.”
A breath chokes in my throat. My body stiffens.
Did I just hear that right? There’s no way. He’s married!
Despite all I’ve seen—the photos, the confirmation of his wedding online—my feelings for him can’t be contained. I still yearn for him, am desperate for approval in his eyes. I want to feel the warmth sweep through me every time I see that fantasy-hero grin of his that no other man possesses.
Somehow, as a tearful and sloppy mess, I manage to get to my feet. I stagger out through the door, trying to wipe my face clean as I descend the stairs.
My father’s voice booms through the house. “You son of a bitch. I trusted you!”
Something shatters. A glass or a plate maybe. Things are getting heated. I rush down the last few steps and swing into the kitchen where the two of them are facing off. My dad’s face is redder than a tomato, and he has his fists up like he’s ready to kill Chris.
“It’s all my fault, Tom,” he says slowly. “I never should have let it happen. If you want to blame someone, blame me. Not Gracie.”
“Oh, you’re damn right it’s your fault!” my dad snaps. He looks ready to kill Chris. “You’re the adult here. You’re supposed to make the right decisions. Gracie doesn’t know what she wants. I spent twenty years keeping her safe, and you were the one person I never thought I’d have to worry about.”
I boil over.
“Stop,” I snap. Both men turn, finally realizing I’m here. “It’s not Chris’s fault, Dad. I knew I wanted him. That’s why I forged my transfer papers and enrolled at Pine Hill in the first place.”
Dad’s face twists with confusion. “You did what?” Guess they hadn’t gotten around to that part of the conversation. I move my eyes to Chris.
“And stop trying to take the blame for our relationship. I’m not some hopeless little girl.”
He lowers his eyes briefly before looking back at me. The concern in his gaze warms me, but I see something with it that stings.
Regret. Slowly, he moves closer and lowers his voice. “I know you’re not, Gracie. I’m just trying to sort things out with your father here. Maybe you should wait for us to finish talking.”
“No!” I snap. “You will not shut me out right now, Chris.” He reaches out for my arm, but I pull back. “We all need to discuss this. And not just what’s going on between us. But what’s going on between you and your wife!”
Chris’s lips part, and his face twists with confusion as I reach for my phone and quickly pull up his wedding announcement. He looks down and covers his eyes with his palm. I flash the phone in Dad’s direction. “Did you know about this?”
To my surprise, he just looks back at me. He doesn’t shout, he doesn’t scold me, he doesn’t tell me to leave. Eventually, he moves his gaze to Chris, then back to me.
“I think that’s something you two should talk about,” he says slowly. “But don’t think this conversation is over.”
Breathing heavily, his shoulders shaking, my dad goes into the living room, leaving me and Chris alone together. He still has his face hidden behind his hand, and a part of me desperately wants to pull it down and comfort him.
But that’s not happening. Not now. Not this time.
I stand there waiting for what feels like an eternity until he finally looks up at me, his jaw clenched tight and his eyes red. Even now, I hate to see him like this.
“You’re married?” My lips sting as the question burns out of them. Chris raises a hand like he expects me to attack him. “How could you not tell me!?”
“Gracie, it’s not like that—”
“Oh, it’s not?” I rage, flashing my phone screen in his face again. “So what is this, then? Are you going to tell me it’s fake? Because if you lie to me anymore—”
“It’s not fake.” I can hear the tension in his voice, like he wants to scream but is holding back. “Technically, I am married.”
I thought I was prepared to hear this, but I’m not. Every muscle in my body threatens to give out. I brace myself against the kitchen table as my phone falls from my hand.
“Technically?” I manage to ask. “What does that mean?”
Chris shakes his head and sighs. “It was a long time ago. Jackie and I got married too quickly, and she cheated on me almost immediately.”
“How did I not know this?” I ask.
“You were young, Gracie. I never brought her around here, and I didn’t talk about her in front of you.”
A tingling hope swells in my chest. Could this be true?
“I was a rising football star,” he sighs. “She was a cheerleader. I think we dated each other because it was expected of us more than anything. There was never any real love there.”
My heart pangs for him. It’s hard to picture Chris in this way. He’s always been so smart, always making the right decisions. “And…she cheated on you?”
He nods, almost smiling, like he’s remembering something absurd. “Yup. I heard the rumors, but I guess I just didn’t want to believe them… And then…”
His voice trails off.
“And then?”
“I walked in on her with my physical therapist,” he replies, his voice sharp, to the point. “And that was it. I filed for divorce the same day.”
“But…you’re still married.”
Again, he sighs. “Technically. Jackie has been refusing to sign divorce documents, doing everything she can to hold things up, simply out of spite.”
I search his eyes for signs of deception but see nothing. As far as I can tell, he’s telling me the truth. A truth that still pains him.
“Why wouldn’t you tell me about this?”
