Nudge 27 The Lesson #2
I shouldn’t trust him, but his steadiness compels me to, so I reach out my left hand, breathing as deeply as I can. He holds it for a second and I focus on his palm, warm, strong and safe.
‘I can’t do this. I’ll just fail again.’
‘Yes, you can,’ he says immediately. ‘Maddison Clarke, you are many things, but you are not a failure.’
I turn to face him, bracing myself for the mocking look and the curl in his lip that will give away his ridicule, but instead there’s nothing but warmth.
‘Come on,’ he says gently. ‘One more try, then we’ll switch back and never speak of this again.’
‘Promise?’ my voice squeaks. It was supposed to be a joke, but it comes out as a desperate whimper.
He smiles and nods emphatically, so I start the engine, and gently depress the clutch again.
He guides my hand towards the gearstick with his and our fingers close around the leather, acting carefully as one as we slowly slide the stick all the way into first. He lets go, prompting a sharp intake from me at the now sole power of my hand over this machine.
Before I can form a full thought, he reaches to release the handbrake.
All the air in the car shoots into my lungs and my arms lock straight as I brace myself for the inevitable disaster, but nothing comes. We stay still on our small country road, nothing moving but the rain outside our windows.
‘Impressive!’ Aiden says. ‘I didn’t master my clutch control until four, maybe five, lessons in.’
‘It’s probably a fluke. Or the fear,’ I say.
‘Give yourself some credit. You’ve done this and you’ll do more if I have anything to say about it. Now, shall we move it?’
I want to decline, but the unwavering support in his eyes convinces me that I can and should do otherwise. So instead, I nod and lift my sole slowly off the clutch until the car begins to roll forward.
‘OK, a bit more on the accelerator.’
‘I’m good with this speed,’ I say.
He chuckles, shaking his head at my very valid nerves.
‘Have you checked said speed?’ he asks.
I glance over. Six miles per hour.
‘We’re crawling,’ he says.
‘Everyone’s got to start somewhere.’
‘Move your foot,’ he says firmly. ‘I promise you that we don’t have to go past fifteen.’
We drive up the same country road, round the same bend and back around to the start again as many times as it takes me to feel comfortable and stop making shrill noises every time I have to turn a corner.
Eventually his handholding becomes more of a light hover, leaving me to lead us round our empty country route.
I’m a pro by the end, swivelling round our circuit with style at an impressive seventeen miles per hour and going up to second gear.
That is, however, until we meet our first obstacle, an ignorant and incredibly brave pigeon walking in the road.
I gasp as I spot it, panicking as my hands start to swivel and I immediately forget what a brake is.
We head straight for a brick wall, but Aiden comes to the rescue, practically leaping from his seat and flinging his arms around me to steer us right back on track.
‘Brake!’
I slam my foot on the brake, the two of us lurching forward as the car starts to vibrate uncontrollably.
‘Clutch. Maddison, clutch foot down now,’ he says, clearly very panicked but still not raising his voice.
He moves the gearstick into neutral and pulls up the handbrake.
I turn the key in the ignition, cutting off the engine, and we simultaneously collapse back into our seats as the car comes to a very relieving still.
There’s a moment of silence, quickly followed by us both launching into fits of hysterical laughter.
‘OK, that’s enough for one day,’ I say in between my fits of giggles.
‘Agreed,’ he says, his arms still wrapped around me.
And then I glance to my side and see his face, almost touching my own, and it’s enough to instantly cut my laughter short. He grows silent as well, processing my own face, and his arms and the lack of distance between us.
‘So, what’s the verdict?’ he asks, voice shaking, but body staying put. ‘Would you do this again?’
‘With you teaching me? Anytime.’
If I’m not mistaken, I could’ve sworn that his eyes left mine for a moment to steal a fleeting glance at my lips.
My stomach flutters, dips, goes through a loop at the thought of what could possibly be running through his mind.
