23. Jaime
TWENTY-THREE
jaime
T ony grabbed me by the collar the second I opened the door. I trusted him to have checked there were no neighbors snooping, but I still rushed to shut the door behind him.
“I missed you, pup.”
My breath hitched.
We hadn’t seen much of each other the past couple of weeks. With finals, I’d been busy cramming all night and Tony had been busy grading.
It sucked. In an ideal world, I would’ve gone to his place—since it was quieter—and he would’ve been tending to my every whim while I worked on beating deadlines and finishing last-minute projects.
So much studying, too.
I didn’t think I was the type who left all their studying for the very last minute, but I admitted it had been a close call.
My head throbbed. I was still recovering, which meant I was more than ready to go down on all fours and let him take over while I ran around.
“Of course you did.” Didn’t mean I wouldn’t show him I hadn’t softened up.
Lesson number one of being a brat was to never let a D-type think they had you.
Tony, of course, didn’t fall for it. “How did you do?”
I groaned. Did we really have to do this? I just wanted to chase my tail and bark an ungodly amount of times.
“Fine?” I shrugged. I also ignored how high pitched my voice went. “I don’t know. I won’t get the grades till next week.”
To be fair, I knew the projects would be fine—unless Gerlach decided to reignite his feud against me, warnings from committees be damned. The issue was the exams. I was terrible at multiple choice tests.
For some reason, all my exams had been multiple choice this year.
I could rant for hours about the stupidity of it, but that would be when I wasn’t nursing a headache.
“Hm.” Tony traced my bottom lip with the pad of his thumb. “Maybe I should give you better motivation next semester.”
“I’m listening.” I leaned toward him.
I’d let him tease all he wanted if it meant he held more of my weight, in whichever sense he wanted.
“Yeah?” Tony hummed. “What if I told you every A-plus you got would mean you got to be on top?”
I held my breath for a moment. “Does that deal apply to this semester?”
I raked through the list of subjects. I was certain I’d gotten an A on at least a couple of them.
I didn’t know about an A-plus.
Dammit.
He really should’ve told me that earlier.
A few weeks earlier.
Now he was dangling the treat in front of me when it was too late to do anything about it—and there was a chance I wouldn’t get to reap any rewards.
Delayed gratification was so not my thing.
Tony tilted my chin up and bit my jawline.
I moaned.
“You think I’m going to trust you with my ass this soon, pup?”
Now I whimpered.
“Please?”
At this point, I didn’t even care who fucked who, but I was desperate.
Cece was in their room. We’d agreed to have a day out tomorrow, and they’d given me permission to be as loud as I wanted with Tony today. I didn’t know why we weren’t at his place. Tony had mentioned something about renovations and wanting to fill up my fridge because he’d seen too many post-finals fridge-related horrors.
I’d been surviving on deep-fried frozen meals, so I wasn’t going to tell him no.
“Patience, pup.”
He let go of me then and walked to the kitchen. It was sudden enough I needed to take a step back to regain my balance. I felt lightheaded. It was cliché as fuck, but I guessed it made sense after this hell of a week.
I knew I only had one more year, but… fuck.
Maybe I could convince Tony to become my Sugar Daddy. Sugar Handler? That didn’t roll off the tongue as easily.
I was going to need one anyway if my plan remained to have my own podcast.
I didn’t think I’d have too much of a problem with being his spoiled pup, so long as the power didn’t get to his head too much.
Being spoiled sounded amazing, actually.
Tears sprang to my eyes.
Fuck.
I really needed to get my shit together. A nap would help.
Ohhh. A nap on top of a very naked handler.
“Come on,” I called out—kind of whined, to be honest. “It’s nap time.”
I knew he was storing all the food he’d brought in the fridge, which was the sensible thing to do, all things considered, but I couldn’t say I saw the appeal in sensible right this minute.
I heard the rustling of the plastic bags before the fridge snapped close.
“Since when do you care about nap times?” Tony asked with a quirked eyebrow while leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen.
I scoffed. “Pups have naps, too, you know.”
Maybe if I played it cool, he wouldn’t notice I’d been on the verge of tears. Solid plan.
Of course, I wouldn’t be so lucky.
Tony crooked a finger, beckoning me. He aced the broody, silent type look when he put himself into it.
Sadly, I was unironically weak to it, so there went my knees.
“What’s going on, pup?”
I parted my lips, ready to say something or deny whatever it was he might be implying.
