Chapter 10 Head Versus Heart #3
“Part of tonight was to give you all my love before you leave. And part of it was to make this so damn memorable, I’d be able to hang on to you for as long as possible.
I love you, Cici. And I’m about to ask for something I’d never ask of anyone else.
You’re on the pill, and we’ve been exclusive for months.
No condom, baby, skin to skin—share this with me.
One last memory that I’ll cherish forever.
Will you let me make love to you with no barrier between us? ”
Neither of us has ever had sex without a condom before.
We’ve talked about it, and he knows this is a big ask.
Hell, this is a big decision. It’s more than unprotected sex; it’s intimate…
special. It’s between two people in love.
He loves me—I know that. And while I love him, he doesn’t know that.
Could this be how I show him without saying the words?
Will he understand what it means? He might not…
but I will. Maybe this would help me be at peace with my decision.
And if not, at least I’ll have shown him how I feel in this way.
“Yes,” I say through the tears threatening to break free.
He sighs in relief and smiles. “Thank you. You’re giving me a gift I’ll never forget.” He leans in with a kiss that shows just how grateful he is.
Reaching down, he grabs his length, rubbing it up and down my slit.
“Oh fuck. You have no idea how incredible this feels. You’re so slick, and feeling you with no condom between us is like heaven.
” He lines up and slowly presses forward, groaning as he slides all the way until our bodies are flush, then pauses.
“If I thought that was incredible, it’s nothing compared to being inside you. Fuck, Cici, this is the best thing ever. It’s like I’m home. Tell me you feel it.”
“Yes. It’s….” He starts moving, and I lose the ability to speak. “Aaaah.” It feels right.
“Thank you for this.” He kisses me and begins to rock his hips back and forth.
I’m truly wrecked. The experience is surreal, and I’m glad it’s Eli I’m sharing this first with.
He continues in and out slowly while we stare into each other’s eyes, cherishing the moment.
“Damn, Cici. I never want this to be over. I can’t give you up.”
“Eli, don’t say that.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. Fuck, I’m sorry.” He pauses and buries his head between my neck and shoulder. “Just give me a second.”
The tears are about to fall, and I have to climb out of this sinkhole we fell into.
“Eli, I need you to fuck me hard. Please. That’s what I want to remember. Fuck me, Eli.”
He doesn’t move for a few more seconds and then lifts his head to meet my gaze.
“That’s what you want?”
I nod and see his resolve set in.
“Your body’s begging to be fucked the way only I know how, isn’t it, baby?” He smirks. This is where we work. This is what he gives me that I’ll never find with anyone else. And it’s what I want to take with me.
“Yes, please.”
“Anything for you, Cici. Anything.” He grabs the front of my neck and squeezes as his hips pull back, pausing. He stares straight into my soul before slamming into me at full force. “Is that what you want, Cici? A good, hard pounding to remember me by?” he asks as he continues relentlessly.
I nod in response since I can’t speak with his hand around my throat. This is what I need.
“My girl likes to be used, doesn’t she? Wants to be fucked so damn hard.”
He grunts in exertion with every thrust.
I’m close.
“That’s it, baby. Take my cock.”
He pistons two more times before my core tightens and clenches in orgasmic bliss.
“Fuck, yeah. I feel you, baby. You ready for me to come inside this pussy? I’m gonna fill you so full, it’ll be dripping for days.” He squeezes my neck tighter, cutting my air supply.
“I’m—fuck! I’m coming. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” He releases my neck, causing me to suck in a breath at the same time he hammers home his climax, and suddenly I’m coming with him as my second orgasm hits me within seconds.
I’m screaming in ecstasy as he continues.
“Yeah, baby, filling you with my cum. Fuck. I want every last drop coating this pussy.” He thrusts a few more times and stills deep inside for the last two pulses.
He came in me. There’s cum inside of me for the first time ever. I have all of him, and it’s… intense. I didn’t expect to be so moved, but tears begin to fall out of nowhere.
“Cici, baby, what’s wrong? Oh fuck, did I hurt you this time?” Eli asks in a panic.
“No. I’m… sorry. I… don’t know… what’s wrong,” I manage to sputter while crying.
He starts to pull out, but I shout, “No! Stop!” causing him to freeze.
What is happening to me? I can’t stand to let him go. I don’t want a single drop to escape, and it’s the most irrational thought I’ve ever had.
“Cici, what’s going on?”
“I don’t knooow,” I wail. That’s it; I’ve gone mad.
“Cici, everything will be okay, I promise. I love you so much. I’ll make sure everything works out. Please don’t cry, baby. Talk to me.” He’s not sure what to do, and I can’t help him because I have no idea what the deal is.
“I’m sorry.” I hiccup and breathe, trying to stop this madness.
“Don’t be. You don’t need to apologize for showing emotion, sweetheart. I just wish I knew what to say or do. How about this? Come here.” He moves his arm under me and holds tight as he rolls over, careful to keep us connected, with me on top. “Lie down. Just relax.”
His hand caresses my hair as my head rests on his chest. I can hear his heartbeat as his lungs expand and deflate, lifting my head with each breath—it’s calming.
Slowly, the fog lifts and reality sets in.
That was a major freak-out for an absurd reason.
What the hell? I’m glad he changed positions so my head can stay down a little longer to avoid looking at him.
I’m embarrassed and not sure where to go from here.
He’s still inside of me. What am I going to do after behaving like a lunatic? It’s not like I can admit why. I don’t know what got into me, but I couldn’t stop the tidal wave of emotion. It took control, and I was powerless to stop it. I’m chalking it up to a moment of temporary insanity.
Eli’s voice cuts into my thoughts. “Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah. I’m okay now.”
“I’m glad. Did I do something to upset you?”
“No. I think it’s a combination of things. Everything from the last few months caught up to me at once. Sorry you had to bear witness.”
“I’m not. I’m only sorry I added to your pain. Why don’t you close your eyes, let it all go, and we can deal with everything tomorrow.” He continues caressing my head while rubbing soothing circles on my back.
Closing my eyes sounds good. I yawn and follow his suggestion. “Thank you, Eli.”
He kisses the top of my head. “No. Thank you, Cici.”