17. Jaime
SEVENTEEN
jaime
T ruthfully? When Tony had talked about spanking me while on my knees and elbows? And when he told the people watching about the mind games and shit?
I didn’t think he meant it. Well, I knew he meant it, because he’d been all business when we’d met up here earlier. It had been harder than usual to get on his nerves. But I thought it was all talk. I thought I’d somehow be immune to it.
Yet in what felt like a matter of seconds, all that existed was Tony. I existed as an extension of his body, a vessel for him to maneuver as he wished. The pain? It was there, but it was different. I couldn’t focus on it in the way that I did most of the time. I felt the result of each swat and each time he massaged my skin under the false premise that he was soothing and not having fun with the bruises already forming.
I couldn’t remember the last time someone had given me bruises.
I should be more concerned about it, but the thought of asking him to stop or even slow down? I couldn’t imagine anything more dreadful. It didn’t make sense, but there was certainty in the back of my head that it would be the thing I regretted most. It was another new feeling, another new sensation to war with.
Tony chose that moment to deliver another swat, his hand landing against the space where my ass met my thigh. The pain was more biting than it had been on his lap.
My voice wasn’t mine as I responded to the sharpness of it. If I’d been more myself, I would’ve pointed out that the sting wasn’t for me. Right now? I didn’t care.
“The most important part when you’re giving someone a spanking?” Tony spoke to the crowd. Maybe he was speaking to me, too. Had his voice always been this hypnotic? “It’s keeping them in the headspace you want them in.”
Was that why he’d slapped me harder then?
It made sense in a way I wasn’t used to things making sense. Maybe it was just the fogginess.
I lasted three more swats in this position before I completely broke down.
I didn’t even recognize my voice when it happened. One second, I was on the brink of being overwhelmed with the pain, with the mindfuck that came with wondering why it was suddenly so much when it had been tolerable before.
The next second, a sob tore from my throat, and tears followed quickly. My chest felt tight right away, my lungs constricted.
A hand settled on the back of my head.
Tony’s.
“Need a second, pup?”
Y-yeah.
I tried to speak but ended up bobbing my head instead. It really was a good thing that he wasn’t as big on protocol as I’d once thought with all his posturing about old school D/s.
“Can you stay in position or do you want to come to my lap?”
I gulped. He kept his hand on my hair. He wasn’t stroking it exactly—it was more subtle than that—but it felt good.
Grounding.
Before I could answer, I needed to suck in some air and put myself together. I scrubbed my face with my inner arm.
“I…” Truthfully, I didn’t know how to answer his question. I didn’t know what I wanted or what I could handle right now. I just needed a minute. “I can stay here.”
Thankfully, Tony didn’t pull away after I answered. He kept giving those tiny scratches to the back of my head I didn’t quite know how to describe. His hand on me was the thing keeping me together. The only reason I hadn’t asked to go on his lap was that the thought of having to leave that cocoon of safety once more? It was as unthinkable as putting an early stop to this whole thing.
It wasn’t a matter of pride, just necessity of seeing it through.
“Good pup.” Tony sat more comfortably on the floor while he waited me out. It was a strange look with all the leather gear he was wearing. It tugged at my heartstrings in a ridiculous way, though; it softened him up, somehow. I didn’t have a better way to explain it. “Any particular reason why you got overwhelmed?”
“No, Sir.” A shiver ran down my spine. The rooms were always kept at the perfect temperature, but I was more aware of the air surrounding me without the heat coming from Tony’s hands landing on my ass. “I just wasn’t expecting it.”
Tony hummed.
Thank fuck.
I thought he’d ask me to elaborate or follow up with more questions.
“You can keep going, Sir.”
The silence had started off as a balm, but it was becoming stifling, making me itchy.
I gulped.
“Why do you want to keep going?”
The fuck?
I grunted, my muscles tensing, itching to move the fuck away. This obsession with asking stupid questions was annoying.
“Because?” I shook my head before he could say anything. Those tendrils of anger might be wrapping around me, but it didn’t mean I lost all sense. It didn’t mean I needed anyone telling me because was nowhere near an acceptable answer. “I want more, Sir.”
Part of it was that I wanted to prove myself. Another part was the absolute conviction that I needed this. But saying the first part would put a stop to it. Tony’s words from earlier about him being the one who decided that shit resonated in my head.
Saying the latter was more likely to get me the results I wanted, but it left me more vulnerable, too, exposed more parts of myself I was still coming to terms with. It left a sour taste in the back of my mouth—the knowledge that I wasn’t being completely honest, that I was treading that line where one could say I was taking Tony’s ability to consent away.
The thoughts kept jumbling, becoming more complex. My heartbeat kept picking up, too, thrumming in my chest.
I wanted to scratch at my chest so badly.
Tony rested his hand on my ass.
He didn’t spank me, knead the skin, or tease. But that simple move let me breathe. It stilled everything else. Only he and his hand existed.
“Most of you can’t appreciate it from the floor, but the shift in their body was immediate as soon as I placed my hand on them.” His voice was lulling. It should’ve added to my annoyance—the fact that he was referring to our makeshift audience instead of me—but it helped take me back to that headspace where things were quieter. “We know certain kinks, especially those that play heavier with pain, can lead to a sub panicking for any reason.
“Now, there’s not one true valid way to act when it happens.” Tony cleared his throat. He flexed his fingers. I pushed against him, no further thinking involved. There was another flex of his fingers in response. It felt like more of an intentional caress this time instead of simple reflex. “You can put a stop to the scene right away and move on to giving a hefty dose of aftercare. Personally, I like to take a calmer approach.”
