4. Blair
Blair
The Vanducci-Cromwell and Inferno’s bike and car block party was the talk of the city every summer. Last summer we had other pressing issues, so even though it still went on, I didn’t get the chance to attend.
I was excited to hang out all night, drink and not worry about chemo the next week. This summer I was really free, and I was able to enjoy everything that happened for me. The only thing that would make this summer the best is if Tookie would stop playing and sign those damn papers. Zoya told me that if he continued to refuse to sign the papers, we had other options that could finalize the divorce without his signature.
Me, Erin, and Alaia decided to drive to Staten Island together. Capri told me she would meet us there. She was getting the baby settled, and didn’t want us waiting for her. The entire drive there we laughed, listened to music, and sped across that bridge.
Alaia was a speed demon, and clearly took after her husband. I had been in a car with Cappadonna, and that man should have his damn driver’s license taken away from him. I guess it came in handy when he had to peel on niggas on a highway.
“You going to see your boo… excited?” Erin teased me and I rolled my eyes while laughing, but secretly excited to see Quasim.
“Nervous to see him… what do I do?”
“You said you not chasing him, so don’t. Keep it cordial, but def don’t be all over him… we make these niggas come to us,” Alaia advised.
“Says the two women who are married. I gotta take any nigga crawling to me,” I joked, shaking off my terrible way of thinking.
In the past, I had that stupid way of thinking, which is how I ended up married to Tookie. I thought because a man showed me love that he actually loved me. Men had a way of showing you what you wanted to see.
It was never what it was supposed to be, only an illusion that they sold you. Then one day, you woke up staring at a nigga that gaslit you into believing he was giving you diamonds, and he had in fact given you beauty supply diamond earrings.
“Capone chased me.” Erin replied.
“And Cappadonna saved me… he chased me, too, though,” Alaia smiled at me through the rearview mirror.
I watched as she switched lanes and sped through the streets of Staten Island. “Quasim doesn’t want to chase me, though. If he wanted to, he would have.”
“He showed up to your last chemo appointment.”
“And then that was all. We speak here and there, but it’s nothing crazy… I scared him when I told him that I wanted to have his babies.”
“I wouldn’t say you scared him, Blair. All you did was show him the possibility of loving again and having that life that he has probably written off.” Erin tried to make me feel better, but I had spent so much time thinking about when I had word vomit, and I was almost sure he was scared.
“Quasim has written off the possibility of having love again. I think with Meer and Capri getting married and having Rayce, it may have opened him up a little bit. It’s scary to love again after experiencing loss.”
“Yeah.
The minute that Alaia’s Maybach truck turned onto the block, there were Inferno Gods coming from every direction and riding beside her. When she rolled the window down, I noticed that it was Cappadonna on her side.
There were cars parked from blocks away with people walking down near the beach for the car and bike shows that were put on. I could smell the barbeque in the air and couldn’t wait to get a plate. The bass in the music playing was so loud and strong I could feel the beat to ‘So Special’ by Mavado within my chest.
Cappadonna pointed to a reserved spot for Alaia, and she backed into the spot with ease. She killed the engine, got out, and walked over toward her husband. Capone came over and grabbed his wife out the car, kissing her on the lips.
“Gorgeous, you gonna get in fucking trouble wearing this sundress.” He eyed her down while licking his lips.
It was so cute how giddy Erin became when her husband approved of her outfit. They had been married for the longest, and their marriage was still fresh and new like when they first met.
“I can’t help that I be dragging this wagon around.” Erin did a stank walk, and Capone grabbed her back toward him.
“Don’t get somebody fucked up out here, Gorgeous.” He threatened before kissing her on the lips and allowing her to go over where Alaia was standing.
“What up, B?” He greeted, after staring his wife down. He walked over to hug and kiss me on the head. “You straight?”
“I’m good, Capone… thanks. I’m glad to be home.”
He nodded. “I heard you were in Hollyweird… other than that, you doing good though, right?”
