Chapter 15
Chapter
Fifteen
RACHEL
The icy liquid slides down my throat. I’m sharing a half frozen Coke that Sasha’s crushed a lime into. He smiles when I put the glass to his lips.
“I remember this,” he says, taking a swig. “You made me drink.”
“What do you remember from that time?” I ask.
“Parts of it. I remember knowing you were nearby, which I liked.”
I’m glad that helped. He slides an arm around my waist, lifting me and carrying me to the bed. He sits down with me on his lap, the glass still in my grasp.
I swirl the pulverized lime and ice around, then drink the last of it before resting the glass on his shoulder. “You were like a fallen tree,” I say. “Solid. Massive. Sleeping.”
“C said they gave up.”
I look away for a moment, remembering the way they were.
C’d been frustrated and closed down in his grief, unable to sit still for more than a few minutes.
Trick had been drunk and stoned, but I’d caught him hunched over with red-rimmed eyes one night.
I knew it was quietly killing them. Maybe tough men who’ve lost too many friends can’t hold onto hope the same way over and over.
It seemed like it was all they could do to just get through each day.
“I held on. It wasn’t as hard on me because you and I weren’t close then. But I felt for them,” I say. “I’d lost my mom.”
“She’s not dead.”
“No, but she’s been gone for years now. And it never stops hurting completely.
I think that’s the way it might’ve been for them if you’d died.
When someone’s been a fixture in your life, part of every day, someone you’d risk your life for, that’s a different kind of loss.
You always feel it.” I wait, but he says nothing.
Finally, I lower my head to lick the circular bruise on his chest from my teeth.
“I put my mark on you,” I say, glancing at his face.
“Pick your spot and make a permanent one.”
I smile at him. “Should we get matching tattoos?” I ask, tracing the thick muscle that travels from his neck to his shoulder.
“Whatever.”
I move to straddle him, pushing my chest against his as I run my tongue between the seam of his lips. He opens his mouth, and I slip inside, tasting tangy lime and sweet Coke.
He lies back, sending the glass rolling onto its side and launching a couple of ice cubes into the sheets.
My palms rest on his chest, holding me up while I sit astride him.
“Slide that pretty pussy back. I’ve got something for it.”
I smile, glancing over my shoulder to find him stroking his thick cock, which is fully erect, pre-cum glistening on the head. I look back at his face. “Why do you like me on top?”
He puts a hand behind his head. “For the view.”
My nipples tighten and I lean back, stretching my arms over my head. His hot gaze never leaves me.
“Your body’s more special than mine,” I say, moving back, glancing at the expanse of his chest and hard, flat abs. “The top one percent in terms of strength and endurance.” I touch his scar, then raise up and take him into me. I’m soaked and ready, but also sore. I exhale, biting down on my lip.
“Ride me,” he says.
I slide up and then come down. I rub him against all the sensitive places, and I gasp, my back bowing. “More?”
“Yeah.”
I take him deep, over and over. I like the sharp sensations that rattle me, but can’t keep it up. I fall forward and rake my nails over his chest, coming off.
“I’m sore. It’s too intense.”
In a single smooth move he sweeps me under him, kissing me as he reenters me gently. The shallow pulses connect to the way he rubs my clit with his pelvis. He rests on his forearms, his torso skimming over me. He husks out a breath.
“Fuck, that feels good. Can you take a little more?”
I put my hand on his back. “Yes,” I whisper.
He drives deep several times until a little shriek escapes my lips. It hurts in the best way.
He pushes off his hands and is suddenly upright on his knees, his cock out of me. He strokes himself fast.
“Wait,” I say, rubbing between my legs. “Let me do that.”
“Then do it,” he says breathlessly, just as an orgasm hits me.
I ride it out for a few luscious moments, then drag myself up to my knees. I grip his solid girth in both hands and stroke.
I pause to bend down and suck the smooth cap, drawing the salty fluid into my mouth.
“Fuck, Raven.”
I glance up, finding his chest expanding with deep breaths, his eyes closed.
I stroke and suck, mimicking the hard fast rhythm he’d set with his own hand. When he erupts, I swallow, struggling to keep pace.
I watch him. He’s breathing hard, his face strained until the final thrust.
He cradles his head for a second, shaking it. Then his big arms drop. His gaze falls to me.
