Nudge 18 The Butterflies
The Butterflies
It has been weeks since I sat with Aiden in that cramped little booth, and still the memory of it refuses to die in my brain.
I can smell the booze, feel the pull of the sticky dance floor, and the way that his knee brushed against my own.
Every minuscule action plays on a loop in my head – the way he smiled, the way he leant, the way his breath felt on my face .
. . It is criminal. One person should not have this strong a hold.
Especially not someone like Aiden Edwards.
I’ve barely been able to think straight outside of work and, if I’m being fully honest, in it as well. I needed something, anything, to clear my mind, so when I received ominous instructions from Kimi via text, I jumped at them, no questions asked.
I have no idea what she’s brewing even as she pulls up at my house, with Raina’s dogs, Pudding and Pretzel, in the back of her car. She ignores every one of my questions as we make the whole journey across town to Richmond Park, distracting me with small talk and rants about her day.
We wander through the park with the dogs and the further we walk, the less things make sense to me. It’s a long way to go on a Tuesday night just for a stroll and a chat. Plus, if she wanted to walk Raina’s dogs, then we could have stayed local and we also could have brought Raina with us.
‘Do I finally get to know what we’re doing?’ I ask, as our conversation comes to a peaceful and warranted lull.
She glances over to me, lips pursed into a tightly contained smile as she attempts to trap her excitement behind her teeth.
‘We’re finding you a man,’ she declares proudly.
‘A man?’
‘Multiple men, potentially,’ she continues. ‘We’ve got to see what the options are and then we’ll decide on the number.’
‘I’m sorry?’
Kimi has come up with many schemes over the years in her self-proclaimed role of Queen Wing Woman.
She usually, however, reserves her mischief for bars or clubs, and they never go further than some flirty one-liners or the occasional kiss.
Doing it now, in broad daylight in the middle of the week, is truly chaotic, even for her.
‘I was thinking about that conversation you said you had with Aiden and he was right about one thing. You are gorgeous and it’s time you started embracing it, so you are getting out there, beginning today.’
‘Kimi!’ I say in protest.
She’s known me more than long enough to know she can’t just spring things on me, let alone things to do with strange men. I’m not emotionally prepared to flirt and I do not look the part. I’m not even wearing mascara.
‘You want romance, the husband, the whole nine yards by thirty. But, babe, your love life is one thing you absolutely can’t reduce into a plan. Especially when you’re not getting out there. You’re not even on any of the apps!’
‘Because I hate the apps!’
‘We all hate the apps.’ She sighs. ‘Which is why we’re not at home swiping. We are man hunting. In the wild.’
‘At Richmond Park?’
She stops dead mid-stride, before turning to look me in the eye.
‘Ruby, my fave paralegal at work, is dating one of the most gorgeous men I have ever seen in my life. She said they met when they physically ran into each other at Richmond Park, and, hey – you know what they say about lightning striking twice.’
‘That it never does?’ I reply.
‘Oh. Well, forget that one. Um, never say never.’
‘And the dogs?’ I ask, as Pretzel gently tugs on her lead.
‘Everyone’s more approachable if you’re walking a dog. Raina understood the cause and Pretzel loves my car so it’s a win-win. Now, pay attention. We’ve got to find our targets.’
Her eyes survey the smattering of people ambling around the park ignorant to her impervious glare. She scans the grounds with the precision of an army-grade rifle, narrowing in on her options before her neck snaps back at me.
‘What do you think of the two on that bench over there? Well-shaven, nice sweatpants, no ankle on show.’
I glance over. They’re sat laughing at something one of them said, soft smiles and nice faces. I could certainly do worse.
‘The one on the left has pretty eyes,’ I say.
He’s squinting as he throws his head back, his smile stretching across his cheeks.
‘How would we even talk to them?’ I ask.
But I am talking to the air, because Kimi and Pudding are already six steps ahead of us.
