Chapter 42 Ikar #2
“She lied to me!” I shout so loudly I can feel the veins in my temple bulge. “She knew, and still she lied. Concealed her identity and led me to believe my magic was broken. Refused to give me a tulip from the field,” I say through gritted teeth. “Even after she knew I wouldn’t kill her.”
“Ah, yes. And that right there is the question: Does she know that?” Jethonan asks.
Further words of anger boil up, and I’m ready to defend myself. My kingdom is on the brink of destruction and this troublesome, stubborn, beautiful woman may very well lead to my downfall.
“Please release the sword, I have no weapon to protect myself with.” Jethonan eyes my hand warily, where I find it wrapped around the hilt tightly.
I look up at him with a glare. I feel justified in my feelings, and I allow my anger to grow, fanning its flames until it’s an inferno. I’m ready to stalk from this room and head to the training grounds, sure I’ll find someone to battle with to burn off my anger.
But words of pain keep falling from my lips. “She watched me at the Field of Tulips as I waited torturously when she could have given me one all along. She knew…” My plan.
The plan where I approach Lucentia. I don’t say it aloud because at this point, it may be all that’s left for me.
“She knew what?” Jethonan asks, curious.
I shake my head.
Jethonan takes that as permission to continue, warily eyeing my sword. “Keep in mind, their entire magical faction was, at one time, murdered simply for the fact they were Black Tulips. By a king and his originators, no less.”
He bends to adjust the heat of a blue flame beneath a tiny pot as bright-green liquid steadily drips, making tinging noises that fill the silence.
My first inclination is to argue, but then I remember the look of stark, genuine fear on her face in the velvet widow cave after she’d seen my mark.
How it lingered in her gaze ever after. How she reacted when Darvy, Rhosse, and I were trying to remember the list of names.
A list of names that likely included hers.
I release my sword hilt and collapse into an overstuffed chair near the windows. The flames of anger still lick at my pride, but mostly all that’s left is hurt and weariness.
Haven’t I proven myself yet? How much more does Vera require of a mortal man to gain her trust?
I clench a fist on the arm of the chair, frustrated for the hundredth time over the fact that the murder of the Tulips ever happened.
That was the beginning of the possible downfall of our kingdom.
A wrong I intend to right as best I can, and to never allow to happen again, but first I have to convince the Tulips I’m not out to kill them.
“What do I do?” I ask, letting my head fall back against the chair. For just a moment, I want someone to tell me what to do. For someone else to carry the weight of a failing kingdom, to be the leader. Make the decisions. Fight the battles.
“Go find her, of course. And gain her trust.” He swirls the small pot and steam in a shade of pink I’ve never witnessed before begins to rise.
“I already tried that,” I mutter.
“Persistence is the path to success, my lord. See it this way: you’re still further ahead than you were when you first began. You have the flower, and now you know exactly which Black Tulip you’re after.”
I consider his words, and, somehow, the perspective does improve my outlook. I stare at a small crack in one of the window-panes, likely caused by a minor explosion from one of his experiments, thinking about where I might begin my search. It doesn’t take long. Mama Tina.
“It appears you have a plan already,” Jethonan observes from across the room.
I instinctively catch the vial he tosses at me before it hits my face, and I look at it before raising a brow. “Tell me this is a charm to make a woman trust me.”
Jethonan snorts. “Even I have limits to my abilities, my lord. There is no such thing as a trust charm. I assume you’ll be leaving again, and in your hand is the charm I gave you to hide your identity before, in case you decide to use it again.”
I toss the vial in the air once before catching it, and stand. “Better get to work on a trust charm because my record so far is lacking.”
“Your self-confidence is inspiring,” Jethonan says dryly.
I chuckle as I leave the room, closing the door behind me, but my smile is quickly replaced with a neutral expression when I see Nadiette waiting in the hallway.
“You said we could speak this evening,” she reminds me.
I nod, tuck the vial in a pocket, and begin walking down the hall. “Originator business?” I ask as she matches my stride.
“Not quite.”
