Chapter 22 False Reality
FALSE REALITY
Cici
Lily and I are in the waiting room, whispering in hushed tones.
I called Jackson the minute we left the room, and he’s on his way.
I told him only one person could be in the room at a time, but he wanted to be here for everyone.
We’re all in shock that Eli is not only awake but has lost his memory.
It’s wild that in his mind, we’re still dating, no one’s pregnant, and no one’s engaged.
Hell, he doesn’t even know that Jackson is back and has Mia home with him.
We filled Rebecca in on Eli’s amnesia since she was still confused as hell by the time the nurse ushered us from the room.
The craziest part is that she’s been completely wiped from his memory.
What if he never remembers those last eight months?
How could he ever move on, with no recollection of the woman he’s engaged to?
It’s insane. She definitely has more at stake than the rest of us, but it’s hard to feel bad for her when her response to the news was “How convenient for you.”
Thankfully, Sebastian and the doctor came out then, while Eli was taken for testing.
The doctor explained Eli’s condition and told us how important it is to keep him as calm as possible.
The memory loss associated with short-term coma patients is usually temporary, but there’s no time frame or guarantee that it will come back.
Being upset and stressed hinders recovery, though—thus the limit for one visitor at a time in his room.
I don’t blame him after seeing what happened when we were all in there at once.
Sebastian appears around the corner after spending the last half hour in with Eli, and we all stand in anticipation.
He makes his way closer, looking pensive, and whatever he’s thinking about makes him uneasy, which isn’t something often seen in Sebastian.
He reaches us and immediately brings Lily to his side, hugging her, and kisses the top of her head.
Rebecca joins us. “Can I go see him now?”
“Actually, he’s asking for Cici,” Sebastian says.
I might be imagining things, but I swear Rebecca rolled her eyes right before the irritation on her face became unmistakable.
To say I’m shocked is an understatement.
I expected him to ask for Rebecca, his fiancée, of course.
I mean, he may not remember her, but isn’t he anxious to find out about their relationship?
Still, is it terrible that I’m gloating inside? Yes. Yes, it is.
Lily squeezes my arm in encouragement, and I walk toward his room. When I enter, I’m unsure whether to take the couch or sit in the chair beside his bed, so after shutting the door, I stand uneasily, staring at the orchid on the table by his bed, wondering if it looks a little droopier than usual.
“Come here, cutie.” He pats the bed next to him.
I’m surprised at the use of his nickname for me. He used it when he first woke as well, but I was too in the moment to consider it. But now, assuming Sebastian has filled him in on the past eight months, he must know we’re not together—that we haven’t been for seven of the months he lost.
My feet feel like they’re weighted with a hundred pounds each as I slowly make my way closer. On top of being relieved that he’s awake, I’m panicking inside. It was so much easier to tell him the truth when he was asleep and couldn’t respond, but now I’m afraid of what his response will be.
He scoots over and pats the bed again. And as much as I want to be near him, it feels wrong.
He’s with Rebecca. It makes no sense why I’m here instead of her.
And regardless of what he thinks he feels, there’s really no way of knowing unless he regains his memory.
There’s no way forward until he’s able to go backward.
So I take the chair instead.
His eyebrows go up mockingly. “Scared of me, are you?”
“Shouldn’t Rebecca be in here?”
“Why don’t you let me worry about that?”
I shake my head, exasperated. “She wasn’t happy that you asked for me.”
His face goes stern. “I’m not worried about Rebecca right now.
What does concern me is this puzzle I’m trying to work out in my head.
From what I remember, it looks a little like this: I’m seeing someone who, I’ve been told, I said I loved and asked her to marry me but was rejected nonetheless.
Now I find out she’s pregnant, and it appears as if, correct me if I’m wrong, her due date may correlate with the last days we were together.
The missing pieces aren’t fitting, though, and I can’t figure out how we’re not together or why the hell I’d be marrying someone else when she’s the only woman I’ve ever loved, not to mention possibly having my baby.
So are you ready to help me by filling in the last few pieces of the puzzle? ”
The tears started falling seconds into his speech and wouldn’t stop. I nod but can’t seem to form any words.
“Talk to me, Cici. Tell me what’s going on. Are you carrying our child?”
I nod again, and despite the smile that lights up his face, I choke on a sob. “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for? Did I know you were pregnant?”
I shake my head since I can’t speak because I’m crying so hard.
“Shit, baby, come here.” He holds his arm out.
No matter how wrong it is, I can’t hold back anymore and crawl beside him as he envelops me in his arms while I cry and confess my guilt over not telling him and how it’s my fault he’s in here, apologizing repeatedly.
“Ssssh. Cici, it’s not your fault, baby. Everything will be okay. Just talk to me, cutie. Tell me what happened and why you didn’t feel you could share the greatest news in the world.”
When his hand reaches my protruding belly, I’m jolted out of my despair and watch as he makes soothing circles over our baby. It’s also when I realize I should not be this close to him, and I scramble to move, only to have his arm clamp around me.
