4. LILLY
4
LILLY
“ T hank you, dear.” Mrs Riley's frail hand trembles as she takes the sippy cup from me.
“I added two sugars, just how you like it and extra milk so it won’t be too hot.” I guide the drink to her dry lips, and she takes a sip of the sweet tea. “Is it good?”
She hums, her eyes glinting with approval. “It’s the simple things you enjoy when you get to my age.” The wrinkles around her eyes deepen as she smiles up at me.
“I know what you mean.” I tuck in her loose bed sheet and wheel the tray over to her hospital bed. You don’t need to be old to enjoy the simple things. A nice bath, new lipstick, that first cup of coffee in the morning, the warmth of a good man in bed. That last one is somewhat lacking lately.
Checking the time on my fob watch pinned to my blue tunic, I drag my aching feet to the main desk, wishing I could take a load off, but I have another hour to go.
“Lilly, can I see you in the office?” The sound of Dr Fletcher's curt voice makes my skin prickle.
I follow him into the quiet room. “Is everything all right?”
“Have a seat.” He gestures to the office chair next to his.
Swallowing hard, I drop into the creaky chair. An icy shiver climbs the length of my spine, my usual reaction when alone with him.
He chuckles beside me. “Relax Lilly. You seem tense. Here, let me help you.” He stands behind me and places his hands on my shoulders.
My body locks up as he kneads my tight muscles. His attempts to relax me have the opposite effect. “I’m fine. What did you need me for?”
“You look tired. I like to make sure my girls on the ward are well. You looked like you needed a break.” He continues to rub my shoulders.
I’m pretty sure this is sexual harassment, but the last thing I need is to get on his bad side while I’m training, so I force a smile and swallow the bile rising in my throat.
He sighs with a low groan as he stands behind me, his fingers move to my neck like icy talons on my skin.
My body recoils, but I lock my muscles, not wanting to make a scene.
A buzzer sounds on bed four. I jump to my feet as if saved by the bell. “Mrs Riley needs me.”
“Of course.” He steps back and sits at his desk, the tent in his trousers clearly visible.
Another icy shiver courses through my body. I shake it off as I make my way to Mrs Riley, wondering if it’s just me being over sensitive.
“Night, Lil,” my colleague shouts as I walk to my car. My feet pinch after a full day on the ward—even in my flats—and I have to question why I signed up for this nursing apprenticeship for barely minimum wage. I was making more money as a health support worker.
Slipping into my old Audi, I settle into the seat, the familiar vanilla scent of the air freshener hanging from the mirror relaxing me as I head home.
My two bedroom town house is just a short drive from the hospital, but I know the night’s not over. I still have work to do. But first, I’m going to soak in the tub.
My stomach flips at the red Mitsubishi Shogun parked outside my home on the kerb. Shane pulls a cigarette from his mouth and exhales, the smoke clouding his face like the fog clouding my mind whenever he’s near.
Rolling onto my drive, he stops pacing and walks towards the house in full uniform. Handcuffs hang from his belt, causing a flutter in my core. The sun sets in the distance, giving him a red glow like a fiery dragon with smoke billowing from his nostrils.
Plastering on a smile, I swing the door open with a trembling hand and step outside, ready to face him.
“Hey, trouble.” He flicks ash on my driveway.
I frown. “You know those things will kill you.”
He huffs. “Lung cancer’s the least of my worries right now.” He stubs the cigarette out on my brick wall, then lifts the lid to my bin and tosses it inside.
“Well, at least you’re not littering the place up with fag ends.” I slide the key into the front door and turn. “Is everything all right?”
He trails behind me, following like a shadow as if he wants to come in. “I was just passing on my way home from work. Thought I’d check in,” he says it so nonchalantly, but his stiff posture tells a different story.
Opening my front door, I toss the keys onto the metal dish on the cabinet in the hall. “Everything all right at work,” I ask, wondering why he’s so agitated. It’s not unusual for him to show up here. Since I stopped sleeping with Kane, or rather since Kane’s preoccupied, Shane’s been calling round more, checking in and making sure I’m okay. I guess he never had to look out for me while Kane was always around to do that.
“Fine. Everything all right at your work?” he says, entering my home.
“Same as usual.” I take my coat off and hang it on the hook, manoeuvring around Shane in my small hallway. “Do you want a drink?”