No sound came out for the first three, four, five seconds. I was timing it out of embarrassment.
“I missed you.”
And I was exhausted, but I figured I didn’t have to give him absolutely all my truths in one go.
“Good.” Tony cupped the back of my head before leaning down to kiss me. A gasp fell out of my lips, my body feeling light in ways it hadn’t all week. “Let’s get you that nap, pup.”
I vibrated in his hold. “Don’t let me spend finals week on my own again.”
“Is that an order?” Tony teased.
I shook my head. I wasn’t sure about what I tried to convey with the move, or if I succeeded, so I licked my lips and tried again. “It’s a need.”
Tony stood straighter. I didn’t quite register why at first. The words had just come out.
It made sense he’d make a big deal out of it. The first few weeks since I’d ended up in his playroom, he’d been on my ass to tell him all about the shit I needed, and wanted, and… whatever.
I was too tired for a trip down memory lane.
“You’ve got it, pup.”
Something about the softness, intermingled with the confidence in his tone, had me bobbing my head like one of those bobblehead toys I pretended not to like.
Something about it also snapped whatever reserves might have been holding me back.
In an almost out-of-body experience, I raised my arms toward him. I didn’t think my voice would work to ask for what I wanted, but Tony was scarily receptive to it. He helped wrap my arms around his neck and bent his knees enough to lift me by the thighs.
“Do you remember where my room is?”
Tony sighed in response. It was confusing. I thought it was a valid question.
Whatever.
I wondered how much longer I could pretend to be asleep. Pawing at his shirt until he’d gotten the message and stripped had been my best idea to date. Maybe I could tell him waking up on top of him—while naked—was another need.
Well. A want. I wasn’t going to abuse the terminology for bratty endeavors.
Not that much, at least.
“Feeling better?”
Shit.
I glanced up at him while wiggling my hips. He only had the thinnest coating of body hair. I loved the almost smooth feel as I stretched all over him.
“Yes, Sir.”
See? I could behave.
Tony wrapped an arm around my lower back and pressed me closer to his body. I was not about to complain. I’d lost all my clothes too, bar my boxers—because boxers were comfy and I didn’t give a fuck—but that meant I was well aware of his cock jabbing against my abdomen.
Hmm. Was I awake enough to suck him off?
“When was the last time you slept more than, say, four hours at a time?”
I could not come up with a date. So I snaked forward and licked his cheek instead. I was nothing if not resourceful.
“Pup.”
Ignoring a warning was also a trait of resourceful pups. Everyone knew this.
“Playtime?”
Tony thrust his hips up the tiniest bit. He wasn’t trying to throw me off, was he? Not that he was going to manage with a weak attempt like that. I was resourceful , dammit.
“Not yet.” He looked up as if he needed the extra help to push the words out. He was being incredibly unfair, so I was glad it wasn’t easy on him. “Cece knocked on the door earlier. She looked like she needed to talk.”
Huh?
I blinked.
Cece had said Tony could stay, and we hadn’t made any noise—on behalf of the fact that I barely remembered getting under the covers. I sat up, though, using my fisted hands to rub the sleep from my eyes.
“I’ll go check.”
Things were still tense, at times. I scrunched up my nose. Tense wasn’t the right word. Cece was still my kink sibling, and my best friend, and I loved them to bits. These past few weeks, especially, I’d spent three times the time I usually spent with them. But I still didn’t know what was going on with them. It frustrated me, but it also meant I couldn’t just ignore it when they looked like they wanted to talk . What if today was finally the day they opened up to me?
A sense of dread filled me. My gut roiled. I wanted them to tell me. I wanted to know what was going on so that I could actually do something—even if that something was just showing support or holding them tight.
That didn’t mean I was looking forward to it. Maybe I was more of a coward than I liked to think, but whatever it was? I knew it was bad, and it would involve lots of feelings and emotions, and I wasn’t sure I knew how to be there for someone without ending up bawling my eyes out or feeling incredibly out of place.
Shit.
I was a terrible person.
No matter.
I gave an attempt of a smile Tony’s way—even though I knew I had to look as if I was heading straight to a slaughterhouse—and jumped over him to start getting my clothes.
I obviously didn’t mind showing skin around Cece—and they didn’t mind if I did, either—but I didn’t know what they wanted to talk about. It would be fine if they just wanted to remind me I had to take out the trash, but it wouldn’t be if the topic was more serious. Regardless of how I felt about shit, I might as well go prepared.
