Chapter Five
CASSIA
I SMOOTH MY hands down my black dress for the third time in five minutes. I chose something I’ve worn before, a loose-fitting, black silk dress. I have enough on my mind tonight, and I don’t need to add my clothing to the list.
I can’t remember the last time I was this nervous. It’s been years.
“Stop that,” David says, smacking at the back of my hand.
I don’t think David’s been anxious a day in his life. Incubi never are. They choose to live carefree, easy lives, and my brother is no different. There’s no problem he can’t ignore and pretend doesn’t exist. I’m jealous.
David huffs when I move to smooth down my dress again. “You’re acting suspicious.”
“I’m doing the best I can!”
David shoots me a nasty glare. “You shouldn’t have turned Dominic away.”
Is he joking? He must be joking.
“I won’t apologize for that,” I say. “You’re weird for sending me a prostitute.”
“Dominic is a professional incubus,” David continues, ignoring me. “He would’ve ensured you were relaxed for this dinner.”
I’m not going to respond to that.
I take a moment to breathe before pushing open the front door to our family home. Noise immediately assaults my ears, which tells me Uncle Chev and his spawn are here. His teenage offspring are the bane of my existence, and I cringe as David rushes past me to find them.
He loves his cousins. I could do without them.
The oldest is seventeen and almost out of her angsty phase, but not entirely.
I follow the noise into the family room. David has already found his way onto the couch with the youngest two. Valeria is chatting with the seventeen-year-old. I take one look around, notice none of the adults are present, and walk away.
It takes some wandering, but I find everybody in Aziel’s office. They’re crowded around his desk, all tense as they exchange hushed whispers. They straighten up the second I enter the room, which I don’t trust.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
Uncle Chev shakes his head, then fixes his leathers and storms forward to pull me into a hug. I don’t take my eyes off my parents as he smashes my face against his bare chest, and I hold eye contact with Aziel when Aunt Vanessa pulls me into a hug afterward.
“It’s good to see you, Cassia,” she says.
I try to remain pleasant as I face her. She’s very largely pregnant, and I openly stare at her stomach as she releases me. I see her every month during these family dinners, and I’m amazed by how much she’s grown in just a few weeks.
She’s wearing a long, loose dress, but it does nothing to hide the bump.
“You’re big,” I compliment her.
“Cassia! You can’t—”
Aunt Vanessa laughs, cutting off Mom’s reprimand. “Thanks for that, Cassia. That’s exactly what I want to hear today.”
I shrug. She’s big, and it’s exciting. I’m not going to pretend I don’t notice it.
“Well?” I ask, turning back to Aziel. “What’s happening?”
There’s a long beat of silence. I don’t trust it, not for a moment. Aziel’s been preparing me to take his position for several years, and with my new grounding techniques, I’m better than ever at handling bad news.
Aziel clears his throat. “It’s nothing worth discussing right now.”
“It was important enough for all of you to be discussing a minute ago,” I say. “Quietly. Secretly.”
Mom’s standing beside Gray, and she brushes a hand down his arm before smoothly crossing the room. Uncle Chev and Aunt Vanessa quickly follow. They’re all in silent mutual agreement to leave, and I grit my teeth as they walk out of the room and shut the door behind them.
What is this?
Silas gestures to the seat opposite Aziel’s desk. “Why don’t you sit, Cassia?”
I press my lips together, not sure I want to. They’re being weird, and I’m beginning to suspect this is about the emotional regulation retreat Valeria has been waving under their noses. I was under the impression they’d bring it up after dinner, not before. Never before.
I’m looking forward to eating with the family, even my annoying cousins, but this conversation is going to put me in a bad mood. It may be my idea, but it’s still going to piss me off.
Gray walks around the room, circling me like a fucking shark. Does he think I won’t realize how he’s very conveniently placed himself between me and the exit? Aziel rolls his eyes, visibly mirroring my feelings.
Then he pulls something out of his desk. I recognize the pamphlet. It’s for the retreat, and it outlines the many benefits of attending. I have an identical booklet sitting on my desk in Lust.
I can’t believe they’re doing this now. I suppose it’s partially my fault for hunting them down and demanding they tell me what they were whispering about.
My parents enjoy gossiping with Uncle Chev and Aunt Vanessa, but I didn’t realize the topic of conversation would include me.
It’s rude. My business isn’t any of theirs.
“Sit, Cassie,” Gray urges.
He rests his hands on my shoulders and gently guides me into the seat opposite Aziel. I’m no better than a pig being led to the slaughter—except it’s my fathers doing the beheading. I eye the pamphlet on the desk, pretending I’ve never seen it, as Gray slips into the seat beside me.
Silas takes the spot beside Aziel. I wish Mom were here. She’s usually on my side, but it’s best she’s not in the room for serious conversations. I’m known to explode, and I can be a danger to her.
There are a few things I’ll admit to being ashamed of, and my mother’s fear of me is one of them. I’ve never hurt her, but there have been too many close calls over the years. I don’t mean to, but I forget my strength. I forget she’s human.