“I am good, I promise.” I smiled.
The Delgatos had accepted me as family and treated me like it. Capone and Cappadonna treated me like their little sister. I didn’t have siblings or any family, so it felt nice to be accepted.
“If you not good…”
“I promise you guys will be the first to know about it… let’s have fun, Capo.” I hugged him once more and made my way over toward Alaia and Erin.
“Ms. Blair!” I heard my favorite little voice and turned to see Ryder running down the block with her father pushing a stroller.
Meer had the stroller and the diaper bag on his back as he casually walked down the block. This man was meant to be a father, and especially a girl dad. God did his big one when he forced Capri and Quameer to cross paths again.
Ryder had grown so much as she crashed into me, sending me back a few paces. She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed as best as she could. “Hey Ry!”
“Daddy didn’t tell me that you were going to be here.”
I smiled as Meer came near. “I wanted to surprise you… how are you, big sis?”
She lit up like a lamp when you referred to her as big sister. The truth was, she was the best big sister there was. Capri always spoke about how much she helped her with Rayce and never complained.
She and Meer both worried that Ryder would start to get jealous with a new baby in the house. It was the complete opposite when it came to Ms. Ryder Inferno. She was the best big sister to Rayce.
“Hey Mr. Mom,” I teased Meer and walked over to give him a hug.
He held the side of my face and kissed my forehead. “Come here, let me get a look at you… my small little child has grown up… not stabbing nobody or nothing. Right, Stabby?”
I shoved Meer while laughing. “I really cannot stand you, Meer… I hope you know that.”
He laughed and properly hugged me while I shoved him out the way to see my God baby. She was sleeping with her wild curls all over her head. “So, you couldn’t pin her hair back?”
“There goes Suga Mama!” Peach screamed out.
We all turned and watched as Capri’s bike sped right past us with Star’s car beside her. They both hit the roundabout and zoomed back down the block. “That’s my fucking wife!” Meer yelled, cheering his wife on.
All we saw was smoke as both she and Star gunned it down Father Cappadonna road. Kincaid on his dirt bike, gunned it behind them so he could call it. “My bitch back like she never left.” My cheeks hurt because I was cheesing so damn hard, watching her back on her bike.
For a while, she was scared to get back on her bike. Her mind was in overdrive, thinking about her daughter and possibly getting into an accident. She was overthinking something she loved and had learned from the best.
“That’s why my baby hair look like this… her mama out here being a speed demon.” He smirked. “Ain’t that right, Cherry.”
Meer and his fruit names were the cutest thing. He had Peach and now Cherry. “What made her get back on?”
“Had to remind her that she’s the one… my baby be needing to be reminded, sometimes.”
I smiled. “You’re so good for her, Meer… now, you both need to let me watch my baby, so you can go on a date or something.”
“Shit, you ain’t said nothing but a word.”
I wanted to step up and help them as much as I could. Having a new baby while trying to make time for Ryder, along with being newlyweds was a lot, and I wanted to take the load off as much as I could.
While everyone was waiting for them to come back around, I crossed the street to the grill that was set up on the divider. The table had a plethora of different foods, and I wanted a little of everything. My appetite wasn’t all the way back, but I could eat more than I could before.
Between the reggae music and smell of the food, I didn’t know what made me happier. I rocked my hips from side to side as I waited on my burger to be finished. Soon as my cheeseburger was done, the man plopped it on my bun, and I turned to head back across the street but bumped right into Quasim.
“Anjo, why you got that skirt on?” He asked, raising that damn brow at me. It was my weakness, because I folded every time he gave me that look.
I was wearing an asymmetrical white crop top with a nylon skirt that I paired with my red Prada sneakers that he had bought me in Monaco.
Damn me.
I can admit, the skirt was a little short and I was showing a little skin, but so what? I was young, alive, and I had a body, so I was going to show it off.