“Eli, this isn’t right. You’re engaged.”
“And if I weren’t? Would you still be trying to get away? Would you still be denying your feelings for me?” We go silent for a moment. “Why are you here, Cici? I want the truth.” His arm tightens.
“It’s complicated.”
“Uncomplicate it,” he says as he resumes the slow circles on my belly.
I inhale deeply and let it out slowly before diving in.
“My flight was already booked to come here and tell you about the baby. But then Lily called about the accident, and I came the next day. There’s no excuse for not telling you sooner, but by the time I found out when I came back for Jackson’s proposal to Mia—”
“Holy shit! Jackson’s getting married? Sebastian didn’t tell me that.”
This is so weird.
“Yeah, he proposed in March, and they’re getting married in a couple of months.
I’m pretty sure you’re in the wedding.” He has a contemplative look, like he’s trying hard to recall the details.
“Anyway, I was three months into the pregnancy, and you were seeing Rebecca. I didn’t want to interfere in your relationship, so I sat on it for a while.
Then the second time I planned to tell you was when you called about your engagement, and I just couldn’t.
It didn’t seem right to come between you.
Finally, Lily gave me a deadline, but I was ready to fess up anyway and let you decide what part you wanted to play. And here we are.”
“I’m glad to hear Lily had my back. I’ll have to thank her later. There are so many questions, but two come to the forefront. How did you get pregnant? We always used condoms, and you were on birth control.”
Does he not believe he’s the father?
“And before you think I’m doubting you, I’m not. I’m only trying to understand since I remember nothing.”
I fill him in on our last night together, including the antibiotics I was on in addition to going sans condom.
“Damn, that’s a memory I’d pay for.”
“Eli, you can’t say things like that.” I slap his chest, and he chuckles. This feels too much like before, when nothing stood in our way. “What’s your second question?” I ask to change the subject.
“What role were you hoping I’d take after telling me about our baby?”
He holds tight as I try to move again, but I don’t back down. “I’m not comfortable answering that question in this position. We shouldn’t be so close, not with your fiancée out there. If you want an answer, you need to let me go.”
This time, he complies. “Fine, if that’s the only way you’ll talk.”
My body feels the loss of his immediately, and I’m tempted to crawl right back, but my conscience wins out as I settle in the chair.
“Give me your hand at least.” He holds his hand out, palm up, on the bed.
I don’t give in. “We shouldn’t be holding hands.”
“I bet you had no problem doing it when I was unconscious.” He smirks.
I tilt my head and roll my eyes. “That’s different. You couldn’t reciprocate. Plus, they said touch helps bring patients out of their coma.”
“In that case, you really should have been touching something else. I might have woken up sooner.” He chuckles.
“Seriously, Eli, no more. You’re making me feel like the other woman, and I won’t be. I can’t handle this. Maybe I should trade places with Rebecca—she’s probably dying to see you.”
“I’m the one who almost died, and you’re the one I want to see right now.”
“Why?” My exasperation boils to the surface, and the question comes out as such.
“Because I still love you, goddammit!” he practically yells.
A gasp escapes, and my head shakes vigorously.
“No. You’re only saying that because you’re stuck in time.
You just don’t remember that you love Rebecca.
You’re marrying her, for Christ’s sake—you obviously love her.
I can’t do this. It would be one thing if you had your memory, but you’re acting from a false reality. ”
“What if I wasn’t? Tell me this: What would you do if you could go back in time? Would you have stayed? Pregnancy aside, do you regret leaving me?”
“We can’t go back, so it doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me. Please, Cici, just fucking be honest and tell me how you feel.” His frustration is evident, and mine is ratcheting up with it. Stress isn’t good for him, so we need to tone it down.
Taking a deep breath, I try to calm myself before answering.
I get that he’s still in the mindset from when we were seeing each other, but I’m positive his brother told him about his relationship with Rebecca.
In fact…. “You can’t just ignore your engagement.
Just because you can’t remember it, doesn’t make it any less real.
” I release a breath of frustration. “Listen, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have feelings for you, but to ask me to declare my love now, when we’re an impossibility at the moment, isn’t fair to either of us. ”
“So you do love me.” It’s not a question but a statement of fact that I can’t dispute. And the smile on his face to go along with it about does me in. He’s right in front of me, yet I miss him so fricking much it hurts.
Ignoring his revelation, I continue from where we were earlier.
“I’m not sure exactly what my goal was when I came to tell you about the baby, but whatever it was…
feels wrong given the circumstances. I’m sorry, Eli.
This isn’t how I wanted things to end, but I think it’s time to cut our losses and figure out a way to move forward.
We’ll obviously need to talk about the baby at some point, but for now I should go. ”
“Will you give me an honest answer to one last question before you do?”
“I’ll try.”
“It’s a simple yes or no. If Rebecca weren’t in the picture and we were sitting here in this exact moment, would you be with me if you could?”
My eyes glisten and my heart constricts as I look into his eyes and finally give him the answer he’s been waiting for.
“Yes.”