“What’s this?” I ask, flicking the pamphlet. “Finally considering my suggestion to send David away?”
Aziel clears his throat. “Why don’t you tell us what this is?” My mind blanks. He continues. “We found this on your desk in the cabin. Did you ask Valeria to tell us about the retreat? Do you want to go?”
I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve heard Aziel’s soft voice. It’s usually reserved for David’s emotional breakdowns and Valeria’s rare nightmares. His soft voice has historically only made me angry, and it’s no different now. I don’t need his coddling.
My fingers curl.
I eye Silas’s clothing. We always dress up for these dinners.
I’m not sure when the tradition began, but it’s been that way for as long as I can remember.
David, Valeria, and I used to love any excuse to wear our fancy clothes.
We’d go shopping the week before, and when we got older, we’d bring our cousins with us.
Uncle Chev refuses to wear anything besides his leathers, but he claims he wears his fanciest pair. I can’t tell the difference.
Silas is wearing black pants and a white button-down this evening. The shirt is slightly long in the sleeves, which tells me it came from Aziel’s closet.
“Cassia…” Silas says, capturing my attention. “We’ve noticed you’ve been—”
“I’ve never seen this,” I interrupt, gesturing to the pamphlet. “And I don’t know what cabin you’re referring to.”
Deny. Deny. Deny. I’ll do it until I’m blue in the face.
There’s a loud crash. It’s coming from the family room, and Aziel frowns at his shut office door before shifting his attention toward Gray.
“I’m on it,” Gray says, rising. He bends and kisses my temple. “Love you, my treasure.”
I expect him to leave, but he lingers. I know what he wants.
My nose crinkles. “I love you, too.”
He finally leaves, shutting the door behind him. I stare down my nose at Aziel and Silas.
How do they know about my cabin in Lust? I bought it in cash, and I’ve gone to extreme lengths to keep it a secret. I doubt Valeria or David said anything, not when they’re supplying me with that power-dulling sludge. They won’t risk getting themselves in trouble.
If they found my cabin, did they find my research?
If they did, the retreat would be the last thing on their minds. They’d be demanding answers, and this conversation would be heading in a drastically different direction.
“There’s no shame in wanting to—” Silas starts.
I rise, unable to keep sitting when they’re acting this fucking stupid. I would never want to attend a ridiculous retreat, and they should know that. I agreed to therapy to get them off my back, and I do the absurd grounding exercises. That’s more than enough.
I’m tired of being treated like some out-of-control liability.
“Cassie…” Aziel starts. “We’re here to support you in whatever way you need, but you have to communicate with us. Nobody will think any less of you for wanting help.”
Silas cuts in. “If you’re worried about people knowing, we can find an excuse for your absence. Chev has agreed to say you’re helping him with a project in the shifter lands.”
I tap my foot against the floor. How do I want to handle this situation? I have to agree to this retreat eventually, but I can’t stomach my parents thinking it’s my idea. I don’t want them thinking I was so desperate and nervous that I asked Valeria to break the idea to them.
It goes against everything I believe, but I fear I don’t have any other options. It’s not as if I’m actually planning on going. This is just an excuse to get a ten-day head start into Mammon’s kingdom.
Aziel and Silas are watching me, still waiting for my response. Silas remains calm, but Aziel is having difficulty hiding his excitement. He wants me to attend this retreat, which I find offensive. I don’t need emotional regulation. I’m incredibly stable.
“I would like to go,” I spit out.
The words burn my throat, but I’m willing to lose the battle if it means winning the war. I’ll have Mammon’s head if it’s the last thing I do. I’ve been researching the preservation of demon flesh, and I’ve found several Wraths who claim they can preserve decapitated heads.
I’m going to display Mammon in my future home. Or maybe I’ll give her to Aziel and Mom as a present. I’m undecided.
Aziel vanishes, and the next thing I know, he’s pulling me into a bone-crushing hug. I don’t return it, but I don’t fight it. He’s wearing the cologne Mom loves, the one that makes me think of childhood. It takes everything in me not to soften as he passes my stiff form to Silas.
I’m losing the battle to win the war. I’ll repeat this to myself a thousand times if I need to.
“Stay out of my cabin,” I mumble into Silas’s chest.
I’m sure he’s the one who discovered it. Aziel’s too busy to pry into my personal life, and Gray doesn’t have the dedication. Mom respects privacy.
“Of course,” Silas says. “I respect your privacy, and I’ll make sure to keep Gray away.”
I don’t believe Gray will stay away, but I’ll make sure to be more discreet with my research. Gray’s not perceptive, and as long as I don’t make it obvious I’m researching Mammon, he won’t think too deeply about what he sees. He’ll just assume I’m collecting books.
Silas has been hoarding them for centuries, so it’s not anything Gray’s unfamiliar with.
“We love you, Cassia,” Silas continues. He pulls back to look at me, and I cringe as he brushes my hair behind my ears and smiles. “This is going to be good for you.”
I grunt, not-so-subtly pushing him away. “Yeah. Okay.”
I’m tired of the hugs and pats and loving touches. It’s too much. I want my space.