38. LILLY
38
LILLY
“ L illian.” Shane pulls out and pushes back inside me at a steady rhythm, each time hitting the spot that makes my toes curl inside my patent shoes. “You’ve consumed my thoughts for so long, wondering what it would be like to have you like this.”
The way he says my full name hits differently, like he’s seeing me as the woman I am and not the little girl he knew.
I wrap my leg around him, my heels digging into his ass, urging him to push deeper inside me. My hands cling to his biceps, loving the fresh sensation of having my hands free to roam over his skin. “I’ve dreamt of this too.” I run my fingers through his curly hair. “Being able to say your name while you make me come is everything I’ve ever wanted.”
He dips his head and kisses me ferociously as if he may not get another chance. His lips pepper kisses all over my face, my forehead and my eyes. “Say my name again, Lillian.”
“Shane.” I tug his hair, bringing him back to my lips, and I whisper against his mouth, “My Shane.”
He groans, pumping in and out of me faster, as if saying his name makes him feral.
“Shane, harder. Faster. Shane.” Moans reverberate in my chest, my pants coming in short, sharp bursts with each thrust that hits my clit and every delicious spot inside me.
“Do you want it hard or fast or both?” He growls, showing his teeth, chipped and jagged like a wild animal who’s been in too many fights. “I have about ten pumps left in me before I explode inside your greedy cunt, so be specific about what you want.”
“Hard. Fuck me hard, Shane.”
The beast inside him is let loose as he drives into me hard, his balls slapping against my flesh. He groans above me, eyes penetrating my soul as his dick penetrates my body.
Our fingers entwine as he pins me to the bonnet, the cold metal now warmed against my skin, my body on fire beneath the warmth of his despite the cold. My eyes roll back as the pressure builds in my centre and tingles burst, shooting through every limb right down to my fingertips.
“Eyes on me.” He grunts as he pulses inside me, his thrusts becoming slower, but still hard as he milks my orgasm.
Our gaze locks as our bodies come together, lost in waves of pleasure and his deep brown eyes as if I’m floating in a sea of love and desire. The windows to his soul convey everything I need to know without words. This man loves me with every fibre in his body. He always has.
The words linger on the tip of my tongue, words I’ve wanted to say to him for a while, but even now, I can’t bring myself to say them, so I show him instead. Tugging his hair, I catch his lips and spell out my love for him with my tongue.
He kisses me back, matching every stroke as our tongues dance together to a well-choreographed song that only our souls know the lyrics to.
Still inside me, our bodies twitch with aftershocks, my pussy tingling and pulsing around him as we both come down from our high.
He rests his forehead against mine. “When did you know it was me?”
I lift my hand to his face. “I think I knew from the first time you kissed me.” My fingers stroke the short hair of his beard, loving how the soft bristles tickle my skin. “But I knew for certain when you went for Ash.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because I didn’t want to ruin our fun.” I close my eyes and inhale a deep breath, guilt climbing its way up my throat, making it hard to breathe. “If neither of us acknowledged the truth, we weren’t hurting anyone.”
The brightness in his eyes dulls as if defeated by the crash of reality hitting us like a tidal wave. “And now?” He swallows hard, as if he feels the same rising guilt as I do. His eyes search mine, concern burrowed in the deep wrinkles on his brow.
“I don’t know what happens now, but I know one thing.” My fingers run along the creases on his face, as if wanting to iron them out and take all his worries away. “I want you. I want to be with you.”
He exhales, dropping his head and burying it in the crook of my neck, his warm breath seeping into my skin and warming my heart. “That’s all I wanted to hear.” His lips press against my neck. “Whatever happens, you will always have me.”
“I know.” A shiver shakes my bones, the cold air wrapping around me like the harsh reality we face. This moment’s bitter sweet. I have everything I’ve ever wanted but at the sacrifice of my family. Mum was the glue that held everyone together, and it seems the more she deteriorates so do the ties that bind us.
Shane slips out of me. I shiver again, the cold breeze swathing my body, taking away all the warmth from Shane’s protective embrace.
He lifts my jumper from the floor and pulls it over my head, then finds my leggings and dusts them off, before helping me dress. “I don’t know where your knickers went.”
I burst out laughing. “I don’t think they’ll be any use now, anyway. You ripped them in two.”
He scratches the back of his head with a grin, his skull tattoo chewing a bullet, laughing along with the both of us. “I couldn’t wait to be inside you. I got a little carried away in the moment.”
“Find my bra, at least. Those things are expensive.” I hop off the bonnet and pull my leggings up past my hips.
Shane dangles my black bra from his fingers, brushing off dead leaves and twigs with his other hand.
I take it from him and jump back in the passenger seat as he buttons his shirt and turns the heating up in the car. “You don’t have a dash cam on this car, do you?”
He chuckles, turning the engine over. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
“Is there?” I smile and swat his arm.
“No. I turned it off.” He slowly drives back onto the bumpy dirt road.
I relax and pull the visor down to look at myself in the little mirror. “Shit. I look awful.” I lick my fingers and rub at the smudged mascara around my eyes.
