Chapter 24 Freeing
FREEING
Cici
Leaving the hospital two days ago after baring my soul has been added to my list of the top ten most difficult things I’ve done, and yesterday morning’s task was right up there with it.
Jackson, Mia, and Mia’s mom joined me at our parents’ house for breakfast to surprise them with the news of a grandbaby before my flight out that afternoon.
If you’d asked me how I felt about that, I’d have told you it was stressful enough to put me right into labor, which was why I decided to bring backup.
Yeah, it may not have been the brightest idea to spring it on them with an audience, but the thought of doing it alone terrified the crap out of me.
Mia’s mom came because she’s become a permanent fixture in our family since (a) she lives in the same building as Jackson and Mia, (b) they’ve all been planning the wedding together for weeks, and (c) she’s the reason our parents forced Jackson to hire Mia in the first place.
Mia’s mom was their housekeeper then and often talked about her amazing daughter, who needed a job at the same time his assistant was taking maternity leave. It’s amazing how fate works sometimes.
Luckily, the additional guests worked out in my favor because although their initial hesitation was evident upon our arrival, they kept their shock to a minimum.
By the end of breakfast, it was obvious what kind of grandparents they would be—the doting, loving, spoiling kind.
In hindsight, I should have leaned on them from the beginning.
Of course, as any parent would, they worried about me being a single mother, but once we got that out of the way, they practically begged me to move back home so they could have me and their grandbaby close by. All that worry over their disappointment was for nothing.
Now here I am, back in Bozeman with an odd sense of contentment.
Having everything out in the open is a relief—not only with my parents but Eli as well.
And even though I left without any plan for the future, just having him know is enough for now.
I’m sure we’ll eventually end up at the part where we talk about how to navigate dual parenting in the future, but we have time for that.
Strangely, considering how things ended, it felt like there was closure this time.
No hidden feelings, lies, or secrets, and nothing either of us can do but move forward.
It’s freeing in a way. I’ve always craved control of my life, but in losing Eli, I’ve realized I’m not really in control of anything.
Our love for each other was beautiful, but unfortunately, it blossomed at the wrong time.
But it was meant to be, because if it hadn’t happened, then I may never have sought help and been able to overcome this odd phobia of mine.
I’ll be forever grateful that the experience pushed me to do that and also for the baby growing inside of me that I can’t imagine my life without.
Loving Eli is now something I can live with, and although nothing would make me happier than to be with him, I’m finally ready to be happy without him.
Which is why, even though I’m exhausted as hell, I’m excited to meet Matt and Poppy for brunch this morning.
Breakfast happens to be my friend these days, since by the time dinner rolls around, I’m always too tired to function, let alone socialize.
Entering the restaurant, I find them immediately with a pitcher of bottomless mimosas already on the table.
I head in their direction, thinking they should really be warned about those.
Poppy spots me and jumps up from her chair to give me a squealing hug. “Aaaah, I’ve missed you! And you’re already so much bigger.”
“Thanks, that’s just what every woman wants to hear when she’s greeted.”
“You know what I mean. I feel like I missed so much in my baby’s life,” she coos as she rubs my belly, doing well to redeem herself.
Matt gets up to hug me. “Hey, Cici. Glad to have you back. How are you feeling?”
We take our seats, and the waitress rushes up to ask for my order before I can answer.
“I’m feeling great,” I say with a big smile that I truly feel.
“In fact, I couldn’t be better. Everyone knows about the baby, and I don’t have to hide it anymore.
My brother’s getting married in less than two months, and my parents are excited to be grandparents.
Life couldn’t be better.” Okay, maybe a little.
Matt and Poppy look at each other skeptically before Poppy says, “Who are you, and what have you done with Cici? She’s about this tall.” Her hand lifts. “Blonde hair, blue eyes with a constant chip on her shoulder and enough stress to fill a football field.”
I laugh. “That Cici is not coming back.” At their hesitation, I add, “I’m serious. All is right with the world.” Or close enough.
