9. LILLY
9
LILLY
A fter setting up the call on my creator’s app, I fiddle with the lace frill on my satin shorts while I wait for him to join. My heart accelerates. I rarely get like this before a private call. Not since my first few times anyway, but this man makes my spine tingle.
The screen comes to life. A black shadow and outline of him barely visible in his dark room. “Hey, tr—.” He clears his throat. “Hey there.”
“Hello, sir.” I can’t contain my smile. “Do you prefer sir or sarge?”
He huffs what seems to be a laugh behind the black balaclava mask. “Sir is fine.”
“So are you a sergeant?” I hold my breath, thinking of another sergeant I know in the police force.
“I’m second in command of my platoon.” He leans back in his swivel office chair, then clasps his leather gloved hands together.
“A soldier boy?” Fuck my life, not another one, though my brother-in-law has switched his dog tags for a shield and Kane came out of the army years ago.
“I don’t know what kind of soldier boys you’re used to, sweetheart, but I’m all man.”
A smile curves my lips. “I don’t doubt it.”
A low rumble comes through the speaker. “Have you had a good day today?”
“It’s been the same as any other day. Work, eat, repeat.” When I say it out loud, it sounds even worse. My life is not the life a twenty-seven-year-old should live, but with bills to pay and people to care for who rely on me, I’ve little time for anything else.
I always thought I was doing my subscribers a favour by listening, helping them get a release. But I needed them as much as they needed me. Once I’m at home and close the door, it’s rather lonely. I needed the human interaction as much as they did. Still do, which is why I’ve been looking forward to this call all day.
“What do you do for fun?”
This guy. If he’d seen my box of toys, he wouldn’t have to ask that question. I bite into my cherry flavoured lip gloss on my bottom lip. “You wanna see?”
His shoulders shake as if he’s laughing. “Sure.”
I turn around and bend over, giving him the perfect view of my arse covered in bright pink satin. Years ago, I would never have dared bend over in front of a man, but years with Kane built up my confidence in that department. At least I have that to thank him for.
I slide my box of toys from under the bed, then spin around, giving him a glimpse of what’s inside. “This is my box of fun.”
His leather hand rubs over the mask covering his chin. “That’s quite a collection you have there.”
I sit back on the bed and position the box at my side.
“But I meant. Don’t you go out with friends. Have fun? Take a day off?”
I shrug a shoulder. “I haven’t had much time to go out lately, but I went to the local bar last night. Thursday night is pool night for the guys, and I made a new friend.”
“The guys?” He sits forward in the chair, resting his elbows on the desk. “Who are the guys?”
I roll my eyes at myself for mentioning guys. Rule number one in the business is to make the client feel like they’re the only guy you’re interested in. “Just some people I hang out with at the bar. Guys and girls.”
“I want to know more about the men you’re hanging out with.” His fingers clasp together, creaking the leather. “And don’t lie to me. I’ll know if you’re lying.”
His authoritative tone causes my stomach to pull inwards, tightening all the muscles in my core. “Yes, sir.”
He growls behind the mask, but it comes through the mic loud and clear like a wild animal’s mating call. “Are you seeing any of them?”
“One guy is dating the girl I made friends with.” I chew on my lip, hoping that relaxes him a little. “The other is my brother-in-law.”
“Is that it or are there any more?”
My stomach twists into knots. I can’t seem to lie to this man. “One more. I slept with him occasionally, but in all the time I’ve known him, he never took me out on a proper date. We just slept together. Well, we didn’t sleep. He would have sex with me, then go into another room once I was asleep.” I bury my face in my hands. Saying it all out loud now, I can’t believe I let myself be treated like that for so long.
I deserved better. I should have known it was never going to amount to anything when I only ever saw him at the bar or at his place or mine. He may have given me confidence in the bedroom, but now he’s dropped me, I feel like shit.
“Are you still in love with him?”
I snap my head up. “Hell no. I thought I was at first. But I just care about him. He’s been through a lot and reminds me of my brother.” Inhaling a deep breath, I calm the emotions whirling inside me. “I’m just sad that I let him use me for so long…but I guess…I was using him, too. He was the release I needed when my mother went into the care home.” Dropping the box of toys to the floor, I lean back on the bed. “He helped me get my house sorted along with my brother-in-law. I got a mortgage on this old house, and they helped me fix it up.”
“So I don’t need to kill him?” He chuckles behind the mask.
I can’t tell if he’s joking or serious. “No, please don’t kill him. I may need his joinery skills again some day.”
