18. Whitney
WHITNEY
The longer Quake is gone, the harder it is to ignore the ball of anxiety sitting in my gut.
Rationally, I know the club isn’t off chasing trouble.
They’ve spent days gathering information, digging into Tom’s past and trying to uncover exactly how much damage he, along with Keith, have caused.
They’re doing what needs to be done, following leads and gathering evidence instead of charging in blind.
I know that isn’t what Quake preferred, but he got the brothers to agree for me.
Unfortunately, fear doesn’t care much about logic or being rational.
From my seat at the picnic table outside the clubhouse in the back parking lot, I watch Melissa throw a tennis ball across the fenced in yard for Stella.
Quake and the guys finished the fence a few days ago, and it’s the dog's favorite place.
Melissa laughs when Stella rolls after dive-bombing the ball, and the sound eases some of the tension in my chest.
She’s come so far. We both have.
When Melissa first arrived at Sacred Haven, she wouldn’t even come out of her room. Every movement was cautious, every expression carefully guarded. Now, she laughs freely, argues with anyone when she’s trying to make a point, and moves through her days without constantly looking over her shoulder.
I’m not naive. I know she’s not completely healed or if she even ever will be. But she’s finally beginning to understand what it is to feel safe.
It’s been a few weeks since I decided not to take my final vows, and I'm now staying at the clubhouse full time. The choice hadn’t been easy, but in the end, I couldn’t ignore where my heart was leading me.
The sisters at Sacred Haven, as well as Father James, have been very understanding and supportive, even if my path turned out to be very different from what anyone anticipated.
Now, the clubhouse feels like home, more so than anywhere else ever has, and the biggest reasons why are Quake and Melissa.
The only contact we’ve had with Carrie since our last meeting the day I told Quake about my decision has been through text.
Quake was able to convince her that Melissa’s home is with me, whether that’s here at the clubhouse or ‘in a whorehouse in Alaska’.
Her only reply had been ‘approved indefinitely’.
Considering everything else that’s happened and our suspicions of the caseworker, nobody is inclined to question it.
Melissa is safe, Carrie isn’t interfering at the moment, and none of us are about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
“You know, staring into the abyss won’t bring him home any faster.”
I glance over to find Mellie lowering herself onto the bench beside me. Her pregnant belly is becoming more pronounced, and I love that she counts me as a friend. Lucy, Zoey, and Marlene also join us, each of them pretending that their focus is on anything other than me.
“I’m not staring into the abyss,” I counter.
“Girl, you’ve looked toward the gate at least twenty times since lunch,” Lucy says with a laugh.
“Thirty times,” Zoey corrects.
“At least,” Marlene adds.
I roll my eyes, but their teasing makes it impossible not to smile. “You’re exaggerating.”
“We’re not,” Mellie says, patting my arm. “But we get it. You’re worried.”
Rather than deny it, I stay quiet and return my focus to Melissa. She throws the ball, and Stella chases it. Melissa throws, Stella chases. For a few minutes, everything seems normal. And then it doesn’t.
“Okay, fine, I’m worried,” I blurt. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Wait,” I say, but it sounds more like a question than a statement. “I’m fine with the whole ‘club business’ stuff, and I’m good with him not telling me everything because I understand it’s for my own safety. What I’m not good at is pretending not to worry about his safety.”
“Don’t pretend,” Zoey says. “It’s fine to worry. Just make sure that you don’t let the worry turn to bitterness.”
“She’s right,” Marlene agrees. “I’ve seen women come and go over the years. Not with Quake, mind you, but with some of the older brothers. If they start to feel hemmed in, they back off real fucking fast.”
Mellie squeezes my arm. “Just love him, Whitney. Worry about him and love him.”
“I do,” I whisper.
“Does he know that?” Lucy asks.
I try to recall a time I told Quake I loved him, but I can’t. I told him I was leaving the Church, I moved in with him, and I let him become the most important person in my life, but I’ve never said the words.
Neither has he.
Before I can answer her, Zoey changes the subject. “She’s doing much better,” she says, nodding toward Melissa.
“Yes, she really is. She feels safe here.”