Shane slows the car on the dirt road and grips my chin in his large hand, turning my head to face him. “You’ve never looked more beautiful than you do now.” He leans over, taking his foot off the accelerator and captures my lips, reiterating his words with a kiss.
My phone buzzes on the dash. Shane says, “Will your friend be worried about you?”
I’d forgotten all about Hazel at the bar. Grabbing the phone, I answer. “I’m so sorry I never told you I was leaving.”
“I was just getting worried. Are you okay?” she says, the music from the band playing in the background.
“I’m with Shane. He’s giving me a ride home.” I glance at Shane, hoping that’s what he’s doing. I don’t want the night to end.
“Oh. Okay. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”
“See you.” I lift my bottom and slide my phone in my pocket.
Shane drives back onto the main road. “I’m taking you to my house.”
“Bu—“
“It’s not up for discussion. I need to make sure you’re safe, and I want a good fucking night’s sleep tonight.”
I clamp my mouth shut, peering at the dark circles under his eyes. “I was just gonna say, but what about my pyjamas?”
He flashes me a devilish grin. “You think you’ll be needing them?” A laugh huffs from his mouth. “That’s cute.”
I can’t help but mirror his smile. My hand reaches over the centre console and rests against his thigh, unable to get enough of him.
We drive up the winding hill in silence. My stomach flip flops at what the future holds for us. I still need to tell him my secret, but I want a few days of us like this before anything else can come between us. I already have the impending doom of coming clean with my sister.
Inhaling a deep breath, I think just one thing at a time. Let’s get that over with, then I can buy a pregnancy test and maybe Shane and I can do the test together like a proper couple.
He rests his rough hand over the top of mine as if he can sense what I’m thinking, then brings my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles. I know in my heart, he’ll be there for me, whatever happens, just like he always has been. I should never have had any doubt.
“Can I ask, why did you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Join my live, block my subscribers, break in to my home…” My belly flutters with all the memories.
He kisses my knuckles again. “You lied to me about the ring light. I wanted to check you were ok and not in some sort of trouble, but once I saw you touch yourself, you awoke something dark in me, and I couldn’t put it back in its cage.”
“I’m sorry I lied.”
He gives me a sideways glance as he brings the car to a halt outside his home. “You forgot I can tell when you’re lying.” His lips lift in the corner.
I huff out a small laugh. “How did it go?” I put on a gruff voice. “I’m trained in the art of body language, nightingale. I’ll know when you’re lying.”
With hooded eyes and a dopey grin, he pulls the handbrake and grips my face in his rough hands, then swoops in and crashes his lips to mine, his kiss full of all his dark desires and a promise of his love.
Pulling back from my lips, but still gripping my face in his hand, he says, “I broke in to give you an escape, and also because I couldn’t get you out of my mind. You’ve always had my heart since you were a little girl, but talking to you on the live, you seeped into my veins, burrowed into my bones, and found your way into my soul.”
Tingles course through every limb, carrying his words with them and infecting me with his love. I reach up and hold his face in my palms. “You burrowed yourself into my soul, too. You’re so deep, I don’t know where I begin and you end.”
His lips press against mine one more time, before he unclips my seatbelt and leads me into his home and down the hall, my heels clicking against the flagstone tiles until we reach his room.
“Take your clothes off,” he says, disappearing into the en suite.
I gulp, wondering what else he has planned for me, but then the sound of water filling the tub relaxes me. A sweet aroma of lavender floats through the air. Slipping off my heels, I step into the en suite and lift my jumper over my head, then peel off my leggings for the second time tonight.
Shane swirls the bubbles around the bath, testing the water temperature like you would for a child. “Get in. Let me clean you up.”
My chest swells. Nobody has ever been so considerate before to run me a bath. I take the hand he offers and climb into the tub. The warmth of the water and the lavender scent envelop me like all the comforts of home.
He rolls his sleeves to his elbows and uses a flannel to smooth over my legs as I sit in the bath with the bubbles growing all around me.
“I never had you pegged for a lavender bubble bath type of guy.”
He snorts out a laugh. “Jordan gave it to me from the station. She thought it might help me sleep. She also gave me lavender aromatherapy oils for the bedroom.”
I raise an eyebrow, my body tensing, hoping Jordan is an old lady and not the blonde bombshell he works with.
“You can wipe that frown from your lips. You have nothing to worry about with Jordan.” He chuckles again, lifting the wet flannel to my face and gently washing my cheeks. “She’s gay. Her girlfriend’s a sports massage therapist.”
“Oh.” A smile pushes my cheeks up. “I wasn’t worried.”
He turns the tap off now, the water laps at my breasts. “You were ready to scratch her eyes out. I know that look.” Wiping the flannel over my cheek again, he says, “Close your eyes.”
I relax and do as he asks, loving his hands on me. He wipes my eyes, cleaning all the makeup from my skin. I thought it would bother me, but he’s seen me enough times without makeup over the last month that I feel comfortable with him to just be myself. No masks. It’s as if we’re both laid bare, able to be our true selves with each other, no more pretending or hiding who we are.
I don’t tell him it’s going to dry my skin, and I need my proper moisturiser, because I don’t care. All I want is his hands on me, taking care of me forever.
