Chapter 12
Twelve
K ept
This was some shit that I wasn’t trying to deal with, but I realized at my daughter’s birthday party that me sticking my head in the sand and not saying anything wasn’t solving any of the issues that were eating me up on the inside.
I took a seat in my office chair while they took seats on the sofa. I didn’t have office chairs for guests. I had a sofa because my girls liked to visit me in my office. They needed something to climb on while they hung out with me.
I sighed before I started. “I have a habit of keeping a lot of things inside. Those who know me, which would be everybody here except you, Vivienne, know this. I’m a quiet and reserved guy.
But I gotta be honest, y’all have disrespected the shit out of my laid-back demeanor this weekend.
And I can’t let another minute pass without addressing the drama and the upset y’all have brought to my doorstep. ”
I watched both my father and Vivienne’s eyes balloon. Jayla folded her arms across her chest and rolled her eyes as if I was doing too much.
“Dad.” I locked eyes with him. “Respectfully, I’m pissed at you for the ambush.”
“June—”
I waved my hands while simultaneously shaking my head.
“Nah. Nah. Nah. You need to hear me. What you did, springing Vivienne on me the way you did, was an ambush. And it’s fucked up.
I get that you love her. You always have.
She’s probably the love of your life, and I’m cool on that.
You wanna get your old thing back, spin the block on your first love, I’m with it. But I don’t know this lady.”
Again, they looked shocked at my words, which I didn’t get because it wasn’t like I wasn’t speaking the truth.
“You’ve got her around my kids. She’s got them calling her GiGi. I’m uncomfortable with it.”
There, I finally said it. I finally opened my mouth to put my house back in order. I took a deep breath to center myself before I kept going.
“For you, this lady might be the bright morning star. She might be everything that’s good in the world.
For me, she’s the lady who only had me to spite Priscilla, named me Kept to spite Priscilla, dumped me off at my great-grandmother’s house at birth, and never acknowledged my existence or tried to forge any kind of relationship with me.
” I turned my gaze on Vivienne. “I don’t know you, and I don’t mess with you.
I don’t want you cozying up to my daughters acting like you want to build with them.
If Gannon wants to risk his heart and feelings on you cool.
He’s a grown man, presumably he’s equipped to deal with the disappointment of you turning out to be exactly who you’ve always been.
“My girls are innocent babies. They’ve already had the woman who brought them into this world walk out on them.
I’m not about to sit still and let them get left behind again.
I messed up even letting you have the time with them that you’ve had.
You never should’ve been allowed to be this close to them.
I was distracted and dazed. But I’m good now.
I’m myself now. You wanna get to know my girls?
I need to get to know you. I need to make sure you’re a safe person for them to know.
” I sighed. “I really think it would be best if y’all slept at a hotel tonight. ”
Jayla audibly gasped. I guessed because she knew I was dealing with her next.
“But with your plane leaving tomorrow, I’ll deal with the imposition for one more night. But, Vivienne, please refrain from selling my girls stories about the relationship you’re gonna build with them.”
“June, I think—” my father began.
Vivienne held up her hand and stopped him.
“Gannon, no. Kept hasn’t made one point that wasn’t valid.
We did spring this on him like it would be a pleasant surprise, and it was probably more like dashing cold water in his face.
” She made eye contact with me. “I was a piss poor mother to you, Kept. Not because you deserved it or anything like that. I just endured so much hurt from Gannon. I couldn’t open myself up to him anymore.
He’d ripped my heart right out of my chest a thousand times before you were born.
I wanted you so badly, and truth be told, I wanted you with him.
“There was never another man on earth that I wanted to have a family with, but I couldn’t trust him to protect me.
There was too much going on, and I couldn’t handle it.
I was weak. I should’ve fought harder, been stronger, but I wasn’t.
Priscilla was relentless about Gannon. I felt like I had to save myself. ”
I cocked my head to the side and pulled a face.
“I’m not gonna say that I’m calling bullshit, Vivienne, but really?
Thirty-four years later, and this is the best you can come up with?
Why would that stop you from spending time with me at Granny’s house?
You could’ve seen me any day of the week.
You didn’t. So, really you should say, ‘I was a piss poor mother to you.’ Full stop.