“Because she is,” Mellie says. “And so are you.”
The knowledge brings comfort, but also stirs the fear. The more Melissa heals, the more at home I become at the clubhouse and with Quake and this family he’s built, the more I realize exactly how much I stand to lose.
The distant rumble of motorcycles breaks through the quiet of the afternoon. Every muscle in my body tightens, almost painfully, and I jump to my feet.
“Told you he’d be back,” Mellie quips, getting to her feet.
The Harleys roll into the lot, one after another, and my pulse pounds in my ears. Relief rushes through me the moment I spot Quake, but it disappears almost instantly when I see his face.
“Something happened,” I say flatly.
He parks and climbs off his bike. Lyric and Zombie do the same, as do Whiz, Trick, Pilot, and Goose. None of them look relaxed or satisfied. They look… grim.
My stomach sinks.
By the time Quake reaches me, I already know that whatever words come out of his mouth, they won’t be good.
“What happened?” I demand.
He levels his gaze on mine before pressing a kiss to my forehead. These little displays of affection have become more frequent, but he’s never pushed for more. I don’t know if he’s waiting for me to initiate. God, I hope not because I have no clue how to do that.
“We need to talk,” he finally says, and his tone sends fear sliding through my chest, cold and heavy.
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
He glances over his shoulder, checking to make sure that Melissa remains fully occupied with Stella. I follow his gaze and see her walking toward the gate to come to us.
“Mellie,” Quake says.
She understands immediately. “We’ll keep her busy.”
The old ladies walk across the lot, kissing their husbands as they pass them, and drawing Melissa’s attention away from the clubhouse. Only when Quake is satisfied that she’s one hundred percent occupied does he guide me inside.
The atmosphere in the common room feels heavy as the brothers file in behind us. Nobody speaks right away. The silence stretches until Quake finally exhales and drags a hand over his face.
“We confirmed it.”
“Confirmed what?” I ask.
His jaw hardens, and he darts his gaze past me. “Tom.”
“That was already confirmed by Melissa,” I remind him. “So what exactly are you referring to?”
“Okay, he admitted it,” he corrects.
My knees buckle, and he sweeps me into his arms before carrying me across the room and sets me on one of the long couches. He remains standing in front of me.
“What exactly did he admit to?” I ask, needing to hear all of it.
He heaves a sigh. “He wasn’t trying to rape her as Keith suggested.
He was identifying vulnerable kids for Keith.
Most of the time, he simply passed along information about them, but it was different with Melissa for some reason.
Keith wasn’t satisfied with simply getting the info.
He wanted to meet her. The night Tom tore Melissa’s shirt wasn’t the first time he tried to get her to go with him so Keith could meet her.
It started almost immediately when she arrived at Sacred Haven. ”
Nausea rolls through me. The level of depravity is almost impossible to comprehend. Sacred Haven was supposed to be a place children were protected, not targeted. I close my eyes briefly, struggling to process the enormity of it all.
“What happens now?” I finally ask when I’m sure I won’t vomit.
“We keep digging.”
His response makes sense, but frustration still rises inside me. “That’s it?”
“No, it’s not it,” Zombie says with a dangerous edge to the words.
I glance around at all of the brothers, and each of them wears expressions that mirror the fury emanating from Quake.
Each of them, in their own quiet way, is vowing vengeance. They aren’t finished, not by a long shot. Unfortunately, there are some truths I don’t want clarified, so I focus on what matters most.
“Melissa is safe?” I ask, locking eyes with Quake.
“Yeah, she is.”
“What about Carrie?” I have the presence of mind to ask.
The atmosphere shifts, becomes more emotionally charged as the brothers exchange looks. Quake’s expression darkens more than I thought possible.
“What about her?” I prod.
He crouches in front of me, resting his hands on my knees. “Tom confirmed a connection with her.”
“Which is?” I ask when he doesn’t elaborate.
Lyric answers when Quake won’t. “Carrie is Keith’s biological half-sister. She was put up for adoption as an infant. Two years later, Keith was born, and their mom kept him.”
I lunge to my feet, knocking Quake in the chin in the process, but he takes it in stride. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I shout, punching him in the chest, over and over, needing to expel my rage.