My Ensures were doing wonders with me gaining some weight back. I hated being so skinny, and now my weight was slowly returning. One protein coffee in the morning every day, and an ensure before my meal, and my doctors were satisfied.
“Hey Quasimmy!” I greeted, completely ignoring his question because it wasn’t his business or concern why I had this skirt on.
Even if I wanted it to be his concern and business.
I wanted to be his business.
Quasim continued to stare down at me, waiting for me to answer the question. He bent down until he was near my ear. “I know you heard me, my love.”
Every hair that was on my body stood at attention. Feeling his cool breath on my skin caused me to shiver and want him ten times more than I did before. ‘No Games’ by Serani played loudly, allowing me a chance to gain my composure.
“Why are you worried about what I put on my body, Quasimmy… actually, this song is perfect for you… since you always playing games.”
He smirked as I maneuvered past him and headed back across the street where Capri had pulled up. If he thought I was going to answer his questions when he had been ghosting me and not giving me any answers to my question, he had another thing coming.
Zay: I’m trippin or did I just see you?
I looked down at my phone and smiled.
Me: depends on… where are you?
Zay: on the island
Me: then you saw me. Block party?
Zay: hell yeah. Where you at? I’m coming to you.
I texted him exactly where I was and continued over toward where Capri was sitting on her bike. She had Peach sitting on the bike in front of her while pretending she was riding. I knew the moment she was old enough; Meer was going to have to pry her off motorcycles.
“Zay is here.” I whispered in Capri’s ear, and she turned to look at me to see if I was joking with her.
“Seriously?”
“Yes… he’s coming over this way.”
She laughed, enjoying the position that I found myself in. Actually, I wasn’t in any position because me and Quasim weren’t together. He wasn’t my man, and I was free to have other friends. Zay was a friend, that was all.
Right?
A Slingshot pulled up and Zay hopped out. “Oh, my fucking Goodness!” Erin shrieked when he hopped out. “Z…Zay!” She continued to squeal, completely fan girlin’ over him.
“Oh shit!” When I turned around, Aimee was running across the street and trying to toss herself all over Zay.
I had to pry the damn girl away from him because she was about to climb up on him. “Aimee, get the hell away from that man before he call the cops on you,” Cappadonna scolded, and Aimee was too busy trying to contain herself.
“Um, I’m so sorry to put you on the spot but can I please get a selfie… me and my brother are huge fans,” Erin quickly grabbed her phone and shoved the camera into Zay’s face before he could agree.
Capone came over to grab his wife away from Zay as she continued to snap pictures. “My bad, I promise my wife not fucking crazy,” he looked at Erin, and then held his hand out to dap Zay, as Erin quickly sent the pictures to her cousin and brother.
“You straight… I’m just happy you cool, because some niggas be on my neck because they girl is a fan.” Zay laughed.
“Nah… she know who daddy is… we both are fans,” Capone told him, and then looked over at Aimee who was trembling like a damn crackhead. “Take yo picture so you can leave this man alone.”
Aimee’s hands were shaking so badly that I had to take the phone and take the picture of them for her. She was smelling him and clinging onto him like he was Jesus or something. I couldn’t help but to laugh when I finally finished taking the picture and had to pull her ass away.
“Hey Zay.” Capri greeted him.
“What’s up? It’s nice to finally meet one of your besties… was starting to think they were fake or some shit.”
I punched him. “Don’t even play like that. I told you that I’m very protective of my friends and family.”
He laughed and pulled me next to him. “What up?” Meer gave a half ass nod, and Capri looked at him. “What, Suga? We can’t be acting like fans… family first.”
“Excuse my husband.” Capri apologized for Quameer.
He walked over closer to us. “Your album is fire, but I don’t fuck with you. You know she married to my brother, right?”
“Quameer!” I punched his ass.
Zay looked confused and nodded his head. I followed where he nodded to and saw that Quasim had walked over. “What up?” Zay greeted.