Slippers and a sweatshirt on—because it might be June, but this apartment was hella cold for some reason all year round, I slipped out of my room and walked to the other end of the hallway where Cece’s was.
I couldn’t hear music or anything else, but that didn’t give me much to go on. Cece either used headphones or they claimed music distracted them when they were in the zone.
I hesitated only a second before trying the doorknob. We’d added locks to both our rooms when we’d moved in, so if they didn’t want me to show up unannounced, the lock would be latched.
It wasn’t.
The small fact eased some of the anxiety threatening to overtake me.
“Hey.”
Cece was splayed on their bed, hands behind their head, staring at the ceiling. They had headphones on, but they took them off when they noticed me at the door.
“Hey.” Cece curled up into a slightly hunched, sitting position. “Did you just wake up?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged while dragging myself to their bed. If I tried to stay upright for much longer, my knees were going to buckle. I took a bit longer than the average human to wake up. Sue me. “What’s up?”
“Don’t what’s up me.”
At least they looked to be in a good mood. They’d gotten their haircut freshened up the other day, the red more vivid in the front and bleeding into their shaved scalp at the sides and back. I didn’t fully understand why they let the front part grow long if they always had it tied up, but I didn’t have to understand everything.
Besides, the important thing was that they were taking care of themselves by not letting it get too disarrayed.
“You’re the one who knocked on my door,” I complained. “Tony snitched.”
Cece snorted. They moved to scratch the back of my head before pulling me to them. My head landed on their shoulder.
They’d showered today, too.
I loved their shower gel.
“Spoon me?”
I scooted around right away to get in position. “Feel free to slap me if I fall asleep on you.”
I wasn’t planning to, but I didn’t trust my body quite that much yet. My eyelids felt heavy as fuck, even with all the uncertainty.
“If you fall asleep on me, you’ll surpass your Dom in assholery.”
“He’s not an asshole.” I pursed my lips. “Now.”
Cece shook their head. I pushed them so they were lying down on their side, their back to my chest. My fingers spread wide to cover most of their abdomen.
“What’s going on?”
In my defense, I wasn’t impatient. I’d waited one full minute for Cece to speak first.
“I don’t know what to do.” A shiver ran down their spine as they whispered the confession.
I squeezed them. “About what?”
Cece sighed. I leaned up so that I could get a better look at their face. My stomach fell to the floor as I watched them blink away unshed tears.
Whether it helped or not, I squeezed them tighter, pushing them a bit lower so that my lips brushed against the top of their head.
“I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t apologize.” Just tell me what’s going on, dammit . It felt as if my heart was cracking in slow motion into tiny pieces. “Talk to me. We’ll figure it out.”
Before I’d finished, Cece was shaking their head. I didn’t understand. We’d never kept shit from each other. I’d been there for all their major shit, for every day where dysphoria meant they couldn’t get out of bed while they figured out ways to make it better.
“Are you happy with Tony?”
I frowned. What did that have to do with anything? “I mean, yeah, but?—”
“That’s good.” Cece curled up tighter. “I’m glad.”
“Okay…” It took some constraint to not point out their being glad didn’t tell me anything about what was going on.
I could be a good friend.
A better friend.
Whatever.
“Is it I’d be cool moving in with him good?”
“Um.” My brain short-circuited. I blamed the lack of sleep. “Why would I move in with him?”
“I’m not getting my contract renewed past September,” Cece explained. “I have savings and shit, but I’m thinking of taking a sabbatical.”
“I thought IT geeks couldn’t take sabbaticals.”
Why that was the first thing that came out of my mouth, I had no idea. Cece had joked about it once. The industry moved too fast, so losing a year was career suicide or something like that. I did listen. I just didn’t have the brains for all the tech specifics.
“No, I’d be working.” Cece shrugged. “I’ll just go full-on digital nomad.”
I rolled us over until I was hovering on top of them. “What do you mean?”
“I need a change of scenery.”
No.
I shook my head, pinning them down. “A change of scenery won’t help.”
“How do you know that?” They weren’t fighting me. Cece just sounded defeated.
“Because you’ve been chasing that change of scenery all year now. It hasn’t helped. It’s not going to start helping now.”
My heart started beating too fast, my body forgetting about the exhaustion and the fact that I’d just woken up.
Look, I knew I could sometimes be stubborn and not react to sudden news well, and I would support?—
No, actually, I was not going to support what was clearly a terrible idea. I didn’t need to know any specifics to know that much. All year, Cece had been leaving for weeks at a time. Each time they came back from one of their trips, they might pretend they were fine for a day, but that was it.
