Part Thirteen Post Haste #4
“Doms are allowed to take some down-time between rounds,” Joe said.
“And while I do that, I enjoy keeping track of where you are. So I’m going to hold onto you until we’re both ready to kink things up again.
It’s not snuggling. It’s not soppy. It might not be sadistic, but it is dominant, and it’s practical!
” Joe hoped like hell it sounded less like begging to Scott’s ears than his own.
“I d-don’t…” Scott frowned over his shoulder at Joe, then shook his head. “I didn’t s-say my safe word because I d-don’t think you’re a good d-d-dom.”
“Save it, Scott. I don’t need you to pat me on the head and humour me, you just—”
“I’m w-walking away now because I know there is no way in h-h-hell I can c-convince a man like you to keep me around f-forever,” Scott cut in.
Joe twisted around, trying to get a better look at Scott’s expression. “What?”
“I’m in l-love with you!” The last word was barely out before Scott slapped his hand over his mouth.
Joe stared down at him. “You’re dumping me because you’re in love with me,” he said, carefully enunciating each word to make sure there was no misunderstanding.
Scott nodded, his hand still covering his lips.
Joe had obviously been wrong before. There were ideas that were even more bizarre than the fantasies people posted on the internet. “That makes no sense whatsoever.”
“It m-makes perfect sense,” Scott said as he lowered his hand. His words came out fast and frantic. “I have to l-l-leave now, while I still h-have the chance.”
“The chance?” Joe repeated.
Scott squirmed, as if he intended to make a run for it before he’d even zipped up his fly. “There’s no w-way it could work out, s-so—”
“What makes you so damn sure of that?” Joe demanded.
Scott dropped his gaze.
“Well?”
“You’re you, s-sir,” Scott said.
“And I’m what—incapable of giving a damn about anyone because I’m a dom?” Joe’s head ached with trying to change mental tracks and flip the problem he’d thought he was dealing with onto its end.
“No, I d-didn’t mean that,” Scott rushed to explain. “But you’re g-g-gorgeous, and you’re always g-going to have a million d-d-different guys throwing themselves at you.”
“So, I’m incapable of keeping my fly zipped?” Joe shook his head. “Is that what you think?” He tightened his grip on Scott’s torso as his frustration with his inability to track down the true source of Scott’s fear threatened to get the better of him.
“I didn’t m-mean—” this time Scott cut himself short. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “This isn’t anything to d-do with me th-thinking that you’re n-not good enough. I know you’re the best m-m-man I’ll ever lay eyes on, let alone get to spend so m-much time alone with.”
He was so rarely that fluent. Joe found that he didn’t have the heart to break Scott’s flow.
“But, me—I’m not one of those g-guys, sir.
I don’t know why you’ve let me play with you so many times, but I know that I’m not really in your l-league.
” He looked down. “If I let myself fall any f-further than I already have, then I might get my heart broken so b-badly I won’t ever be able to put the pieces back together again.
And,” Scott’s voice trembled. “And I c-c-can’t risk that, sir. I’m not s-s-strong enough.”
He fell silent.
“Done?” Joe checked.
Scott nodded.
“I don’t suppose it’s ever occurred to you that I might be falling in love with you in return?” Joe asked, with forced calm. A few hours ago, he’d have laughed at the idea of making that confession tonight. Now, it was obvious that keeping it to himself would have been the ultimate cruelty.
Scott frowned. The possibility obviously hadn’t even entered his head.
“If you were a dom, you’d get what’s so bloody brilliant about you,” Joe informed him. “You’d see why I keep coming back for more—why I intend to keep doing that for a hell of a long time to come.”
Catching hold of Scott’s arm, Joe dragged him around so Scott sat facing him.
“Do you believe me?”
Scott blinked at him. He obviously didn’t know what to believe.
Joe wasn’t the only one who found it hard to turn his perceptions on their heads at a moment’s notice.
For a few seconds, Joe kept staring at him, as if that would somehow convince Scott to not only say he understood, but to really mean it.
It didn’t work.
Joe dropped his hands back to his sides.
“I’m not going to insist that you change your mind about anything right now.
” He paused and considered that statement.
He ran his hands through his hair. “I’m not going to insist that you change your mind about anything at any point. ” Yes, that sounded better.
Scott didn’t speak up to fill in the silence that followed. Joe couldn’t bring himself to be surprised.
“All I’m going to say,” Joe eventually went on. “Is that it’s my turn to send a note to you, and I fully intend to do that. Understand?”
Very slowly, Scott nodded.
“Good,” Joe said. “That’s good.” He wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to convince. It didn’t feel good to him. It just felt very slightly less awful than it had before. At least there seemed to be a chance that this wasn’t the absolute end.
Joe took a deep breath. Scott sat on the floor in front of him, apparently waiting for Joe to make the next move, as if he fully expected Joe to know what that should be.
Shifting his position, Joe straightened his spine. It wasn’t in him to let Scott down by admitting just how lost and clueless he felt.