Quasim only returned a head nod as he posted on the truck parked near us. It was so hard to remain mad at him when he looked as good as he did. His lineup was fresh, and his beard was brushed perfectly. Then he wore a tank top that exposed his muscles and tattoos, and that made me drool.
He was dressed down in a pair of red Rhude shorts with some off white 4’s on, and his biker vest that tied into his shorts and sneakers. The problem was that Quasim knew he looked good.
He knew I knew he looked good, too.
If only that was the least of our problems with each other. I wished it was that easy between the both of us. Instead, I was forced to stand here with Zay while feeling like I was cheating on him, and we weren’t even together.
“Yo Zay, they want you to sign shit for the kids real quick.” The man in the slingshot said with the phone to his ear.
“There go business, always getting in the fucking way of us.” He pulled me into a hug and kissed me on the cheek.
I knew I probably felt stiff as a damn tree in his arms compared to how I usually was. Not only did I have Quasim leaning against the truck with a toothpick sticking out his mouth, but I had everybody watching our interaction and I felt weird.
If this was how Capri felt when she started dating, I now understood completely what she meant. Zay swaggered back over to the slingshot and hopped in before they sped away. I turned around and put a smile on my face.
“Alright, what we getting into?”
“Yo business,” Meer’s big mouth was the first one to speak and I rolled my eyes and laughed at the same time.
“You failed to mention that you know Zay… I love his music so damn bad.” Erin expressed as if we didn’t already know.
Capone looked at his wife. “You got one more damn time, Gorgeous. Cause when I start talking to CeeCee about SeaWorld, you gonna be in your feelings.”
Alaia broke out into laughter along with her husband, because Erin real deal looked betrayed by what her husband had said. Not by the fact that she was tossing herself all over Zay and shoving her phone into his face.
“I met him through my client… she’s his sister and we just clicked.”
“Clicked, huh?” Quasim finally spoke.
I looked over at him. “Yes… we clicked. Problem?”
“Not until I make it one… you good for now.” He nodded for me to proceed with his cocky ass.
“Quasim!” I nearly snapped my neck to see where the voice was coming from, and it was a chick at the grill waving to him.
He smiled and leaned up off the truck and crossed the street to her. “And who the fuck is that?” I questioned. “Oh, don’t everybody get quiet now… where was the silence when Zay was here.”
“I’m taking my baby on a ride,” Cappadonna said and pulled Alaia behind him while I looked at Meer and Capri who were looking away from me.
“That’s Berkeley… she works for Media news,” Aimee replied, the only one that answered my damn question. “She comes by the Devon’s office often for interviews and things like that.”
“And how does someone at Media news know Quasim Inferno?” I looked directly at his big-headed brother who was pretending to fix Peach’s hair. “Her damn hair is fine, Quameer.”
“It really is. You’re messing it up.” Peach shot her father a look and removed her hair from his hand.
Capri was holding her laugh as she tried to look away. “He went to school with her, Blair… damn. He can’t say hello to a friend?”
“Oh? It’s ‘he can’t say hello to a friend’, but you yelled in Zay’s face that I was married to Quasim.”
“And did!” Capri yelled in her husband’s ear, and he shot her a look and she snickered, knowing that he and his double standards sucked. “And friends where… why he hugging her like that?” Capri added.
I nearly snapped my neck with the way I turned around to see what Capri was talking about. Quasim was hugging her and had actually smiled as she said something to him. He chuckled while she pinched him as they were in the middle of a conversation.
“So, this is what we’re doing now?” I whispered to myself as I angrily watched him hugging another woman.
Those arms were reserved for only me, not her. Havoc pulled up on his bike, and I walked over toward him. “Give me a ride, Havoc,” I asked, hoping that he could hear me.
He looked at me and laughed. “Hell nah… Every God knows not to ride with Queen Inferno on the back of their bike… the fuck. I minds well go over there to Sim and spit in his face… certain shit you don’t do.”
“I am not Queen Inferno, so there’s no disrespect,” I countered.
