Chapter 25
Levi
A haze of red clouded my vision.
The little shit who bullied my daughter might have sparked the all-consuming rage coursing through my veins, but that was only the tip of the iceberg.
I was so fucking angry.
Angry that Maisie was viewed as less than because she was missing part of her leg.
Angry at the woman who didn’t bother to tell me that I was going to be a father.
Angry at myself, because had she come to me thirteen years ago, I would have supported her choice to give the baby away.
Angry that if it weren’t for a twist of fate, my daughter might have never come looking for me, and I would have missed out on falling in love with the most resilient, amazing kid I’d ever met.
“Levi?” The call of my name could barely be heard over the rush of blood in my ears.
An explosion of emotions ripped through me, and I screamed, “My daughter is not a cripple!”
Arizona approached me slowly, compassion written in her blue eyes.
“No, she’s not.” Her hand landed on my forearm.
“But she does have a disability, and that’s something that will never change.
It’s not right, but there will always be people who view her differently because of it. And some of them won’t be kind to her.”
That struck a chord deep within my chest.
A fist closed around my windpipe. “I’m no better than that kid Austin hit.”
My wife’s eyebrows drew down. “What?”
“Pushing buttons to make someone snap? That used to be my MO. And I’m ashamed to admit I got a kick out of fucking with them. I didn’t care that my actions sometimes threatened to ruin the lives and relationships of others. I leaned into the asshole persona, made it my entire identity.”
Her hands found my face. “I know it’s hard not to let the past define you, but you’re not that person anymore.
I’ve seen the transformation firsthand. You’ve become a caring father and a supportive friend.
You’ve changed Austin and Maisie’s lives for the better.
” There was a pause, and it felt as though she was staring straight into my soul when she added, “You’ve changed my life for the better. ”
My eyes slammed shut. “I’ve hurt a lot of people.”
Her thumb stroked over my skin. “It’s never too late to make amends.”
I blinked at her. “You think?”
A smile touched Arizona’s lips. “I know.”
Nodding, I considered what she was suggesting. There were many who might not forgive me—and I couldn’t say I blamed them—but it might bring me peace to apologize. If I wanted to be a better person, I needed to start by clearing my conscience.
Arizona’s soft touch, her comforting words, allowed my heart rate to settle, but the adrenaline crash hit me hard. Sudden exhaustion washed over me, and it became a struggle to remain upright.
Thank God my wife was there to hold me up—in more ways than one.
She didn’t hesitate to loop an arm around my waist, guiding me to the car.
In a voice saturated with self-loathing, I said, “I scared the kids, didn’t I?”
“I think they were more shocked than scared. You don’t usually lose your cool like that.”
I dragged a hand down my face. “When he said that little punk wasn’t even going to get a slap on the wrist, I just—” Looking skyward, I shook my head. “Fuck. I couldn’t control it. I just went ballistic.”
Squeezing my side, she said, “You had every right to. That principal has a duty to protect his students. All of them, not just the ones who threaten to press charges.”
A scoff fell from my lips. “Can you actually believe that shit?”
“Honestly? Yeah. A lot of parents believe their kids are perfect angels who can do no wrong, and any time something happens to them, it must be someone else’s fault.”
How could I argue with that, when for so many years that had been my mindset? I never took accountability, blaming others when things didn’t go my way.
It was no wonder my teammates in Connecticut couldn’t wait to get rid of me.
When we reached the car, Arizona left me on the passenger side, declaring, “I’m driving.”I didn’t have the strength to fight her, so I collapsed onto the seat without argument.
Once I was buckled, a hand landed on my shoulder from the backseat, accompanied by Maisie’s quiet voice. “Are you okay, Dad?”
My lungs seized, and my heart threatened to burst. This was the first time she’d ever called me Dad instead of Levi, a major milestone in our relationship. My only wish was that my daughter hadn’t been forced to lose so much to make this beautiful moment possible.
Reaching up, I squeezed her fingers. “I’m fine, sweetheart. More worried about you.”
Her shaky inhale sounded as Arizona pulled out of the parking lot. “Words can hurt just as much as being punched, you know?”
I hadn’t before, but I did now.
And I silently vowed to do everything in my power to be the type of man Maisie could be proud of from this day forward.
I crashed out hard when we got back to the house, sleeping through dinner. When I woke, the last traces of sunlight cast the sky in a tapestry of pinks and purples.
