Chapter 35 #2
Tears dripped down my cheeks again, but I couldn’t blame my emotions on my period.
The thought of losing even one of my Blood was a wound from which my heart would never recover.
I’d promised Coatlicue we would all die together, never considering what torture it would be to still be alive—but eternally separated from my Blood.
Like Gwen and her Blood in the beginning.
Ordered by a stronger sibling to never seek them out. Never touch them. See them. Ever again.
I’d been privileged so far to be the strongest queen in the room when I needed to be, or at least strong enough to stand against the threat. Even against Marne, when I’d felt outclassed and outgunned, I’d managed to hold firm against her.
I didn’t care about the power itself. I didn’t care if I was the strongest queen in the world.
Until it meant protecting my Blood. My family. My siblings who depended on me. Then, by goddess, I wanted to be the strongest queen in the fight.
I couldn’t bear it if something happened to any of them because of my choices. If little Xochitl suffered because of me. If my pride led me to attempt to heal what could not be healed. Save what could not be saved. And she was hurt…
I swallowed hard. “How can I be sure Basilia can’t be saved? What if this is some kind of test?”
“How so?” Guillaume asked. “Why would the Great One test you, Her only most beloved daughter, with such a terrible choice? If you loved Basilia as you loved one of us, then I could understand risking everything to attempt to heal her. You’re not required to heal everyone, my queen.
It’s impossible, first of all, even for you.
You owe her nothing. It’s not your fault the Dauphine imprisoned her. ”
“Even if Basilia was imprisoned for the sole purpose of entrapping you,” Rik added. “You are not responsible for her. You are not required to risk yourself to save her.”
“But how can I not?” My voice broke, my words coming out more like a wail. “Why do I have this much power if not to help the people who need it?”
“Exactly,” Rik said firmly, squeezing my hands.
“Saving the people who need it. Your House. Your siblings. Basilia doesn’t need to be restored, if that’s even possible.
Especially if that means it puts you at risk.
We need you, Shara, my queen. Only you. If anything happens to you…
” His teeth ground together so loudly I could hear it, as if he was chewing rocks and glass.
“You are the only reason we’re here. We can’t risk you.
Ever. We love you too much to lose you.”
I clung to his thick fingers. Everything they said made perfect sense.
Though it still felt like failure. Like I was a selfish coward. Could I stand before the Mother’s figurine on the Triskeles table and hold my head up proudly if I’d turned my back on one of Her daughters in desperate need? If I hadn’t done everything possible to save her?
“In this, be selfish, I beg you.” Rik lifted my hands to his mouth so he could kiss each knuckle.
“Please be selfish, Shara. Even going to Mykonos to end her torment puts you at risk. The Dauphine will certainly have set even more traps around Basilia’s prison, designed to entrap the very queen she couldn’t defeat herself while she was alive. ”
I hadn’t heard Nevarre come in, but suddenly he was there beside Rik, his head in my lap, his arms around my waist. “The Morrigan said to purge the old blood, my queen. Not yours.”
Still wet from the grotto, Okeanos pressed against my back, his face buried against my shoulder. “Let my mother go to Mykonos, my queen. Basilia was her friend and sat at the same table. If anyone can help her, why not the Skolos Speaker?”
“That’s a great idea,” Guillaume said. “Again, Shara fucking Isador does not have to fight every battle herself. Undina owes you, my queen. Let her go in your stead.”
“Use your resources,” Gina said. “It’s something Regina said earlier, and it makes sense.”
Gina wasn’t Blood, of course, but I valued and trusted her judgment in all things. “Is there any legal consideration in this decision?”
“As in some Triune statute that requires one queen to save another?” With a wry smile, she shook her head.
“Not at all. If the Dauphine were still alive, and Basilia won her freedom, she could call her before the Triune court of her choosing for formal charges. She could hold her accountable for the blood she stole and demand recompense for every single drop. But of course the Dauphine is no longer able to respond to a quorum call.”
I’d been able to relax these last few days and revel in peace. Rest. Safety. I’d set aside the crown. I hadn’t thought about Triskeles or my responsibilities. Not once.
Now, I felt every single responsibility settle on my shoulders like the giant stone blocks used to build the pyramids in Giza.
It was my decision. Whether to go or not. Whether to try and heal Basilia or simply kill her to end her torment. Though even such a mercy killing may indebt me to her goddess and draw Her wrath.
“Thank you,” I finally said out loud, looking at each of my Blood with a nod. “I appreciate your candor as always. I hadn’t thought of the ramifications. I’ll spend the rest of today praying and talking with the goddesses before I make any decision.”
Guillaume stood from his chair and came around the table so he could drop to one knee and bow his head.
“Every single day, you make me rejoice that I survived Desideria’s dark reign and all the horrors I endured so I could be here with you, Shara Isador, last daughter of Isis.
Whatever you decide will be right. My sword awaits your orders. ”
I leaned forward enough to kiss the top of his head. “Death rides again.”
“Always, my queen. With you by my side.” Though his jaw clenched, the muscle ticking over his cheek.
As long as he was allowed.