Havoc smirked. “You right… Queen Inferno. Quasim already put out word about you, so good luck getting any nigga, especially a God, to give you a ride. Go ask him for one,” his ass had the nerve to joke.
“You know… I liked you better when you were quiet.”
Havoc continued to laugh as his eyes looked behind me and he signed something. Aimee came skipping over and hugged him. “Oh, we friends again… you took your ears off and ignored me yesterday.”
“Cause you were talking some bullshit… you gonna put in a good word with shorty or not?” He questioned her.
Havoc’s voice was so low that you had to be up on him to hear what he was saying. He’s always been the quietest God, but his presence was very much loud. He was Yasin’s older brother, so naturally Yasin was the mouthpiece for the both of them.
Aimee used to feel like she had no family, when in fact she had nothing but family. She was like the little sister to mostly all the Gods. Especially since she and Havoc had developed a friendship with each other.
Even as I stood here taking in Havoc, he was something to look at. He was a tree any woman would be lucky to climb. He had smooth, light brown skin, and light freckles dusted his nose and cheeks. His dark brown eyes screamed intense, framed by his thick eyebrows and frown lines that appeared whenever he smiled.
His long, thick beard was perfectly groomed, along with his locs. He wore one side longer than the other, and I assumed that was to cover his implants. Along with his height and his solid body frame, he was a giant.
A gentle one.
“Are you going to continue to ignore me when you don’t wanna hear what I’m saying?” She countered with her hand on her hips.
I ignored the both of them and went back over to where Capri was. She climbed off her bike and went to pick up Rayce because she was crying. Rayce Ann was a typical breastfed baby and wanted her mother all the time.
“We should all go out tomorrow… just the girls.” I spoke to Capri, while Meer shielded her as she pulled her breast out to feed Rayce.
“I’m with it… I can do the pump and dump. I’m really trying to stock enough breast milk before Bali, so I know she’s fed and won’t run out.” She carefully held her baby, as she easily breastfed her like a pro.
Every time I saw Capri be a mommy, it made me feel so proud. I enjoyed watching her step into this new role in her life, while trying to find her way back to the Capri she was before pregnancy. It was a wild journey, and one that came with its fair share of problems, but she handled it with grace.
Meer looked between me and his wife. “This the whole ‘hot girl summer’ shit you was chatting about, Suga?”
Capri smiled. “Yes, Meer… we’ll be heading up to the lake house soon, so we’ll have more help with Gams and my mom being closer… you need to have fun, too.”
He kissed his wife’s temple. “I’m fucking with you… you deserve it. Let me see a nigga say something to you, and then you gonna have to prosecute your own husband, Sug.”
Capri snorted. “Quameer, please.”
It was the way that Capri looked at Quameer, and vice versa. Nobody else mattered when the both of them stared into each other’s eyes. It was like they were communicating without actually using words. It was a beautiful thing to witness because they both had been given a shitty start at love.
I turned to look, and Quasim was now leaned on a fence as Ms. Barkey was standing in front of him. His broad arms were folded as he peered down at her as she spoke to him. My blood boiled seeing him talking to another woman because in my mind, he belonged to me. I was allowing him time to get his fears out before he chose me in the end.
As he was leaning against the fence talking, he looked up while she was still running her big mouth and looked over at me. He gave me a discreet wink, the one that he always had given me whenever we were in the same room with each other.
Nobody ever caught it.
But I always did.
It was our thing, and it was unspoken because I knew it was only reserved for me. I screwed my face up and gave him my back while watching Capri and Meer talk while she breastfed Rayce. I would never say I wanted what Capri and Meer had because I wanted my own thing.
I wanted my own kind of love that was special and reserved for just me with my person. I’ve spent all of my life chasing that kind of love and I have never been able to catch it. Each time I thought I did; it was nothing but a facade that quickly fell apart right before my eyes.
