Chapter 9 Helayna
HELAYNA
Ipulled his face toward me as he collapsed, letting him fall against me so I could keep his head in my lap. I stroked his cheeks, smoothing my fingers over his face. “It’s alright, Svar,” I whispered soothingly. “I’m here. You’re safe. You’ll never have to go back to the pits again.”
His entire body shook with a silent, agonized cry I felt in his bond.
He didn’t say anything, as if words were still beyond his comprehension.
A tangled, heavy mass of emotions lodged deep in his chest. A blockade like the one I’d finally blasted apart to free the wellspring at the base of Yggdrasil.
Shame. Regret. Resignation. Grief. He truly thought I would send him back to Hel without a single reservation.
As if I could bear to be parted from any of my Blood. Let alone one of the original three who’d saved me when nothing else could. I understood his reasoning, even though it pissed me off.
Fury kindled hotter, crawling through my veins like angry fire ants. Fueling my power without a single drop of blood.
I pulled him up on the bed with me as if his massive dark alfar weighed nothing. He shouldn’t be on his knees. I rolled him over on his back beside the man who’d saved him. Then I perched on his chest so I could glare down at him, silently stewing, waiting for him to open his eyes.
The longer it took, the more my rage burned. Fed by my hunger, stoking my rising power. Though it wasn’t the cold chill of death spreading through my veins. Not with so much of Dorr’s essence filling me.
Darkness. Devoid of color. A heavy blanket of shadow dimming the world. Until even the nuances between deepening grays ceased to matter.
Such Darkness should have been stifling. Smothering all light and love from the world. From my heart.
But I was a Daughter of Hel. Her Darkness was my heritage. While I might not fully appreciate the cold touch of death from the shore of corpses, I embraced Her Darkness.
Svar’s eyelids flickered open, revealing his rose quartz eyes. Though the sparkling pink was clouded with doubt. Stained by his memories. Darkened by the pits of the Endless Slough. He met my gaze but flinched, unable to look away.
“How dare you?” I whispered, my tone laced with fury and hurt.
“Do you honestly think so little of my own sense of honor? Do you think I would doom someone who’d saved me to return to endless torment?
Let alone someone I love. Or do you think my love is so thin and fragile I can’t understand or forgive the past that shaped the Blood I love today? ”
His eyes widened, crystalline pink against the sheen of his obsidian skin.
I leaned down, dropping my voice to a low rumble more suited to my alpha’s growl. “I would never send you back to Hel, but especially not after what you showed me of your life in the rings.”
His throat worked, his jaws grinding back and forth before he managed to speak. “But I’m useless to you. Especially now.”
My eyes narrowed. “Why especially now?”
“I’m not safe for you.” He squeezed his eyes shut and averted his face. “You saw only a hint of what I’m capable of in this form.”
His chest heaved beneath me, as if he prepared to shift back to his humanoid shape he’d only gained this side of Yggdrasil.
“No,” I growled out. “You’re not allowed to shift without my permission.”
“But—”
“Am I your queen or not? Do you hold my bond? Do you carry my blood? My power?”
He swallowed hard, but kept his head turned, unable to look at me. “You know I do, my queen. But I’m unworthy—”
I don’t want to hear it.
As soon as the thought crossed my mind, Darkness bubbled out of me, spilling into the room like thick ribbons of shadows. Some filled his mouth, immediately silencing him. While other snake-like shadows wound around his limbs.
A little shaken, I stared down at him, afraid I’d gone too far without thinking. He’d been traumatized in those fighting pits. Tormented by the things he’d done to survive. Dorr had saved him from that life. The last thing I wanted to do was trigger even darker memories.
Like my own. Trapped inside Jormungandr. Pinned, unable to move, slowly devoured. I wouldn’t want to be helpless again, especially not during sex.
Though as soon as I thought it, I couldn’t help but glance over at Dorr, remembering his weight crushing me. Pinning me. Incredible—and not triggering in the slightest. Because I loved him. I trusted him.
Svar did not trust me the same way.
His head whipped around, his eyes narrowing into pink slits. :I absolutely do trust you, my queen. I love you deeper than the Endless Slough could ever sink. Do as you will with me. Though perhaps you should call Myrk—:
“Myrk has his orders from his alpha,” I cut in. “I will call him when I’m done with you.”
