Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Rhett
Her words were barely above a whisper, but every syllable echoes in my head.
Today didn’t change anything. My heart stops beating. I pull back, releasing my grip from her waist and rolling onto my back in disbelief.
Hurt and confusion mix with anger. How dare I let myself start to feel something for someone again when I know better. She’s going to leave me behind like everyone else. I’ve always known I couldn’t have love in my life. Why did I think this time would be any different? How did I let this happen?
I sit up abruptly. “It’s getting pretty late. I know we said this day wouldn’t end, but I think it’s time that it did.”
She nods, pain swirling in her beautiful amber eyes. I want nothing more than to hug her tight to me. I never want to be the one responsible for hurting her. I want to be the one who makes her feel loved, who helps make her problems easier to handle. Instead of saying anything, I stand, offering her my hand to help her up too.
“Thanks for bringing me out here. It really is beautiful. Roots is more than I thought it was when I first came here.”
I give her a soft smile, trying to hold back my own emotions. I’m not mad at her. She did nothing wrong. “I’m glad you had fun today. I guess even if you can’t stay, maybe you gained some appreciation for this little town.”
“Yeah, I did. I guess it’s better we head back now. I have to work an early shift at the café tomorrow.”
She helps me fold the blanket up and then leads the way down the path. She’s acting nonchalant, but I just know she’s feeling the same sense of sorrow and regret I’m feeling too. I wish things were simpler, but I have some things I still need to work on, and she has a whole other life waiting for her in San Francisco.
* * *
Less than twenty minutes later, I’m pounding on Callie’s door. She swings the door open wielding a spatula, a messy mop of hair on her head, and a wild look in her eye.
“What the hell are you going to do with that?” I chuckle. “Were you planning on murdering me with a Cutco? At least get a sturdy frying pan like Olivia.”
She narrows her eyes, dropping the spatula to her side as I brush past her. “What the hell are you doing showing up at my door right now? It’s almost midnight!”
“We need to talk.”
She closes the door behind her and swivels toward me with her arms crossed. “Awfully bold of you to come pounding on my door late at night considering you stormed out on me the last time we saw each other.”
“Yeah, well I stormed out because I came there to talk about finances, but instead you ambushed me about Olivia.”
“Touché.”
“Damn right.” I huff. Realizing my arms are crossed, I release them. I need to cool things off between us, or we aren’t going to get anywhere. “I’m sorry for storming out.”
“I’m listening.”
“I know you had my best interest in mind, and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what you said. I can’t deny my feelings for Olivia, and I’ve even tried to give things a go with her. We almost kissed a few days ago, but we were interrupted. Then we spent the whole day together today, and it was amazing.”
“That’s great! Why’d you have to come tell me at midnight? It couldn’t wait?”
“No, it couldn’t, because I’m not finished. It was amazing, but then it ended with us almost kissing again, and this time we chose not to.”
“Why not?”
“It can’t work between us. She’s going to leave.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Actually, I do. I spent the whole day showing her how great Roots is, and she told me it didn’t change a thing. She’s still going back to San Francisco and that terrible job. I just don’t get it.” I hang my head in my hands. “I knew this was coming. I shouldn’t be this disappointed. I thought things could be different, but this proves I don’t deserve love. I picked the wrong person.”
She takes a few steps toward me, reaching out to pull me into a hug. I allow her to wrap her arms around me and hesitantly wrap an arm around her. It does feel good to have someone who knows about all my flaws here to comfort me.
When she draws back, she makes a point of looking me in the eye. “Rhett, I never want to hear you say those words ever again. You’re an incredible man who deserves to be happy. I wish you’d recognize that. Olivia looks at you like you put the stars in the sky. I’ve seen it. You don’t have to change a thing for her to continue to fall for you. The real issue lies in whether or not you can allow yourself to believe you’re worthy of her love. Otherwise, you will just keep closing yourself off before you even get the chance to explore something amazing with her.”
“You don’t get it. My parents’ marriage was great until they had me. I drove them apart. Isabel convinced me their relationship wasn’t representative of all relationships, but then I had to go and pick a stupid fight with her, and she died because of me. She wouldn’t have been in that Uber, at that intersection, if I could’ve just pushed aside my ego for a moment. Then of all the people to start opening up to again after four years, I choose a girl who I know is leaving. Every single time I was the one responsible for the heartache I’ve had to go through. I’m finally accepting that I’ll never be enough to keep someone who loves me in my life.”
“That’s not true. Olivia could be the one. I can feel it.”
“Even if she stayed here in Roots, our relationship would only end in worse tragedy. That’s just how my life goes.”
“Stop it! I hate hearing you talk about yourself like that. Have you ever paused to consider all the people who love you right this very second? Me. Jack and Mandi. Olivia. Even Maverick loves you. You can’t tell me that you’re not worthy of love when you’re surrounded by people who love you. Maybe things didn’t go perfectly in your life, but when you get kicked down, you get back up. You know that.” Her voice is sharp, and it stuns me.