‘Excuse me! Hi, hello, I really like your shoes. Where’d you get them?’ she asks, hand on hip.
The man on the right beams widely, launching into some story about shoe auctions as Kimi nods intently.
She’s definitely not listening, but she’s doing a fantastic job pretending she is.
He is more than sold, although the way that he’s eyeing her up says that he still would have been had she not even spoken.
‘Oh, that’s so cool!’ she says with great faux conviction before turning towards his friend on the left. ‘This is my friend Maddison, by the way – tell her she’s pretty.’
‘Kimi!’ I scold.
‘What? You are. Is she not?’
Kind Eyes chuckles, looking between us and smiling before diverting his attention solely towards me.
‘Hey, I need no instruction. Your face speaks for itself,’ he says, smiling.
Cute. Cheesy, but cute, nonetheless.
‘And you have a beautiful smile,’ he continues.
His eye contact is unmatched, his stare waking a few stray butterflies from their hard-to-locate cocoons. I feel their wings flap, first slowly, testing the waters, before taking off on a shaky but warranted flight.
‘Thank you,’ I reply.
‘I’m Benji, by the way. You from around here?’ he asks, still staring.
The sun is setting on his features, gracing his skin with a breathtaking wash of golden glow.
His eyes are even more mesmerizing up close – deep, dark pools of brown that reflect the pinks and oranges of the sky around us.
They catch the light the same way Aiden’s do, but this time it’s more fun because these eyes look at me like someone that wants to talk to me.
My mind drifts to Aiden, our texts and our night at the pub, flashing back to the way our knees knocked and the panic in his eyes as he let slip that he thinks I’m attractive.
Did he mean it? Was it the alcohol? It shouldn’t matter.
I cut it off instantly, returning my focus to Benji.
We go back and forth with ease, topics darting from TV to careers to favourite dinners.
It’s all surface level, but that’s where it should be.
It’s light and it’s safe, and a perfect first step.
Our eyes never leave each other’s faces, blocking out the park, the dogs, Kimi, and his friend next to us.
I’m laughing and smiling, and it’s not even forced.
Light, happy giggles flow out of me with beautiful ease.
‘Mads, the park’s closing,’ Kimi says, giving me a small nudge.
‘Parks close?’ I ask, still trapped in my daze.
‘Let’s get going.’ She chuckles, tugging lightly on my arm.
Benji smiles softly, refusing to break our stare as Kimi says her goodbyes and encourages me to do the same. We hug goodbye. It’s uncomfortable, but in a way that is new, fresh and thrilling. I think.
‘I wanna see you again, Maddison,’ he says, handing over his phone. ‘You got a number?’
My phone vibrates minutes into our walk out of the park, before we’ve even made our way back to Kimi’s car.
Hey, it’s Benji. Dinner and drinks tomorrow?
We both squeal as we read it, Kimi grabbing my arm in excitement and cheering.
‘We love a man that takes action immediately!’ she says.
She forces me to recite our conversation word for word as we walk, and again as I sit in her passenger seat.
I don’t even care that it’s late – it’s all masked by the buzz of the evening we’ve just had.
I have a date. My first proper date of this year, with a man who actually seems like he may be worth my while.
‘Any butterflies?’ Kimi asks.
‘Sort of. At least three.’
‘Three’s a start and it’s more than there’ve been in a while, right?’
‘Uh-huh.’
She’s almost right, I suppose. It was more than there had been in years. But recently, the flurry in my stomach has made a couple of brief reappearances in some deeply unexpected places.
I’ll give them their dues – the poor babies were probably confused, mistaking a rampant hatred for something radically different.
But they flew as a troop, unified and plentiful, and I felt what it was like to have them all beat at once.
Benji’s butterflies weren’t like that – they were small and few.
But they were there and they were new, and that’s the only thing that matters.
I press my forehead against the cold glass of the car window, shutting my eyes tight and focusing in on the night.