Don’t make excuses. There is no excuse. Me and my therapist talk about the fact that there is no excuse four to five times a month. ”
She turned to her fiancé. “I think we should see if we can get a hotel room.”
“Running again as soon as things get uncomfortable for you and you get called on your bullshit.” I shook my head in disgust at her.
“June.”
“What, man?”
“You don’t understand your mother’s pain.”
I nodded slowly. “And neither one of you understands mine.”
“I do, Son.” Tears rolled down her face and that didn’t move me at all. Those few tears couldn’t compete with all the tears I’d cried as a kid. “And I’m sorry.”
“Son,” my dad said. “I apologize. I should’ve handled this differently.”
I truly wished he would have. Then maybe everything wouldn’t be this fucked up. Gannon and Vivienne left the office. I turned to Jayla.
She sucked her teeth. “I guess you feel the same way about me that you feel about your mother.”
“Is there a reason that I shouldn’t?”
She didn’t respond.
“Where’s your guy, Jayla? I thought he was supposed to show up here, gather you and your things, and move y’all into The Excelsior Grand Hotel. Where’s he at?”
“He’s still in Miami.” She waved her hand dismissively. “This is the kind of shit he does. He makes promises that he doesn’t keep. He tells me that he’s coming for me, then he doesn’t.”
I laced my fingers together then cracked my knuckles. “I hate that for you, but you can’t stay here. Like I told Vivienne, I don’t know you.”
“You don’t know me? We were together for three years.”
“Where’ve you been, Jay? You dipped out over a year ago.
Said you were going to Miami for a mommy makeover.
You stayed gone for three months. When you finally decided to explain yourself and the real reason for staying in Miami, you told me you met somebody.
When you returned to our home where we?—”
“Why are you bringing up old shit, Kept?”
“Lived together, raising two children,” I continued, ignoring her, “you collected your material possessions and walked away. This is our second time seeing you since then. I got your parental rights revoked based on abandonment. You live with a millionaire, who wouldn’t or didn’t give you the money to fly home to even show up in court.
Now, you’re back trying to assert yourself and tell people who can and can’t attend to my daughters? ”
“You never talk, then when you finally do, it’s to spew hateful shit. Your mother really fucked you up.”
“And what did your mother do to you that you could walk away from your two beautiful daughters for a man who doesn’t give a shit about you?”
My house was claustrophobic. My anxiety was pressing down on me. I read the text from my father.
Big G: Listen June, I heard what you said to me and Vivienne tonight.
There’s a lot we need to talk about. And we will.
But for right now, Vivienne got a migraine from all the crying she was doing.
I made her lay down. She fell asleep. Unless you absolutely need us out tonight, we’ll leave in the morning.
Me: Cool.
Jayla didn’t text me, but I knew she was on the same energy. I knew she wasn’t leaving until the next day. I felt like if I had to circle back and revisit her getting the fuck out, I was going to crash out.
What I could do was remove myself from the situation.
I remembered being at my great-grandmother’s house and walking past the television while she was watching Iyanla.
That lady would place both hands on her head and tell the person looking for her guidance to “save yourself.” That’s what I decided to do—save myself.
I knocked lightly then stepped into Xarielle’s room. She smelled freshly showered as she sat crisscross applesauce on the bed with the bible in her lap.
“I was looking for a few encouraging scriptures.” She gave me a small smile.
“I need to get the fuck out of here before my head explodes.”
She uncrossed her legs and stood from the bed. “What do I need to do?”
“Grab some clothes. Whatever you think you might need.”
“Okay. Let me grab a few things and my babies. We’re not leaving them here without us. I mean, I trust your sister and Yahirah?—”
I cut her off. “Say less.”
Trinity had bathed both girls and put them in their pajamas. They both sat up in the bed they were sharing when they saw us.
“Daddy,” Dakota said.
“Elle,” Destin said since she couldn’t pronounce Xarielle.
“Should we get them dressed?” Xarielle asked.
“Nah, they’re cool in their pajamas. Just grab them some clothes and some underwear.”
“Where are y’all going?” Trinity probed.
“I gotta get away from here.”
She nodded her understanding. “What did Daddy say? What did Jayla say?”
“Nothing. I’ll text you when we get where we’re going.”
She jumped up and gave all four of us a hug. “Be safe.”
“Yeah.”