I lick my lips and smile slowly. “Am I the best you’ve ever had?” I tease.
“Yes,” he says.
That’s likely a lie, but it’s sweet nonetheless. I stand up on the mattress, stopping to kiss the top of his head before stepping off the end of the bed. I land lightly on the floor and look back to find him watching me.
I make a heart with my fingers and keep walking.
When I return from the bathroom, he’s stretched out on his back. “Tell me about your mother.”
I exhale slowly and shrug. I reach the edge of the bed and stop.
“I’m sure she planned to take me with her when she left.
Frank likes to claim that she abandoned me, but I remember that day.
He took me out of school early. I heard later that our neighbor, her friend, was killed for warning my mom that Frank knew she planned to leave.
The man he’d sent had gone to kill my mom, but my mom had gotten away.
That was such a relief for me. But for weeks afterward, I was so scared she’d be found and killed.
He never hid his anger or bitterness. She’d been seeing someone else and that infuriated him. ”
Sasha rolls his eyes. “Hypocrite.”
“Exactly. For years he kept her as a mistress while he was married. He threatened us both to keep that secret. I was never allowed to tell anyone who my real father was. Now he pretends he always treated me like a princess, but I remember the threats. When he was drinking, the threats were graphically violent. She used to hide me in my room whenever he drank because she didn’t want me to hear him, or worse for him to actually do something to me.
He was never physically violent except for a couple times when he’d pinch my arm to get my attention.
It always left a bruise. I think he was angry that I’d been born.
I think he’d wanted her to get an abortion.
“She’d say he didn’t mean anything. He was just drunk, but that I did need to keep things a secret because it would cause trouble and hurt people if I didn’t.
I remember feeling so desperate for his approval when I was young.
Any little nice thing he said I cherished because he could be so brutal.
Later, I saw how he was with C. He treated him like a son.
I guess I’d never seen him with his other kids, so I didn’t know what I was missing.
I didn’t know he could be good to people.
I resented it. I did. I was jealous. But then when I was fifteen, she got involved with a nice guy.
And he was always good to me. And I saw the way C was with you and Trick and I don’t know—I started to see Frank in a different light.
I got so cold inside about Frank, so numb.
It was a relief to not care about his opinion.
” I pause, and then blink, aware of my surroundings again.
“I think, sometimes, things break a person down inside. And then you have to fight to survive. And if you do, you’re never the same. ”
“True.”
“I think I could be totally alone and survive. I wouldn’t like it, but I could do it, especially if it was for a good reason. That’s how I’ve been able to live at Frank’s all this time. It’s a prison, but while I was there, he wasn’t looking for my mom. And Zoe was safe.”
He scowls. “Mentally, you’re a thousand times tougher than Frank. But you shouldn’t have needed to be.”
“A lot of time’s passed. I don’t think he cares as much about my mom’s betrayal.
He’s got a new mistress now. And he renewed his ties to New York.
I think if he didn’t need those threats as leverage over me, he might not even bother to look for her anymore.
I think as long as she stays out of sight, she’ll be okay.
And Zoe’s hooked up with C. It’s up to him to protect her. ”
“It is up to him and the rest of us in C Crue. That’s a given.”
I offer him a small smile. “That’s good. Maybe my work in Coynston is done.”
“Your work protecting other people is. That’s certain.”
I nod, licking my lips. Then I go to the window and push the drapes back to look out. Where would I go if I could go anywhere? I would have to work. Maybe even two jobs at first to get on my feet. But wouldn’t that be an exciting challenge?
“Come back from the window,” he says.
I look at the city lights for another moment.
What if I just left my troubled life behind and became someone new?
I care about Sasha, but he’s right. His life is with C Crue.
C and Trick are his brothers. He doesn’t want to give them up.
I understand that. But it will be a taunt to Frank if I stay with them, dating Sasha.
Frank will never let us live in peace. Sooner or later, he’ll kill one of us and the other will have to live with that. I couldn’t.
I step back and pull the edge of the drapes. The fabric slides, covering the window.
I’m startled when Sasha’s big hands close around my arms. He lifts me and brings me back to the bed.
I don’t mind. I love the feel of his body and love the way he can make my body feel.
I should enjoy this for as long as I can.
Because deep down, I’ve decided the best thing I can do for both of us is leave.