After wiping my face with the soapy flannel, he presses his lips to my cheek. “You never have to hide this from me, or wear makeup with me if you don’t want to.” He cradles my chin, tilting my head so he can kiss the other cheek. “I’m sorry I ever teased you about this growing up.” He kisses my nose. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life making up for it and telling you how beautiful you are.” Holding my chin, he forces my head up to look him in the eyes. “You’re the most beautiful woman I know.”
My cheeks heat. “You said gorgeous before, remember?” I try to look away, but with his fingers and piercing gaze, he holds me captive, then presses his lips against mine.
“You are gorgeous. With or without makeup makes no difference to me, because all I see is your beautiful soul.”
“Take your clothes off and get in the bath with me. I’m sure we can both fit in.” Having him on the other side of the tub is too far away. I need him holding me. Our bodies flush. I need to feel every part of his hard edges against every part of my skin.
“I’ve got to get the squad car back to the station and fill in an incident report.” He reaches for the shower hose and begins washing my hair, holding his large palm above my forehead to prevent the spray from going in my eyes. “I’ll be as quick as I can, and I’ll call at your place and get your clothes. Text me a list of whatever you need.”
“My key is in my pocket.” I point to the faux leather leggings crumpled on his bathroom floor.
“I have my own key, nightingale.” His lips curve at the corner.
“Of course you do.”
After rinsing my hair, he massages shampoo into my scalp, lathering up each lock.
I tilt my head back, almost hypnotised by it all. “I could get used to this.”
“Good. You’re gonna need to get used to it because this is how I plan on taking care of you every night.” He rinses the suds from my hair, blocking the spray from my eyes. Every movement is with the gentlest of touches. A complete contrast to the rough sex we’ve had. Though even amid his bruising thrusts, his gentle soul has always been just below the surface, keeping the animal in him tamed just enough.
A creak of the door wakes me. I jolt upright in bed, still jumpy from everything that’s happened.
“It’s just me, Lil.”
I let out a breath at Shane’s soothing voice. In the darkness, there’s a clink of his belt and then the bed dips as he climbs in behind me.
“You all right?” His hand slides over my thigh, then under the t-shirt he gave me to wear. Rough palms caress the bare skin of my stomach as his other hand moves the hair from my neck to kiss me there.
I tilt my head to meet his lips, the warmth of him seeping into my bones. “I am now you’re home.”
“Get some sleep.” He leaves his hand on my stomach, his thumb stroking the soft skin there as if he knows.
I place my hand over his, tangling our fingers. A wave of peace washes over me, and I know that this is what’s important now. Us and this life we’re bringing into the world. Everything else seems superficial.
An ache settles in my chest as I think of my mum. She’ll never know she has another grandchild, just like she doesn’t know Harry. If my sister falls out with me, our baby will never know his aunt or cousin. I close my eyes, willing those thoughts away and focusing back on the present with Shane.
His breath fans the back of my neck as his gentle snore soothes my soul. Knowing he’s at peace, helps me drift off to sleep.
“How has she been today?” Fern asks as she steps into Mum’s care home with Harry following behind her.
“The staff said she’s had a bad day.” I pull Mum’s blanket over her shoulder, making sure she’s warm while she sleeps. “I think she’s worn herself out.”
“Have you been here long?” She flops into the chair on the opposite side of the bed.
I shake my head. “Just come from work.” I lift the fob watch on my tunic and check the time. I told Shane I would meet him at the bar after work, but I want to tell my sister before anyone else sees us together and word gets back to her.
“Aunty Lil, look at my new car.” Harry shows me the small metal car he’s holding.
I take it from him. “This is cool.” I examine the bright red and black colours painted on the side of the Mitsubishi Shogun, reminding me of Shane’s car.
A ball lodges in my throat. Tears threaten as I hand the car back to him. I can’t seem to get the words out. Thoughts of not having a relationship with my nephew cause my chest to tighten.
I glance over at Fern, holding Mum’s hand and telling her she’s here, even though she’s fast asleep. “Fern.”
“Yeah?” She lifts her head.
“I love you.” Tears pool in my eyes, my chest tightens. I pull Harry onto my knee and give him a big cuddle. “I love you, too, munchkin.” I kiss the side of his head.
Fern sits up straight in the chair. “Lil, what’s going on?” The wrinkles on her forehead deepen as tears drip onto my cheeks. “Are you ill?” Her hand flies to her mouth. “What is it? Is it serious? You’ve been feeling off for weeks.”
A small laugh burst through the sadness. “I’m not ill.”
“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” She rises from her chair and rounds Mum’s bed with open arms, embracing me into a tight hug with Harry sandwiched between us. “You have me. Everything will be all right.”
I sniffle and wipe my face. “Thanks.”
She tuts. “Best night of your life or not. If I find out who this man is, I’ll string him up.”
I give her a weak smile, unable to bring myself to tell her the truth. I should just blurt it out like ripping off a Band Aid. Inhaling a deep breath, ready to do just that, I open my mouth to speak, “I?—”
A ringing sounds from my bag making me jump.