Nudge 30 The Promise
The Promise
‘Is that mine?’
‘What?’
With the day nearly over, it’s time to pack up our stuff so we can head out first thing in the morning.
I hoped he wouldn’t notice the new addition to my wardrobe, but now that he’s packed and ready to join me for bed, he’s already spotted it.
It’s my own fault, I suppose. I lost any advantage of being sneaky the second I insisted that we spend the night in my room.
‘Don’t play dumb, Maddy.’
‘Me? Dumb? We both know that’s impossi—’ An ear-piercing screech leaves my mouth as he lifts me into the air, twirls me around and lands me very effectively out of the way of my duffle.
‘Yep, just as I suspected.’ He removes the oversized sweatshirt from my bag.
‘I’ve worn it all evening! Reason dictates it’s mine now.’ I march back over to him and reach for it, ready to snatch, but he is far too quick, stretching his arm above his head. I jump over and over again as he jerks backwards with a smile on his face.
‘You done yet?’ he asks, far too proud of himself.
‘Aiden, that’s discriminatory. You can’t use my height against me,’ I say, pouting.
‘I thought you were “only a few inches shorter than me”?’
‘I am. But you have freakishly long arms,’ I retort, jumping again.
His fake-fight face crumbles instantly, revealing a melting pot of joy underneath. He attempts to keep his mouth straight – fight back against the creeping smile – but he can’t help it, try as he might. I bring it out of him and I take pride in the fact that there’s nothing he can do about it.
‘That was mean, Maddy.’
‘I said what I said,’ I say, standing tall as I attempt to square up to him.
It’s no use. Both of us are too elated to even try to fake mad after the weekend we’ve had.
‘Well, these freakishly long arms do come in handy . . .’ He hooks the other one around my waist and pulls me in until we’re chest to chest.
The closer I get to him, the more his scent overwhelms my senses and makes me absolutely feral. I throw my arms around his neck, bringing him down towards me until our noses brush against each other.
‘That’s better,’ I sigh, lips brushing his teasingly as I speak.
He dips even closer. ‘Was this your plan all along? Get me close enough to kiss again?’
‘Oh, I wanted you close,’ I say, thumb stroking the back of his neck. ‘Close enough for this.’
I break us apart, ripping the sweatshirt from his newly relaxed arm as I go, and make an overly dramatic beeline for the bed.
He lunges but I’m too scrappy, swerving under his arms to roll across the duvet and make my final play, triumphantly placing the shirt back in its rightful place in my bag.
I sigh contentedly as I finish, lightly tucking it in and smoothing over the creases before zipping the bag up for good.
‘That was low.’ Aiden wanders over to the bed. ‘You are only supposed to use your sexual prowess for good.’
‘That was good. I had fun and I got my top back.’
‘You are unbelievable,’ he says, a wide grin on his face.
His hands reach for my shoulders, pushing against them until I lie flat on my back against the silky duvet.
His eyes have darkened, the pools of hunger growing clearer and clearer as he climbs on top of me and pins my hands above my head.
I tilt my chin up, lips pursed as I move towards his, but then he swerves.
Pulls back as I let out a small whimper.
‘You tease me, I will tease you right back,’ he says, an all-too-smug smirk on his face.
‘Aiden.’ I don’t have it in me to say anything else. But it doesn’t deter him. He keeps his grip on my wrists tight, peppering teasing kisses down my neck and across my collarbone.
‘What’s wrong, Maddy?’ he asks.
He adjusts his hands to secure my wrists together with one and uses the other to tug lightly at the hem of my shorts.
They drop to the floor, his fingers returning to trace unbearably teasing patterns over the thin fabric that’s left.
He delights in my stilted breaths, glancing up at me to fully take them in, his fingers still steadily taunting me over the lace of my underwear.
I huff. ‘This is cruel and unusual punishment.’
‘Really? You don’t sound like you’re being punished,’ he says teasingly.
He punctuates his sentence with a far more heavy-handed stroke, his finger quickly dipping beneath the fabric. I try to bite back a moan, but it seeps through, making his ears prick with glee.
‘Consider this payback for the sweatshirt I’m letting you keep.’