As I held them still, Cece’s eyes started watering again. “You think?”
“I know .” I moved up to sit on top of them before my arms started shaking. “Haven’t you tried dealing with whatever this is on your own for long enough? Let someone in, Cece. For fuck’s sake.”
A single tear snuck out, slipping down their cheek. “You were doing so well.”
I huffed. “I’m doing great, thank you very much.”
Cece shivered, but there was a hint of a smile on their face. “I need something to change. And I really don’t want to be in this apartment any longer than necessary.”
So, either whatever it was had happened here or there were too many reminders. My stomach bottomed out.
“I know it’s self-centered as fuck, but did I do something?” I couldn’t come up with anything. It wasn’t about Tony, because they’d been acting weird months before that, but Tony was the only change I could think of in our routine. “I will move. Today. And I will leave Plumas. Do anything you want me to.”
“Don’t be daft.” Cece rolled their eyes. “You really are self-absorbed.”
“Fuck off.”
I pouted. I’d started to feel sick thinking I’d been the one hurting them.
There was no way I could eat anything without throwing up now.
Cece sighed. “You’re good. It’s nothing like that.”
I was just noticing they were pretty much frozen under me. Usually when I was on top of them, they were either trying to grab my arms or pretending to fight me.
Maybe I should move. I just didn’t know how to not make it awkward now.
Ugh.
“Just let me help, Cece.”
At this point, I was giving up all hopes that they’d tell me what had actually happened to lead us here, but… Frustration swelled up. The thing about not knowing was I kept coming up with scenarios, and the longer Cece spent without coming clean, the darker those scenarios became.
“I don’t know how.”
It sounded like the most honest thing they’d said since I walked in. It wasn’t comforting, but I supposed I had to take it or leave it.
I pursed my lips. I was supposed to be the one with the ideas. Sure, Cece could be unhinged and impulsive at times, too, but people looked up to me to come up with shit.
I just…
Huh.
“Move in with Tony. And me.”
“Um. No?”
Yes, it made sense. So much sense. I leaned back on my haunches and bounced. Tony had been full on Daddy-like the last few times I’d met up with him, and Cece needed some of that Daddying, if I said so myself. And he had a ridiculously big house, even though he shrugged it off when I said it because his family house was ten times that size or some other ridiculous reason.
The point was that he had a giant guest room. And he was used to having nonsexual dynamics, so it didn’t matter that Cece had no interest in him.
And he still had to watch us play together.
“Let’s go ask him.”
“Jai.”
“It’s the perfect plan!” I protested before they could test how long to stare at me that way before I caved.
The answer was not long, but I never wanted them to know as much.
“You can’t just ask someone to house me.”
“Watch me.” I noted how they hadn’t complained about Tony specifically, mind you. It only strengthened my resolve—and made me the tiniest bit more forceful when I yanked them out of the bed. “Besides, he’s not just someone. Remember all that stuff he said about being responsible for me, and that also meant handling me if I wasn’t taking care of you?”
Cece squeaked. “I think you’re paraphrasing.”
“So what?” I scoffed, all but carrying them down the hallway.
Usually, Cece was the chillest person on Earth. It was why we clicked. Times like right now, though? They had one mean stubborn streak.
Whatever.
The apartment wasn’t that big.
“Are you decent?” I half hollered when I triumphed and reached my door, Cece pouting behind me.
There was no response for a couple of seconds.
“Give me a minute, pup.” Was his voice grumblier than usual? Maybe. I was going to ignore it. “This better be good.”
“Hey!”
I did not glance back to catch how Cece reacted to that.
It was okay. We all knew Tony wasn’t the best at first impressions or, apparently, reading the room when there was a door between us.
It was a good thing I’d never tried to claim he was perfect.
He was slower than I liked, too. I was starting to shift my weight between my feet by the time he opened the door. His eyebrows etched into a furrow when he caught sight of Cece.
Good, he’d be putting things together in no time. Cece had one of those faces that made it impossible to hide the fact that they’d been crying. Hell, even I could tell when they’d just been on the verge of it.
It was great when it came to making sure they were taken care of. Not so great when they had an online meeting or anything job related and they’d had a rough night.
“So. How would you feel about Cece and I moving in with you?”
No one could say I beat around the bush. It was a gift.
