50. Briella
Briella
IF HE DIES, I WON’T JUST BE HEARTbrOKEN. I’LL BE UNMADE.
Citizen Soldier Playlist
“Without You”
“Bulletproof”
“You Are Enough”
When I stir awake, it’s still dark outside.
There’s the digital clock on the bedside table. It’s 4 AM, but I’m wide awake. I’m in the main bedroom at the big cabin. And the room seems to be empty until I hear the heavy breathing on my other side.
Soft warmth rolls through me at the sight of Jude sitting in a leather chair, fast asleep at my bedside.
How long has he been there? How long have I been asleep?
The last thing I remember was being trussed up like prey, pain from the switches, multiple mind-blowing orgasms from the vibrator clamps, the big gamble, and then… I blacked out.
I also remember when Raphael fucked me against the tree. And something happened in those moments. Something I can’t quite describe.
The pain. The fear. The ruin.
“I didn’t want the crown without the queen who wears it.”
I’ll never forget those words. Or how I gave him all my pretty and broken pieces. I gave him my heart and soul. And he gave me his monster. For once, I didn’t hide or run from a monster.
I surrendered to it.
I try to sit up, and something stings my arm. An IV needle. At least I don’t have a feeding tube stuffed down my throat. I hate those. There’s only one thing I ever want shoved down my throat. Well, five things. Not that I should be thinking about them.
No intubation means I can’t have been asleep too long, but my stomach is rumbling something fierce. I imagine I’ll still have to take it slow. Hopefully, Rory can cook me up a good broth. He’d better bring all that he’s got.
I wince as I try to sit up, noticing the faint imprints from their teeth on my flesh, the fading bruises.
My pussy still feels a little sore, but it’s more of an ache—no sharp burning.
No, the sharp pain radiates from my calf where Raphael shot his arrow.
I slowly lift the sheet to find the wound bandaged.
I inhale and exhale deeply through the pain.
Moving even a little makes it hurt more, so I stop, only half sitting up.
Out of the corner of my eye, Jude begins to shift in his seat. Unlike Rory and Seth, he’s a light sleeper.
“Hey, Cheekbones.”
Immediately, he jerks awake.
All his muscles flex, and he instantly snaps up, practically lurching for me. “Briella.” He touches a hand to my forehead. “Thank whatever gods in heaven or hell.” He checks if I have a fever, but I don’t. “How do you feel?”
“Hungry.”
He smiles. Probably my favorite kind. It’s a doctor’s smile, a healer’s. And something else. Something in the way he touches me. It’s more intimacy than normal.
After he kisses me something fierce, I ask, “How long have I been out?”
“Three days.”
“Where is everyone?”
Jude blows an amused chuff. “Last I saw, Rory and Seth were beating one another by the woodpile. Probably Rory running his mouth as usual. Bet they were fighting over you. Vincent has been sleeping in the barn. It’s where he feels normal when stressed.
I don’t know where Raphael is. He went hunting, and he hasn’t returned. Sometimes he does that. Are you sore?”
“A little bit. But I’m mostly hungry. Aww!” I notice Pew Pew curled up against my legs. As if he knows I’m talking about him, he stares and lifts his head before crawling over to me and nudging my hand. “Hey, you little stinker. Has he been with me the whole time?”
“Him and me.”
“Thank you, Jude.” I almost speak those three words, but I still can’t summon the confession.
His brows furrow, and he swallows hard, but I know his frustration isn’t for me. “ I don’t know why the fuck you are thanking me after everything.”
I shrug. “It wasn’t that bad.”
“Briella.” He purses his lips, eyes wavering before centering on me again. “Goddammit, Babydoll. You still have bruises everywhere. And teeth marks. You’re sore from our fucking—which happened while you were passed out.”
I raise the sheet more until it bunches up at my neck, but I don’t lose his gaze. “Because Raphael told you to, right?”
“That fucking arrow pierced you,” he goes on, anger growing, for me not at me. “Left a gaping scar. You got hypothermia and a fever that left you unconscious for three damn days.”
I pause, taking stock of everything, acknowledging. “Okay, it was bad.”
His glare could melt daggers.
“Okay, really bad. But I don’t know. This is so fucked up.” I drag my nails through my hair, raking my skull before peering up at him. “But I think I needed it. I needed to know how far you would go, how far he would go to…keep me.”
Jude pinches the bridge of his nose before dropping his hand. It’s clenched into a fist. “You’re just as crazy as he is.”
I shrug. “That’s a given.”