“As long as that’s all you need him for.”
“So what do you do for fun, besides wearing masks on chats to cam girls?”
“There’s only one cam girl I talk to. I’ve never done this before.”
I don’t know why that makes my stomach flutter. “Why me?”
“We’ve established this already. You’re beautiful, and I enjoy talking to you, even if you’re not a therapist.” He lets out a breath, his gloved fingers tapping against his desk.
“You like big girls?” After doing this for the last six months, I’ve realised some men like a full-figured woman. Some get off on it even. I’m not opposed to guys wanting to chat with me because they have an attraction to bigger girls. In this society, it’s refreshing to find guys who like a big woman. Not everyone could handle all of me.
“You keep making girl plural.” He leans close to the camera. “I don’t like big girls. I just like you.”
My heart races in my chest, my cheeks burning beneath my foundation. "Thanks," I mumble, making myself comfortable on the bed. I have a feeling I’m going to be chatting with him for a while.
In my black pumps, I tiptoe around the litter and mess strewn all over the flat where my brother’s living. “What the heck happened here?” I wipe my palms over my blue tunic as if I can erase the germs from the door when I touched the wooden frame.
The strong, earthy aroma wafts in the air, assaulting my senses. I’ve been to Kane’s farmhouse enough times to know what home-grown weed smells like and this scruffy flat wreaks of the stuff.
The boy leading me through the squalor rubs his nose on his hoodie sleeve before looking around the room with droopy eyes as if he’s only just realised the place is a shithole. “Cops busted Jodie’s place last week, so we’re staying here, lying low for a while.”
He leads me into the kitchen. “Mate, some chick says she’s your sister.”
My brother spins around and steps away from a girl sitting on the counter, her pale spindly legs dangle in front of a cupboard with a missing door. I follow the lesions and scabs on her arms and don’t need to be a nurse to know she’s a user.
She stares at me with furrowed brows; her face covered in sweat, her hands shaking as she reaches for my brother, Ash. “That’s your sister?”
I don’t know her, but she seems to recognise me.
“Yeah, thanks for coming, Lil.”
“What the hell are you doing here? I gave you money to get your own place.” My heart sinks as I look around the place, fear that my brother’s using again settles in my stomach. “You promised me, Ash.”
“This is my place. I got a good deal on the rent from an old mate of mine.”
I take in the kitchen with chipped tiles and a rusty sink. “Some mate.” I huff. “I wouldn’t let a dog stay in this squalor.” Stepping close, I whisper to Ash, “I gave you money to get a decent place of your own. Not move the town’s addicts in.”
“Watch your mouth,” the lad who let me in says.
Ash runs a tattooed hand over his buzzed hair. “I’m just trying to help Jodie.”
Jodie leans over the sink and wretches, but nothing comes out.
“Is she withdrawing?” I look between the gaunt woman and my brother as he holds her knotted hair back from her face.
“Yeah. The cops busted her place last week. They took everything.” His voice cracks. “Including her son.”
She jumps from the worktop and brushes Ash away as she stumbles barefoot through the kitchen, bumping into Levi.
I shudder at the company my brother keeps. Levi’s been a thorn in my brother’s side and the ruin of him since we were teenagers.
Levi steps aside, letting Jodie pass, and smirks at me with a toothpick hanging from his mouth. His hands grip the door frame above his head, exposing his hairy armpits as if trying to display his masculinity, but all he exposes is the smell of stale sweat.
A bit of sick rises in my throat. “What the hell is he doing here?” I fold my arms across my chest, recoiling in Levi’s presence.
“I owe him, okay.” Ash’s eyes sadden and his shoulders deflate. “He’s lying low here for a while.”
“Good to see you, too, Lil.”
“Let me just check on Jodie.” Ash brushes past me in the small kitchen. “Back in a minute.”
Levi invades my space. I breathe through my mouth, not wanting to inhale anymore of his odour in the sleeveless gym top he’s wearing.
He takes the toothpick from between his teeth, leans close to me, and whispers, “A little disappointed to see you with your clothes on.”
Hairs prickle on the back of my neck as I straighten my spine. “You’re disgusting.”
He laughs in my face, his breath smelling worse than his armpits. “So are you.” Whispering in my ear, he says, “A disgusting, dirty fucking slut.” His tongue licks my ear.
“Fuck you.” I lift my shoulder and bend my neck to wipe his saliva from my ear. My skin itches all over like an army of ants crawling on my flesh.