The waitress arrives with my tea, and we give our orders before conversation continues.
Matt chimes in first. “I feel like something’s missing. Why don’t you tell us what happened in San Diego and how you left things.”
So I do. From when Eli woke up to walking out after admitting I’d be with him. The story of my parents will have to wait since Poppy takes over.
“That’s it? You said ‘yes’ and just walked out?” she asks incredulously.
“There was nothing left to say. We can’t be together.” My tone may suggest stupidity, but she skips over it and gives a dose right back.
“How about, ‘Oh hey, let’s talk about this baby we’re having together.
What will your involvement in our child’s life look like?
Such as visitation, child support—you know, general parenting concerns?
’ That may have been a good idea before you left.
” She looks to Matt. “Or is that just me?” Poppy’s not one to mince words when she’s passionate about something.
Matt uses a little more tact. “Did you both agree you’d talk about that at a later time?”
“No,” I sigh. “It seemed like the only thing he wanted out of the whole conversation was to get me to admit my feelings, and once that was done, he was satisfied.” I shrug.
“Besides, I don’t need child support. I mean, at this point, I’m fine.
Maybe when they get older and start costing more.
With things like sports, cars, and college, he can pitch in, but not until then.
I’m sure we’ll figure something out for visitation, especially since I’ll be home a lot to see my parents. ”
“So you basically say you love each other, and just like that, shazam, you’re fine now?” Poppy’s hand flies up exaggeratedly. Her tipsiness would be cuter if she weren’t giving me shit.
“Just like that,” I confirm. “It’s almost like all I needed was to get everything off my chest. Once I did, it felt like a ton of bricks lifted off my shoulders. I’d been carrying this around for so long that I didn’t even realize how much it weighed me down.”
“Well, I’m happy for you. And I believe you when you say you’re good, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have bad days.
You can’t simply shut off your feelings, so if you do have a bad day, you’ll call one of us, right?
Because we won’t fault you if you slip up now and then.
” Leave it to Matt to be the clearheaded one who evidently handles his alcohol better.
“Thank you, Matt. That means a lot. I couldn’t have made it this far without both of you. And I’m sure I’ll be leaning on you more over the next couple of months until this little one makes their appearance,” I say while rubbing my stomach.
“I see someone’s ready for breakfast. Hope you’re all hungry,” the waitress says as she sets down three heaping plates of food before us.
I get a few minutes of reprieve while we dig in until Poppy picks up where she left off.
“So let me get this straight,” Poppy starts in between mouthfuls of food.
“You’re by his side for two weeks, he wakes up, asks to see you before his fiancée, you both profess your love, you admit to wanting to be with him, and then he just lets you go?
That’s fucked up. It sure doesn’t sound like everything’s great to me. ”
Matt’s eyes go wide, and he’s about to intervene, but I shoo him off.
“I’m choosing to focus on the positive and not dwell on the negative.
The ideal scenario would be that he’s not engaged to another woman he doesn’t remember falling in love with.
But guess what, he is, so it doesn’t matter how fucked up it sounds—it is what it is, and there’s nothing me, you, or anyone else can do about it.
What would you expect him to do? Call off the wedding and choose me?
What happens when his memory returns and he realizes he’s already gotten over me and loves Rebecca?
How would that feel, huh? It’d be far worse than being at peace with where we left things. So please just let it be.”
Between the food she’s been shoveling in and my speech, Poppy sobers right up. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. What am I thinking? You’re trying to move on, and I’m acting like a total bitch about it. Please forgive me,” she says and rises to hug me.
“Of course I forgive you. It’s probably my fault anyway for not warning you about bottomless mimosas. Been there, done that.”
Matt’s looking at us like we’re from another planet. “Women. I don’t think I’ll ever understand you creatures.”
We all laugh and stick to lighter topics for the rest of the meal, and I’m happy that my parents now fit into that category as I relay the details of our visit. We end on a good note with Poppy going home to nap. And because it’s Sunday and I have the greatest excuse in the world, I do too.
