Chapter 32
Thirty-Two
HAVEN
I forget how to breathe. My heart might have just stopped too. Maybe I’m dead, because I think Becks just told me he loves me.
I don’t know if it’s the declaration, my injuries, or just lack of oxygen from holding my breath, but my head gets light and I sway. Becks is there in an instant, his strong hands anchoring me as he grips my biceps firmly but gently.
I’ve fallen in love with you.
I stare at Becks as he crouches in front of me, his concerned gaze sweeping over my face. “Do you need to lie down?” he asks, and I shake my head, even though I probably do.
“You think you’ve fallen in love with me?” I ask, my voice scratchy, and thick with emotion.
He shakes his head and there’s a dropping sensation inside, disappointment that he’s taking back his words. But I should be relieved, right? It can’t actually be true. It’s too soon, too—
“I don’t think I’ve fallen in love with you, I know.”
I blink back at him, a maelstrom of emotions cycling inside. Confusion. Disbelief. The feeling of being utterly overwhelmed.
But also . . . joy. Happiness. A sensation of rightness I can’t explain.
Shaking my head, I tug out of Becks’ grasp, my brain muddled.
Under normal circumstances, it’s a struggle to think when he’s this close and touching me, but now . . . basically impossible.
“Wait, this is . . . you can’t actually . . . I don’t . . .”
I glance at him, helpless, at a loss for words.
He grabs the chair behind him and drags it forward, positioning it right in front of me.
When he sits and braces his elbows against his thighs, shifting closer, we’re eye level, and I can’t stop my gaze from drifting to his mouth.
All I would have to do is tip forward and tilt my head to align our mouths.
A wave of heat runs through me, remembering what it’s like to kiss him.
I lean back, locking away the memory. Becks’ gaze tracks my movement and a frown pulls his features down.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “This is a lot to take in and completely the wrong time. You’ve just lost someone and are recovering from an unbelievably traumatic ordeal, but I can’t let you go another moment believing I don’t care for you.”
Sincerity shines in Becks’ eyes as he goes on.
“In a perfect world, I would have waited until all of this was over. I would have taken you on a date, our first real one, and told you how beautiful you looked, and spent the entire evening half in disbelief that I was the one sitting across from you, pinching myself that I was with someone not only achingly beautiful but also brilliant and kind. I would have been nervous, wondering if you felt even a fraction of what I did, but unable to keep it to myself any longer. And I know it would have been the best night of my life.”
“Becks,” I whisper, my heart unable to do anything but melt at a confession like that.
But still . . .
“How can you feel that strongly about me? You practically grew up with my sister. You’ve known her forever. You’ve only known me for a little over two weeks.”
But even as I argue, my heart knows the truth. That even after such a short time, it’s possible to fall in love that fast. But my insecurities about Locklyn are too close to the surface to let myself believe it.
Becks shifts even closer, his gaze taking on a new intensity.
“That’s right. I spent years with Locklyn, yet I never felt for her what I feel for you now.
Did I love her? I won’t lie to you. I did.
But this . . .” He gestures between us. “. . . is something else, something different. The love I had for Locklyn was all mixed up with years of friendship. It happened slowly and wasn’t strong enough to overcome what stood in our way.
When the time came to fight for Locklyn, I didn’t.
Not how I should have. Not how I would have if it were you. ”
Once again, I don’t know what to say. I only know that my walls are starting to crack. To crumble and fall. Without them, nothing stands between us, because I feel the same way he does. That this is special. That even though it’s only been a short time, I can’t imagine my life without him.
No, not that I can’t imagine it, but that I don’t want to because knowing him has changed me and I’ll never be whole without him by my side.
“Are you telling the truth?” I ask, as a sob crawls up my throat and tears spring to my eyes.
“Oh, baby,” he says, his gaze softening as he cups my cheek. I lean into his touch instead of pulling away. “I am. I meant every word. What I feel for you came out of nowhere. It hit me over the head, and I’ve been reeling ever since.”
“Are you trying to say falling in love with me is like a head injury?”
The corner of his mouth quirks up. “I mean, sometimes I feel dizzy when I’m around you.”
“That was cheesy.”
His smile grows, but then he turns serious.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come out and tell you about Locklyn.
That was a mistake. I was scared if I told you, I’d lose you, but you deserved to know.