He slips his hand into his jogging bottoms as if adjusting himself there. “If you want some extra cash, I’ll give you a tenner for a blow job.”
I can’t tell if he’s joking or serious, but from the fondling under his joggers, he’s getting hard.
“There’s no amount of money you could pay me to go near you. You’re probably riddled with STDs. And would it kill you to take a shower?”
He laughs again. “Does Ash know his sister’s a little whore?”
Without thinking, my hand reaches up and slaps him across the face. My palm stings, but it wiped the smug smile from his face.
“You’re gonna pay for that, bitch.”
“Not if you’re locked up. Is that why you’re here, hiding from the police?”
His lips press into a thin line as his jaw tightens. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“If it means keeping you away from my brother, I'd do anything to get him away from you.” I unzip my bag, hanging at my hip, my hand feeling inside for my phone.
Before I can retrieve it, Levi pins me against the unit with his hand around my throat. “You keep that filthy mouth of yours shut, or I’ll show your brother all the screenshots of your big tits saved on my phone. You dirty fucking bitch.”
I claw at his hand around my throat, unable to throw back an insult. His toxic breath fans over my face, making my stomach roil with nausea.
“Levi,” Ash shouts. “What the fuck are you doing, man?”
Levi lets go of my neck and steps back with a snarl. “Your sister has a big fucking mouth.”
“You touch her again and your life won’t be worth living.” Ash glares at him, his fist clenches at his side.
Levi bursts into laughter. “What the fuck you gonna do? You couldn’t even protect yourself in the slammer.”
Ash’s face pales. His eyes glaze over as if he’s disassociating.
I hold my throat as I swallow, rubbing the pain there. My other hand takes hold of Ash’s arm. “Ash?” I cover his clenched fist with my palms. “Ash, he’s not worth it.”
Levi places the toothpick back between his teeth. “Calm the fuck down. But keep your sister’s mouth shut, or I’ll shut it for her.” He chuckles as he exits the room. “With my cock.”
“I can’t believe you’re letting him stay here with you. I’m practically paying for this gaff for you , not him.” My eyes widen at Ash.
He runs a hand over his weary face. Life’s taken its toll in his twenty-nine years. If you can call a life in and out of jail, living. This lifestyle’s all he’s ever known and my heart breaks for him.
I step closer and lift his eyelid, inspecting his pupils.
He flinches back. “I told you I’m clean. I’m trying to get Jodie clean, but she’s not doing well.”
“She needs help. She needs maintenance therapy or a detox program.”
“She has a support worker, but she relapsed three days ago.”
“You shouldn’t be around these people. Put yourself first. You promised me you wouldn’t land yourself back in jail this time.” My eyes pool with moisture in the corner. My heart aching for him and this existence he has.
“Look, I’m trying, sis. Believe me. I owe a few people. I was gonna work for Levi to pay them back, but since his place was busted, that’s not gonna happen. You have my word, I’m gonna do better. I promise. As soon as I’ve cleared my debts.”
“Is that what you needed the money for?”
He nods. His long fingers scratch the stubble on his jaw. The faded letters ACAB tattooed on his knuckles are a reminder of how much he hates Shane and cops and the system in general. “Did you bring any more?”
“Will you walk to the car with me?” I clutch my bag, not wanting to hand over the money with Levi in the next room.
Once outside, I inhale the fresh air. “Get in.” I click the button to my Audi and slide into the driver’s side.
Ash crouches his tall frame into the passenger seat. “I can’t leave Jodie for long.”
“I don’t care about Jodie, Ash, I care about you.” I pull a wad of notes from my purse. “There’s one thousand pounds here. It’s all I have until the end of the month. Promise me you’ll use it to get yourself out of here, away from these people. Move towns. Start over. Whatever it takes.”
“I can’t. Not yet.”
“Why not?”
“I just can’t. Trust me.”
I glare at him. Asking me to trust an addict is like asking me to believe Pinocchio with a six foot long nose.
He takes the wad of notes and shoves it inside his hoody. “Thanks, Lil. I appreciate it, you know.”
“Make sure you visit Mama, will you?”
“All right.” He dips his head as he climbs out of the car.
I drive off the estate, watching him disappear in the distance. I need a shower after being in the same room as Levi. Growing up, I thought my brother and his mates were cool. It wasn’t until I reached eighteen that I realised they were a bunch of idiots.
If it wasn’t for my sister and Shane taking care of me, I dread to think where I’d be. It was too late for my brother. He wouldn’t listen to anything we said and valued his friends more than his own family. Most likely because they were feeding his addiction.