Tony’s gaze shifted between the two of us a couple of times before he moved back into the room. He sat down on the chair by the tiny desk I kept there.
Huh.
In hindsight, I could’ve told him to sit down before springing the news on him.
“For what it’s worth, I tried to stop him,” Cece chimed in, “and I never said I was okay with his plan.”
“Will you shut up?” I huffed. It was playful. I knew Cece wasn’t mad because they didn’t have a problem punching my arm when they were. So, I turned toward Tony and focused on persuading him. “It makes perfect sense. I spend a lot of time there already, bar when I buried myself to study, but you already promised you weren’t letting me do this again. And you asked how I felt about moving in with you eons ago. And Cece doesn’t want to stay here after the summer. And you have a big house. You won’t even notice they’re there. They can help with bills and shit because you know IT people make good money, and they don’t eat that much. I swear.”
“I’m not a pet.”
“You kind of are,” I threw back at them. “And I’m in charge of you, so deal with it.”
“You are not in charge of?—”
“Hey.” Tony raised his voice that tiny bit louder to come out on top of the two of us while he put a palm up. “Did you want to talk to him about moving into my place?”
“No.” Cece shook their head right away. “I was telling him I was thinking of moving away, but he changed my mind. And then I told him about not being able to stay in this apartment, so maybe he could move in with you because I don’t want to, like, put him on the street. My moving in too is all him.”
“You’re not helping.”
“I don’t want to help?—”
“Easy, the two of you.” Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. He did it a lot. I wondered if he was aware of how much of a tell it was. “Jaime, forget all about Cece’s qualities as a roommate. Why do you want them to move in?”
Okay, it had possibly been unreasonable to expect him to go with my plan without any follow-up questions.
Dammit.
For a journalist-to-be, I really didn’t like follow-up questions.
“Well, they are struggling, as evidenced by their far-fetched plan to move out for an entire year.” I did my best not to huff too much while I paused. Cookies were in my future. It was decided. “And you said you were also responsible for me being a good Alpha, and living together is the best way to keep an eye on them. Besides, you’ve been amping up your Daddy tendencies a lot lately, so I don’t know why you’re complaining. Like, here’s someone who needs Daddying! I’m handing them over on a silver platter.”
I shut up because I might not be too proficient reading Tony’s face yet, but I had a feeling that I was making it worse. I had a tendency to do that the more I spoke.
There was another sigh before Tony spoke again. “We’ll talk about that last part and me amping up anything, but I am not going to be someone’s Daddy when they’ve not consented to it.”
“I mean, no, but?—”
Why did everyone have to get so picky over words when I was just trying to do the right thing? Tony knew what I was saying.
He did, right?
Huh.
Maybe he didn’t.
“That said…” Tony leaned back in the chair. I only cringed a bit when it creaked under his weight. “Cece can move in to the house next to mine in September.”
“Um.”
“I own both properties.” Tony sighed. “My parents bought me that property so that I could start building a portfolio when I turned eighteen. I’ve been renting it ever since and bought the one next to it when it went up for sale.”
Sure, because everyone around me owned two properties and got a house as a birthday gift when they turned eighteen. He was, like, less than ten years older than me.
Whatever.
I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. However that saying went.
“Does that work for the two of you?”
Oh. Right. We weren’t answering.
I exchanged a glance with Cece. Regardless of their attempt to appear unfazed and how they’d started out rejecting the idea of Tony helping out, they looked subdued now. Maybe with a dash of longing that wasn’t only in my head.
“It works for me.”
Cece took a second longer to speak. “I don’t want to kick out anyone.”
Tony crossed his arms. “The current tenants leave in August. They were here as part of getting their PhDs.”
Cece pushed forward, even though I didn’t see what else there was to say after that—other than to accept the offer. “I’m not going to stay there for free, either.”
“Jaime just announced you’re rolling in cash,” Tony teased. “I wouldn’t expect anything else.”
“Good.”
I frowned. I wouldn’t say they were rolling in cash. I knew they stayed in this tiny apartment because of me, but I had a feeling Tony was not going to upcharge them, so I kept to myself. If anything, Tony would do the opposite, and I wouldn’t say a word there either.
“Anything else you need to say, pup?”
Yeah, I knew a trap when I saw it. Hard pass.
“No, Sir.”
“Good.” Tony beckoned me forward. “Next time, talk to me alone before bringing someone else into the fold.”
“Yes, Sir.”
I had to bite my tongue not to grumble some more, but that wouldn’t help either of us.