I want to be as strong as Callie. She’s the most resilient person I know. When Isabel passed, it took her all of a week to move back to Roots. One month later, she was asking me to invest in her coffee shop.
“Rhett, I don’t know what it will take to get through to you, but I promise you, one day I will. What happened to your parents wasn’t your fault. They were adults who maybe weren’t ready to have a child. What happened with Isabel wasn’t your fault either. You’re allowed to disagree with your girlfriend once in a while, and your fight had nothing to do with her getting t-boned in the Uber that night. You deserve another chance at love.”
I take a step back. I’ve never seen Callie outraged like this. Even after Isabel’s accident, she seemed pretty even keel. She’d tear up on occasion in front of me, but she always tried to suppress her emotions around me until now.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, desperate to ease the tension.
“Don’t apologize. I just wish you could see yourself the way everyone else does. You’re so amazing. Your parents divorced when you were little and basically disowned you just because you were following your heart and got engaged young. Then you lost your fiancé a matter of months later. Yet here you are, thriving. You’ve helped me with my dream of opening a café with Isabel. You do incredible work at Copper Hill. You bake the most delicious desserts. You’ve helped countless people around town. You were there for me when we lost Isabel even though you were hurting just as badly. You’ve helped Olivia in so many more ways than I think you realize. You have a beautiful heart. I believe Olivia is worthy of that heart, and I promise you that you are plenty worthy of her too. You are plenty worthy of any woman.”
I’m speechless. I don’t know what I expected when I showed up at Callie’s door, but it wasn’t this.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Her words still sound angry, like she’s caught up in all the frustration she’s probably been holding in for a couple of years now. “One more thing. If you can’t give love a shot for yourself, then do it for Isabel. She would’ve wanted you to be happy. Sometimes I picture her watching us down here, and I think about how disappointed she must be.” Tears flood her eyes, but they don’t fall yet. “I just know she would’ve wanted you to be happy, and yes, you’ve done a lot of incredible things, but you’ve been doing them all alone. She wouldn’t want that for you. She’d want you to be with someone like Olivia who lights you up inside and out. I feel like I’m not doing my job if I don’t make sure you know that.”
“I’m not your responsibility. You know that, right?”
“I do, but it was always about Isabel when I was growing up. Even after she’s gone, it’s hard to shake that.” She swipes at her eyes. “My shit doesn’t matter though. What does matter is that you deserve to be happy, and you need to recognize that you’re worthy. Can you repeat that to me, please? I need you to say it and believe it.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes! Say it. ‘I deserve to be happy, and I am worthy of happiness.’”
I frown and cross my arms but follow her directions anyway. “I deserve to be happy, and I am worthy of happiness.”
For the first time since I showed up, she smiles. “Good! I’m going to make you keep saying that to me every day, a hundred times a day until it finally settles into that stubborn brain of yours.”
“That’s not?—”
“I’m not letting you talk me out of this. I’m so serious right now. Stop getting in your own dang way. Let yourself be happy.”
As much as her words are opening things up for me, it’s still hard to hear them after years of putting myself down and blaming myself. After years of believing I’m broken and a monster, it’s crazy to hear that someone who knows the full truth about me still believes I deserve to be happy.
I pull her in for a tight squeeze. “Thank you. I needed to hear this, even if I don’t fully believe it yet.”
“I’ll help you work on it.”
“Seriously, thank you.” I pull back. “One more thing.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Now you’re getting greedy. I only have so much wisdom to share.”
“How do I go forward with Olivia? I just pulled back from a kiss tonight, and she’s supposed to leave in six weeks. Is there even any chance of recovering from what I did? Wouldn’t I be a fool to try to put myself out there now?”
“I’m not so sure Olivia is going to leave. I know what she said tonight, but you have to look at it from her perspective. We already know she will give up her happiness for the sake of those around her, and she values stability. She isn’t just going to jump into staying in Roots until she knows she can make it happen and do so while making everyone around her happy too. Maybe if she knew she’d have the support of a man she cares about, she’d be more willing to stay.” She winks.
“Okay, so I need to figure out a feasible way for her to stay here.”
“Yes, but first you need to tell her the truth, even if it’s little by little. I don’t think you’ll ever allow yourself to be all in with her until you know she accepts you. Relationships are about being vulnerable. You need to open yourself up to her if you two have any chance at being something.”
Even as I recognize the truth in her words, I feel my stomach sink. What if Callie is wrong? What if Olivia doesn’t accept me for all that I am, for everything that has happened in my past? What if she still wants to leave after I open up to her? Can I even recover from that?
Callie begins shaking her head. “I see those wheels turning. Don’t get in your head. Olivia has shadows too. She will understand.”
I can barely hear at this point. My mind is already going a mile a minute. I need to find a way to provide Olivia with the stability she craves in this little town.