27. Chapter 26
Ivy
I pace a little near Hudson, my eyes going to him repeatedly, my heart pounding so hard I feel like it’s about to come out of my chest.
I can do this, I know I can. I just need my friends to give me the push to leave, especially knowing things are improving with Hudson.
He’s had his chest X-ray, and as the doctor stated, his lungs are improving and developing the way they didn’t think they would, and it is positive, but he still has a long way to go, and it’s scary, and I need Jax.
Screw his memory, it’s time he finds out about our son.
I can’t hold off any longer, I need him, his son needs him and I need to fight for him, help him get his memory back, plead for forgiveness then hopefully live happily ever after or maybe I could take a page out of his book and drug him then hold him hostage until he agrees to give us a shot.
That actually sounds like a good idea. If the brothers can do it, why can’t I?
I shake my head, my thoughts going haywire.
For months, I have blamed myself and beaten myself up for not going to Jax to begin with. It’s time I stopped doing that. It is time to get my family back together again, which means I now have to leave Hudson for the first time and not just two floors down but off the premises.
My heart rate kicks up a notch, and fear kicks in at the thought of leaving him, and I swallow hard.
“I can do this,” I whisper as I look at Hudson again.
I can right? For Jax, for Hudson?
“Okay, okay, we’re here,” Raya says as she rushes into the room with Skylar in tow, both out of breath, and I can’t help but smile because, as usual, they are right on time before I bottled it.
I have the greatest of friends.
“Hey, I brought plenty of snacks,” Lake says as she walks in after them wearing her dark blue work uniform, her dark red hair in a messy ponytail, and my eyes tear up.
She came straight here after her shift...
“Okay, Ives, we will stay here until you and Psycho return, and yes, he will come with you, so have no doubt,” Raya says, and I smile, but I soon chuckle as she states, “But if your brother shows up, I’m leaving these two to it.”
Lake rolls her dark green eyes and says, “Why not just kiss him and get it over with? You’re not in middle school anymore.”
I raise a brow at Raya along with Skylar, and she scrunches her nose and admits, “Because he’s a mean bully and I’d rather just admire him from afar, at least that way his mouth won’t make me want to punch him.”
“He’s just hiding from his own emotions,” Lake says, “he likes you.”
Raya snorts as she round the incubator and gently puts her hand in the little hole and strokes Hudson’s hand as she denies, “He doesn’t like me in any shape or form, heck, he calls me kitten and mocks me,” she looks at each of us and reminds us, “Do I have to mention the crap he’s said about my dad?
About me being a spoiled brat with a silver spoon in my mouth?
Even though the inheritance that half my father's side of the family is trying to get a hold of, I haven't even touched?”
I wince and she sighs, “He doesn’t like me, he hates that his sister is friends with me because in his eyes I’m a rich bitch patch chaser wanting to upset daddy and has no real ambitions despite the fact I’m currently attending law school and work part time at the firehouse…”
Only because you haven’t told him, wanting him to think the worst so you don’t get your heart broken , I silently mock before locking eyes with Skylar.
She smiles slightly before mouthing, “Two months,” and I mouth back, “Four,” while Lake clears her throat, gaining our attention.
She mouths, “Three months,” and we all share a grin.
I take a deep breath, look at my son, and say, “I guess I better go see his daddy before he sleeps with someone else…”
Sky chuckles and replies, “There is no way Psycho is sleeping with someone else. He’s not stupid, Ives. He knows something has happened between you, he can feel it.”
I hum, not looking at her. I keep my eyes on my son, and my feet are not willing to move.
“I promise, we’ve got him,” Lake says, and I nod.
“I know. I trust you three with my life. It’s just, it’s hard to leave him, especially after today,” I admit.
Raya asks, “What happened today?” Concern lacing her voice and I look up at her.
I confess, “I held him today,” and her eyes tear up as the other two gasp.
“Jessica has first dibs tomorrow,” I confirm, and she narrows her eyes, making me chuckle before I sigh, “I better go, otherwise I won’t, and honestly, I can’t live like this anymore, I miss him…”
“Go,” Lake says, “we’ll be right here, and honestly, the sooner you tell Psycho, the sooner Tate can find out.”
As much as we didn’t want to, we had to keep quiet with Tate knowing she’d accidentally tell Jax…
Nodding, knowing they are right, I walk over to the incubator and kiss two fingers before placing them on my son's hand through the little hole before I turn and walk out of the room, knowing I’m going to change my mind if I stay any longer.
It’s time Jax met his son.
I swallow hard as I pull up to the gate, Matty waving as he opens it for me. The large man looks too big for the hutch that the men on gate duty sit in.
I give him a slight wave, park near the front door, and quickly climb out before walking over towards the door. As soon as I hit it, I pause, looking at the handle, my heart in my throat.
What if he hates me?
What if he is sleeping with a club girl?
What if my head is making crap up again so I run?
Taking a deep breath, I shake my hands out and grab the handle before opening the door and walking inside. Brothers mingling catch my attention, and thankfully, the club girls are in their usual corner, kind of dressed and laughter and chatter fill my ears, and I know they’re celebrating.