‘You’re letting me keep it because I rightfully won,’ I say breathlessly.
He presses harder, my body jolting at the sensation as he brings his mouth to my ear. ‘How does that win feel right now?’ he asks, the whisper sending shocks through me.
He gives my lobe a light bite for good measure, dragging his teeth across it before kissing his way down my body unbearably slowly. I wrestle against his hold, but there’s absolutely no use. The strength of his singular single hand is too much for me while I’m in this kind of state.
‘Aiden, I swear, if you don’t . . .’ I gasp as the vibrations from his chuckles send shockwaves through my body.
‘You are in no position to be making demands right now, Maddy.’ He runs his hand back up my body, coming in for a kiss.
It’s a peck. Barely there, rubbing more salt in the wound and bringing him far too much joy as he pulls away. He looks down fondly at my disgruntled face, brushing a stray hair from my forehead.
‘Have I ever told you how cute you look when you’re mad? It’s adorable.’ His finger traces the same endless circle around my nipple, unbearably light to the touch. ‘See, that face – that face you’re pulling right now – all scrunched-up and stressed? Very hot.’
He moves his fingers the second I open my mouth, turning what would have been a perfectly biting response into an uncontrollable moan. There’s no point in fighting; he’s got me right in the palm of his hand and he knows it just as much as I do.
He scoops me up into his arms the second we’re done and we lie there in silence, sweaty and tangled in each other.
I want to say I could get used to this, but I don’t think that could possibly be true.
This isn’t something you acclimatise to, this is not something that will ever stop being earth-shatteringly delicious.
I hug his arm closer to my chest as he follows suit and squeezes me tight. It’s different to before. Not as soft or carefree. He’s holding me like he’s scared I’ll escape if he doesn’t.
‘What are you thinking about?’ I ask, tracing patterns on his skin.
‘Huh?’ he asks, breaking out of his daze.
His tone’s sleepy, slower and feigning an air of confusion, but I don’t buy it. I roll over, parting from his hold to come face to face with his features, shining even through the darkness.
‘Tell me.’
The command is soft enough to not push him too far but firm enough for him to know I won’t give up. And he knows. It’s clear by the worried gulp that follows as he casts his eyes away from my face.
‘It’s all good.’ He lies terribly.
‘Aiden.’
‘Maddy,’ he says, eyes glinting in the dark as they return to meet mine.
The worry in them is enough to make my heart still, setting off alarm bells in my head. I look away. I try not to, but I can’t help myself. Something doesn’t feel right. He doesn’t feel right.
‘Look, if you’ve changed your mind . . . If you regret this at all, I’m cool with that. It was probably stupid anyway. I mean, I know who we are and I know that we’re different and . . .’
The words slow as they battle with the lump forming in my throat. I can’t look him in the eye, or the face, or anything for that matter. I stare down at the mattress in between us, the gap bigger from the space I seem to have created.
‘Maddison. That’s not it at all. I was thinking about you, and . . . this, yes, but not like that. I just . . .’ He pauses. ‘I know that you don’t want to, but I think we should talk about May Madness.’
My heart sinks further, this time for a different reason. A stronger reason. The kind of reason that I can’t bear to relive.
‘No,’ I whisper.
‘Maddison, we need to at least—’
‘It happened; you apologised back at the pub; I think we’ve done all we need to do . . .’
He grabs my arms with his hands, steadying what I thought were my well-hidden shakes. I can tell by the look on his face they weren’t hidden well, or at all. Before I can stop it, the moment plays, cut for cut, in my head. As vivid as the treacherous day that it happened.
I was understandably shocked when he walked into the cramped kitchen of whatever house that day’s party was in, having not seen him since school.
I watched him stroll across the room, his preoccupied, pinched expression dissolving into something else entirely the second he saw me.
In my evolved, newfound confidence I struck up conversation and found we actually had a lot to talk about.
We got into heated debate over the best New Girl character and exchanged notes on how uni compared to sixth form.
We ended up standing in the corner talking each other’s ears off for most of the night.
In fact, there were several moments where anyone watching might have mistaken us for old friends. That was, until Lucy showed up.
