Chapter Sixteen
Sixteen
Adelasia
I sit with my legs crossed, my hands in my lap. I don’t dare look at them, for they only make me think of evil, twisted things.
So instead, I close my eyes, and I meditate. Hidden between the tomes of the library, Cassius watches over me while I do, giving me silent company.
I am not afraid of pain. I’ve lived it. I’ve danced with it. I’ve died with it.
But I am afraid of hurting Kaius. The rot grows every time I use the power, and the only thing I can picture now is my magic spilling out during one of his quiet touches and turning his skin to ash.
I hear Cassius hiss and open one eye.
“You know,” Rowan’s voice drawls softly, “for someone so powerful, you spend a lot of time hiding.”
I open my eyes fully and glance up. He’s leaning against the archway, arms crossed, one brow lifted. His shirt is half-buttoned, and his wings are folded tight behind him so he can fit between the narrow aisles of bookshelves.
“I’m not hiding,” I say quietly. “I’m busy.”
“Busy napping, is more like it.” He lifts a brow, and with my eyes closed I scowl in his direction. “Could’ve fooled me. You’ve been sitting in the wreckage of your fear for hours.”
I huff, then open my eyes only to narrow them at him. “What do you want, Rowan?”
“To help you.”
I laugh, humorless and bitter. “You want to help me?”
Rowan walks toward me slowly, his footsteps deliberate and soft. “Yes.”
“Why?”
He kneels in front of me, and for once, he’s not smiling. “Because you’re afraid of hurting him. And fear is a leash. I may enjoy the occasional leash, but power doesn’t like leashes.”
I look down at my fingers, and the guilt rises again. The blackened tips have darkened further—creeping past my mid-forearm.
“I’m losing pieces of myself every time I use it,” I admit quietly.
Rowan nods, taking my arm and carefully drawing patterns on the blackened skin. “Maybe. But power like this… it won’t stop asking to be used just because you ignore it. Better to learn to command it than be swallowed by it.”
I say nothing.
Rowan leans closer, voice velvet wrapped. “Kaius would die for you. But that doesn’t mean he knows how to save you from yourself.”
The silence that follows is sharp and heavy.
Then I whisper, “What do I have to do?”
His smile returns, soft this time, not smug. “Just breathe.”
“That’s your advice? Breathe?”
“Just do it,” he scolds, slightly squeezing my arm to gain my full attention.
He closes his eyes and draws in a long, slow breath, placing his hands gently over mine. Bitter cold blooms between our palms, and I feel the evil reaching for him. In a panic, I try to pull my arm away, but he only holds me tighter.
“Don’t,” he whispers. “Just feel it and breathe. Don’t try to control it with fear. Learn it, the way it moves, and command it to do what you want.”
I let out a shaky breath as I feel that magic, but it’s not easily moldable like Kaius’ was when he gave it to me. This magic is volatile and unpredictable. It’s sharp and cold.
But Rowan doesn’t flinch away. His presence is calm, steady. I let the power slip, just for a moment to understand the way it moves. It hums beneath my skin.
Rowan exhales through his nose, as if trying to hide the pain I’m causing him. “That’s it.”
I shudder. “It wants more.”
“It always will. You have to decide when it’s had enough.”
I nod and begin to draw it back. It resists, but I push it down anyway. It fights me like it’s screaming in a dream but no one can hear it. When it finally settles, I open my eyes and see Rowan watching me, gaze unreadable.
He doesn’t say anything. He just lifts my right hand between us.
The black has spread. I push away from him and stand, holding my arm out of view in shame.
My voice trembles. “You said you were going to help me!”
“This is not going to be an overnight process, Adelasia.”
“It’s getting worse!”
“No, it’s becoming a part of you instead of eating you alive. When you understand that difference, only then will you be able to save yourself from it.”
I recoil slightly, unsure if he means it as a comfort or a curse.
But then he meets my eyes again, and there’s something quiet in him. Something raw.
“We’ll practice again tomorrow. Meet me in the courtyard. But for now…rest.” He tilts his head down slightly to bid me goodbye, but before he walks away, he adds:
“I believe in you, Adelasia. And you won’t fight this alone. I promise”