The following week flies by with periodic updates from Lily about Eli’s recovery.
She’s been somewhat vague—I’m assuming not to hurt my feelings—but it’s probably for the best with my new take on the situation.
It really has been quite freeing not to constantly be thinking of him and all he entails.
Although it never fails that when you’re basking in the calm, something always comes along to rock the boat.
Poppy saunters into my office late one morning, holding an article she must’ve printed. “Cici, have you been reading the gossip columns recently?”
“Nope. Because I decided whoever said ‘ignorance is bliss’ was right, and ever since I stopped reading them, I’ve been blissfully ignorant.” I smile sardonically as she rolls her eyes.
“That’s what I thought. Well, Ms. Ignorant, something came out today you might be interested in hearing.”
“Uh-uh.” My hand goes up, palm out. “Don’t do it. I do not want to know.”
“You do. You really, really do. You’d be mad at me if I knew about it and didn’t tell you, I swear. Just hear me out.” She gives me her best puppy dog eyes.
“Ugh.” I look to the ceiling and breathe deeply.
It’s probably something I’ll find out sooner or later anyway if she’s this insistent.
Plus, I don’t think she’d be this excited if it was something bad, so I should just let her tell me and move on.
Otherwise, she’ll probably pester me until I relent anyway. “Fine. Spit it out.”
She holds up the article and takes a dramatic breath before reading, “The illustrious Eli Dubree of Dubree Enterprises called off his engagement after two months.” She looks at me with hearts in her eyes.
“Would you like to hear his statement?” I’m stunned speechless, which is fine since she doesn’t give me time to answer.
“While Rebecca is a wonderful person, my recent near-death experience shed light on how important life is and reminded me that it’s too short to accept anything less than what one truly wants.
It would not have been fair to either of us to follow through with the wedding when my heart belongs to someone else.
” She pauses dramatically and brings the paper to her chest for effect before continuing, “When asked about the other woman, Dubree responded that if all goes accordingly, the world will know soon enough.” The smile on her face tells me she knows exactly who he’s talking about, while my thumping heart happily agrees.
“That came out today?” It’s the only thing I come up with.
“Yes! So now what? Have you heard from him?” she asks, beaming.
“He was on your shit list last we talked, and now you’re suddenly team Eli?” I snap in defense because no, I haven’t heard from him. At. All.
“I was always team Eli. I was just mad at him for forfeiting the game. But look.” She holds up the article. “He’s back in!”
Her enthusiasm makes me laugh. “What should I do? Do you think he meant for me to see it?”
“Of course he did. This is Eli announcing that he’s coming for you. If I were you, I’d hurry home and do a full body makeover before he gets here since it’s been ages since you’ve had to shave for anyone.”
“Gee, thanks. Not bad advice, though. But he could just make a phone call.”
Ironically enough, my phone rings at that exact moment. My heart jolts until I look and see that it’s Lily.
“Hello?”
“Did you read the article?”
Putting it on speaker, I answer, “Yes. Poppy’s here, and she just read it to me.”
“He’s talking about you,” Lily says excitedly.
“No, I thought he was talking about another mystery woman,” I say sarcastically.
“Okay, smart-ass. What are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing? What am I supposed to do?”
“I’m no rocket scientist, but you should probably be prepared for him to show up on your doorstep.”
Poppy gives me a smug look. “Told you so. You better hustle home and manage that forest you’ve been growing.”
Lily laughs. “Oh my God, that’s what I was thinking.”
“That’s why we need to meet. We’re destined to be friends,” Poppy says.
“Is this seriously happening?” I’m in shock and can’t wrap my head around it. “Wait! Lily, did his memory come back? What if he’s making this decision without all the facts?”
“Sweetie, I love you, but I’m not getting involved. This is between you and Eli. You’re both special to me, and whatever is meant to be, will be. Now get your ass home and deforest yourself.”
“Hey, it’s taken a long time to grow out.”
Poppy makes a gagging motion. “Gross, if nothing else comes out of this, at least that will.”