That calmer approach better involve getting me off in some way. The lulling helped, but as it seeped through every pore, it brought back awareness to everything else my body was feeling.
I clenched my thighs while biting on my lip. He was trying to explain shit for the newbies. It was not the time or place to snap about how horny I was.
I had some self-control.
“Isn’t that ignoring your sub?” someone from the back hollered.
I didn’t recognize the voice, but it made me tense nonetheless.
Any other day, I would’ve moved to tell them myself what I thought about their bullshit take.
Their tone, rather.
Tony moved so that he could curl his free hand around my arm.
Huh.
Was I that predictable or, worse, easy to read?
“Ignoring my sub would look like continuing to spank him the second he stopped crying. Or before, for that matter.” With him moving, I could get a clearer angle of his face, so I focused on the way he fought to not roll his eyes while his face contorted into a snarl. I knew he couldn’t keep up the patient professor act forever, even though it weirdly suited him. “So far, Jaime said he wanted me to check in if he started crying, which is what I’m doing. What I’m saying is that, when you’re reading someone’s body language, and you feel like they’re on the verge of panicking for any reason? You can put a stop to everything, or you can lean into everything you know about your sub and take them back to a safer headspace where you can renegotiate with them properly.”
I moaned. Renegotiating? Seriously?
Yet, the protest died in the back of my throat.
Tony was making too much fucking sense.
“Any other questions?”
His tone was so sharp, so biting, I wasn’t surprised by the mutinous silence. I could turn my head around and see everyone’s faces and what they were thinking.
I had no interest in it.
The only thing that was interesting was the way Tony shifted his attention back to me. His eyes burned with heat, with a steel focus I wasn’t used to from him. He was always focused, but he usually leaned into that subtle way of his which wasn’t subtle at all. I couldn’t remember one instance where he’d pierced me with his gaze the way he was doing now.
“Color, pup?”
I breathed out. Words lodged in my throat for one, two, three seconds.
“Green, Sir.”
Usually when I gave a D-type the green light, they rushed to do—or continue doing—something. Tony just kept watching me. The steel in his gaze softened a bit, but that was the only change I could see.
It unnerved me.
“What do you truly want?”
“W-what?”
Fuck.
For fuck’s sake, I did not stammer.
I didn’t do it in front of an audience, either.
“Come here.”
Huh?
I was going to get whiplash after this. Why was I actually obeying? I had no idea. It wasn’t even that I was obeying, subtly stretching before going to him. I couldn’t take my eyes off him while I did it.
There weren’t any mirrors in this room, but I knew I had to look a mess. Tony appeared just as unperturbed and in control as he had back when we met earlier. I really didn’t like him when he was all polished and confident.
Well, I liked it.
I just liked it more when, despite that confidence, I could see the way I affected him. I liked throwing him off, keeping him on his toes.
I preferred him the way he was that first time I stormed into his house, half panicked and not sure what he was doing, fighting for every inch I eventually gave him while having to make peace with the fact that it was me provoking him causing all those reactions.
The realization was all I needed. I’d have to think more about what it meant, but for now, it gave me that tendril of smugness I needed to get on his level.
“Why don’t you believe me?” I asked while leaning forward, making myself as tall as I could while on my knees between his legs.
Tony narrowed his eyes. I smirked. That was more like it.
“You sure you want to play with fire, pup?”
I stood straighter, my breath hitching. I’d thought it would take him longer to recover, to hold the reins again.
I wasn’t complaining. No idea why, but I didn’t care to question it too much when Tony was right here, begging to be played with until he…
Until he consumed me.
I really had it bad.
“Is that a threat or a promise?”
For a second, he didn’t respond. He didn’t waver, either, his eyes on me the entire time. He had me trapped with that stare of his. That was how I noticed the minute head shake he gave before he tucked my chin up.
“I’ll give you another chance, pup,” Tony said, his tone leaving no room for games. “What do you truly want?”
That question again?
I swallowed.
I—
“You.”
I didn’t know what I was saying or what it meant. I didn’t like questions that exposed me. I ran away from them on a daily basis. It was my whole thing.
What I definitely didn’t do was answer a question before I was even aware of what I was doing.
But… But the word rang true, and… sure, it annoyed me—it was a matter of principle—but it unlocked something in my chest, too. I could almost hear the lock unlatching. My lungs filled with air before a shudder ran through my body.
“Good pup,” Tony murmured.
His eyes looked somehow softer. It didn’t quite fit with his leather getup, but I was too busy processing why he’d look softer to begin with. And why he knew that was what I’d answer.
It was close to an out-of-body experience as I swayed forward, my eyelids feeling heavier than they did before. Tony caught me and crushed our lips together. I should be panicking, like he’d said. My heart should be threatening to jump out of my chest.
Instead, something about his touch, his mouth, or whatever conclusions I was reaching had me deflating. When was the last time I’d taken a proper deep breath?
I couldn’t tell.
It didn’t matter.
It should.
For the first time, I could float . I could understand what Kara and some of the other subs talked about when they gushed about subspace. I’d never been particularly worried that I didn’t reach that exact feeling.
“That’s right.”
I couldn’t ask what he was talking about. One second, I was soaring on endorphins. The next, both of his hands hit my ass at the same time, the sound spreading through the entire room, blocking my eardrums.
I screamed.
It wasn’t about the pain, just the shock to my system.
Yet I didn’t want to kick, get off him, or vibrate with either the need for more or the impulse to run away.
I just deflated once more, as soon as the sharp heat from his hands mellowed out.
Tony went back to talking about reading a sub’s cues and playing with their head. I didn’t listen.
My eyelids were really heavy.