“Get dressed,” he ordered.
Scott pulled himself to his feet and began to rearrange his clothes. Joe joined him, levering himself up off the floor, pulling up his jeans and tucking himself away.
Cum was smeared against Joe’s skin beneath his jeans and T-shirt, but that wasn’t something he was inclined to worry about.
In fact, it was just the kind of tangible proof of how good things were between them that Joe was desperate to hold onto.
It gave him hope that things could go on being good; that there would be a great many more shared orgasms in their futures.
Mere seconds seemed to pass before Scott was ready to leave. In the hallway, Joe forced himself to pick up his jacket.
“You’re g-going out?” Scott asked, but he quickly dropped his gaze. “N-n-not that it’s any of my b-b-business. S-sorry.”
“I’m taking you home.”
“You d-don’t have to d-do that,” Scott rushed out. “I’m f-f-fine and it’s r-really—”
“It’s not up for debate, Scott,” Joe cut in. “I’m taking you home.”
Scott seemed about to say something. Possibly, you no longer have any right to give me orders. Luckily for Joe, Scott seemed far too polite to actually utter those words.
Joe watched Scott like a hawk all the way from his flat down to the ground floor.
It wasn’t as if he thought Scott would make a run for it or be beamed up by aliens, but he still couldn’t shake off the feeling that everything was at risk.
The protective instinct he’d always felt toward Scott went into overdrive.
In the street outside the block of flats, Joe considered his options. Bike. Car. Bike. Car.
He wanted to cosset and shield Scott from everything and everyone. Car.
But the desire to have Scott pressed tightly against him, for what might still turn out to be the last time…
Joe strode across to his bike. Scott made no complaint about their mode of transport, or about the way Joe brushed aside his hands and insisted on doing up every fastening on Scott’s borrowed gear himself.
With both of them properly attired, Joe straddled his bike and nodded to Scott.
As obedient as ever, Scott got on behind him. Just a second later, he slid his arms around Joe’s body. Joe let out a silent sigh of relief. He’d always known there was a good reason why he’d never taught Scott to use the grip behind the pillion seat.
Scott’s hold on him was as strong as it had ever been, and damn, but it felt good.
Joe pulled away from the kerb and into the light stream of traffic.
There was another good thing about the bike. It made conversation impossible. It meant Joe couldn’t say anything stupid on the journey to Scott’s place. All he had to do was ride, and enjoy the way every burst of speed caused Scott to cling even more tightly to him.
Joe wasn’t sure if Scott’s responses signalled fear or excitement, or a mixture of both.
Joe only knew how he felt himself. There hadn’t been many times in his life when a good ride hadn’t been able to put him in a much better mood, but it didn’t work tonight.
By the time they stopped outside the building where Scott rented a room, Joe was even more pissed off than when they left his flat.
Scott dismounted. When Joe did the same, Scott opened his mouth as if to say something, perhaps to protest. When he saw Joe’s expression, he seemed to decide that continued silence was probably a much better option.
Gear removed and stowed away, they walked up to Scott’s room side by side. Outside his bedroom door, they stopped and turned to face each other as if they were performing a complex piece of choreography that they’d been practicing for an entire lifetime.
Scott stared at the floor for a long time, but Joe waited him out. Finally, Scott looked up. Their eyes met. Scott looked more lost than Joe had ever seen him; more vulnerable and fragile than Joe would have believed possible.
Joe lifted a hand. He half-expected Scott to flinch away from him, but he remained still as Joe rested his hand upon his cheek before sliding it back to thread his fingers through Scott’s hair.
Joe dipped his head. Scott’s only reaction was to close his eyes. Joe brushed their lips together. Scott didn’t hesitate to part his lips and encourage Joe to deepen the kiss. Tightening his grip on Scott’s hair, Joe held him in place and kept the kiss slow and controlled.
He explored Scott’s mouth as if he might have to sit an exam on the subject—one he was determined to pass with all colours flying. Their lips lingered together. It took Joe a long time to convince himself to lift his head and break the kiss. When he did, Scott’s eyes remained closed.
Joe stood very still, his hand lingering in Scott’s hair. The moment Scott opened his eyes and was, in theory at least, able to take care of himself, Joe dropped his hand back to his side, turned on his heel, and walked away.
Down the corridor, out of the shared house, and all the way to his bike, Joe had to force himself not to spin around and retrace his steps up to Scott’s room.
Scott would let him in. Scott would let him screw him too; Joe had no doubt about that. It would be so easy for him to ride roughshod over Scott’s wishes. Joe started his bike.
Scott wasn’t watching him go. Even if he’d wanted to, his room was at the back of the house. But Joe still felt like he could feel Scott’s eyes on him as he rode away.
Joe revved up and leaned into a corner. There was a good reason why he hadn’t said goodbye when he left Scott at his door. Goodbye meant the end, but this wasn’t over, not by a long shot.