Love was my only goal here. Despite being burned in the love department, I had so much love to give someone. I had given my love to the wrong person, and I didn’t want to make that mistake again.
I wanted to give love and receive the same kind of love that I knew I could give to someone. I’ve filled so many cups in the past while mine remained empty. As much as I was in love with Quasim, I wasn’t going to wait for him.
I wasn’t going to give love only to be ghosted in the end. My heart couldn’t take that, and I refused to follow the same path I had in the past, ignoring the red flags because I just wanted to be loved.
Everyone was enjoying the block party and checking out the races. I went and sat over by the benches near the beach that the block party was always held on. It was a dead end with houses on one side, and a beach on the other side. Everyone was watching the bikes, so I slipped away to sit near the beach and watch the water.
Water was the one thing that always calmed me. I didn’t have to be near a beach to be calmed, either. Water from a faucet, the rain, or even the sound of the water while in the tub – all those things soothed my soul.
Being on that yacht for two weeks was the most incredible time for me because I got to sleep on my favorite thing; water. I was able to jump into the ocean every morning, even with Quasim being nervous.
He knew I liked to watch the sun come up and was up at five in the morning with me every day. I would hear his little knock on my room door, and he would be standing there, yawning and ready to watch me jump into the ocean.
I didn’t envision his feelings for me. They were there and his actions told me that he cared about me. Maybe he wasn’t as intense as me and all in love, however, there were feelings there. I didn’t imagine any of that.
Hell, I did have the habit of being delusional and seeing things that weren’t really there. Like Tyshawn and his love for me. There was never any love shared between me and Tyshawn, and I should have known it the minute he put his hands on me.
Like the delulu girly that I often was, I had convinced myself that he loved me when that was the furthest thing from the truth. Tyshawn never loved me, and it was so vivid that I felt stupid when I sat and thought about it too long. There was only one person that Tyshawn loved more than himself, and that was heroin.
The day I walked in on him shooting up inside his room should have been the last straw for me. I should have ran that day and never looked back.
I never did.
With growth, you learned that you weren’t innocent in some of the situations that you were put into. I learned that I was to blame for a lot of what happened to me when I was with Tyshawn. As much as he was toxic and was bad for me, I was also toxic, too.
Instead of leaving people where they had done me wrong, and had me fucked up, I stayed and tried to save them. I tried to save them while I was the one being pulled under and drowning. When I saw that Tyshawn had a habit, I should have gotten away and moved on with my life.
He was so fucking good at manipulating me and getting me to see things his way. It could be painted right there in front of me, wrapped with my name in big bold letters, and he would get me to see the complete opposite and feel bad for him.
When he chased me outside with his arm exposed, I studied the man in front of me. How could I have missed something as big as him being addicted to drugs. Tyshawn loved to do a little coke or smoke weed when he was partying, however, that was as far as it went with him. I had never seen him do anything other than roll some weed around me.
He held his arms out, his voice shaky and desperation within his pupils as he stared at me. He stared at me as his voice cracked, telling me that he needed me. Nobody ever needed Blair, I was the one who always needed someone and here this man was, telling me that he couldn’t do it without me.
I should have ran.
There were a lot of things that I should have done when I was with Tyshawn. So much could have changed. My life would have been different today, had I stood strong and left when I should have.
“Why you all the way over here, Anjo?”
My head slowly turned from the view that I had gotten lost in and turned to see Quasim sitting on the back of the bench with a plate of food. I had been so lost in my own head that I didn’t feel the bench move once.
“Life… done with your conversation?”
“I put enough food on here for you, too,” he looked at me, ignoring my question, which I knew he would.
“Not hungry.”
After getting in my head, I was no longer in the mood to give him energy about his little friend.
“Come here.”
We were sitting on the same bench, but I was on one end while he was sitting up on the other end. “Why?”
He raised his brow as he ate some pasta salad. “Cause I want you right next to me.”
“Quasim, please.”
“Oh. I’m Quasim today?”