You deserve to know that you’re it for me.
No one else. Just you. And if you’re not there yet with me, that’s okay, I can wait.
But I won’t go away. Probably not even if you tell me to. I can’t.”
I stare at Becks through watery eyes, taking in as much of him as I can, my heart filling more with every second that passes.
Shaking my head lightly I say, “I don’t want you to go away.”
It’s the only words I can force out through the lump of emotion clogging my throat.
Becks’ face fills with hope. “Really?”
I nod, and because words aren’t sufficient for this moment, I lean forward. Sliding my hand into his hair, I draw him to me even as I close the gap between us. When our mouths meet, it’s just like every other time before.
Overwhelming. Undeniable. Perfect.
Kissing him ignites a passion in me I never knew existed before him, and I’m swept away almost instantly. The demon, my injuries, the hospital room, and everything around us fade until there’s nothing left but him. His warmth, his presence, and the overwhelming pull of my desire.
Becks’ mouth moves against mine in the most delicious way and I tug him closer. He makes a sound in the back of his throat that’s half-growl, half-moan, and one of his hands wraps around the back of my neck, anchoring me to him, while his other arm slides around my lower back.
Before I realize his intent, I’m off the bed and in his lap.
“If I lived a thousand lifetimes, I’d never get enough of you,” he says against my lips before taking them captive again.
My heart soars and my head spins, my body a riotous mess of sensations as he claims my mouth again and again. Through it all, one truth rises above everything else: what came before doesn’t matter.
The only thing that matters is this: Us.
What’s between us is unbreakable, more powerful than anything I’ve ever known.
Becks rips his mouth from mine and I’m left blinking back at him, disoriented and more than a little dizzy. He turns his head, his gaze flicking to the side. I follow the motion to find Kade standing at the open door, the knob still in his hand.
Heat rises to my cheeks as Kade’s gaze bounces between Becks and me, his face grim. “Glad to see you two are getting along, but we have a problem. A big one.”
Becks insists I sit in a wheelchair, even though I can walk, and pushes me down the hall behind Kade and into the elevator. After getting caught making out, I can’t look Kade in the eye. Although Kade didn’t even bat an eye, and we obviously have bigger problems, I’m still mortified.
Becks is all business as he questions Kade. Apparently, the demon has made some sort of public appearance, catching the attention of the humans, who aren’t supposed to know creatures even exist.
The situation is serious. I don’t know how Becks compartmentalizes so easily.
Butterflies flutter low in my stomach. I can still taste him, still feel the pressure of his lips on mine.
My scalp tingles where he tugged on my hair.
Yet he’s completely focused on the task at hand.
I’m not sure if I should be offended or impressed.
The elevator dings when we hit the ground floor and I can hear the commotion even before the doors slide open.
People are shouting as they rush back and forth, clutching tablets and radios, voices overlapping in frantic bursts.
Screens line the walls, each one flashing different footage—traffic cameras, news broadcasts, grainy cell phone videos—all showing pieces of the same impossible truth.
The demon. Out in the open for the world to see.
It seems like there are only glimpses of it. Blurred or shadowed footage that could easily be explained away . . .
That is, if there wasn’t so much of it.
Becks curses low under his breath as he rolls me past the screens and into a conference room behind Kade. The moment we enter, he comes to an abrupt stop. I don’t have to turn to look at him to know that something’s wrong. The immediate tension roiling off him is palpable.
In half a second, he’s moved to stand in front of me, shielding me with his body, his fist raised and already coated in flames.
“What is he doing here?” he demands, his voice coated in rage.
I peek around him and spot only one other person in the room, a redheaded guy seated at the other end of the oval table that takes up the majority of the space.
I don’t know what’s happening or what threat he poses, but I trust Becks.
My body goes on alert, the hairs on the back of my neck rising in warning.
“Calm down,” Kade says, and Becks snaps his attention to the Order leader.
“Don’t tell me to ‘calm down,’” Becks growls. “He’s a traitor, and got Creator knows how many innocent women killed.”
I muffle a gasp, my gaze flicking back to the red-haired guy, who tips his head down in shame.
Kade rolls his shoulders once, tension pulling his muscles tight. I can’t see Becks’ face, but I think he’s probably glaring at him.