19. Chapter 18
Ivy
“Well, we better change that then, shouldn’t we?!” Misty sneers as she holds a gun to my stomach and Blade snaps, “Where in the fuck is my piece?!”
All my anger evaporates after seeing her out here wearing nothing but a thong, trying to entice Jax, and fear fills me.
I only came out here because I was worried about Jax, or more like worried he’d decided what happened can’t happen again, the fear of last time taking over.
I didn’t expect her to be out here, lying to get my man, my love, and I certainly didn’t expect her to hold his gun at my stomach where our baby lives. ..
Oh god, why did I cause so much trouble with Jax over the years? Why didn’t I just tell him I couldn’t sit back and watch him with other women when they questioned why I wanted to go to New York?
Why didn’t I fight for him for once?
So much time wasted, so much energy used, and it’s all coming down to this right here, the fear for myself, for my unborn child, for my love.
For the millionth time since standing in that church, I regret not staying and fighting it out with Jax in his room that day. Now, everything will change. I just know it.
I take in a breath before two gun shots ring out but I don’t move knowing the shot will hit Jax if I do and I squeeze my eyes shut as I cover my stomach turning slightly, waiting for the pain to hit but instead I gasp as I’m shoved out of the way really hard.
My feet slip from underneath me and fear like no other hits knowing Jax is the one who shoved me out of the way but before I can say anything, before I can grab him to stop him from getting hit instead, I can’t regain my balance as I hit the hand rail on my side.
I tumble down the steps as I scream, my head hitting the bottom step on the way down and everything goes black, Luna’s scream the last thing I hear.
Beep, beep, beep…
I squeeze my eyes tight, the beeping echoing around me, hurting my head.
Beep, beep…
I groan needing that sound to stop, the thumping making me want to hurl and turn my head but flinch, the movement causing pains to shoot through my whole body before I hear, “Ivy?” and I squeeze my eyes then open them reluctantly despite tiredness filling me, my body wanting to go back to sleep but quickly squeeze them tight again at the light and I flinch.
Damn why is it so bright in here?
“Ivy, it’s Luna. Open your eyes…” Luna pleads as a warm hand grabs mine and I turn my head toward her voice and slowly open my eyes again, wincing at the bright white light before locking with Luna’s chocolate eyes, which are full of despair.
Tears fill her eyes as she grabs my hand and chokes, “Hi friend…”
I furrow my brows, confusion hitting me as tears fall down her face. Guilt radiates from her before I let my eyes roam the room, instantly realizing why it is so bright.
Damn, why am I in hospital?
I look back at Luna, her sniffling catching my attention. Seeing my confusion, she asks, “What do you remember?”
I frown and try to think back, little flashes coming to me, and I rasp, “I'm waking up and Jax is gone…”
He’d spent the night making love to me after Mama was kicked out, but when I roused a little after we fell asleep, I moved my hand to try and find him. His space was cold, and even now I can feel the panic that went through me when I realized he was gone.
I thought that was it, that he was done with me and wanted a goodbye, and then I hated myself for not giving him the benefit of the doubt.
He told me he loved me and that was enough for me to get my ass up and find him.
Flashes of the common room come back to me, brothers in undressed states, getting pleasure from the club girls, and I scrunch my nose up.
Okay that is not something I want to remember, especially Charter, someone I see as an uncle, getting his dick sucked by Cherri.
Blinking rapidly, trying to get that picture out of my head, I frown as images of a naked Misty holding a gun flash before me, and bile rises as everything hits me at once.
My mouth parts as I lock eyes with Luna, and I gasp, “Jax, where is Jax?”
Her tears fall and my heart stops as she sobs, “I-I wasn’t quick enough. I shot Misty, but she’d already pulled the trigger and he-he pushed you out of the way…”
My mouth dries and my stomach tightens as I demand, “Where is he, Luna?”
“In a coma two levels up,” she whispers, and I shake my head in denial, my tears instantly falling and she continues, “The bullet hit his stomach, and they managed to remove it but he-he hit his head hard Ives. They-they’re not sure when he’ll wake, or if he will…”
Oh god, no, please, please, no, this can’t be happening, not when I finally confessed my feelings for him.
A sob crawls out, and I put my hand over my mouth, the struggle to breathe becoming difficult at the thought of losing him.
He shouldn’t have pushed me out of the way, he shouldn’t have.
Oh god, what have I done, what have I done, please, I can’t lose him, I can’t, I won’t be able to survive without him by my side, my best friend, my everything.