I smiled at her, thinking she would come and join us, but her mouth snapped closed the second I did, eyes looking over me from head to toe.
I can still feel the breath I held as her eyeballs took in every pore and every bump.
She let no curl go unturned, making sure to hover scathingly at the fat on my noticeably bare lower thighs.
In the seven months we’d been neighbours, I’d never seen her like this.
She hadn’t looked at me like that since we were at school.
‘I can’t believe she is still following you around!’ Her lip curled with each word, delight ripe across her features. ‘God, Maddison, you were always such a piece of work. Drove Aiden here up the walls – he could never stop going on about how irritating you were.’
I looked to him for back up – confirmation that she was wrong. He bowed his head, silent for the first time all night.
‘What do you think, Aiden? Does she seem any different?’ she asked, her voice loud enough to capture the attention of everyone within earshot. ‘I mean . . . She dresses different. I wouldn’t say better, but different.’
The comment set off a chain of sniggers behind her as people listening whispered callously to each other.
Suddenly the playsuit the FGA had hyped up earlier over FaceTime felt stupid and ugly and so obviously not me.
I folded my arms across my chest, shrinking into the lack of material and praying that I could be literally anywhere else.
I tried not to show fear. Even then, I knew that was the worst thing I could do.
Plus, my flatmates were watching, and I was barely cool enough for them as it was.
The last thing I needed was to crumble in front of a campus It Girl.
But before I could stop it, the alcohol soured in my stomach and bile rose up in my throat.
I couldn’t help it – I spun around and instantly threw up into the sink behind me.
‘Luce, we should go,’ Aiden whispered, tugging at her arm as I retched.
She sneered. ‘You’re right, we are wasting our time. Bye, Maddison. I’m sure I won’t be seeing you around campus.’
I watched as Aiden turned on his heel and left my already shaky reputation in tatters on the floor. He didn’t even care. Why would he? He clearly hated me. Lucy had pretty much made sure that everyone at that party did too.
I spent the last semester in turmoil, barely leaving my room unless it was to attend a seminar. Any assignments not pre-written suffered badly and I submitted one a week after the deadline, which sank my overall grade so low I considered retaking the year.
I’m broken from the memory as Aiden scoops his hand under my chin to pull me eye to eye with him once again. I catch my breath the second he makes contact, tremors of worry stilling in their place. They can’t move – I can’t move.
‘What Lucy said that day . . . the way she said it wasn’t true.’
Her words echo in my head as if she were right here saying them.
‘God, Maddison, you were always such a piece of work. Drove Aiden here up the walls – he could never stop going on about how irritating you were.’
His arm swings around me, pulling me close until my head rests on his bare chest.
‘I called her out on it after we left. We argued for hours. Broke up for like three or four days after that.’
‘That couldn’t have been easy . . . arguing over some random girl from school,’ I murmur.
He was so warm, so open when he stared at me that night. I would have never pictured their evening ending that way.
‘Oh, you weren’t random.’ He chuckles, pillow rustling as he shakes his head.
‘That’s the one thing she said that was true – I could never stop going on about you.
I think she could tell, even back then, that I was a little too preoccupied.
That’s my bad. It wasn’t fair to her and it certainly wasn’t fair in the way it got taken out on you. ’
I scoff. ‘You weren’t preoccupied with me.’
‘Maddison. Even back then, you consumed most of my waking thoughts.’
He’s so resolute. Nothing hidden, nothing left behind. It’s as scary as it is exciting, and I can feel my heart triple in speed.
‘I just need you to know how sorry I am,’ he continues, his arms tightening their hold. ‘I would never let anyone make you feel like that again. You’ll always know exactly where you stand with me. I can promise you that.’
‘I believe you,’ I whisper.
And I do, wholeheartedly. The man across from me would never let anything hurt me. I can tell by his gaze, by his hold, by the way he speaks. I’m safe with him. He’s safe with me. No matter what’s in our past.
I turn back around and he cradles me, softly resting his chin on the top of my head. I’m encased in his arms, back pressed firmly against his chest. He’s got me, now and for ever. At least, that’s what I can’t help but hope.