But that just wouldn’t make sense. Not for Aiden and certainly not with me.
‘You need to stop looking at me like that,’ he sighs, making no attempt to look away. ‘It’s lethal. And really unfair to your man.’
‘What man?’ I ask instantly, my confusion breaking the spell.
‘Benji . . .’ he replies. ‘Or are you guys not at the label stage yet?’
‘Oh . . . yeah.’
In all of the madness behind the wheel, I completely forgot about Benji and the hole he left me with. Forty-eight hours of tears and rock-bottom self-worth eradicated with one twenty-minute driving lesson.
‘There’s no more Benji,’ I say.
It’s the first time I’ve said or typed the words without feeling a pit form in the depths of my gut. It’s liberating for me, and apparently for Aiden too. His eyes light up, flicking from happy to mischievous in a heartbeat. My own heart quickens.
‘Is that so?’ he asks, not even bothering to mask his excitement with some sarcastic comment.
‘He ended it on Wednesday.’ I watch his reactions carefully. ‘I only found out after he blocked me.’
He tuts. ‘Coward.’ He’s happy – it’s clear. I hold my breath. ‘Why on earth would he do that?’
‘The real question is, what are you going to do now there’s nothing to stop you?’
I don’t know where the words come from, but I feel them in my core. Almost as if they were always there. Aiden wastes no time analysing, closing the final gap and locking his lips perfectly on mine.
Kissing Benji was a process. It took effort and brain power, and made me have to think and try, but kissing Aiden’s not like that. Not even close. Kissing Aiden feels like diving. Kissing Aiden feels like home.
We engage in a perfect conversation without words. He moves as I move, his mouth working with grace and passion as it comes together with mine. It requires no thinking, no instruction or verbal communication.
I grip the back of his head, desperate to feel more of him – we’re as close as we can physically be, but it’s still not enough.
I need every part of him pressed up against me, and I know he needs it too with the way his hands are sliding over me.
I moan softly into his mouth, giving him all the consent he needs to cup me, first gently and then with far more intention.
The butterflies soar in my stomach, their wings flapping triumphantly.
Aiden tries to pull me closer – I try to get there too, but the car’s stupid gearstick is in the way.
I emit a huff of frustration as I knock it with my knee, which prompts him to chuckle lightly into my mouth.
He pulls away, much to my dismay, but my anger dissipates instantly at the sight of his face.
‘We are going to be late to Evie’s,’ he says, punctuating each word with a light kiss.
He’s smiling softly at me, looking past my eyes and straight into the depths of my soul. He thinks he’s lucky. That he’s the lucky one because he got to kiss me.
I sigh, reluctantly crossing my arms. He’s staring straight ahead now, preparing to leave the car and switch places, but he can’t stop grinning. Neither can I. It’s infectious. It’s all I want to do.
‘Since when have you cared about punctuality?’ I tease him, still breathless from the kiss.
He shakes his head fondly. ‘What can I say? You’re rubbing off on me in more ways than one.’
He lifts my chin with his hand and leans in once again, our lips continuing where they left off. I feel fire course through my body, settling at my core and begging for more.
‘Seriously, we do have to go,’ he says, thumb tracing my lips as I pout back at him in disappointment. ‘Don’t make me move you out of my seat.’
‘Do it.’ I reach out to run a fingertip over his biceps. ‘I’m sure you could lift me, easy.’
I can’t lie, I’ve thought about it. I’ve thought about it more times than I care to admit. I blame Devi and her constant commentary on the size of his arm muscles.
He struggles for a second, the brazenness of my actions almost tempting him past the point of no return. But instead, he resists, which makes me just as proud as it does frustrated. I guess one of us has to be the sensible adult, even if it leaves us both high and dry.
We switch places again and get back on the road towards Evie’s, just as we were less than an hour ago. Except this time, his left hand is planted on my knee, creeping further up with every road sign that we pass.