I place my hand on my stomach out of instinct, but freeze.
It’s not hard, why isn’t it hard?
I quickly move to look at my stomach with panic but groan at the pain shooting through it causing the machines to go haywire and Luna stands, holding me down as the door opens.
I look up to see my dad and Blade rush in, but I don’t stop trying to get up, causing Luna to hold me down tighter and plead, “Stay lying down, please, Ivy, your body has been through a lot, please.”
I shake my head, cry, “No, my baby, where is my baby?!”
Blade quickly takes over from Luna, who steps back with tears running down her cheeks.
He cups my cheek, gently rubbing my jaw, and whispers, “You need to remain calm, but more importantly, little doll, I need you to remain still.”
I take in gulps of air, the room suddenly spinning, and Blade grips my jaw harder, seeing he’s losing me. He mutters, “Focus on me, focus on my voice, please, if not for me, do it for Jax,” he swallows, “Do it for your son.”
I freeze at his words, my eyes racing between his and I choke, “My son?”
He nods slowly and confirms, “Raya and Skylar are with him, he’s in the neonatal intensive care unit.”
I sob, “It’s too early. He won’t survive…”
Blade’s eyes tear and rasps, “His chances are extremely low, little doll…”
No, please no.
I sob, my whole body shaking uncontrollably as Dad states, “Give her a minute, she’s just found out about her child,” but I don’t look up to see who he’s talking to and I grip Blade’s wrists and he places his forehead against mine and whispers, “I know it hurts Ives, I know you want nothing more than to be swallowed up but I am begging you, please have faith, please fight. Fight for Jax, like you wanted him to fight for you and your son.”
I could lose them both, all because I didn’t communicate.
I shake my head and cry, “It’s a-all my fault, all mine…”
“No, little doll, it isn’t your fault.” Blade instantly snaps, but I sob. “B-but if I had just fought that day instead of running…”
His grip tightens, and he consoles, “You can’t change the past, sweetheart, only fight for your future.”
“I don’t have a future without Jax and our son,” I admit, and Luna sobs behind Blade, who squeezes his eyes shut while my dad squeezes my calf, and I sob.
I lose them, I’ll lose myself…
“Has anyone called Gary?” I ask in a whisper, not looking at anyone, just focusing on the plain blue blanket covering my empty stomach.
I took a week off work, knowing I’d need time to figure out the whole wedding thing, but he needs to know I need more time than I originally requested.
“Pitbull and Jessica went and saw him an hour ago and explained everything,” Dad admits, and I hum nonchalantly.
It’s been an hour since Blade broke the news, since the doctors checked me over and admitted I can’t leave this room, not wanting to risk damaging myself further.
I have a concussion and have had extensive surgery, losing quite a bit of blood after an emergency c-section, so I’m apparently bed-bound, meaning I can’t go see Jax. I can’t see our son before he dies.
I sniffle and wipe away the tears that won’t stop falling.
His doctor came to see me, he’s not very optimistic. He explained that normally, medical care is not continued for babies born before twenty-two weeks.
My son is nearly twenty-one.
He’s underdeveloped, and the doctors wanted to let him die naturally without medical intervention, but Anna wouldn’t hear of it, causing the brothers to back her, Pitbull standing right behind her, causing the doctor to agree, fearing for his life.
Now he’s got wires and tubes coming out of his body and a tube down his throat keeping him alive, Skylar and Anna staying with him, ensuring he gets all the medical care he can get at the club's expense.
“There’s only a five percent chance that he will survive and an even lower percentage of him not having any disabilities. I would really implore you to consider taking him off oxygen.”
I squeeze my eyes tight and turn my head away from my brother and best friend watching me with concern, while Dad stays at the end of my bed, gripping my calf.
Never thought I’d see the day Raya and Cale would be near each other without fighting, but here we are.
Blade and Luna have gone to stay with Jax until his parents return and these three have decided to stay with me, but I only want Jax.
He’ll know what to say to me, what decision is best for our son.
My body shakes as sobs wrack my body, my pain too bearable to keep hidden and I cry my heart out as reality hits me like a tsunami. A scream erupts from me before I feel my bed dip and a slender arm wraps around me and I grip it tight, accepting the comfort from my best friend.
Raya places her face in my neck, holding me tight, her tears dripping on my shoulder as I cry and she whispers, “I’ve got you…” repeatedly while my dad and brother watch helplessly, knowing nothing they do or say can make this better.
My whole world is crashing, and all I can do is watch and I’ve only got myself to blame.