“Sure.” He stops behind me as I slip off my shoes and wiggle my toes. “Long shift?”
“Yes, these twelve-hour days are killers.” I bend over to lift my shoes onto the shoe rack. My breath halts as large hands hold my hips, warmth seeping through my tunic, lighting a fire in my centre.
“I’ll put the kettle on. You put your feet up.” Shane squeezes past me in the tiny hallway.
I rise from my bent position, relaxing with an exhale as he makes his way into my kitchen. “Milky coffee for me, please.”
“I know.” He opens a cupboard like he lives here. I guess he’s been here enough times to know his way around. He even helped Kane fit my kitchen units a few years back. One thing I miss about Kane is how handy he was at DIY. Even if he was emotionally unavailable.
“I’m going to the Black Crow tonight,” he says, filling the kettle.
“Oh?” I wish I could go, but since I’m gaining subscribers, I need to do my live tonight.
“Haven’t seen you down there for a while. Why don’t you come?” He looks back over his shoulder with piercing dark brown eyes.
“Er.” My chest bursts with excitement like a party popper exploding in my lungs because he’s noticed my absence. “I’ve been working. I’m going to take a bath and get an early night.” As much as I’d love to hang out with him at the bar tonight, I have other commitments.
He flicks the switch on the kettle and turns around to face me. Leaning back against the worktop, he stuffs his hands in his black trouser pockets. “Are you sure everything’s all right with you?” His eyes bore into me as if he’s trying to extract the answer telepathically.
I give him my brightest smile. It’s not hard as I’m still giddy from the burst of happiness that he’s missing me. “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“You’ve been working a lot lately. Are you in trouble?” He lifts his hands from his pocket and places them on the worktop behind him. “I mean, do you have money?”
All the excitement drains from me like streamers from the popper falling to the floor. “Why, do you need some?” I deflect. He doesn’t need to know how much debt I’m in. Or how I’m getting it under control.
“Of course not. I just want to make sure you’re all right.” Shane turns his back to me, pouring the water into the mugs. “Just because I’m not with your sister anymore doesn’t mean I can’t bail you out of trouble.”
“Always the hero. But I’m not a kid anymore.” Shane’s protective side is one thing I love about him, but not when he makes me feel like I’m fifteen again. “I can take care of myself. And I’ve been doing just that since Mum went into the home.”
“I know. It’s just…”
I shuffle on my feet, biting into my bottom lip as I wait for him to finish. The sound of the spoon tinkling against the ceramic mug cuts through the tension stretching between us.
He hands me my milky coffee with an exhale, his brows pulled together. “I worry about you sometimes. You’re always there for everyone else. I just want to let you know that I’m here for you. If you need anything.”
“Thank you.” I blow on my hot drink, curling both hands around the mug, warming my palms. It’s nice to know he cares enough to check in on me. Since Fern became a single parent, she’s barely getting by herself. And now I've my brother relying on me for help, but I can’t tell Shane that. They hate each other.
“You can tell me anything, you know.” He lifts his mug to his lips and takes a gulp. “Just because we’re no longer family doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. And if you’re struggling, running yourself ragged, studying and working extra shifts, I want to know.”
“I promise I’m not struggling. I’m just working extra shifts because the hospital is short staffed. You know what the NHS is like.” He doesn’t know my extra shifts aren’t at the hospital. If he discovered the truth, I’d be even more mortified than when he found my box of toys.
The muscles along his chiselled jaw tick as brown eyes bore into mine. I’m sure I can hear his molars grinding together, but I can’t understand why he’s so worked up. Maybe he should borrow my toy box.
I giggle inwardly, silently sipping my coffee, and wonder which toy I’m going to use tonight. Rubbing the tension from the back of my neck, I moan. “I’m ready for my bath.”
Shane takes another big gulp of his drink, his eyes moving from my face to my chest as I arch my back and stretch in my blue tunic. A red hue creeps up his cheek from under his short beard. I’ve never seen him flustered like this before, and I kinda like it.
He places his mug in the sink and clears his throat. “I’ll let you get your bath.” Walking out of the kitchen, he pauses in the doorway, turning back to face me. “See you later.” His gaze rakes my body one more time before turning away from me. “I mean, tomorrow or whenever.”