Svar shifted beneath me, rolling his head toward Dorr, checking to see if he’d recovered yet. :I’m not safe to use in this form.:
“I don’t need Dorr to protect myself from you. I only need you. I can certainly protect myself if need be, but there won’t be any danger.”
Svar’s gaze flickered back to my face. :Prove it.:
Then he bulged, straining against the shadows I’d wrapped around him. He thrashed, struggling to get his wings spread, as if he’d simply fly away or knock me off him. On his back, he was hampered by the bulk of the other men still lying on the bed. So he tried to flip himself upright.
Arms crossed over my breasts, I tightened my shadows flowing around him. I envisioned sinking heavier on his chest, my weight impossible to budge. A mountain sitting on him, ignoring the heaving rolls beneath me.
He stilled, his eyes blazing with pink fire. :Turn around and look at the cock you think you want inside of you. Then send me back to Niflhel where I belong.:
Fine. Great, actually. I’d been wanting a closer look anyway—but usually I was too involved in enjoying what they felt like inside me to ask them to pause and let me investigate.
Turning around, I stilled, holding my breath for a moment as I looked at him.
His cock rose in a hard, vicious curve, pointed straight at me.
At first glance, it looked more like a scorpion tail with a dripping obsidian hooked barb on the tip.
He arched his back, thrusting his hips, and his cock made a strange metallic sound.
Like blades clashing together. Black segments flared out in sharp flanges, spiraling toward the base.
Each with glistening cutting edges like shards of glassy obsidian.
The more he arched his hips up off the bed, the wider the flanges spread. Until his cock looked more like a bristling fan of double-edged swords with a scorpion barb in the center.
Chilled—but also intrigued—I reached out and touched just the tip of my finger to the barbed hook.
His breath wheezed out in a strangled cry, his body heaving beneath me.
Black essence streamed from the tip, splattering my thighs and his stomach.
I swiped my other hand over some of the fluid and lifted my fingers to my mouth.
It tasted a little like his essence but laced with a bitter, sharp edge like dark coffee roasted too long.
:Goddess below,: he panted. :Don’t taste it. I’m pure venomous hatred. If my cock doesn’t kill you, I’ll rot you from the inside out.:
My tongue tingled. I felt the burn down the back of my throat. It didn’t hurt me, though. If I could feed on their essence, why not his venom? :You came inside me before.:
:Not in this form. Goddess. Please, Helayna. Just send me back before I hurt you. I’d rather tear myself apart and sink into the Endless Slough than harm you.:
:You were inside Dorr without tearing him apart.:
:Only because I made myself wait. Anticipation makes killing all the sweeter, and I didn’t know how long I’d have to wait for another conquest.:
:Then make yourself wait now.:
:I cannot.: He gnashed his teeth, struggling beneath me, trying to toss me aside. :Refuse. To risk you.: He softened his voice, his bond aching with sadness. :You have more Blood now. Feed on me as you will. I love everything you do to me. It will be enough.:
Enough. For me to use him when I hungered. But not to love him. Not to embrace his true form out of fear.
That’s not the kind of queen I want to be.
My jaw clenched with determination. :I’m not afraid of you.:
:You should be.: He paused, a trickle of what I could only call malice slipping into his bond. :You will fear me.:
I closed my eyes for a moment, allowing my chin to tip down against my chest. I sank into myself, listening for the goddess. A whisper. A word of direction.
Deeper, past rocky earth tangled with roots into pure darkness, untouched by the sun.
Waters rippled, welling up out of the eternal spring at the base of Yggdrasil.
Watering not just the world tree but all the realms and dimensions touched by our goddesses’ magic.
Even in the darkness, I could see the thick arching roots were wet and healthy, not dry and barren.
The waters flowed once more because of my sacrifice.
I shifted my focus to Svar. A similar blockage clogged his chest. Hindering him from all I could share with him. He would linger for eternity, slowly withering away, his roots as dry and brittle as Yggdrasil’s had been.
Unless I freed him. By embracing his entire being with such love he had never known.
SVAR
It would be better if she feared me. Then there would be no chance I might harm her. She would be safe if I returned to Niflhel. I could sleep, like we’d been doing before we heard her Call.
I didn’t have to go back to the pit.
Though I couldn’t lie even to myself. I would go. Eventually.
Especially since I’d tasted my queen’s blood and felt her pleasure. Nothing would ever be able to compare to such bliss again. I didn’t think I’d be strong enough to sleep for eternity. Not without Dorr’s and Myrk’s solid comfort on either side of me.