Quake lets me pound on him for a minute before he grabs my wrists, stopping me. “Calm down, Whitney,” he snaps, not with anger, but with the force necessary to break through my fury. “Tom didn’t confirm that she was involved, just that she and Keith are related.”
“Of course, she’s involved,” I counter.
“Maybe, but we need proof,” Zombie states.
“Then get the proof,” I demand. “Because if she’s involved, then there are countless other kids at risk.”
“We’re working on it,” Quake insists. “But she’s missing.”
“Missing,” I repeat. “What do you mean, she’s missing?”
“He means gone,” Lyric explains. “Not answering calls, not showing up for work. And she’s not at home. We checked. Her apartment has been cleared out.”
“People don’t disappear for no reason,” Whiz adds. “Not unless they’re dirty… or those who are dirty make them disappear.”
“If she’s not involved,” I begin, allowing for the possibility. “Do you think she knows what Keith and Tom were doing?”
Quake’s expression tells me everything. “Yeah,” he says.
Again, I close my eyes and lean my head against his chest. Carrie approved Melissa staying here. At the time, I viewed it as one less battle to fight. Now, I can’t help but wonder if she knew the walls were closing in.
Taking a deep breath, I tip my head back to look at Quake. “When you find her, you need to hand her over to the police.”
“No,” he says.
“Quake.”
“Whitney.”
I narrow my eyes. “I’m serious, Quake.”
“So am I.”
“Melissa deserves to see justice happen for her. She deserves to see it the right way, a way she can understand. If Carrie played a part in this, Melissa needs to see the system work for her instead of against her.” I pause, knowing my next words are going to hurt, but they’re necessary.
“You took away that opportunity as far as Tom goes. At least, I’m assuming you did.
” He nods. “That little girl has lost her parents, lost the only home and life she’s ever known.
She was thrown into a situation that’s scary in and of itself.
Add in this bullshit with Tom and possibly Carrie…
She needs this, Quake. We all need this. ”
His lips twitch, and that’s not the reaction I expected. “You said ‘bullshit’.”
I think back over my tired and realize he’s right. Surprisingly, I also realize that letting my anger bleed into the words I speak feels pretty damn good. “Yeah, so fucking what? I’m not a nun anymore. I’m a goddamn mama bear protecting her family. Got a problem with it?”
“Nope,” he quips.
“Say any fucking word you want, Whitney,” Lyric adds.
“Please cuss a blue streak,” Whiz jokes. “I’ll feel less bad about swearing in front of you if you join in.”
I laugh lightly, grateful for a little levity in what has fast become a very heavy exchange.
“My word choice aside,” I begin. “Melissa needs to know that speaking up matters, that the people who hurt her don’t get to escape consequences.”
“Killing them is a consequence,” Quake counters.
“Killing them is revenge,” I argue. “And you’ve gotten revenge on two of them. Let her get justice with Carrie… if she’s involved,” I add as an afterthought. “Please.”
“She’s right.”
We all turn to see Pastor leaning against the far wall. He hadn’t ridden with the rest of the brothers, instead choosing to stay behind with us, and I didn’t even realize he entered the room and heard any part of our conversation.
“Melissa is a child, Quake,” he continues, walking toward us.
“Do you want her to grow up focused on the evil in the world or do you want her to see that actions have consequences? Do you want her to believe that this moment in time defines her future or that she can move past it, grow from it and learn from it?”
“Damn, brother,” Lyric says.
“I’m with Pastor,” Zombie says quietly.
“Me too,” Whiz adds.
“Times three,” Pilot states.
Quake hangs his head as if giving it some thought. Then, he looks at me with understanding and nods. “We’ll let the police have her.”
Relief moves through me, easing some of the pressure in my chest. But only some. Carrie is still out there somewhere, and if my gut is right and she is involved, she’s desperate. And desperate people are capable of dangerous things.
A lot has been accomplished. Both Keith and Tom have been identified and eliminated from the equation. Melissa is happy and settling back into some sort of normalcy.
Then why is it that I can’t shake the feeling that everything up until now has only been a preview of what’s to come?