Chapter 27
Vera
If I thought I was drawn to him before, it’s nothing like this.
I feel as if I could find him anywhere—eyes closed, with only my magic to guide me.
The feeling is startling, overwhelming, and one I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to.
After some trial and error throughout the day, I discovered that the closer I am to Ikar the more unruly and pushy my magic is.
I figured out how far he’d let me hang behind, and then we found an unspoken, acceptable distance.
Once that was settled, I spent the day sharing dried fruit with Rupi and tried to keep my eyes off Ikar’s broad shoulders and long, muscular legs as we trekked through dense, gloamy forest.
He acts as if nothing has changed, beyond my being angry with him.
Does he truly not feel anything? No one has ever explained how this is supposed to work, and I find myself mildly angry with Tatania.
All she ever cared about was telling us to pay the dues and stay away from anyone close to a king.
That’s it—entirely unhelpful for the situation I find myself in.
I remind myself that Ikar is the type to face issues head-on, unlike me, and I’m positive he would’ve confronted me about it by now if he’d felt something.
The thought gives me a measure of relief.
But that relief is short-lived because there’s no reprieve from the pull while we’re together.
Even here, sitting across the fire from him where we camp tonight, I can still feel the way my magic reacts to his.
It’s practically drooling, and it irritates me because my magic is a perfect match for my feelings and now it all feels amplified.
I look down at my hands and focus on trying to get better at tying up the loose threads of new lucent.
I finally get what feels like a strong knot set, then risk a glance up only to see clear intention in his eyes when they lock on mine across the heat of the crackling fire.
I don’t know what he intends, but it’s something, and it has me feeling both warm and panicked.
The flames flicker and snap, sending sparks as he stands.
I resist the urge to cower as he makes his way around it and stands before me as the entire lucent knot I worked so hard for unravels.
I feel a mere touch of his hot magic that my cool magic yearns for, and I suck in a breath.
It was only a moment. So fast that if I wasn’t hyperaware I may have missed it.
I wonder for a moment if I possibly imagined it.
“I need to speak with you for a moment.” His voice is low, as if there are others listening and it’s meant only for me.
He looks all shades of serious, which ignites both physical attraction and a fiery pit of fear in my belly.
Even Rupi looks up from where she forages for insects in the dry grass close by.
Does he realize what I am? Have I been found out?
I give a curt nod, because what else am I supposed to do?
He takes it as permission to sit beside me as I shove my trembling hands between my knees to hide the show of emotion.
For a moment, all I can hear is the crackling of the flames and the weak chirp of crickets in the gloamy shadows around us.
His shirt sleeves are still rolled up from the heat of the day, revealing forearms that are entirely too distracting for such a serious situation.
I try not to fidget or stare as I wait for him to speak, and I can’t help but feel a wave of sadness at the distance between us.
He appears guarded and uncomfortable, and sweat beads on my skin as I wait to see what horrid topic he feels the need to discuss with me—none of them can be good.
He starts slowly. “You may have noticed. Or not. I don’t know.
But… my magic… it… it’s…” He pauses while he clears his throat and runs a hand roughly through his hair, leaving it delightfully messy.
He seems to be looking everywhere but at me.
I’ve never seen him this uncomfortable… except for maybe when we were choosing a mate bond potion…
My fear dissipates as I suddenly realize what’s happening.
“It’s what?” I prompt.
If my assumption is correct, I plan to use it in my favor.
“Well, it’s…” He hesitates for another moment and looks into the trees. His jaw clenches as if he can’t make himself say it.
I lift a brow, which seems to make it worse. “It’s coming for me?”
“No,” he nearly growls. “I was going to say that it’s misbehaving… broken… something is wrong with it, and I don’t know why.”
I feel slightly wicked for enjoying his discomfort. The ever-confident, unflappable king, Ikar is stuttering for words before me like a schoolboy, and I find it entirely too irresistible. “So it is coming for me.”
“Can you not say it like that?” he finally snaps.
I fight the smile that tempts the corners of my lips, feeling like the worst sort of scoundrel for leading him to believe his magic is the only thing misbehaving.
“Apparently you’ve noticed. Just… ignore it.” He stands and stalks back to the other side of the fire without waiting for me to respond.
Rupi sends me a scathing look from the forest floor with a narrowed eye turned toward me, but I ignore her attitude.
She doesn’t understand yet, but this couldn’t have gone better.
Not only does Ikar believe his magic is broken, but he must not recognize mine either, which means I’m hiding it well.
I almost pump a celebratory fist in the air. Finally, something goes my way.
Ikar refuses to look my way the rest of the night, just stares into the flickering fire, occasionally using a stick to stoke the flames.
He remains there as the darkness deepens, and I prepare for bed.
I notice the frown he wears when he’s deep in thought, the way his forearms are braced on his thighs, and his shoulders appear as if they carry the heaviest of weights—good thing they’re broad and very muscular.
I assure myself he’ll be fine, but guilt burns at the knowledge I’ve added to that load tonight.
I spot Rupi perched on one of his thighs, side-eyeing me beneath his arm as if I’m in the wrong. I narrow my eyes at her. What does she want me to do, spill all my secrets, break my promises, and get my sisters killed? Absolutely not.
I flip over on my bedroll angrily. Sometimes I wonder if she’ll stay with me or Ikar when all of this is over. I toss and turn restlessly, trying to be quiet so Ikar doesn’t notice, but I know it’s pointless. He’s the most observant man I’ve ever met, which makes my restlessness even worse.
Finally, once the fire has died low, I drift off.
Tatania stands before me, my Tulip sisters spread out on either side of her, facing me, as we recite the Black Tulip oath in echoing tones:
“We will never remove the bracelet and will always pay our dues on time. We will never reveal our Tulip identity. We will never work with soldiers, armies, or kings in any way. We will always attend the annual meeting. We will never bridge with a king.”
Everyone claps after, except me. I’m crying because now the past Tulips, the ones who were murdered, rise up behind them, begging me to keep the Tulips safe, reminding me in eerie tones, “Kings are murderers. They can’t be trusted.
” Over and over again. I see the blood on their bodies and squeeze my eyes shut and clap my hands over my ears.
I try to shout that Ikar isn’t a murderer, but their voices grow louder and louder… and louder…
A hand shakes me gently within the fog of dreaming. “Wake up, Vera.”
My eyes flash open in the dark with a gasp, and I find Ikar crouching beside me with a hint of concern in his eyes and a warm hand resting on my shoulder.
I don’t know when it happened, but my hand grasps his wrist so tightly I feel his pulse beneath my fingertips.
He waits for me to make the first move. For a moment we stay there as images of the dead Tulips hover on the edges of my vision, the fear and horror of it making me want to curl into his warm chest and allow his solid presence to block the memory, but I realize painfully that the one person I want to turn to for comfort is the one I can never ask.
“Sorry for waking you,” I whisper.
“No need to apologize. We’ve all had nightmares.”
I force myself to let go of his wrist, even though it feels like I’m letting go of a lifeline.
His fingers slip through mine and he squeezes them gently before he stands and heads back to his bed.
I pull my blankets up to my ears, my fear of kings deeply renewed even as I battle confusion over how safe I’ve always felt with Ikar.
As my eyes grow heavy again, I remind myself that not all dreams carry meaning…
but deep within, I still hear the echoes of my dead sisters, and I can’t help but feel that that nightmare carried a message I’d better pay attention to.