“Yes. Now you’re suddenly interested in me because you saw me with Zay. I’ve been ignored by you for months and now you want me near you… it’s bullshit, Sim.”
He continued to eat as he listened to what I was saying. His jaw flexed as he chewed his food and stared into my eyes. Neither of us broke eye contact with each other, because we both knew what we meant to each other.
The little cat and mouse game used to be cute, but my heart couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t take loving someone that didn’t give me the same energy back. I understood that he had been hurt in the most traumatic way possible, and my heart went out to him, I mourned right along with him.
I couldn’t help but to think that Cherie wouldn’t have wanted him to close his heart off from love. That Harley would want her father to be happy, even if she wasn’t here to make him happy. My heart couldn’t help but wonder if I could ever make him happy, or would this always be end game for us?
Always co-existing around each other while I moved on with my life, because I had plans of moving forward with my life. I’ve lived my life for someone before, and it turned out horribly. As much as my heart yearned for the man in front of me, I couldn’t make that same mistake again.
Even for him .
“You should know me better than that. No nigga can ever make me jealous of what’s already mine… and you are mine, my love.”
“How, Quasim? Make all of this make sense for me… please,” I pleaded with him as I scooted closer to him.
He paused from eating his food and looked me in the eyes. “Shit is fucking complicated with me, Anjo. What the fuck do you want me to say… shit got me all fucked up.”
“Why, though? I told you how I feel… what I want with you ,” I whispered.
He held my chin as he stared me in the eyes. “Big Blair… come on, we doing shots,” I heard Zoya’s voice, and turned to see her standing at the entrance of the park.
“Be right there, Zoy,” I called back to her, as she held the bottle of tequila up and swirled it around her head while laughing.
I turned around and faced Quasim again. He grabbed my chin again and stared down into my eyes. Without words, I could feel exactly what he felt for me, but I needed those words.
I had to hear how he felt about me.
How he craved me just like I had him.
“If you want to explore shit with homie, I’m gonna give you that because it’s unfair of me to expect you to wait for me.”
“Whatever, Quasim,” I stood up and fixed my skirt.
His eyes traveled from my feet up my body and then landed on my face. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
I scooped my purse up. “Nothing… there’s nothing wrong.” I turned to leave, leaving him on the bench and went with Zoya to grab cups so we could take shots with each other.
As much as I wanted that man, and the good lord knew I wanted him, I wasn’t going to sit and figure him out.
Not when there was a man out there that wanted to see what could be between us. He wasn’t Quasim, and that had always felt like a problem for me.
Maybe it was best that he wasn’t Quasim.
I needed new.
“You do know that I can make it home alone, right?” I turned to Yasin, who was posted on his bike after I climbed out of my car. I had parked my car at the compound before we drove to Staten Island. After the police came around trying to be assholes, Capri decided that we should leave. The drive back home was relaxing, with the window down and my favorite playlist, I had zoned out and made the drive back home quicker than usual.
Once I parked on my block, my car started making that ticking sound that it seemed to always make before she decided that she wasn’t going to work for the day.
My Nissan was on its last leg, but it was my baby. I had bought this car with my first large check since opening up my studio. I went right to a used sales dealership and purchased it with my cash.
Tyshawn didn’t have any ties to this car, it was all me. He couldn’t use it against me or take it whenever he was angry with me. It was my little slice of independence, and I cherished her with everything.
However, even I knew when it was time to cut losses, and eventually, I needed to get something more reliable. Since I had been working out in California, and not really home, I didn’t have to worry about the consequences of old Betty giving out on me.
Now that I was back home, I needed to take some time and decide on my next car, because I would be damned if I was left stranded because Betty decided to die on a random Tuesday while I was grocery shopping.
“King Inferno already spoke, B… he needs to make sure you home safely.” Yasin shrugged.
I guess the reason that I was able to drive back home peacefully was because I had two Gods following behind me to make sure I made it home.