I glance at her, unused to hearing hesitation in her voice. “I have a very long list to—”
She grabs my arm and we stop, facing each other. “Ikar, please reconsider marrying me.”
I clench my jaw in frustration. My kingdom is falling apart at my fingertips, and she wants to discuss this again? I step back until her hand falls from my forearm.
“I have a duty to fulfill,” I say simply, then turn and continue walking.
“You don’t understand!” Her voice rises. “Waylon and the other low kings, they say if we don’t marry, they’ll mutiny in only two weeks’ time. Does that not fall under your duties to prevent?”
I pause. “Two weeks?”
“Yes, but if we marry, it will restore peace.”
I’ve never seen Nadiette beg before; it’s not a good look.
“If the low kings were on my list of concerns, then maybe I would consider it. They’re not.
” She frowns and opens her mouth to argue again, but I interrupt.
“You don’t seem to understand that marrying you may restore temporary peace, but it will lead to the eventual downfall of my kingdom. I won’t.”
I know the words are harsh, but it’s the honest truth.
She watches me leave without another word.
It’s a long time before sleep finds me as I ruminate over the depth of trouble my kingdom remains in.
Not only do I feel sorrow for Nadiette and guilt for not feeling as devastated about the ending of our relationship as I should, but the low kings are stirring up trouble behind my back.
Their pettiness angers me so much that I find my heart racing even as I lie in the dark of my room.
I have to trust that I can accomplish my mission before they act, but even after I calm those concerns, snippets of meetings and conversations that were thrust upon me as soon as I returned fight for center stage of my mind…
and in the background, distracting as ever, is Vera. Always Vera.
My eyes finally drift closed.
I find Vera beside me, our wrists pressed together as if we’ve just completed the mate bond in the forest just outside Shift City.
We simultaneously pull them apart and eye the bright marks on our wrists as dust specks sparkle and float in the warm air around us.
A dream has never felt so real, but if it includes Vera, I’ll take it.
Her presence, even in a dream, fills the hole she left in my heart when she disappeared.
I look down and meet her gaze with unguarded affection, unhindered by the worries of reality. Here, I’m free. I brush stray hairs from her face, my fingers grazing the soft skin of her forehead. “Do you intend to torture me by appearing in my dreams now?”
“Gladly.” Her voice is quiet.
I can’t resist the saucy smirk that turns her lips, so when she tugs me closer, I let her.
In a perfect life, it would be like this between us.
No titles. No secrets. Nothing to keep us apart…
But for now, I’ll enjoy this dream as long as it lasts.
She tilts her head up in invitation, and I slide my hands up the back of her arms, gently pulling her closer as I lower my head to meet her lips.
Our magic mingles intoxicatingly around us…
I wake, arms empty, and staring at the high beams of the ceiling in my room that is barely lit with morning light. I drift on the stark disappointment that it was all a dream, then I slam a fist on my bed angrily and leave my bed for the comfortable sitting chair.
She taunts me. The motion wakes Arrow, who rises from his mat nearby and pads to my side, resting his large face on my thigh. If I don’t find Vera… if I don’t find a way to gain her trust… somehow I know my heart will never recover enough to love another woman the way it should.
I instinctively place a hand on Arrow’s head and rub behind one pointed ear, but I catch sight of the mate bond on my wrist with the motion and hold it up to inspect it closer.
It glows as bright as if Vera is right beside me, as bright as it was in the dream…
But why? And how? It’s been dim since she left; in fact, it has always dimmed with any distance between us.
Even now, I watch the brightness slowly fade.
When Vera was taken by the Shifters, I used the increasing brightness to track her down. If it’s glowing this brightly now… was that dream somehow real? Or is it only me wanting Vera’s feelings to match my own?
My hand stills, and Arrow nudges my arm with his wet nose to prompt more ear rubs. Likely it was just a dream, and the desires of my heart are bringing her to mind, but the dream fuels my motivation.
Someday, if I can convince her to trust me, maybe things will be that way between us if I don’t give up, and that’s worth fighting for.
I glance at the light seeping in through the cracks of my drawn drapes. Time to find my Black Tulip.