“I think we would’ve ripped apart hell itself.“
“No one has ever wanted to keep me.” I bite my lower lip, my chest squeezing. “Not like this. Plants don’t count. And no one’s ever giving a damn about me. I have hidden away for years. Out of sight, out of mind.”
“Out of sight of who? Out of mind of who? Briella…” He takes my hand, swallowing it with his big ones before kissing my knuckles.
Bad memories start to creep in, but I push them down. “Don’t ask me right now, Jude.” I shake my head softly. “I’ll answer soon. Just not now.”
Silence thickens between us. I run my fingers along Pew Pew’s fur. He’s still little. Barely over a baby, so his fur is soft.
I sigh heavily, trying to explain, even though I barely understand it myself.
“Call it what you want. Sick. Twisted. Fucked beyond everything. Maybe it is Stockholm. Maybe it’s insanity.
But when Raphael shot that arrow in me…and I was naked and writhing in the mud, cold and cracked open—something happened in me.
Not hope. Not love. Just…proof. That I was wanted.
That someone would come after me, even with violence.
Someone wanted to hurt me, mark me, drag me from the trauma because I matter that much.
No one’s ever done that. No one’s ever stripped me bare and looked at my crazy, damaged self and said, ‘Mine anyway.’
“So yeah…maybe it’s fucked up,” I go on, stroking my skunk’s fur. “But I’ve never wanted to be anywhere more than here, in this chaos, with you, with all of this. And honestly?” The corners of my lips tug up, steady. “I could go for a few more days of worship.”
Jude chuckles, his fingers stroking my jaw. “Rest assured, worship will happen. But remember the bargain regarding your beautiful breasts, as some torment will also apply.”
“ Oh, Lord.” I bury my burning face in my hands, then hug my arms over my chest instinctively. “What the hell are you planning?”
“Nothing you can’t handle, Babydoll.”
“What happens now?”
“Now? We tell the others.”
I’m not surprised that Rory is the first to arrive. He’s the fastest.
But I am surprised that he bursts in, practically lunging, eyes wide and brows lifted. When I laugh softly, he seems to catch himself, casually stuffs his hands in his pockets, and leans against the door, pretending he doesn’t care. Typical.
“Aww, were you worried about me, big Red?” I taunt with a wink.
He straightens, gets that pressed lips frown, and snorts, “Just confirming that the annoying little Firecracker woke up. Because the pest is goin’ to have a goddess complex now, and I’ll never get any rest.” Sarcasm drips from his mouth, but I still notice that smirk and the glint in his eye that seems more relieved than hungry.
Seth comes in next. And he rushes over to my side. “Briella Darling!” He snatches up my hand and kisses it. “How are you? How do you feel? Are you all right?” He barrages me.
“What oh, hold up there, you big baby.” I poke his chest. “I still need to tell Rory to get me some damn food. Something I can keep down.” I turn to him with my best burning glare.
“And if it has laxatives in it, I will be more than an annoying pest with a goddess complex.
I will summon the biggest, baddest demon that no priest or god could exorcise. “
Rory rolls his eyes at me while stroking his beard. “Too late for that, Firecracker. Already got a bunch of demons inside me.”
I grin wickedly. “I didn’t mean for you.”
For once, he shuts up. He avoids my face. But after everything that happened, I know he won’t fuck with me while I’m still healing. Raphael and hell, all of them would beat his ruddy ass.
I’m sure we’ll go back to our normal dynamic after.
It’s not like he is going to change. And I wouldn’t want him to.
As he said, we feed off each other. Like the spark lighting the firecracker fuse, and he pokes the feminine beast inside me until I snap and bite him.
Then, he turns into a kinky bastard, ties me up, uses toys on me, and eats my ass.
Rory walks away without another word, right as Vincent steps in. Even from here, he smells of hay and animal musk. Pieces of straw cling to his hair. He’s still wearing his hoodie, like always. But right after he glances at me, he glances at Jude.
I remember how Jude told me I could still watch. Maybe not the first time, but I’m really looking forward to that.
Regardless of the smell, I smile up at Vincent when he touches my cheek. It’s a different way from Jude. Jude uses his knuckles. Sometimes Raphael does too.
“I need a shower.” Vincent shakes out his hoodie.
Jude takes him by the arm when he passes by. I love the flash of desire and intimacy in their faces. “Don’t take all the hot water. Short shower, Vincent. After Briella eats, I will give her a bath.”
“I’ll get her another dress,” Seth volunteers, and I nod my gratitude.