Needing a moment of peace to reflect on not only today’s events but my actions in the past, I grabbed my running shoes and managed to slip out the back door without anyone noticing. Traveling down the path that led from my property to the beach, I took off running as soon as my feet hit the sand.
Emotions slammed into my chest one by one.
First came regret. Maybe if I hadn’t been such a blatant womanizer, Maisie’s birth mom wouldn’t have felt the need to hide her pregnancy from me.
Then shame. I’d been outright cruel to others, and there was simply no excuse for how badly I treated them.
And finally, grief. Grief over missing out on being a part of the brotherhood that my teammates in Connecticut had created. Grief over missing out on almost thirteen years with my daughter. Grief over missing out on love.
Drenched in sweat and feeling somewhat lighter, I turned around and began jogging back home.
When I got within sight of the house, I noticed a small figure sitting in the sand, staring out at the ocean.
As I drew closer, I slowed my steps, my chest heaving after my impromptu workout.
I dropped to the sand beside my daughter. “It’s late. Shouldn’t you be in bed by now?”
Not taking her eyes off the waves illuminated by the moon, Maisie shrugged. “No school tomorrow, remember?”
Right. How could I forget that, in my fit of rage, I’d pulled both kids out of school without a backup plan?
“First thing in the morning, I’ll set up some tours at local private schools,” I promised.
She sighed, her fingertips ghosting over her prosthetic leg. “There’s no hiding that I’m different. People are always going to pick on me.”
The calm from my run vanished, and my blood pressure spiked. “That’s unacceptable.”
“Maybe. But it’s true. We can’t change schools every time it happens, because there will be ignorant, hateful kids everywhere we go.”
I grabbed her hand. “I understand that, I do, but at a bare minimum, you deserve a learning environment where you can feel safe. A place where administrators handle bullying appropriately.”
“That’s fair,” she agreed.
Something had been nagging at the back of my brain since we’d left the school. “Did it bother you, what he said? Obviously not the reason, because that’s not true, but about your mom giving you up?”
Dark lashes fluttered to kiss Maisie’s cheeks. “Yeah, a little.”
Swallowing thickly, I said, “If you want, we could try to track her down. I know she wasn’t in the Find Your Family Tree database, but if I hired a private investigator, I bet they could find her.
” I hated that I’d slept with so many women—half of whom I didn’t even bother to get their names—that I couldn’t give my daughter this information myself.
There was silence as she considered my offer.
Then came a shake of her head. “No. If she’s gone to this much trouble to keep her identity a secret, she doesn’t want to be found. And I’m not sure I could survive having my heart broken if she turns her back on me for a second time.”
“Oh, honey.” I pulled her into my arms.
It was inconceivable to me that anyone could not love this girl, but I would respect her wishes.
“It’s okay.” Maisie nodded against my chest before peeking up and giving me a glimpse of her glassy eyes. “I have you and Arizona and Austin.”
“Don’t forget Nana and Papa,” I teased.
She leaned into it, adding, “Plus a couple of hot hockey uncles.”
I reared back. “Oh no. You can put that thought out of your head right now. Even the rookies are way too old for you.”
A mischievous grin curved on her lips. “A girl can dream.”
Hockey boys were trouble. Yes, there were exceptions to the rule, but a large majority were playboys, only looking to get laid—I was a prime example of that.
Like she could sense I was about to spiral, Maisie changed the subject. “So, you and Arizona.”
“What about us?”
“You’re, like, kind of a thing now, right?” There was hope in her voice.
I lay back against the sand, throwing my arms behind my head as I confessed, “I want us to be.”
“Why do I sense a ‘but’ coming?”
“But”—I gave her a side-eye—“I’m not sure she’s on the same page as me.”
“Hmm.” Maisie mulled it over. “Why do you think that is?”
“Hell if I know,” I huffed. “Every time I think we’re getting close, she pulls back. It almost feels like she’s afraid. And I can’t figure out why.”
“Have you tried asking her?”
“No,” I replied like a sullen teenager.
My daughter giggled. “Your Austin impression is spot on.”
A laugh was pulled from my chest, but my humor quickly faded. “He’s had it rough. They both have.”
“I think maybe they’re protecting themselves,” Maisie mused.
I turned onto my side. “What do you mean?”