Chapter 6
Chapter Six
It was all a dream.
At least that’s what Felicity told herself before she fell asleep. She assured herself that when she woke up, she’d be back in her shoebox-sized apartment in New York. She would still have her assistant editor job. And life would be as it should be.
Yet when she awoke the following morning, she glanced around. It took her a moment to figure out she was in her mother’s guest room. And then the events of the day before came rushing back to her.
She glanced at her smart watch. It was nearly eight o’clock. She didn’t normally sleep that late. Then again, she’d had problems going to sleep the night before. Every time she closed her eyes, Justin’s image would fill her mind.
She recalled how after her fall, she’d opened her eyes and stared into his chocolatey-brown eyes. Just the thought made her heart skip a beat. How was it after all of these years that he still had a way of getting to her?
Besides, she had no right thinking about him. He was married to Nadia. Anything Felicity had shared with Justin was buried in the past.
She reached for her phone like she did every morning. But she no longer had to check for messages from her boss because she no longer had one. Old habits die hard.
These days she checked to see if she had any responses to the jobs she’d applied to. When she didn’t find any action on her outstanding applications, she did a quick search to find out if there were any new jobs to apply for.
There was one. It was for an assistant editor position. Her heart leaped into her throat. Was this the one? She tamped down her excitement. It was a long shot.
And then she had a worrisome thought. What if it was her former employer looking for someone to fill her position? Her gaze moved over the screen, but the employer wasn’t listed, just a temp agency.
Oh well. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. She applied. It was one more chance for her to find a job by Christmas. Once she’d completed the requested information, she pressed “apply.” And then the waiting began…again.
Before she put down her phone, she noticed that she had a couple of text messages. She opened them and found they were from Melissa, her closest friend at the office—um, at her former employer.
Melissa: How are you? Do you want to go out and grab some food?
Melissa: It’s OK if you don’t. Just let me know you’re okay.
Felicity checked the time stamp. The messages had come in late the night before. She must have been asleep.
Felicity: Sorry. I must have been asleep when you messaged.
Felicity: I’m in Vermont for the holidays.
As she set aside her phone, not expecting to hear back for a while, her phone dinged. She grabbed it again and was surprised to see a response.
Melissa: But you’ll be back soon. Right?
Felicity: Why?
Melissa: Rumor has it that Tanner is drowning. His good looks only got him so far.
Felicity read the message a couple of times. Hope bloomed in her chest. Just as quickly, she tamped it down. He hadn’t even had the position for two weeks yet. Tanner would figure things out.
Felicity: He’ll get it together.
Melissa: I don’t think so. They’re going to beg you to come back.
Hope once again fluttered in her chest. Felicity started to type an optimistic message, and then hit the back button until it was erased.
She’d gotten her hopes up when she was competing for the promotion.
While Tanner was going out after work to have drinks with friends, she’d stayed behind to work for a couple of more hours.
She was always in early, while Tanner meandered in on time.
She worked to keep a clean desk, while his desk was constantly messy.
She’d thought she was doing all of the right things. And it still wasn’t enough. Tanner was charming and was always on hand with their boss’s favorite latte. If Felicity had known how important coffee deliveries were, she would have worked less and bought coffee three times a day.
She couldn’t help but think that Tanner would charm himself out of whatever trouble he found himself in.
It worked in the past. She couldn’t see why it wouldn’t work in the future.
He would just flash those pearly whites, and some charming words would flow off his tongue.
Then all would be right in his world once more.
Felicity: He’s going to be fine.
Melissa: We’ll find a way to get you back here. They never should have let you go.
It did her good to know someone felt that way. She did miss Melissa and her job. Although, she didn’t miss all of the overtime. Maybe Melissa was right. Maybe Tanner wouldn’t work out. Maybe her boss, uh, his boss would realize his charms didn’t get the work done.
Glancing at the time, she realized she couldn’t linger in bed any longer. She refused to be late on her first day of work. It didn’t matter that it was just a temporary gig. The professional in her said she had to be timely.
Felicity: I have to go. Talk later.
Melissa: I’ll keep you updated.
Felicity wished that she wouldn’t. She didn’t want to start hoping for something that wasn’t going to happen. She just had to put it out of her mind.
Determined to put the past behind her and keep it there, she got out of bed. It was time to get on with her day. She had her new—or was it her old—job? Either way, she wanted to show up early to work on those boxes of books.
As she gathered her things to take with her to the shower, she found herself smiling.
It was only then she realized how much pressure she’d been under in New York at her former job.
She’d literally done everything in her power to get that promotion.
It had gotten to the point where she’d hated going to work.
And when she was there, she would get intense headaches.
But not today.
Today, she was anxious to go to work. Her head wasn’t bothering her in the least. She was a little bit sleepy, but some coffee would fix that.
When she stepped into the hallway, she noticed her mother’s bedroom door was closed.
She tiptoed to the bathroom, which was next to her room.
As she rushed through the shower, she found that she couldn’t wait to immerse herself in the shelves of books.
Hopefully, while she was there, she’d get to see a lot of familiar faces.
The hot shower felt good. It eased her tense muscles. After dressing, she put on some foundation, powder, and mascara. Dressed in jeans and a red sweater, she dried her long hair. She pulled it back in a ponytail and she was ready for whatever the day threw at her.
As her thoughts wandered, Justin’s image came to mind. She wondered if he was happy being married. She hadn’t given marriage and kids a lot thought.
Would she be planning her own wedding now if Gary had popped the question? Would she have said yes? She honestly didn’t know. That should have told her everything she needed to know.
After putting her things back into her bedroom, she headed to the kitchen to make some coffee before heading out. As she waited for her coffee, she looked around. Now that the shock of learning her mother had sold her childhood home had somewhat worn off, she looked around.