“I’m pregnant, Ives, with twins,” Luna admits, and I grin wide, happiness filling me for her and Blade until she whispers, “I’m scared, though. What if I lose them?”
My heart breaks as I clutch my phone to my ear.
“You need to stay positive, Luna,” I reply, “Lean on Blade, lean on the club, and I promise you’ll have all of us behind you, helping. This is amazing news, Luna. Celebrate it…”
I look around the room and notice Luna sitting with Anna, her head on her shoulder, smiling as she watches the brothers and I smile softly.
She’ll make an amazing mama, and I told her so.
I understand her fears. Believe me, I do. I’m currently living through mine, but one thing is for sure, having Hudson twenty weeks early, I’ve learned to take everything full force, to enjoy what we’re given in this life because it can be taken away in the blink of an eye.
I also learned that miracles happen. Jax and Hudson are proof of that.
I continue to scan the brothers, looking for a certain one. I notice my dad is sitting at the bar with a beer, talking to Cannon, and I half smile happy that we’re gaining a father-daughter relationship again.
No one has mentioned where Mama is—heck, I’m not even sure they know—but what I do know is that their divorce went through, and Mama is gone, and honestly, it’s probably the best thing she could have done because I don’t trust her near my son.
She sold her daughter for money, so what is stopping her from trying to sell her grandson?
I lock eyes with Blade who is near the backdoor and he says something to Dirty, the brother’s resident playboy who likes dirty sex, something I have unfortunately witnessed a lot of.
Mainly dildos or even another man in his butt while a woman sucks him off and he eats another woman or even sucks off a man.
If it is to do with sex, he doesn’t care what gender you are as long as you all get pleasure, but again, not something I wanted to witness, especially at the age of fifteen.
Dirty looks my way and smiles, relief shining off him that I notice even from here. He nods before Blade makes his way towards me, gaining some other brothers' attention. Each one looks to where he’s heading—towards me—and sags with relief.
“Hey, little doll,” Blade says when near, causing some club girls and Jessica, sitting next to Luna, to look towards me.
Jax’s mama relaxes seeing me, her eyes watering, knowing it has taken a lot for me to leave my son, someone I really need to get back to. The club girls look at me with sadness, others with jealousy, but I ignore them and focus on Blade.
“Where is he?” I ask and he smiles wider.
“Fuck it is about time, Ives,” he says then nods to the door and admits, “His flashbacks were giving him headaches so Pitbull took him home, do you want me to escort you?”
I shake my head, quickly kiss his cheek, and mumble, “No, go celebrate with your woman…”
He smiles softly, and I turn and walk back to the front door, my mind is on Jax, and worry hits me.
Does he always suffer from headaches when he has a new memory?
Should I wait?
I swallow hard and climb back in my car, the thought of leaving club grounds flittering through, and I breathe heavily.
Maybe if he gets back what he needs, the pain will stop?
But what if they send him into overload and he needs to be readmitted?
I eye the gate before I shake my head and put my car in gear then I turn right down a dirt track past Dark Angel’s Motors, a place I always wanted to work, but I knew the brothers wouldn’t accept me there.
I continue my drive towards the brothers' houses instead of going towards the gate, knowing that leaving won’t help me, his son, or himself.
I need him, and I know he needs me too.
My heart pounds as I park in front of Jax’s Victorian-style house, my eyes going to the living room window where the light shines.
My stomach tightens as worry fills me, but I push the fear away and slowly, I climb out of my car before I walk up the drive and head to the front door. Before I can chicken out, I knock on the door, chewing my bottom.
I hear footsteps before the door opens, and I lock eyes with Jax. His mouth parts in shock as he rasps, “Cupcake…”
Hurt and confusion ebb off him, and without giving it much thought, keeping Jessica’s words in my head, I step forward and lean up on my tiptoes before I press my lips against his in a soft kiss. I close my eyes, enjoying having his lips against mine again after so long.
Jax freezes for a second before he grabs my hips hard and gently breaks the kiss as his eyes look over me with a furrowed brow, before suddenly he winces, squeezing his eyes tight as he stumbles back, clutching his head.
“Jax?” I gasp with fear before Pitbull appears and grabs him. He shakes his dad off, rubs his forehead, and slowly paces back and forth, which doesn’t help him, and I lock eyes with Pitbull.
Concern etches off him and he says, “Son, do you need your medication?”
His words have come out more as a plea, and I hate it because obviously, he hasn’t been taking his pain medication.
“Do you need to go back to the hospital?” I ask with panic, and Jax turns towards me, linking his fingers behind his head as his teary eyes look over me before settling on my now flat stomach, and I place my palms on it out of instinct.
Oh god, does he–
“The baby?” he questions, and Pitbull bends forward, putting his palms on his knees, breathing heavy, and I can’t help my reaction as so many emotions flitter through me, especially knowing Jessica was right, all he needed was me.
I rush forward and throw myself at him, throwing my arms around his neck, placing my face into the crook of it and Jax moves his hands to my waist and lifts me, and as if on instinct, I wrap my legs around his hips as my tears fall and my body shakes against his.
He remembers…
“Where’s our baby Ives?” he chokes, and I sob, “In neonatal care…” And he tenses.