“Because it’s embarrassing,” he sighs. “I want to be the perfect man for you, Gracie. I didn’t want you to know I’d already failed at this once.” He clenches his right fist and slams it against his thigh. “I should have told you, though. You’re right. This is all my fault.”
Tears drip from my chin onto the floor. I’m a mix of chills and overheating and suddenly aware of the pain in my scraped knees from when I fell in the parking lot.
I want to believe him so badly, but at the same time, I still hear Regina’s voice in my mind, planting seeds of doubt that I don’t truly know this man.
“Chris,” I say slowly, my mouth dry and my lips trembling. “Promise me you’re not lying.”
“Gracie, you know I’m not lying. I would never lie to you.”
The pain in his voice cracks me. A vulnerability takes over his face, an emotion I’ve never seen before. There’s no doubt in my mind now that he’s telling the truth.
Relief flows through my body, and my vision blossoms. The world bursts with color as I collapse forward, knowing he’ll catch me.
Chris will always catch me.
The foundation of our future begins to form beneath us, like concrete curing or stone growing up from the ground. He’ll never hide anything from me again. I know that.
Those visions of our life together that I’ve imagined return. I see us together, a family, chained together with unbreakable love.
And then I start sobbing.
“Shhh,” he whispers, threading his fingers through my hair. My tears wet his shirt. His strong heartbeat pounds against my cheek.
“I never should have doubted you,” I manage to choke out.
“No, I should have been honest with you from the beginning,” he replies. “It was Regina, wasn’t it? She’s the one who showed you those pictures?”
More tears stream down my cheeks. “Y–yes.”
“I’ll deal with her,” he says, soothing me with his voice. “But right now, we’ve got to talk to your father.”
His chest swells, and his hands slip under my arms, lifting me upright. I’m still shaking, but the strength in his eyes sweeps into me, binding us together like an invisible rope.
“Yeah.” I nod. “I do.”
Wiping my eyes, I step away from Chris and head for the living room. “Wait, you do?”
“You’re not taking the blame for me,” I tell him. “He needs to hear this from me.”
My dad is pacing the room when I enter, his shoulders rising and falling like an angry bull. He stops and looks at me, then points over me at Chris as he comes in.
“Seriously, Gracie? What the hell are you thinking?”
“I love him, Dad.” I let the words sit a moment and watch as he processes. Then I look at Chris. “It wasn’t a mistake. I knew what I was doing. I’ve wanted Chris for a while now. He makes me feel special and safe. I can be myself around him.”
Chris’s lips twist into a smile, and I see how proud he is of me. All it takes is a tiny little nod to get me blazing inside again.
I can’t believe I doubted him.
“You know he’s a good guy, Dad. Why are you so worried?”
Dad opens his mouth to protest but then grunts, and shaking his head, he slams a fist into his palm. But when he looks back at me, I see acceptance in his face.
“He is a good guy. I guess I just never expected this.”
I take a cautious step forward. “So…you’re okay with it?”
He lets out another deep sigh, licking his lips. I’m buzzing all over. My skin is hot, and my cheeks are stained with tears. It’s going to take me a week to recover from all this drama.
My dad stares at me, giving me that same look he used to give when I was little and he would try to figure what was best for me—if he should give in to my pleading or put his foot down.
The moment stretches on, the muscles tight in his neck. I can see his pulse beating quick and heavy.
Finally, he glances past me and motions to Chris. “Come here,” he says, lifting his chin. “We’ll work this out right now.”
Without hesitating, Chris walks past me, gently moving me aside with his arm. He stands face to face with my dad, like two boxers squaring off for a fight.
“You say you love my daughter?”
Chris nods. “I swear it.”
“And you will protect her from anything and anyone?”
Another nod. “I’d die before letting anything happen to Gracie.”
Something is boiling up in my dad. I can see it, and so does Chris. “Okay, then. Let’s settle this right now.” He raises a clenched right hand and draws back like he’s about to hit him. “One punch. You stay on your feet, and I’ll back off.”
“Dad!” I exclaim, but Chris raises a hand and looks at me. He smiles. “Okay, Tom. Gimme your best shot.”
My stomach clenches as both men brace themselves. This cannot be happening. My dad is tough, but Chris is an ex-football player, used to taking hits.
And then it happens.
Dad twists his hips and swings.
Before I can cry out in protest, a loud cracking noise rings out as his fist slams into Chris’s cheek, spinning his head to the side. I gasp and cover my mouth with both hands, saying a silent prayer.
The floor creaks as Chris’s right food slides slightly to the side, but that’s it. His body remains upright, like he grew out of the very Earth itself. Then, slowly, with a broad grin on his face, he turns back to my father. “Nice right hook, Tom.”
Unmistakable pride flashes across my dad’s face. He snatches Chris by the hand and squeezes, like he’s trying to break his bones with a handshake. “Thanks, pal.” He smirks. “You watch after my girl.”
“With my life,” Chris promises. “With my life.”