The apartment was nice. Small. But nice.
And then she realized there were no Christmas decorations anywhere. Was her mother late putting them up? Or had she gotten rid of them when she got rid of the house? A frown pulled at her lips.
She remembered the holidays at the house. Her mother would decorate the entire downstairs. The decorations would start on the front porch with a light-up Rudolph. There would be a wreath on the front door. A wave of homesickness came over her.
In the living room would be a fresh-cut tree.
The scent of pine would fill the room. She closed her eyes, and for a moment, she was back there.
She could smell the evergreen, and her imagination let her see the white twinkle lights wrapped around the tree and feel the warmth of the crackling logs in the fireplace.
And her father would be on the recliner in his stocking feet as he read a book.
Tears stung the backs of her eyes. None of those things were ever going to take place again. The house was gone. He was gone. Everything was gone.
She opened her eyes and blinked repeatedly. Giving herself a mental shake to chase away the memories, she moved into the kitchen. She needed to stay focused on working toward her future.
The coffeemaker just finished filling her mug when she heard footsteps. She turned to find her mother entering the kitchen in her old pink robe and fuzzy slippers. “I’m sorry. I tried to be quiet so I didn’t wake you.”
Her mother waved off her worry. “I have a lot to do today. I’m volunteering at the community center. We’re creating stockings for Santa to deliver to the kids in the hospital.”
Felicity was surprised. She didn’t recall her mother doing these things when she was a kid. Realizing she should say something, she said, “It sounds really nice.”
“You could join me if you like.” Her mother moved past her in the small kitchen to get herself a coffee mug. “I mean, you obviously don’t have to. I just don’t want you bored, sitting around the apartment.”
“I won’t be.”
Her mother turned to her and arched a brow. “You have plans already?”
Felicity grabbed her mug. After adding a couple of ice cubes, she moved to one of the stools at the island. “Actually, I stopped by the bookshop yesterday. Connie needs some help and I volunteered.”
“Oh. That’s nice of you.” She turned her back to Felicity as she picked out a pod to put in the coffeemaker.
Was it Felicity’s imagination or did her mother look disappointed? Or was it something else? She couldn’t be sure. And she wasn’t exactly sure how to bring up the subject.
She looked at the coffee and found the ice cubes had already melted. She took a sip of her still-hot coffee. “I didn’t think you’d mind, since I surprised you with this visit.”
Her mother kept her back to her. “No. Of course not. It’s totally fine. You don’t have to explain anything to me.”
Okay. That was a little strange. She wanted to fix things with her mother, but she had absolutely no idea where to start. Maybe she should start at the beginning.
“Mom, why did you sell the house? If it was money, I could have tried to help you out.”
Her mother turned to her. “It wasn’t money.”
“Then why?” She just couldn’t figure it out. “I thought you loved that house.”
“I… I did.” Her mother opened the fridge and stared inside without reaching for anything. “It was just too much house for one person. The Barbers are a great family with little ones to enjoy the backyard.”
“I know.” She failed to hide the sour note in her voice. “I met them.”
Her mother spun around with her mouth agape. It took her a moment before she was able to speak. “Is that how you found me?”
Felicity nodded. “I was so shocked to see this other family living in our home.”
“I’m sorry. I wanted to talk to you about it, but you were so busy. I had a hard time getting ahold of you. I should have tried harder to reach you.”
“Yes, you should have.” She didn’t recall her mother ever even hinting that she wanted to sell the house. How could she do it?
A rush of anger pumped through her veins. The drink of coffee she’d had churned within her stomach. She wanted to yell at her mother. She wanted to let out the raw pain and the feeling of betrayal.
And yet when she looked at her mother, she saw the pain she was feeling reflected back at her in her mother’s eyes.
It calmed her riotous emotions. Whatever her mother’s motives for selling their home, it appeared it hadn’t been easy on her.
Right or wrong, it somehow gave Felicity a bit of comfort to know the decision hadn’t been made lightly.
She pushed aside her coffee. The anger was still gnashing away in the pit of her stomach. She opened her mouth to say something else, but the words caught in the back of her throat. In her mind, she could hear the echo of her father’s voice: Don’t lash out in anger.
She wordlessly closed her mouth. She had to simmer down before they continued this conversation. Because at this moment, she couldn’t calmly ask her mother how she had just sold off her father’s workshop and all the memories of him. It was too much.
And as upset as she was, she didn’t want to say something she couldn’t take back. Because as things stood, they only had each other. Somehow, this Christmas, they had to find a way back to each other.
The only problem was she didn’t know if it was possible. Was the canyon between them too wide? Was the depth of their anger too deep?
She glanced at the time on the microwave. She needed to get moving if she was going to arrive at the bookshop early. There wasn’t enough time to continue this conversation.
Felicity headed for the closet. She opened it and grabbed her coat. She called over her shoulder, “I have to get to the bookshop.”
“But I was going to make you breakfast.”
“I don’t usually eat in the morning.” And then she rushed out the door.
Tears pricked the backs of her eyes. She blinked repeatedly. She refused to fall apart. Keep it together. She inhaled a deep breath, held it, and then blew it out. She honestly didn’t know if her relationship with her mother would ever recover.
It was only after she was outside the apartment building that she was able to take her first full breath.
How could her mother be happy about someone else living in their home?
Didn’t she miss it? Didn’t she miss the banister that her father repaired numerous times over the years or the window in the living room that would get stuck in the summer when the humidity was high, and her father would somehow get it open so the evening breeze would blow through the house and cool things down?
The tears rushed back to her eyes, blurring her vision. She shouldn’t have come home. She didn’t know why she thought coming back to Kringle Falls was a good idea. It wasn’t.