Yasin being one of them.
Just as he spoke him up, my silenced phone illuminated in my hand, and it was Quasim calling. “Hey.”
I turned and headed toward the building, punching the security code all the residents had, and then heading up the stairs to my apartment, which was the top unit. There was a unit across from me that was empty, and Aimee had been trying to get me to rent it out to her.
“You made it home.” He said, never asking, because he already knew that my ass was home. He made sure that I was home, and had a bunch of ruthless men that would assure I made it here.
“I have.”
“Stop talking to me like you customer service or some shit, Anjo… drop that fucking attitude.” He demanded.
Quasim was a leader in every sense of the word. He was the kind of man that demanded things, and they happened. I couldn’t pretend that his dominance wasn’t a turn on for me. I craved a man to lead me and dominate my life in the correct way.
Quasim knew how to lead without it being overwhelming or feeling like I didn’t have a say in anything. The entire Monaco and Italy trip, I sat back and allowed that man to lead me all around Europe.
I found out that he loved feet, because of the way he couldn’t keep his hands away from mine whenever they were in heels. The man nearly bit his bottom lip off when he saw my feet in those heels he bought.
It was when our eyes met, I could tell he would fuck every ounce of common sense out of me, and I learned that just from that raised eyebrow that he gave me.
Goodness, it turned me on every time that he did it. Even when I didn’t want it to, all he had to do was give me that look, and it was waterfalls.
“If you called to continue our conversation earlier, I’m tired and don’t want to have it… call your friend since you wanted to have a conversation with her. When’s the wedding, Quasim? What should I give the both of you… she looks like she would like some fine China.”
When it came to Quasim, I couldn’t pretend or play it cool. I was upset and jealous that he hugged that girl, and I don’t give a damn that I hugged Zay. The difference between me and Quasim is that if he told me to come to him, I would have dropped Zay like a hot potato. I wasn’t the one running from him, he was running from me and has continued to run from me.
One minute we were so hot like NYCHA project heat, and then the next, we were cold like waiting for the B15 in the dead of winter. The back and forth was giving me whiplash and I couldn’t take it anymore.
The line grew quiet.
“I can’t hug old friends, my love?”
I looked at the phone. “Quasim the games you’re playing are annoying… I’m your love again, but all you do is ignore me… I’m good. I don’t care about you and Barkey.”
“Berkeley.” He corrected me.
“Go to hell, Quasim.” I ended the call, mad that I even showed him that I was jealous about his little friend.
Tossing my purse onto the foyer table, I kicked my sneakers off and did a little tantrum stomp that I was almost sure woke my neighbor’s three-month-old below me. As angry as I was for the useless conversation that got us nowhere, I was grateful to be home and to be able to climb into my bed.
As nice as Ivory and Jamal’s guest house was, there was a different feeling that you felt when you were in your own place. My home smelled and felt like me, and it took a little while after moving into the building for it to feel like mine. Knowing that Tookie couldn’t just pop up and be in my home was a sense of security that I never thought I would have.
Quasim made sure that he had someone come and update all the security within the building. Each tenant had a security code, along with cameras on every floor. When I climbed the stairs to the top unit, I felt secure in my building and home.
This was what made me love and can’t stand that man all at the same time. Who purchases a girl a whole building, then goes cold on them? I still wanted to give him some pussy for pulling a move like that. I wanted to give him this pussy for the rest of our lives because I was that caught up in him.
Except, I wasn’t going to wait forever for him to figure out what he wanted.
I couldn’t wait forever for him… right?
I’ve already waited for one man to get his shit together, and after many promises, broken jaws, and ribs, he never did.
I couldn’t do it again.
You only got one life, and then all of this was over with. I had wasted so much of my life doing what everyone else wanted or expected me to do, and I was done doing that. If Quasim wanted this, then he had to put his money where his mouth was and come get me.
I had no problem moving on and building with another man. They would never be Quasim, but life moves on, and I could do the same.